Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Little GTO, You're Really Lookin' Fine
Mood:

bright
Topic: "Thy Name be Peace" (2)

Selam was only three years old when she slipped from her mother's arms, and was carried away by the raging torrent of what was probably a flash flood. The despair of her clan was heightened by the fact that her little body was never found, that is not for another 3,299,994 years.

In the Great Rift Valley of Ethiopia, an almost complete skeleton of the species Australopithecus afarensis was added to the collection that stars Lucy, discovered in the same area in 1974 by Richard Johansen. Scientists believe that Selam predates Lucy by approximately 100,000 years, which makes the find even more scientifically important, but regrettably not a reunion of mother and child (Frodo will always be the romantic, despite the odds).

The scientific debate which emanates from finds such as these is as intense as any current political struggle anywhere in the world. Some believe that Selam's comparatively long arms prove that she could not only walk upright, but that she had the capacity to swing through the trees, thereby heightening the probability that evolutionary processes can be confirmed by the fossil record. Others believe that she was either pure hominid, or pure ape. Two of the most important pieces of information will come from the reconstruction of the foot, and from the confirmed presence of a hyoid bone. The first may exhibit an opposable toe (akin to the thumb on your hand, dear reader), which would exist for climbing purposes. The second, which is a small connector of the tongue, is only the second example ever found in the fossil history of any potential human ancestor. It will indicate the proximity of the voice of Selam, be she more human than chimpanzee, or vice versa.

Frodo has a life's dream, and that dream is to someday walk in the Great Rift Valley. His scientific sense of adventure, his searching for the links to an ancient past are all factors in that great dream. The real reason is the romantic. Wouldn't it be something to find Selam's Mother, and to quiet the wailful winds that have haunted all of human history? To answer one of life's tragic mysteries.

Talk about a neat story line for "Cold Case Files."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:08 PM EDT

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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You
Mood:

spacey
Topic: "Remembering Jessica" (2)

Frodo's favorite television show of all time was "Soap." Invariably there would be at least one statement in every show which would add to the quality of life. It would either be unbelievably funny, or inexorably useful to Frodo's personal vocabulary. To this day, "El Puerquo" is Frodo's reference to overweight and pompous politicians, e.g. Dick Cheney. No doubt however, Frodo and Sam still laugh over Jessica's response to a discussion of the sexual preference of the Greek philosopher Plato. "Mickey's Mouses' dog is gay?," she queried. Her genuine surprise in the question was Emmy Award performance level.

Frodo was reminded of the discussion when it was announced recently that the scientific community had voted to strip Pluto of its' planethood. The discussion was admittedly confusing, in fact it was almost as nebulous as the far reaches of our solar system itself. It seems that there are a great number of these planetoids or whatever, which seem to be hanging around out there, with no discernible semblance to the scientifically meaurable orbiters of the Sun. No one seemed too terribly concerned that this determination truly has potentially important consequences for the future of our small blue planet.

When Man landed on the Moon, Armstrong & Company carried a plaque, signed by the then President of the US of A, Richard M. Nixon, which was left on the Moon to commemorate that great event. It also bore a solar map indicating that the Earth was the third of NINE planets surrounding the Sun. In addition, the great exploring probe known as Voyager has now departed into the unknown of the greater Milky Way, bearing a recording which also indicates the source of the probe as the third of the NINE planets orbiting the Sun. Has anyone considered that this may be the reason why there has been no verifiable contact between the multitude of inhabited planets and our Earth? We gave them bad directions.

Imagine, dear reader, that somewhere out there, just beyond the view of the Hubble Space Telescope, an alien family sits and tries to figure out why they got lost while out for an afternoon spin. It is probable that the female is blaming the male for failing to stop and ask directions. For Frodo, it is comforting to know that in at least one instance, the fault did lie with the map.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:38 PM EDT

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Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I Think I Could Stay With You For a While, Maybe Longer
Mood:

d'oh
Topic: "Crawford Convention" (2)
There was an actor, name unknown to Frodo, who used to always play a cruel Japanese Officer in the black-and-white movies that starred John Wayne. In the movie, "Back to Bataan," the Japanese Officer ordered that the School Teacher be hung from the flagpole. He also beat the young Filipino boy mercilessly in order to find out where the Americans were hiding. Always, in those days, Frodo heard that the Japanese were operating in defiance of the Geneva Convention, and that is what led to their eventual defeat. It is what separated "good" and "evil."

Two former Secretaries of State, George Schultz and Colin Powell, both of whom served under Republican Presidents, have publicly stated their severe reservations about the "guidelines" regarding the treatment of prisoners which the present Administration is seeking to enact. Nearly every student of the subject feels that it is the first attempt to "amend" the Geneva Convention since its' inception 54 years ago. The specificity of treatment to be included as "legitimate" has Frodo particularly wary of the intent.

Dear reader, do you know what "water boarding" is? As best surmised by Frodo, it is something that makes a subject feel as if he (or she) is about to drown. Before this debate, Frodo would have assumed it was one of those things teenagers throw along the shoreline and jump on as they are propelled through the surf. Regardless, the Administration has addressed this specific "act" as an example of legitimate means of coercion, as long as it does not bring about "organ failure."

"Why," asks Frodo, "is this specifically addressed, as compared to say, attaching electrical wires to the scrotum?"

Frodo has a theory. Frodo's theory is that the Administration is well aware that "water boarding," has taken place, and that they are desperate to avoid the slightest suggestion that one of them may have violated the Geneva Convention. That one, according to Frodo, is George W. Bush. There is also the concern that this conduct is about to become public knowledge all around the world. Frodo believes there are pictures.

Should the citizens of Middle Earth discover that the Japanese Officer from those old John Wayne movies is actually George W. Bush, it will be the loneliest days of the American Experience.

Even Tony Blair has scruples.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:05 PM EDT

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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

A Thousand Stars In The Sky Make Me Realize
Mood:

spacey
Topic: "Almost Heaven" (2)
Frodo felt like a fifth wheel a few days ago, so he started looking around for something to occupy the time available. For many years he had seen highway signs directing traffic to the "Bays Mountain Planetarium" just outside Kingsport, Tennessee. Having once visited the Hayden Planetarium in New York City, Frodo fondly recalled his fascination with the known heavens broadcast upon the cupola of a darkened theatre setting. So Frodo piled into his motorcar and set course for the unknown.

The setting for the Bays Mountain Planetarium and Nature Center is on the shores of a pristine mountain lake in the midst of a magnificent deciduous forest. The $3 admission charge to this Kingsport City Park, and a $1 admission to the planetarium itself was adequate to cover all of Frodo's time available for the afternoon. The wild turkeys running loose in the forest near the front gate told Frodo that he had made a wise investment.

Since Frodo had a couple of hours to stroll the wildlife exhibits, and not really anticipating very much, before the "show" in the Planetarium itself, he first took off for the "Raptors." The volunteer who was there had a black turkey buzzard on her arm, and she patiently explained to Frodo all that he had ever wanted to know about buzzards. She also explained that all of the creatures there had been rescued and were unable to return to the wild. As they spoke, Frodo heard a low, unearthly, moan, and with it came the absolute silence of the forest.

"Is that what I think it was?," asked Frodo. "No," she said, "that is one of the handlers of the wolves, but listen now to the response."

There were no sounds anywhere in the world but the slow responses of half-a-dozen wolves, each answering the call, singularly responding to indicate individual location for the purpose of the pack. Frodo said later that it "was a profound religious experience," to hear, perhaps as the earliest of hominids had, the plaintive cry of a competing predator in the open forest. Frodo had never heard these sounds in such a setting, and only his soul could capture the tingle of each hair rising attentively on the back of his neck. When the forest grew silent again, Frodo walked to the edge of the enclosure and searched for the lair of each of those who had serenaded him.

What incredible strength and wisdom Frodo's forebears more than 100 generations ago must have had, to reach out a hand to such a formidable competitor.

When the "show" began in the Planetarium, Frodo leaned back in the darkness, peering at the faux night sky, and imagined the cry of the wolf.

Wow.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:50 PM EDT

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Sunday, September 10, 2006

Where Were You When I Needed You
Mood:

down
Topic: "Cheney of Fools" (2)

45 minutes passed before NBC even went to a commercial, that is how important the first appearance by the Vice President of the United States on "Meet the Press," in over three years was perceived by its' producers. Frodo, before any more is said, would like to express his appreciation to NBC and to its' sponsors for their gratuitous behavior. If nothing else was accomplished in the interview of Dick Cheney by Tim Russert, Frodo came away totally convinced that the Vice President of the United States has absolutely no idea how big a mess he has made of things.

Cheney had the gall to argue semantics. When confronted by his own statements that American soldiers would be greeted as "liberators" by the "Iraqi people," Cheney reminded Russert that he merely selected one of the two hypothetical options made available to him, the other being "occupiers." Cheney failed to find fault in the pending visit of Iraqi President Malaki to Iran, as anything other than attempting to normalize relations with its' neighbors in the Region. He promptly recited a list of countries in the area, with one very notable exception, with which the Administration urged the new Iraqi government to seek to begin diplomatic relations. Cheney also went to great lengths to establish a dichotomy of the Iraq/al Qaeda connection and the Iraq/terrorism connection, admitting that although the former did not exist, the real danger was the latter, thereby justifying the Pre-Emptive War.

Cheney referred three times to a report with which Frodo had no familiarity, and Tim Russert never asked him anything about it, nor did he define it for the Citizens of Middle Earth. Russert appeared almost shocked on several occasions that the Vice President was attempting to downplay the significance of his own role in the rush to War. His own words, whether to define the level of insurgency, or to specify the center of the "War on Terror," were off-handed as if he were not totally familiar with more recent reports or analyses, contradictory in substance.

The greatest fear for Frodo is that now Cheney has a little knowledge. He not only now knows that Iran and Iraq are the two predominant Shiite States in the Region, but he assumes that this is not much different than France and Italy, two predominantly Catholic States in the EU, seeking to work together in a spirit of cooperation. He is of the opinion that the Sunni/Shiite relationship was soured by the insurgency of Zarqawi and the bombing of the Holy Mosque in Samara earlier this year. He never once mentioned the foolhardy relationship of the Administration to the Shiite expatriates who provided false information to the US Intelligence agencies. Ahmed Chalabi is a spy, and he is responsible for the deaths of many American soldiers, and Cheney does not have the courage to admit that he and all of his fellow neo-cons were taken in by this snake-oil salesman. The President of the United States can argue with Frodo all day that he acted on "the best intelligence available," but it was his responsibility to know what the source was, and to hear the voices of those who were telling him not to trust Chalabi.

George W. Bush is culpable, and that is why he hasn't attended a single funeral of the 2,666 young Americans dead by his hand. Cheney was pulling his strings.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:51 PM EDT

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Thursday, September 7, 2006

You're Always Window Shopping But Never Stopping to Buy
Mood:

party time!
Topic: "Barely Defensible" (2)

Frodo is forced to admit that until yesterday he had never heard the name of Joe Cullen. That really isn't so strange because Frodo has not only never been to Detroit, but he's never had any interest in changing his status in that regard. Not until Sam first saw the movie "Somewhere in Time" did Frodo ever even consider visiting the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. To Frodo that part of Middle Earth only has two seasons; winter and the Fourth of July.

Joe Cullen is the Defensive Line Coach of the Detroit Lions Professional Football Team, that is, at least for the time being. It seems that Coach Cullen has come into conflict with the local gendarmerie in Dearborn on two occasions in the past two weeks. In the first instance Coach Cullen was charged with driving while intoxicated, a serious offense, but hardly earth-shattering since there were no apparent victims of Cullens' stupidity. The second incident however, merits at least a sideways glance.

According to the ticket itself, the Coach was "driving on a public street without any clothes on (NUDE)." The Lions' Management responded to an inquiry with an apology, and stated that alcohol was involved. Coach Cullen made no statement but did request treatment. No specific "treatment" was identified in the request.

Frodo can not stand by idly without rising (pun intended) to defend Coach Cullen. Obviously, Coach Cullen, while driving, was considering how best to defend against the offensive play, the "naked reverse." He would probably yell at his players to "Let it all hang out," and for each player to try and "strip the ball" from the opposing ball-carrier. If one of his players happened to be "faked out of his jockstrap," then he would make sure that they would "butt heads" during practice after the game.

The thing that will probably hurt the Cullens' defense however, is the "Hail Mary" that attracted the attention of passersby.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:42 PM EDT

Updated: Thursday, September 7, 2006 8:47 PM EDT

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Wednesday, September 6, 2006

For You've Touched Her Perfect Body With Your Mind
Mood:

spacey
Topic: "Intersex Village" (2)

Abnormally developed fish, possessing both male and female characteristics, have been discovered in the Potomac River in the District of Columbia, raising alarms that the river is tainted by pollution that drives hormone systems haywire. According to THE WASHINGTON POST, the cause of the abnormalities is unknown and it leaves experts to wonder what the problems in fish mean for the millions of people who tap water from the Potomac River. "I don't know, and I don't think anybody knows, the answer to that question right now: Is the effect in the fish transferable to humans?" said Thomas Jacobus, the general manager of the Washington Aqueduct.

Frodo notes that the first intersex fish were found three years ago, and that the documented occurrences are increasingly frequent. This has all come about since George W. "Armstrong Custer" Bush became President, and could be Nature's way of striking back at the "Gay Marriage" controversy. Perhaps the politicaly-initiated institutional bans will become moot if human beings are genetically altered.

Frodo is struck by the fact that the environmental changes seem to have begun in the area around our Nation's Capitol. Politicians would be among the first to find that their willies have shrunk and that their once proud voices are now reminiscent of Frankie Valli or, shudder, Little Richard. It deserves additional note that the National Press Corps, exhibiting few instances of testicular development in the past several years, is probably among the first groups to experience the resultant changes in sexual identity.

The Christian Coalition, the Family Research Council, the Heritage Foundation, and other right-leaning organizations have already been plagued by intersexual behavior both internally and within their extended families. Sadie Fields, Dick Cheney, and Newt Gingrich are all examples of those who doth protest too much while family members limp wrist their way into the NATIONAL ENQUIRER. Fitting it is, thinks Frodo, that such people should begin to experience the trials of their political strategy. With the need for additional troops in Iraq and the Administration ban on federally-funded stem cell research, it may behoove some to be very careful about that for which they have wished.

As the saying goes, "It is not nice to fool Mother Nature."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:01 PM EDT

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006

Who's That Walkin' In These Woods
Mood:

cheeky
Topic: "Crikey" (2)
The first time that Frodo remembers watching Steve Irwin on some cable channel, he was attempting to find and capture each of the 10 deadliest snakes in the World. The first thing that Frodo noticed was that he was defying all of the conventional wisdom picking up each snake by the tail. He explained that it was not only safer than attempting to pin the snake and pick it up behind the head, but that it decreased the possibility that the animal would be harmed. Frodo stopped and paid attention.

The next time, when Frodo summoned Sam to watch this bizarre behavior, Irwin demonstrated why he was dubbed "The Crocodile Hunter." Frodo and Sam became regular viewers, not only because of the magnetic appeal of this young man, but because so much of the show took place in the "Outback" of his native Australia. Frodo did not know that viewers all over our small blue planet were doing exactly the same thing.

This past week, 44-year-old Steve Irwin was killed accidentally by a stingray while filming a segment for his television show off the Great Barrier Reef of Australia. As news reports indicate, the actual piercing of his heart by the barbed tail of the stingray was captured on video tape. It goes without saying that Irwin, had the accident struck another, would probably have argued to broadcast exactly what transpired. Frodo has no doubt that there would have been viewership far beyond those who actually watched Katie Couric this evening.

The effect that broadcast television has on the behavior of its' viewers has always fascinated Frodo. An example of the subtle influence that is woven into life by television occurred recently to Frodo at Lake Lovey. Frodo walked outside the cabin, alone strangely enough, and noticed movement in the driveway. For only the second time in more than 15 years, Frodo was confronted by an actual honest-to-Pete Copperhead.

The snake was about 4 feet long, and was slithering toward the rear of the cabin and the leaf camouflage of the deciduous forest. Anxiety was replaced by stupidity, and Frodo bent to pick up the snake by its' tail, something he had never before even contemplated. For some reason a small voice in the back of Frodo's head screamed, "Are you frickin' crazy?" Frodo was startled enough that he neglected to contemplate the danger posed to Mick, the Wonder Dog, or to Sam, for that matter, as he hesitated and allowed the snake to disappear into leaf cover. In two shakes of a lambs' tail, all sign of the snake had disappeared. Hopefully, Frodo's presence was akin to that of a Way Station and the traveler went on his way, far away.

Sam is not happy with Frodo over that faux pas to this day. Sam does not want Frodo to spend more time watching "Animal Planet." The situation is not a great deal different from Bilbo having forbidden young Frodo from ever watching "Peyton Place."

Frodo will miss Steve Irwin, and he finds it hard to believe that he will have to watch "Animal Cops" in his bedroom with a cover over the TV and the sound turned way down.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:23 PM EDT

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Sunday, September 3, 2006

I Think I'm Going Out of My Head Over You
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
Frodo's father was a member of Tom Brokaw's "Greatest Generation." Serving as an enlisted man in George Patton's Third Army, he admired anybody and everybody who did their best to bring the War to a quick conclusion. He also had a grudging admiration for the manner in which the Germans had organized power and the civil accomplishments which served both military and civilian purposes. The Autobahn being the most obvious example.

Hitler, as history tells us, became the penultimate "micro manager" of his day. To the consternation of his commanding generals, Hitler took a more active role in military decisions as the situation worsened. In time, the pressure became so great that his mental health was being questioned by almost everyone with whom he came into contact. Eventually, for fear of the total destruction of their nation, members of the military, including Field Marshal Erwin Rommel, attempted to assassinate Hitler. It was the commanding generals who were most acutely aware of the pending disaster as Hitler issued commands for entire armies to stand and die when the situations were hopeless.

Frodo suggests that we now "fast forward" from 1944 to 2006, and change scenes from Berlin to Washington. Donald Rumsfeld, a "micro manager," replaced generals when they disagreed with him on the number of troops required. Six retired generals, having served directly under Rumsfeld, have called for him to be replaced as Secretary of Defense. A public affairs initiative has been launched by the Pentagon because it is felt in those circles that the "good news" about the Pre-Emptive War is not being adequately covered by those who dislike Rumsfeld, and quite obviously his boss.

Rumsfeld has taken to expressing the view, and the Republicans are speaking in political support, that those who disagree on policy decisions are akin to those who sought to appease Hitler in the late 1930's. Those who disagree aren't aware of the dangers of Fascism, in his mind. Frodo feels that Rumsfeld knows too well the definition of Fascism.

Paranoia probably was the root cause of the insanity of Adolf Hitler which had become so very evident by the Fall of 1944. Insanity is probably the cause of the paranoia that has become so very evident in the conduct of Donald Rumsfeld in the late Summer of 2006. "Staying the Course" is not an option when brave and loyal young men and women die because an irrational leader is unwilling to recognize that his involvement is a major contributing factor to the ongoing, and unnecessary, carnage.

If he had a brain, he'd walk.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:22 PM EDT

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Friday, September 1, 2006

So Never Leave Me Lonely, Tell Me You Love Me Only
Mood:

lyrical
Topic: "Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
Max Steiner is not a familiar name on its' own, but coupled with the opening credits on films like "Gone With the Wind," "Sergeant York," "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre," "Casablanca," "King Kong," "Dark Victory," and "Jezebel" the winner of three Academy Awards and the composer of the musical score for more than 250 films is familiar to every person over the age of consent who has ever seen a movie. There is no doubt that "The Searchers," the magnificent film directed by John Ford and starring John Wayne, contains Frodo's favorite score.

The magic of the Internet allowed Frodo to find that the Film Music Archives at Brigham Young University had produced a CD with the score from "The Searchers." Having almost memorized certain aspects of the dialogue, Frodo had often sat before the TV screen with his eyes shut just to drink in the audio. The violins and guitars are beyond reproach, and the use of the antique spinet almost sounds like the haunting balalaika of "Doctor Zhivago." Frodo took advantage and ordered his own personal copy of the score.

Frodo traveled alone for several hours yesterday, and the magical score from "The Searchers" accompanied him. Interstate 75 has never known such glorious tones. Frodo had visited, probably for the last time, the gallant Howard, Sam's father. It was the gallant Howard who held their hands together, then stepped aside, the ultimate act of gallantry.

As the score and the film conclude, Ethan walks away from the porch into the swirling dust to the words of the "Sons of the Pioneers," who sing "A man will search his heart and soul, go searchin' way out there, his peace of mind, he knows he'll find, but where oh lord, lord where, ride away, ride away."

Let's go home Debbie.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:55 PM EDT

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