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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
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"Que?"
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
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Tuesday, March 21, 2006
You Better Stop Swimmin' or You'll Sink Like a Stone
Mood:  bright
Topic: "Brer Fox (2)"
The Wren's Nest Museum in Atlanta saw 10,000 visitors last year. Located in the West End, the Queen Anne-style farmhouse was purchased by Joel Chandler Harris in 1883, and it was where he lived until his death in 1908. The native of Eatonton, Georgia, was an Editor of the ATLANTA CONSTITUTION, and the author of the "Uncle Remus Tales." The house became a museum in 1913, and was designated a National Historic Landmark in 1962. The privately-owned museum is managed by a not-for-profit association.

Until recently the Wren's Nest focused solely on African-American storytelling and preserving the life and legacy of Mr. Joel Chandler Harris. Dwindling visitors have forced management to expand the museum's scope as a central repository for the preservation of Southern folklore and for the renovated gardens surrounding the museum.

When Frodo was the smallest of Hobbits, the mother of Ted Sandyman, one of Frodo's closest playmates, was a substitute teacher. Every Hobbit from throughout the Shire knew Mrs. Sandyman and looked forward to the occasional day when their regular teacher was indisposed and Mrs. Sandyman stood in for the day. For after lunch was over, and before math studies were to begin, a quiet period was graced by Mrs. Sandyman reading from her golden volume of the "Tales of Uncle Remus."

A generation of Hobbits was entranced by her literal reading of the stories taken from the verbal Gullah of West Africans who had been forcibly brought into the Shire years before. How ironic it was that, in those days, there were no descendants of those West Africans in the schools of the Shire. For the Hobbits who were there it was the sing-songey and bouncey-bounce of "Brer Rabbit," and "Brer Bear," and how escapes through "de brier patch" ended when "de Tar Baby" say "nuttin'".

When Frodo spoke fondly of those days and those stories in the years that followed, he was pushed into many an argument about the propriety of verbiage and tonal inflection viewed as exclusionary in its' intent. Frodo was never embarrassed about his affection for the stories. Frodo believed, then and now, that re-telling the stories, just as they may first have been told is a tribute to the beauty of language and story.

Walt Disney produced an animated film during Frodo's youth which was entitled "Song of the South." Every Hobbit, everywhere, remembers

"Zip-a-dee-do-dah, Zip-a-dee-a, My oh my, what a wonderful day. Plenty of sunshine comin' my way, zip-a-dee-do-dah, Zip-a-dee-a."

Was it any wonder that Frodo envisioned the times of the story tellers as pleasant and, well, sing-songey? It was many years before Frodo understood the true significance of those stories, and how important it was, to all the Citizens of Middle Earth, that they be preserved.

Frodo has never been to the Wren's Nest. It is slightly off the beaten path, and time, ah precious time, pushes Frodo in other directions. He supposes that he will soon go and stroll among the revitalized azaleas and dogwoods. After walking through the museum, he will wander back into the garden and find a bench. Next to him will be "de Tar Baby." Perhaps they will speak of times past, and of Mrs. Sandyman.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EST
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Sunday, March 19, 2006
I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Busman's Holiday(2)"
The first day of Spring (Tra-La) does more than raise the sap in Frodo, it signals the approaching deadline for his tax return. Frodo, as a matter of pride, has always prepared his own return, and he takes special pride in the fact that he has only been audited once. Frodo would like to believe that he impressed the minions of Sauron with his honesty and, presumably, with the fact that he represents such a miniscule potential return for the effort. There is, of course, much more to the story.

Frodo has a routine for his tax return. Divulging the routine, dear reader, is not what follows. Indeed, should Frodo's routine become general knowledge the probability is expanded that it would become of interest to the heirs of Elliot Ness. Let it be said that Frodo simply plays the odds.

For example, if you, dear reader, were an IRS guy and you were assigned two tax returns and required to pick one for examination, which of the following would you choose? The first is a Hobbit who works one job, lives in an apartment, and has no income other than what he gets from his employer. The second Hobbit is in business for himself, owns two homes, keeps a room in his residence for an office, receives investment income, and makes lots of contributions.

Obviously, the second Hobbit is more likely to make an error on his return, simply because it is more complicated than that of his fellow Hobbit. Frodo figures that IRS guys love complexity, and that is why they do everything in their power to suck Hobbits into their tangled web of exemptions, deductions, schedules, and credits. Frodo, therefore, does his utmost to keep things simple and uncomplicated.

Every tax return begins with what was apparently acceptable one year ago. If things remain relatively constant, no computer is going to get over-heated and spit out a "warning" to the Orc in charge of Audits. However, if a particular deduction, for example, triples in amount from one year to the next, even Frodo might want to ask you, dear reader, why? So Frodo manages his life for the sake of consistency, and he avoids the anxiety of sitting with a person who operates a calculator with three fingers of one hand, and thumbs through the Internal Revenue Code with the other hand for eight consecutive hours each and every workday.

Frodo also believes in insurance. Frodo offers lamb's blood to the statue of the IRS Commissioner which adorns the altar in his office. Frodo also sends in his Publisher's Clearing House Contest Form in the name of Mr. Mark Everson, Commissioner of the Internal Revenue (after all, if he leaves Frodo alone he might win Ten Million Dollars). As a final appeal to mercy, Frodo sends a box of donuts to 1111 Constitution Avenue, Washington, D.C., on April 16th of each year.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:59 PM EST
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Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Proud To Be An American
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
Two University of Wisconsin researchers have produced a list of the Top 10 Songs selected by Vietnam-Era Veterans. Dr. Craig Werner and Dr. Doug Bradley interviewed hundreds of Vietnam vets about the music that affected them then, and the music that remains with them now. Dr. Bradley told Frodo that the most astounding finding in the study was that talking about the music allowed many of the veterans to open up and discuss their experiences for the first time.

"Music connects us in ways that we cannot explain, but we feel," said Dr. Bradley. "It can be the same for people any place, anywhere, especially when they're under stressful situations. There's nothing more stressful than war, and there was nothing more disturbing than Vietnam." he added.

The songs, in order, are 1. "We Gotta Get Out of This Place," by The Animals; 2. "Chain of Fools," by Aretha Franklin; 3. "Fortunate Son," by Creedence Clearwater; 4. "The Dock of the Bay," by Otis Redding; 5. "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'," by Nancy Sinatra; 6. "The Fightin' Side of Me," by Merle Haggard; 7. "What's Goin' On?," by Marvin Gaye; 8. "Nowhere to Run," by Martha & the Vandellas; 9. "I Feel Like I'm Fixin' to Die Rag," by Country Joe and the Fish; and 10. "Purple Haze," by Jimi Hendrix.

"Dr. Werner," asked Frodo, "have you wondered what the same list would contain if the source were active participants in the Pre-Emptive War in Iraq?"

"Oh yes, Mr. Frodo, but our survey is inconclusive. Some of the favorites of these troops are "Run It," by Chris Brown; "Bumper of my SUV," by Chely Wright; "Breaking the Habit," by Linkin Park; and "Just Another Day," by John Mellencamp."

"I've heard of John Mellencamp."

"Well," said Dr. Werner, "imagine how Sean Hannity will feel when he finds out that Lee Greenwood wasn't mentioned at all, by anyone."

"Do you think that 50 Cent or Eminem will be invited to the tribute for Veterans at the next Republican Party Convention?," asked Frodo.

Neither researcher spoke. Frodo added, "You mention 50 Cent and Eminem to a Republican and they hand you a dollar bill, then stand there until you hand them back some candy and change."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:56 PM EST
Updated: Wednesday, March 15, 2006 10:00 PM EST
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Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Song As Old As Time, Beauty And The Beast
Mood:  amorous
Topic: "Carolina Cougar(2)"
When Sam's father and step-mother could no longer maintain their own residence, and they were unable to care for the one creature that shared their every day existence, another waif found his way into the Shire. Mr. Beau Neau, re-named of course, is the largest domestic cat on record, and he is all white. He entered the Shire as Rocky, the Italian Stallion, was preparing for his last encounter with Apollo Creed. Mr. Beau Neau has assumed the mantle of House Champion, and he has adapted his territorial concerns from an all-interior existence to include the entire fenced backyard of the Shire.

The population of ground and underground creatures has been adversely affected by this territorial imperative. Given the size of the feline it is actually a good thing that there are no Thompson's Gazelles or Water Buffalo wandering into the Shire.

Most interesting is the avian contingent. There has been no indication of interest in the winged visitors to the Shire. Sydney, the cockatiel, who was a companion of Rocky, senses that Mr. Beau Neau is not worthy of his trust however, and keeps his distance beyond the vertical capacity of the feline passing through his flight patterns. Perhaps the visibility of the all-white cat is a factor in the judgment of the birds, and in the concomitant concerns of the cat himself. Why fight it if your adversaries know where you are at all times?

Mick, the Wonder Dog, is Master of all he surveys, but he is totally subject to the influence of a new and entertaining game with Frodo. After dinner, and once all light has departed the Shire, Frodo catches the eye of Mick, the Wonder Dog, and he utters the phrase "Let's Go Get the Kitty." Paws and toenails flash upon the slippery surface as the dog-door is thrown open to allow the exit of the intrepid hunter. The white cat is a visible target despite the darkness, and only the evasive maneuvering envied by fighter pilots around the world allows Mr. Beau Neau to choose a route back through the dog-door which leaves him free from the slobbering of a guided canine missile.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, ends the game with the contented laugh and smile which graces the countenance of a world-class athlete savoring victory.

There is a tolerance between ageless combatants who each recognize that the Shire is their home, and that it is to be shared. Frodo is reminded of the poem "The Creation," which found its' way into every public-speaking exercise ever presented by pre-matriculates. How many times, he thought, does God say "That's Good"? One would think that Frodo would have counted the phrase in at least one such competition. Counting blessings is an activity that quiet nights and venerable companions bring to mind in the Shire.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:31 PM EST
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Monday, March 13, 2006
When I Think About All The Crap I Learned in High School
Mood:  quizzical
Frodo takes special note of the overseas exploits of a hardy band of Congressional Minutemen who stood up to defend American business interests. Senators Johnny Isakson and Saxby Chambliss were joined by Congressmen John Linder and Phil Gingrey, all Republicans from Georgia, to swoop en masse into Dubai, United Arab Emirates. This august group of freedom-fighters was determined to exhibit the true colors of the American button-downers.

Briefly, Frodo examines the record of these advocates for "truth, justice, and the American Way."

Senator Saxby "Rubber Stamp" Chambliss was denied the opportunity to serve his country by the "bad knee" which prevented his Vietnam-Era Service as a fighting man. He unseated Veteran triple amputee Senator Max Cleland by depicting him as being in cahoots with Osama bin Laden. Since then he has done everything but give George W. Bush ten minutes to draw a crowd before he kisses both cheeks of his butt. His hometown is something called Moultrie.

Congressman Phil Gingrey is an surgeon who also has no record of Overseas service in behalf of his country. Gingrey publicly supported the preservation of the Cross of St. Andrew on the Georgia State Flag. Recognizing that the Confederate Battle Flag emblem was hurtful to both the ability of the State to attract business, and to those of his fellow citizens who felt the symbolism to be offensive, was offset by "this is what my constituents want." Frodo is glad that his constituents did not want to eat their young, because "Whichever Way the Wind Blows" Gingrey would've been all for it.

Congressman John Linder is one of the richest men in the House of Representatives. He made his money as a loan shark, while his peers were marching through jungles in Southeast Asia. Linder is the author, along with "Nutcase Neil" Boortz, on the "Fair Tax" best-seller which would lessen both their Federal Tax liabilities significantly while increasing the burden on the poor and unwashed. Had Linder been borne two thousand years earlier, he would've been one of those whom Jesus cast from the Temple.

John Isakson was selling real estate when the My Lai massacre took place in Vietnam. Frodo thinks that Isakson does try hard to do a good job, but in order to win, he has had to give homage to the most offensive aspects of the Republican Party. Isakson said that "this issue that came up was a firestorm more out of the ignorance of all the facts than anything else." Frodo points out that Senator Isakson must think that more than 70% of the American people share that ignorance. Isakson should eat some of the dirt he's been selling, says Frodo.

One of the "leading English-language" newspapers in Dubai editorialized that the United States was guilty of both racism and the use of double standards in its' business dealings with Arab nations. The deal, as we all know, is now dead. Perhaps that is why George W. decided that these four clowns from Georgia would best represent the level of thought put into the issue in the first place. They were proud to serve, just as long as nobody was shooting at them.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:00 PM EST
Updated: Monday, March 13, 2006 9:01 PM EST
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Thursday, March 9, 2006
Lean On Me When Times Are Bad
Mood:  down
Topic: "Veto Shmetoe (2)"
"Harumph, Fellow Senators," began the politico with the pompadour, "It is my distinct privilege to announce that our grand ally the United Arab Emirates is renouncing any further involvement in transactions to protect America's ports." So stated, John Warner has pulled George Bush's nuts out of the fire.

Frodo has always found the military megalith from Virginia to be worth a stereotype or two. In the parlance of young people, he is basically a "Valley Girl." Frodo's favorite story about John Warner of the Senate goes back to a tiny community on the south-side of Virginia. It seems that a local attorney, a Republican no less, had been nominated to be the new US Attorney for the Western District of Virginia. John Warner, at the time, was either the eleventh or the twelfth husband of formerly svelte actress Elizabeth Taylor.

Warner was designated to go to this rural community and to "swear in" the new US Attorney. When Warner arrived in the VFW Hall, or the High School Gym, or the Methodist Church, or wherever the ceremony was to be held, he was staggered by the turnout. Literally the entire town, and the neighboring three counties, were all in attendance.

Warner was almost moved to tears. Speaking with ceremonial respect for the local boy made good, he went on at great length about the level of respect the community must have for this dedicated attorney.

Dear reader, one can only imagine the dribble. After twenty minutes or so, the mechanics, and the farmers, the factory workers, the nurses, and the teachers who crowded the space were getting edgy. Finally, one man could stand it no longer and he rose from his chair, pointed at Warner, and yelled, "Whar's Liz?"

When Liz was found not to be in attendance, everyone began to file quietly out of the building.

Liz divorced Warner about six weeks later.

Smart lady.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:55 PM EST
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Tuesday, March 7, 2006
Maybe We'll be Lovers When The Music Ends
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Clark and Lois (2)"
There is a scene where Christopher Reeve lands on the balcony belonging to Margot Kidder, and after a bit of foreplay, he takes her for a ride. They swoop and soar over the lights of Metropolis and out into the night sky high above the ocean. Clouds swirl through her tresses, and all the time he holds her in his arms. With a smile he grabs her by a single hand in his and allows her to glide on her own. When the grip momentarily slips, he catches her and they tumble through space in an orderly fall to a new cruising level. When he brings her safely down to their starting point, the audience realizes that they have just witnessed one of the truly great seduction scenes in American cinematic history. Sex in the imagery of the camera, and no one complained.

Some years later Margot Kidder was gone, but Dana Reeve was Lois Lane for real. Ever by the side of a real Superman, she was in love with that guy and anybody who ever doubted the depth of that affection surely was without a heart. He would never walk on his own again, but he never stopped trying. They would never follow the path they had charted, but that simply meant they had to follow another, together. When later, she stood alone, it was with the grace of one who had lost the love of her life, but not its' purpose.

That now old movie will be on cable again soon, and Frodo will watch that scene with tears in his eyes. He will never again notice that it is Margot Kidder in the arms of Superman. It will be Dana.

Frodo laments the passing of a truly beautiful human being. It is his fondest prayer that these two hearts are reunited, and that they are the shadow which he sees crossing the moon. May they follow a path to the third star, and then go straight on until morning.

Dana Reeve, 1961-2006.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:02 PM EST
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Monday, March 6, 2006
March With Me, I'll March With You, And So We'll March Together
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Dumbest Politico (2)"
The State Senate in Georgia is certainly one of the two or three most bizarre political institutions in all of Middle Earth (the Georgia House is also included in this number). Frodo continues to be amazed that foolish statements can be created fast enough to be utilized with such regularity by these buffoons. Understand, dear reader, Frodo is not "bashing" anyone, he believes that sometimes the words speak for themselves. The diatribe from Senator Nancy Schaefer (R-Turnerville) was printed in the HARTWELL SUN newspaper: "Commenting on illegal immigration, Schaefer said 50 million abortions have been performed in this country, causing a shortage of cheap American labor. 'We could have used those people,' she said."

Frodo suggests a short pause at this point in order to fully absorb the message and its' potential impact. Taking a deep breath while shaking one's head is also advised.

Senatoress Schaefer obviously feels that there is linkage between abortion and illegal immigration. She is suggesting that if there were no abortions, then there wouldn't be all these dumb Mexicans running around plucking our chickens, and mowing our lawns. There would be a lot of dumb Americans plucking chicken feathers and mowing grass. Frodo assumes that the dumb Mexicans would be staffing call centers in India.

Then again, given her flight in the face of logic, it might be argued that abortion begets Mexicans. For every abortion that takes place in America, one lone Mexican swims the Rio Grande. Frodo wonders if that poor little chicken plucker sits alongside the river for the full nine months, or does he show up during the third trimester?

Frodo has been considering the full ramifications of an additional 50,000,000 Americans in Middle Earth. Hurricane Katrina might have killed 50,001,100 people. General Casey could be commanding 50,135,000 troops in Iraq. Attendance at the Grand Opening of the NASCAR Hall of Fame might reach 50,000,014.

The good Senator is absolutely correct however. Had there been an additional 36,000,000 abortions over time, then there wouldn't be any of these pickaninnies wearing baseball caps turned backward and rings in their ears either.

Who can argue?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:55 PM EST
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Sunday, March 5, 2006
I'm Crazy For Trying
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "Winchester Women (2)"
Forty-Three years ago tonight, when she was thirty years old, Patsy Cline died in an airplane crash in Tennessee. As Frodo contemplates the music and the songstress, his favorite of all her tunes is, eerily, "I Fall to Pieces." Frodo doesn't mean to sound whimsical in his response to the question, it truly is his favorite.

Frodo hesitates to write about something written about so often, for fear that he would come across as patronizing. Frodo has thought often, however, of the similarity between the story of Patsy Cline and that of Buddy Holly. Both killed in plane crashes after terribly short, but productive, musical careers. Both at the forefront of the development of a style, and a sound, which influences creative musicians even today.

Buddy Holly recorded "True Love Ways" with the accompaniment of violins, something never before done in "rock-and-roll." Today, Rod Stewart keeps violinists on stage for live concerts.

Patsy Cline was every American woman coming out of her experiences during the Great War. She lost people very dear to her, but that was the price of victory. Now, with the freedom to take a glass of bourbon and coke with her, she moved on with life, and the search for love. She just couldn't get that boy off her mind 'though, you know the one that wouldn't be coming home.

Had she lived, Frodo is sure that Patsy Cline would've recorded a song about "lookin' for love in all the wrong places. . ." Her songs were lamentations, and they captured heartache.

"Each time I see you with him, I Fall to Pieces. . ."


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:29 PM EST
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Friday, March 3, 2006
Here Come Da Judge, Here Come Da Judge
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Sleepy Time (2)"
The subject was wiretaps. The United States Government, specifically the Justice Department, was defending its' use of wiretaps to gather information against suspected members of "Organized Crime." Frodo was there in all his glory to observe and hear oral arguments before the Supreme Court of the United States. Frodo was sure that Vito Genovese was there, or Sam Giancana, or Carlos Marcello, or maybe Joe Bonanno had flown in from Tucson to appear before the most powerful judiciary in all the world. Frodo was unable to identify anybody, but he was very troubled by the presence of the unidentified men who seemed to watch his every move.

These men were dressed in suits, and even while things were happening before the bench, these guys were walking around and looking hard at Frodo and his Hobbit friends. Frodo tried to ignore them by paying rapt attention to the voices before the bench.

The voices were nothing more than the drone of emotionless rhetoric. There was no mellifluous rise in rhythm as emotion drove home a point. No, it was as if everybody had already said everything, and this was merely a summation for the record.

Boring.

Soon Frodo's eyelids grew heavy, and his neck muscles grew weary of the support provided to his head. He began to nod off. He caught himself several times, but soon the sheer monotony of what was transpiring in that great room was more than the Hobbit could handle.

Suddenly he was startled awake by the hand of one of the mysterious men patrolling the aisles. He gasped, thinking that he was to be dragged from the room and "taken for a ride" out to the wetlands of New Jersey. As he prepared to scream for help, he noticed that the burly suit was now shaking Adelard Took, and after him, was hand on the shoulder to Milo Burrow. Soon, all of the suits were attempting to wake any of the Hobbits who all, seemingly, had fallen sound asleep.

Frodo realized that these were not "Hitmen," but US Government employees assigned to wake up anyone who drifted off to sleep while court was in session. Frodo watched, amazed, as virtually everyone, and certainly there were more than 100 persons in all, nodded off at some point in time.

Perhaps more than anyone, dear reader, Frodo understands why the lone female member of the Supreme Court fell asleep on the Bench earlier this week. It was that the particular proceeding was not too much different from the one he observed so long ago. It also says a great deal when the only woman with eight guys around her fell sound asleep in their midst. No one will ever confuse this group with Gladys Knight and the Pips.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:01 PM EST
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