Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

What's Your Name?
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Firing US Attorneys" (3)
Frodo's essay that follows could be called a lot of things. What it is, is entirely factual. What it will not do is make you feel better about the way your government is run. After completing this brief read, you may meet Frodo outside the Offices of the Attorney General of the United States. At that point you will be offered either a pitchfork or a flaming torch. There are sufficient trees about the Tidal Basin to support a public lynching. Perhaps that is what it will take to bring sufficient pressure upon the appropriate individuals to recognize the harm done to our nation by incompetent political appointees, and their elected sponsors.

Walter Anderson, the telecommunications entrepreneur who was indicted on what was to be the largest tax prosecution in American history, was sentenced this week. Anderson pled guilty to the overwhelming evidence amassed against him by both the District of Columbia, and the United States Government. Assistant Attorney General (Tax Division)EILEEN J. O'CONNOR announced the indictments and appointed KAREN E. KELLY of the Department of Justice and SUSAN MENZER of the US Attorney's Office as joint prosecutors in behalf of the United States.

US District Judge PAUL L. FRIEDMAN sentenced Anderson to serve 9 years in prison, and to repay the District of Columbia $23 Million. Unfortunately, Friedman ruled (US-v-Anderson, 05-66, US District Court, District of Columbia), he was unable to order Anderson to repay the US Government somewhere between $100 Million and $175 Million because the "Justice Departments's binding plea agreement" with Anderson cited the wrong statute.

The prosecuting attorneys, the Assistant Attorney General (Tax Division) and, presumably, the Attorney General himself, would have been responsible for at least the approval and review of the plea arrangement. The errors, not caught, have cost the taxpayers of the United States somewhere beyond $100 Million. That, dear reader, is money that you will pay.

Now, what exactly was it that was said about those eight US Attorneys who were fired for "poor performance?" Are you wondering why it took little Frodo, weighed down by the task of Ring destruction, to be the only one to bring this to your attention?

That, dear reader, is a $100 Million (or more) question. Now, would you rather have a pitchfork or a flaming torch?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:57 PM EDT

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

I Remember When Rock Was Young
Mood:

chatty
Topic: "Peacetakescourage" (3)

Ava Lowery, 16, from Alexander City, Alabama, must be an Elf, for she is certainly the child of a Warrior in the gilded palaces of Justice. This home-schooled redhead was featured in the March 27th edition of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution (ajc.com) and Frodo took note of her Web Site (peacetakescourage.com). Frodo is proud to announce that he has enlisted in her army. Since her site averages better than 30,000 hits per day, "army" is an appropriate word in this instance.

Frodo accepts a derisive kick in the butt for his off-hand references to the absurd behavior of those Citizens of Middle Earth confined within the jurisdictional lines known as Alabama. Ms. Lowery's fortitude, added to Frodo's long admiration for the singing group who penned "Christmas in Dixie," means that there must actually be intelligent life on the planetoid to the west of Georgia. That would not be evidentiary based on the comments of US Senator Jeff Sessions (R-AL) who utters no wisdom before it has been blessed by the Incomparable Moron.

Ms. Lowrey is not unknown to the public-at-large but, until today, Frodo had never before heard her name. She reminds Frodo of an anonymous friend who posted to the Forum at MoveOn.org many moons ago, identifying herself only as "Scout," from "Monroeville, Alabama." Readers of Frodo recognize the character from Harper Lee, and sense Frodo's deep pride at any reference to a truly great piece of Southern literature. It is Frodo's sincere hope that Ms. Lowrey continue to exhibit all of the courage and integrity of the aforenamed "Scout." It should be noted that her father, Atticus, was also an attorney.

16 years ago, when this child entered upon Middle Earth, there was another Bush pursuing War in the desert. Since those of us who were there to welcome her into this world could do nothing to end the madness at that point, is it any wonder that a child leads us now?

In a day bleak with news of death , destruction, fatal illnesses, treachery, injustice, and men without honour, Frodo is pleased to know that one so young will tend his garden for many days beyond.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:37 PM EDT

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Monday, March 26, 2007

I Was Thinking To Myself This Could Be Heaven Or This Could Be Hell
Mood:

not sure
Topic: "Yellow Peril" (3)

The Shire is abloom. An abnormally warm winter has been followed by an incredibly warm spring, and nearly every thing that blooms has done so; all at the same time. Pussywillow and forsythia, generally the first to bloom are in their glory immediately adjacent to the dogwoods, who routinely follow a full month behind. As beautiful as it indeed happens to be, the downside is that the pollen counts in the Shire are reaching record highs. Today, the fourth highest pollen reading ever recorded is responsible for the watery eyes, the dribbling noses, the general lackadaisical approach to pulmonary functions, and the crush of crowds at the Pharmacy of the Shire. On top of it all however, is the dreaded "yellow peril."

Pine trees produce a pollen so thick that it forms clouds which can obstruct satellite TV at certain times, or so it seems . The US Weather Service alleges that the pine pollen is not a contributor to respiratory problems and therefore does not compute in the pollen readings. It is, however, everywhere, and it coats everything.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, has a peculiar Asian tint to his coat. Mr. Frodo's motorcar, usually a deep blue, when mixed with the "yellow peril," would be an excellent mobile advertisement for the lawncare company "Tru-Green." The gazebo, due to miniature footprints in the pollen, is revealed as a haven for chipmonkeys, seeking shelter from the wily Mr. Beau Neau. The feline companion to Frodo and Sam noiselessly stirs up little puffs of yellow as he prances across the gardens of the Shire.

Sam is absolutely miserable. The tireless taskmaster is drained of energy and succumbs to the temptations of mid-afternoon TV and pithy expose' magazines. Sam reports that Anna Nicole Smith is still dead, in case you had missed that news flash.

Frodo finds that the "yellow peril" actually adds a bit of color to his now naturally dull tonsorial display. If the light strikes the shining dome correctly, it is almost as if there is a reversion back to the halcyon days of blonde, and beautiful. Those were the days when Frodo dreamed of a career playing professional volleyball on the beaches of Malibu, and perhaps becoming the plaything of a former centerfold. Did Frodo mention, by the way, that Anna Nicole is still dead?

Walking in the gardens is bearable, especially with the knowledge that the tiger mosquito larvae, soon to open, are completely intact because of the mild winter. Azaleas and rhododenron are wondrous attractions for an evening stroll, at least for now.

This global warming stuff is a pain in the butt and, assumedly, soon to be in other private locations.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:20 PM EDT

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Friday, March 23, 2007

You Got Me So I Can't Sleep At Night
Mood:

down
Topic: "Call Me Ishmael" (3)
Frodo has posed a rhetorical question. He wants to know that if he asked everyone who ever reads these words, approximately how many whales they have seen, in the wild, during their lifetimes, what would be the total? Frodo is trying to quantify a figure. It is not as if he were asking about Sumatran Howler Monkeys or Kudu; animals known to be geographically confined or bordering on extinction. Although whales must rise out of their elemental existence to be seen, they do exist in every ocean of the world, and they must breathe air. So how many would we be talking about?

The "Nisshin Maru Research," a Japanese whaling ship, returned to port yesterday from Antarctica, with a catch of 508 dead whales.

508. A fire on-board the ship forced its' early return to port and prevented the crew of 149 from obtaining its' "authorized" kill of 860.

The meat will be sold for human consumption.

Frodo wonders exactly which humans to whom the Japanese will be selling the food? Surely, the reference cannot be that the meat is to be sold for Japanese consumption, for that would lead to the rhetorical answer that the Japanese are human.

508. Frodo believes, in his heart, that in the scores of his existence he does not know enough people to produce a grand total of as many as 508 whales seen by all of their eyes over the extent of all their lives combined. That is a staggering realization to the Hobbit. One Japanese ship, whose hunt was cut short, killed more whales in one hunt than Frodo and all the Citizens of Middle Earth known to him, have ever even seen.

Tree-hugging aside, it is hard not to gain a new respect for the warriors of Greenpeace. An organization called "Sea Shepherd," infuriated by the whaling, launched smoke canisters filled with chemicals and dropped ropes into the water hoping to entangle the propellors of the "Nisshin Maru Research." The Japanese argued back that the mission of the ship was to study data on whale populations and feeding habits for the International Whaling Commission. No mention was made that the proceeds of the meat sale would therefore be donated to that or any other "scientific" organization. Frodo is sure that must just be an oversight.

That word "dominion" just keeps coming up, doesn't it?

508. Frodo needs to take a walk.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:52 PM EDT

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

That Promise You Made Was Only a Lie
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Horsehockey" (3)

Frodo once got into an argument about the Book of Genesis. It happened right about the time that the Georgia State Legislature, which is a well-meaning but undistinguished collection of unindicted co-conspirators, began to debate the issue of animal cruelty. In the State of Georgia, such an act was defined as a misdemeanor, as opposed to a felony. Every imaginable form of animal cruelty, from cockfighting to unimaginable neglect, was punishable merely by a de minimus fine and little more than a night in jail. Frodo legitimately thought that once the issue was public that it would be impossible to argue against God's charge to Adam to exercise "dominion" over the creatures of the earth.

The corpulent literal acceptor of the King James Version said, in front of Frodo, that the proposed legislation was "against God's Holy Scripture." Frodo was unabashedly shocked, and made the mistake of asking for a rational response to what in the blazes did that mean? Frodo was told that God's use of the word "dominion" meant that Man was to take complete and unquestioned control over the creatures of the earth. This control meant that Man could not be questioned for exercising dominion over those for whom he was responsible. Frodo was almost speechless, the moron was actually arguing that God told Adam to feel no remorse for his conduct toward God's creations.

Frodo learned that day that there will always be people with whom one cannot argue. Perhaps that is one of the reasons that Frodo is so sensitive to the creatures of the Shire. Not unlike the burden of the Ring, if not Frodo, then who?

Pets are dying in America because of tainted pet food. Frodo does not mean to suggest that the recalled products are anything more than unfortunately despoiled. He does argue however, that there should be liability for a manufacturer, a distributor, and/or a regulator who are responsible for despoiled product in the hands , or paws, of a consumer. That is the definition of "dominion" of which the God that Frodo knows used when he spoke to Adam.

That is an argument that Frodo will make every single day.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:12 PM EDT

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Mississippi Moon Won't You Keep On Shinin' On Me
Mood:

bright
Topic: "Spring Equal Knox" (3)
There is something very ominous about the advent of Spring when it is dark outside. At exactly 8:00 PM, GMT (George Mean Time), the configuration of angles and the resulting rays of the Sun, somehow, signaled the beginning of Spring in the Shire. That did not change the fact that it remains dark outside.

Frodo is excited about the impending visit of Gandalf to the Shire. Many years ago, Gandalf took note of Frodo, even though he sat in the last row of the lecture hall, when he read the first paper submitted for grade consideration by the Hobbit. The paper was entitled "Vietnam: Three Stars On a Cap," and it was a brief political analysis of the US-sponsored government of Nguyen Cao Ky. The Ky government preceeded the US-sponsored Thieu government, resulting from the fact that the two leaders switched jobs, perhaps in response to Frodo's paper.

Frodo's title for his paper emanated from a copy of Newsweek, which had a picture of Ky on the cover wearing, as one might expect, a cap with three stars. Since little of academic consequence had then been published about Vietnam, nearly all of Frodo's research came from news periodicals. Frodo had been warned that references such as that were dangerous, and would be harshly considered. Frodo however, was not to be deterred, because he wanted to put his thoughts down on paper, and he wanted to have someone older, wiser, judge his thought process.

When Gandalf handed the paper back to Frodo, he called him aside and congratulated him for receiving the highest grade in class. The analysis, he said, "is as good as I have read, particularly by a college freshman." Frodo protested, citing his lack of true reference material, and Gandalf dismissed the argument. "It is not the reference, it is the manner in which you presented your analysis that is important. What is your Major, Mr. Frodo?"

Frodo has often said that had he attended Cornell University, rather than the College of the Shire, and gone into a Freshman Astronomy Class under Dr. Carl Sagan, that Frodo would probably have become an astronomer. That is the impact that Gandalf had on the Halfling from that day forward.

Many times Frodo feels he has let Gandalf down, by failing to meet many of the goals that Gandalf set for Frodo. Many times Frodo let things slide by, just because he knew that he could get away with it. Frodo thinks about that nearly every day, and tries harder and harder so that he can do better in his own mind, than he did for Gandalf. Frodo is so much more than he would otherwise have been had it not been for Gandalf.

Frodo and Sam will share an evening with Gandalf and his life's companion. It will be dark outside for sure, but who says that Springtime exists only in the sunshine?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:35 PM EDT

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Monday, March 19, 2007

But I Still Haven't Found What I'm Lookin' For
Mood:

rushed
Topic: "For More Years" (3)

Frodo noticed the black-and-white photo taped to the wall above the young man's desk. Not recognizing the subject, Frodo asked who it was? With a sly grin the young man told Frodo that "he was the greatest civil servant in American History." Frodo still had no idea who the slender young man with the narrow tie and double-breasted suit could have been. He was truly an ordinary face in an ordinary photograph. Frodo simply stared at the young man as he said "Eliott Ness."

The Treasury Department Agent in charge of the investigation that brought Al Capone to justice was Eliott Ness. Later made famous by Robert Stack in a TV Series called "The Untouchables," and by Kevin Costner in an overdone Hollywood extravaganza, Eliott Ness was a guy doing his job. The pressure and, indeed, the danger, was as intense as that faced by the citizen soldier on the field of battle.

That pressure, and that danger, are a metaphor for the task faced by young men and women today a long, long way from home. They are not fighting a war. They are up against organized crime.

The Shiite Militia of al-Sadr and his ilk provides "protection" to their subscribers, at the behest of their "Godfather."

Sunni insurgents, dressed as police officers, commit mass murder and torture in the same brutal fashion as occurred at the "St. Valentine's Day Massacre."

The police authorities are riddled by bribery and political favoritism.

The governmental bodies are powerless against the criminals, and the honest ones are "rubbed out" as quickly as possible.

Cooperation with legitimate authority by private citizens is answered by violence and assassination.

An insatiable demand, and the subsequent spiraling cost, for a consumer product feed the coffers of the criminal elements.

Frodo could go on all day. Iraq is Chicago, as once we knew it. There is a point to be made which, so far, has eluded all but the most astute of the behavioralists. Despite the violence, despite the pithy pronunciations of America's boob-in-charge, despite the national resources thrown recklessly to the sub-Saharan winds, for the past four years the United States of America has fought criminals as if they were an indigenous population fighting against an oppressing occupier. These are not tribes with names like Apache, or Shawnee, or God forbid, even Mohican. There is no enemy army, there is nothing more than sub-human behavior which Americans have long identified as "gang warfare." It is the Sharks, and it is the Jets, and in other circumstances we could see them as Italian, or Irish, or Puerto Rican.

Eliott Ness was given a job to do, and the resources available to him were miniscule and finite. Eliott Ness figured out that enforcing the law meant that he had to establish order by first "cutting off the head of the snake." Al Capone went to jail for income tax evasion, on a sentence of eleven years. The stranglehold of the gangs on Chicago, and subsequently their mere presence in America, collapsed. A stable government and judicial processes followed, slowly. Paul Bremer was certainly no Eliott Ness. Unfortunately, neither is anyone else. That's why what they have done was ass-backwards, and that is why our young men and women will die there, for more years. The snake is among us, and he strikes when it suits him. The tragedy is that now, we don't even know who he is.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:22 PM EDT

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

You Have No Heart, You Have No Shame
Mood:

on fire
Topic: "MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
The Army Corps of Engineers installed 34 pumps at three major drainage canals in the City of Orleans last year, after Hurricane Katrina, in preparation for future flood surges. Upon completion, one of the Corps of Engineers own inspectors reported that the pumps were defective and would likely fail in a storm. This Wednesday, Mr. Donald Powell, the Bush Administrations' Gulf Coast Hurricane Recovery Czar said he was never shown the memo, and he had been personally assured that the design and construction under the $26.6 Million contract was working properly. The pumps however, have been plagued by excessive vibration, overheated engines, broken hoses, and blown gaskets.

"Hey, that's close enough for government work, isn't it?." goes the old adage.

Actually, Mr. Frodo discovered a couple of very interesting facts that most people may have missed in this nationally-covered story. It seems that the manufacturer of the pumps on behalf of the Army Corps of Engineers is a private company out of Deerfield Beach, Florida, by the name of Moving Water Industries (MWI). MWI is owned by J. David Eller and his sons. The Justice Department (perhaps one of the 8 US Attorneys recently in the news may have been active here) sued MWI in 2002, accusing the company of fraudulently helping Nigeria (the paragon of business ethics themselves) obtain $74 Million in taxpayer-backed loans for over-priced and unnecessary water-pump equipment. The case has not yet been resolved.

The real item of interest is that MWI is very politically active. Mr. Eller, it seems, has donated about $128,000 since 1996 predominantly to the Republican Party. Mr. Eller, it seems, was a business partner in a venture entitled "Bush-El" with Mr. Jeb Bush, whose function was to market MWI pumps. Want to guess to whom Ole Jeb marketed the dysfunctional pumps?

Well now dear reader, isn't that just enough to warm the cockles of a Mother's heart? First there was her son, Neil, who got caught up in the massive S & L scandal a few years back. Then there was her often tipsy son, George, who is worldly regarded as the most ineffective leader ever. Now, here comes Jeb, the religion-switching afficionado of Terry Schiavo who is involved with a partisan crook.

No wonder the Old Man keeps fainting. Frodo almost feels sorry for George H.W. and Barbara, almost. Frodo has long felt that crappy kids are the result of crappy parents. Touche.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:38 PM EDT

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

All My Trials Lord, Soon Be Over
Mood:

vegas lucky
Topic: "Frodo's Final Four" (3)
John McCain (R-Az) has posted his brackets for the 2007 NCAA College Basketball Championship Tournament (commonly referred to as the "Final Four")on his Web Site. That would not be a particularly unique observation if absent the fact Senator McCain had come out publicly against gambling. Well, thinks Frodo, if a decorated War Hero can do it, why can't I? James Dobson and the Newt Gingrich "I have sinned against you, My Lord" retinue will have to stand aside while Frodo joins the sinners and tells all the world that he actually picked the NCAA Championship winner in 1985. He hasn't even scratched since.

The Midwest Regional is dominated by Florida, who returns virtually their entire team from last season when they won the whole thing. Unless all of their starting players break their jockstraps at precisely the same moment, it will be impossible for Florida to lose. Their closest contest will be with the University of Oregon. Frodo will lose interest when Georgia Tech exits in the second round.

The East Regional will be won by Texas, who has the single best player in the country. Unfortunately he has to play with people dumb enough to reside in Texas, and their superior basketball skills will prove subordinate to their stupidity, and they will be crushed once they reach the Final Four. North Carolina, usually, would make mincemeat of a team as flawed as Texas, but the Tarheels have devoted this entire basketball season to an imitation of talent, obfuscated by cash payments to the Widows and Orphans Fund of the Basketball Referees of America.

Kansas will rule in the West, and they will make a good showing against Florida. Frodo likes the underdog Salukis from Southern Illinois. Those guys can play. They will bring pride to their school, and they will also, unfortunately, spawn a million questions about just what in the blazes a Saluki happens to be? Frodo hates this bracket because Pittsburgh plays there. Frodo has never correctly predicted Pittsburgh's performance in this tournament. In truth, Frodo kind of likes the town, he's happiest though, visiting on the 10 days when the temperature is above freezing.

Memphis, like the City for which it is named, is over-hyped and underperforming. Although they win the South, they will shrivel when the game requires more than raw athletic talent. It is scary for Frodo to refer to Florida as being comprised of smarter players than any other team, except, of course, for Tennessee. The game between Tennessee and Virginia will be a reprise of the November elections, when UVA helped save America, at least temporarily, by dumping George Allen. The geniuses in Tennessee passed over Harold Ford, and put in something called a "corker." Frodo will stand and cheer for the spoiled, oversexed, and American, team from Charlottesville.

What truly bothers Frodo about all of this is the fact that he, traditionally, always roots for the best academic school (which is why he is never able to root for Auburn). The University of Pennsylvania faces Texas A&M in the first round of the South Region, and Frodo sells out to the jocks. Silently, he will watch the Quakers bob-and-weave and work incredibly hard, only to be crushed like pumpkins by guys all of whom are at least seven feet tall.

Besides, Texas A&M may be the place where they display "My Pet Goat" when the all the collected readings of George W. Bush are put on display.

Go Quakers.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:48 PM EDT

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Then Sings My Soul, My Savior God to Thee
Mood:

hug me
Topic: "Here's Your Watch" (3)

Frodo is relieved to learn today that the Chief of Staff to the Attorney General of the United States has resigned. This act of civil servitude trumps the responsibility taken by Attorney General Gonzales for the latest faux pas/incompetent act/illegal action (pick one) by the least effective national administration in any western nation since the dawn of the Industrial Age.

Frodo feels it is a substantial understatement to merely refer to this as the "worst Presidential Administration in American History."

In keeping with the tradition of this Administration, responsibility is taken in words, but blame, like offal, flows downhill to the lowest possible denominator. The Attorney General, in the eyes of the President, is doing almost as fine a job as was the former Director of FEMA, the infamous "Brownie." To the President's credit, he did not apply a similar nickname to the Attorney General. He was, however, overheard humming the tune to "La Cucaracha."

The actual pleasure taken in today's resignation has nothing to do with the nameless, faceless, clueless former Chief of Staff to the Attorney General. Frodo was pleased to note that the guilty pleader did not use an initial, a middle name, and a surname. The consistency of E. Howard Hunt, G. Gordon Liddy, and now I. Scooter Libby as criminal automatons for Republican Presidents has detracted from what used to be a literary tradition, a la F. Scott Fitzgerald for one.

Frodo has often thought that if we were not a halfling, he would go by his first initial. It is nice to know that not everybody who does so is a buffoon.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:21 PM EDT

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