Mood:  hug me

Frodo and Sam deviate from their quest up Mount Doom to actually visit Sauron's seat of power.  On Saturday next they will watch two young people unite for their common future; it has been a long time since the Hobbits have been to a Wedding.  At this point in time, funerals are much more common.  Frodo hoped also to make time for a short visit to Bilbo's last remaining brother while in the vicinity.  However, recent events in that part of Middle Earth holds the promise of a pinkish tint when the morrow comes.

Legolas received word that his "stress test" required additional attention.  He will have bypass surgery when the sun rises. 

Gimli, after discussions with multiple specialists, has been found to have committed such a crime against one, James Parkinson, that he has been infected with a "Disease" named after the offended party.

Bilbo's brother, wounded in the first two hours of fighting on the beach at Okinawa when he was but an 18 year-old Marine, underwent triple bypass surgery and rests in a Coronary Care Unit as Frodo pens these lines.

Bilbo has had treatments to deaden the nerve endings in the back, so that sleep can return to the cycle of days and nights again.

There is, to life, an unpredictable aspect which assures only that, after good times, bad will follow.  It is not as if Frodo has been unaware that a "bad moon" may be on the rise.  Frodo does not have either the time or the inclination to lament the challenges placed before him; he knows that much depends on him and it is what he expected when he took up the task to destroy the Ring.

Little Georgia, the inhabitant of the Shire to whom every day has been Christmas, will suffer no more beyond the morrow.  The task of "dominion" is both judgmental and compassionate.  Frodo and Sam will long remember the courage of a chihuahua mix, blind in one eye, partially deaf, with heartworms, who added her bark to the pack.  She will have an honored spot in the Gardens of the Shire.  She deserves no less.

It will be nice when Frodo can stop fouling off curve balls, and return a fast ball past the ear of Fate directly over the center-field wall.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:58 PM EDT

Updated: Sunday, October 14, 2007 8:00 PM EDT

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Mood:  spacey

The Men of Gondor gathered again to share chicken cooked in a clay oven and the breadlike creation which provides basic sustenance for over a tenth of all the population of Middle Earth.  The chicken wasn't much to rave about thought Frodo, but this Nanna stuff is pretty good.  A little apple butter and he would have a whole new appreciation for that part of the world that seems to answer all his telephone calls anymore.  From there it was but a short jaunt to little Oglethorpe where, Frodo joked, he could enjoy an afternoon with "Mothra" and "Godzilla."  Frodo feigned shock to find out that "Rodan" was actually some short, little Belgian guy who made statues out of hands and heads. 

In truth, Rodin was a musician for his age.  In times such as these, where art is music and music is art, the work of Rodin represents the art that is no longer present in the Hobbit culture.  Although there are many who sculpt and paint, the only terminology for this age is "Rock and Roll."  It is, to Frodo, a matter of focus.  Witness the words of a prophet which, if you will, are written on a subway wall.

George Carlin has said that Americans prefer to focus on the sideshows and to ignore the big picture.  "People have lost interest in governing themselves," he observed, "for the sake of gizmos and toys.  They sold out for Jet Skis and cellphones and Salad Shooters and leaf blowers.  It is just a shame, for it will be the ruin of this country.  It is fun to watch however." 

Anna Nicole Smith is back in the news.  That, Frodo supposes, is the point made by Prophet Carlin.  That, and that none of Mitt Romney's five sons have yet signed up for a tour in the US Military.  And the beat goes on, probably with an air guitar accompaniment. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:13 AM EDT

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Mood:  silly

In the spirit of non-partisan good government, Frodo has written a letter to the General Services Administration suggesting that the George W. Bush Presidential Library be located within the confines of the United States Embassy in Baghdad.  Most people know that this edifice, when completed, will be the largest, most expensive, such building in all the world.  Would it not be fitting, Frodo argued, that the location of the war of longest duration, and least consequence, in American History should contain a memorial to poor research and historical ignorance?  The possibilities for documenting the folly of war merit serious consideration of Frodo's proposal.

The Richard Cheney Memorial Storm Cellar would make future generations forever immune to references of "Dugout Doug" MacArthur of World War II genre.  Cheney was assigned to underground duty while the Incomparable Moron flitted from elementary schools to Shreveport on September 11th.  Afterwards, Cheney was rarely observed doing anything in, or for, the public.

The Larry Craig Restroom Stalls would have doors that swing both ways.  This action would serve as an ever-mindful warning for clandestine raconteurs that it takes more than a wide stance to repel an insurgency.

The Alberto Gonzales Telecommunications Center would symbolize the totality of information gathered in the national defense during times of crisis.  By simply pushing a button, any national defense operative could obtain access to any portion of the former Attorney General's testimony before the Congress of the United States, translated into any one of more than 235 languages, and 114 dialects thereof.  "I don't recall" is particularly appealing in Hawaiian, at least it is to Frodo.

Then, of course the mind boggles at all the other reminders of this grandifluorous time in world history, there are the books and records themselves, all gathered and maintained in mint condition.  Every document that was published for any purpose whatsoever during the simply unforgettable Bush White House years.  Yes, dear reader, the absolutely pristine, untouched by human hand, information which could have guided our national goals to new heights is now available to you for only $19.95 plus shipping & handling.  If you choose to visit the library itself, you will be able to research any of the non-classified items in the area known as Barney's Reading Room.  

Be sure to look for the autographed copy of "My Pet Goat."   You're paying for it you know, big time. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:57 PM EDT

Updated: Wednesday, October 10, 2007 8:59 PM EDT

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Mood:  cool

Frodo thinks a lot about pencils and paper, typewriters and ribbons, mimeograph machines and all those things that have technologically advanced the written word.  It may have taken days for the earliest scribes to express a single syllable, as it certainly took years for Monks to transcribe words like "In the beginning. . ."  Now, Frodo advances and retreats, corrects and amends as he sees fit, in an instant.  Whether or not he accomplishes anything will be left to those who someday look at the characterizations of thought from an entirely different paradigm.

Frodo has a hand written letter, in pencil, written on brown paper, that was mailed, free of charge, from an uncle he never knew to Frodo's father.  That same uncle once graced the cover of LIFE magazine, standing guard in heavy winter clothing, rifle on his shoulder, on the steps of the US Capitol, during a time of War.  It is a very famous photograph. 

His duty prevented him from attending his sister's wedding to Frodo's father, a man for whom he had great affection; for he was already in England when Frodo's father married Bilbo on October 5th, 1943.  When Frodo's father followed him across the sea, he promised Bilbo that he would find her brother and perhaps they could take care of one another.  It was a thought that soothed Bilbo's darkest fears.

How two soldiers, among millions of men far from home, were able to find one another as their respective outfits moved in parallel footsteps is a mystery to Frodo.  But it happened, and the two friends now had the capacity to write each other directly, sharing thoughts that could not be comprehended by those who watched and waited for their return.  

In the Fall of 1944, Frodo's uncle wrote the letter that Frodo now holds.  His outfit, as opposed to that of Frodo's father, was in the thick of Hell itself.  He did not have much time for school back home, so many of his words are not properly constructed or implemented, but they are direct and troublesome.  Pencil marks do not wear well, and over time the writing is not only onerous, but it is fading.  Not all of the words are easily discernible, but "horrible" and "hope you don't see anything like this" come through as if the pencil has just been lifted from the paper.  These may have been the last of his words.

Frodo's father knew what had happened before the telegram reached the family home.  "Crossing the Saar River" is permanently etched in Frodo's memory to this day.  Frodo's father was able to, once again, find those who had served with Frodo's uncle, and they told him how he had died.  Frodo's father never told anyone else, including Frodo, what he learned.

All Frodo has is the letter.  Would that, someday, something that Frodo writes will be as eloquent, as simple, and so meaningful.            

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:35 PM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, October 9, 2007 8:37 PM EDT

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Mood:  mischievious

Former Mexican President Vicente Fox should be the next guest of Chris Matthews on HARDBALL.  Having released his new book, "Revolution of Hope," the first foreign leader to visit the Crawford Ranch after George W. Bush took office, was far from, shall we say, complimentary, to the Incomparable Moron.  Calling Bush "the cockiest guy I have ever met" who "uses grade-school Spanish" and is merely a "windshield cowboy," Fox also implies that Bush is afraid of horses.  He described Bush as someone who "struts like he's carrying a watermelon under each arm," (which compares favorably to Frodo's earlier characterization that he has a stick up his butt) and that he is not only "stubborn" but "high-handed" in his efforts to obtain support for his positions.  Most telling is the statement that (under Bush) "America stopped building bridges and started building walls."

Frodo has been imagining what might be said if certain other world leaders would someday take Microsoft Word in hand, and begin to compose their impressions of Boy George (aka Incomparable Moron).  Let us, dear reader, try these two, Putin and Musharaf (you know, "Vladimir" and "General").

"Yass, ve here in Rrussha also veal dat Gorgy is two afraid of horses.  Venn I tried to haff him take his shirt off and to compare biceps wid me, he make funny face and snicker.  I try take him two a slay ride in Yakutsk he say he not interested in seeing horse butt in his face.  I tell him just think of Chainee."

"Premier, this is Frodo Baggins."

"Yass Mr. Frudo, remembering you from Isengard, good fight it was."

"Mr. Premier, how would you describe Boy George in his dealings with you, was he 'stubborn' and 'high-handed'?"

"Mr. Frudo, Gorgy had impressions that we were businessmen negotiatink de future of de vorld, and dat between us de two of us could do anything we vanted.  He siad he could see my 'soul,' I siad he need glasses."

"Do you think History will regard him fondly?"

"Mr. Frudo, do you know what I call my new book?"

"No Sir, I do not."

"It is called 'Mr. Gorgy, Tear Down Your Own Wall."  I believe that says enough."

"Thank you Sir, and now President Musharaf, would you care to tell us how you characterize and what stands out in your memory about your relationships with Gorgy, er, Bush?"

"Tankyew veddymush Mr. Froto.  I wuzza particularly struck by how little heknew aboot the military, and that he not listened to those around him who did, like President-General Powell of the State Department.  His time flying in little aeroplanes must have made him think dat those were not peoples down there being shot at and bombed."

"Was he 'stubborn' and 'high-handed' with you?"

Musharaf, his translators, and all his aides were laughing out loud for several seconds.

"Mr. Froto, he vas afraid of me.  He vas afraid that I could give nucular veapons to Osama bin Laden.  He would have done, in the early days, anything I told him to do."

"Can you give me an example?"

"Mr Fruto, when first he sent Rumsfeld and the black woman to talk, I told him to kiss my ass.  I was speaking figuratively.  He thought I meant it."

"Sir?"

"The next time he wanted to send Larry Craig and Mark Foley."

After a pause for laughter, Frodo asked the General "And what is the title of your new book?"

"Mamas Don't Let Your Cowboys Grow Up To Be Horses' Asses."

Frodo sees a bright future for the publishing business. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 5:19 PM EDT

Updated: Saturday, October 6, 2007 5:25 PM EDT

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Mood:  d'oh

"Welcome to the Frodo Network and the Forty-Fifth of One Hundred and Eleven scheduled Presidential Candidate Debates.  I am Frodo Baggins, your Moderator for this evening's gathering of the Republicans contesting for the nomination of their Party in the 2008 Presidential Election.  Gentlemen, you all know the rules, so let's 'start your engines' with the newest member of this entourage, former United States Senator from Tennessee, Fred Thompson.  Good evening Sir."

"Good evening Mr. Frodo."

"Senator, the current Administration often speaks of the 'Coalition of the Willing' when discussing the 'War on Terror.'  Yet, the facts are painfully clear that the United States provides much more than 95% of all the human, material, and fiscal resources into the conflict in iraq.  What countries do you think would rally to assist the United States once you become President?"

"That's an excellent question Mr. Frodo.  I would start, as a Christian, seeking to bring representatives of the great religions all together, and involve people of all faiths in the effort.  For example, the Holy Roman Empire would give special significance to the struggle."

"The, Holy Roman Empire?  Do you mean, like Charlemagne?"

"Of course, you cannot define the conflict as purely religious, or purely secular, you have to combine the two.  So I would also seek people of the Islamic faith in democratic countries, say like Yugoslavia, places that are presently not likely to offer their assistance without us requesting it."

"You mean Tito's Yugoslavia?"

"Oh yes, then even more important would be representatives of different races, particularly from Africa."

"Like?"

"Oh, let's say Rhodesia comes quickly to mind.  A black African nation would be a very important part of the coalition we'd assemble to fight terrorism."

"You think Rhodesia, along with Yugoslavia, and the Holy Roman Empire, could become an integral part of the pacification of Iraq and the worldwide struggle against terror?"

"Sure."

"Would anyone care to take issue with Senator Thompson on his multi-national, multi-ethnic, multi-religious approach to the struggle for order in the world?"

"I would."

"Representative Tancredo, you have sixty seconds."

"I won't need that long Mr. Frodo.  It is painfully clear to the American people that the first thing we need to do is to secure our own borders, before we go signing any more deals.  We need to build walls around us first, and then build walls around those on our side, and then we can keep the 'illegals' in their own countries where they belong."

"So you would build a security wall around the United States, and, I presume, Rhodesia and Yugoslavia, and, of course, the Holy Roman Empire?'

"And anybody else who seeks to join in our coalition."

"Do you think Hadrian could handle something of that magnitude."

"Well, if they win the competitive bid, why not?"

"Anybody else?  Please."

(Silence)

"Do any of you gentleman play a fiddle?."

"I do."

"Somehow, Governor Huckaby, I'm not surprised." 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:50 PM EDT

Updated: Thursday, October 4, 2007 9:52 PM EDT

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Mood:  flirty

Frodo learned at an early age that mowing the lawn or cleaning the bottom of a swimming pool are two of the only tasks in life in which one can actually see progress being made.  Frodo observed that in both instances the results were short-lived.  Similar conclusions may be drawn about the activities of two men named Thomas.

Isaiah Thomas was a great basketball player, and smart enough to save some of the millions he made on the front court.  After his playing days were over, he had positioned himself properly so that he could invest in the most valuable franchise in the NBA, the New York Knickerbockers.  Today he is the face and part-owner of the Knicks, and as such he has become "the man;" one for whom black people toiled for two centuries in the land of Middle Earth.  It is inspiring, refreshing, and Frodo feels proud that such achievements are possible.

Clarence Thomas is the 59 year-old Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States.  The Yale University graduate and former senior government official had served on the bench but a single year when he was picked by President George H. W. Bush.  After a contentious set of hearings, he was confirmed and today is the only black American to sit on the highest Court in the land.  It is important that such a significant portion of the population of Middle Earth be physically represented in the Judiciary, and it is noteworthy that what was once an assembly of "the man" now also contains those who toiled on his behalf.

With power however, problems, like growing grass or silt in the pool, confront the newly-enfranchised as they did his predecessor.  Over the past week, both Messrs. Isaiah and Clarence had to deal with charges of sexual harassment, and to deny those charges publicly.  What struck Frodo's imagination about these charges were that they were both complaints from black women.  There was a time, not long ago in Middle Earth, when such charges would have been virtually ignored by those in power, since it was assumed that the conduct of black people reflected their inferiority.  Frodo, logically, should take pride in the genuine societal interest in the affairs of men and women who just happen to be black, and who now are dealing with the problems of driving the bus. 

Frankly, neither of the Thomases seemed too happy.  Frodo feels a certain amount of compassion for those who are challenged on the basis of what is either their actual behavior, or what is perceived to be their behavior.  It is difficult to walk all of the lines that separate propriety from impropriety when the rules change because of who happens to be in the room at the time.  The outcome reflects judgment, not experience.  Experience is an expensive teacher; just ask the Thomases.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:33 PM EDT

Updated: Wednesday, October 3, 2007 8:36 PM EDT

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Mood:  spacey

The gallant Braves were flying back to Atlanta during the 1976 baseball season when Ted Turner, the new owner of the ball club and a pioneer in cable TV, began to draw on a napkin.  He explained to his broadcast team that they could conceivably beam a signal to a communications satellite which could then be transmitted to cable systems all over the country.  The broadcasters looked at one another, and said "That's interesting."

The Atlanta Braves of 1976 were one of the worst teams in all of baseball.  At the time, there was no ESPN, no regional sports networks, and even (hallelujah) no Fox.  Skip Caray, one of the original broadcasters said, "It was like being on the first wagon train heading west.  We didn't know where we were going, but we were having fun getting there."  Soon the fledgling cable TV stations around the country realized that live baseball was more entertaining than playing tapes of usually very dull subject-matter, even if it was a crummy team.  The broadcasters were probably the first to recognize thjat something was happening, simply because they were being recognized everywhere they went, and people started doing things like buying them drinks.

Dale Murphy, Bob Horner, Jerry Royster, Ralph Garr, Hank Aaron, Gary Matthews, Phil Niekro, Pascual Perez, Glenn Hubbard, Bob Watson, and a plethora of others were becoming household names all over America.  The ubiquitous Turner added homey touches and down-right offensive stuff to grab the nation's attention.  Watching an ostrich race, or a cow-milking contest was not unexpected on any given night at the ballpark, and "Chief Noc-a-Homa" would emerge from his teepee in the left-field stands and dance a little dance whenever an Atlanta Brave hit a home run.  There was an air of uncontrolled festival emanating from America's town that was too busy to hate anybody.

In 1991 the Atlanta Braves went from last in the National League to first place, and suddenly the attention they had achieved on America's cable stations caught fire.  The Commissioner of Major League Baseball was deluged with complaints from the other team owners, whose attendance and viewership dropped significantly as people wanted to watch the boys from Atlanta.  Viewership nationally justified the dubbing of this emerging monolith as "America's Team."

John Smoltz, Chipper Jones, Tom Glavine, Greg Maddox, Ron Gant, David Justice, Otis Nixon, Francisco Cabrera, Fred McGriff, Jeff Blauser, Sid Bream, John Rocker, and  Julio Franco were participants in a 14-year reign as the only team to win the championship of the Eastern Division of the National League.  That is a record of first-place finishes that has never been approximated by any team, in any sport, anywhere, ever.

So?  Is Frodo merely lamenting the fact that, at long last, the reign has ended and his "gallant Braves" have ended their season without achieving even a second-place berth in the play-offs leading up to the World Series?  No, it is not that simple.

The Turner Broadcasting System televised its final Atlanta Braves baseball game this afternoon.  Viewership has declined 84% since the heyday of 1995, what with the growth of ESPN, other sports networks, and yes, even Fox (gag).  Ted Turner is long gone, forced out in the mergers that brought Time-Warner, Liberty Media, and other space aliens into the corporate ownership, and the humanity of the organization followed in the same fashion as the demise of the Great Auk. 

Somewhere the sun is shining, so the poem goes.  The mighty Casey of sports programming in America, who brought one team into America's living rooms, and made the Mayor of Hilo, Hawaii, among others, a fan of a team in a place where he had never even visited, had indeed, struck out.  Frodo will no longer be able to watch the gallant Braves from his retreat in the mountains, that is, unless he signs up for MLB.com for only $199.

Therein is the rub, or so Billy Shakespeare might have said.  Ah, but there is so much more,  for never again will Frodo's father call him on the telephone and say "What's the matter with Murphy?  He's not hitting."  Never again will Skip Caray scream into a microphone as Sid Bream slides across home plate with the words "Braves Win, Braves Win, Braves Win."  Never again will Ted and Jane sit next to Jimmy and Rosalyn in the front row. 

It won't be the gallant Braves against the world, ever again. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:55 PM EDT

Updated: Sunday, September 30, 2007 8:58 PM EDT

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Mood:  cheeky

Of all the institutions involved in the American political process, Frodo is most taken with the concept of the "open primary."  Without having to declare party allegiance, anyone can vote for whomever in either the Republican or the Democratric Primary.  The voter is in no way inhibited by that vote as to the casting of a ballot in the General election.  The only negative, as best Frodo has been able to determine, is that he is solicited on the telephone by candidates from both parties.  The concept allowed Frodo to vote for Pat Buchanan in a Republican primary, knowing that he had no chance of victory in a General election against Bill Clinton for President.  Putting the weakest possible candidate against Clinton was Frodo's intent.  The open primary also allowed Frodo to vote against Ralph Reed, thereby eliminating the smarmy weasel from consideration for any political office.  Frodo recommends that all the States of Middle Earth consider the benefits of an open primary.

Frodo laments the news that Newt Gingrich (pron. Ging Rick by his sister, who just happens to be gay) today announced that he would not seek the Presidential bid of the Republican Party in the 2008 General election.  Had he run, Frodo would have had the opportunity to cast a vote against this slime ball for the fourth time.  The point is however, that Frodo probably would have taken advantage of the open primary once again, and probably would have actually voted for the Newtster.  It speaks well to the growing, albeit glacially fast, sophistication of voters in Georgia, that even in one of Newt's adopted states, he would fail to carry anything beyond the percentage of the population that suffers from Mongoloid delusions.

For the general public, the most fascinating aspect of the events was the announcement that His Geekness would only have run if his supporters could have come up with $30 Million.  Two days later we receive the bad news.  Frodo, his curiosity piqued by the unspoken truth in such a quick pronouncement, is proud to announce that his sources working with the lady who serves beer to retail customers of Ben & Jerry's in McLean, Virginia, have provided him with documentation of the pledges to the Gingrich Exploratory Campaign.  Newt was able to take the cash itself and purchase two scoops of "Rocky Road," and a Bud Lite.

Frodo is, dear reader, asking you to consider a ticket of Newt and Mitt for 2012.  Can't you just see it?  Here they come, crammed into a miniature motorcar with Mitt's five sons and Newt's three wives, all wearing floppy shoes and noses that blink on-and-off.  They squirt each other with seltzer bottles, and the Party which began with Abraham Lincoln is swept up and settled into the elephantine effluent piled just outside the Big Top.  Newt has a spoon.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:47 PM EDT

Updated: Saturday, September 29, 2007 9:49 PM EDT

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Mood:  sad

Beer Ayuel, originally from southern Sudan, was displaced by war, but somehow won a scholarship to study in Cairo.  He learned four languages, and resettled in the United States in 1999.  Atlanta, Georgia, was fortunate to receive this new resident.  Through his church he would become a mentor for a group of young men you may have heard about, dear reader, "The Lost Boys of Sudan."  These children, separated from parents during the chaos of War in the Sudan, survived months of wandering and came of age in dismal refugee camps.  In 2001, when the first group was brought to America, Beer was there to greet 150 even newer residents to his adopted home town.

There are many stories about these young men and how they adapted to a 21st Century environment, when all they had ever known was the Stone Age, with rifles.  Few stories are told about those who worked directly with these young men, in the spirit, of the Spirit, if you will.  Beer quickly became a special source of inspiration to the "Lost Boys," since he, too, had survived war, and was willing to give selflessly to these who followed him into a New World.

Six months ago, Beer Ayuel traveled back to Cairo to wed his fiancee, Ms. Amiot Kur, but only after he had achieved American citizenship.  The new bride remained in Cairo, waiting for a visa, while her husband returned to America.  Beer had great difficulty finding employment suitable for his new responsibilities in Georgia.  The best alternative he found was to work as an Arabic translator for L-3 Communications, a New York based company that provides translators and other services in Iraq.

This past Tuesday, after 17 days in Iraq, while assigned to assist soldiers of the Third Infantry Division in restive central Iraq, Beer Ayuel was killed in a suicide bombing.  His brother-in-law, who lives in Nebraska, is arranging for Ayuel's remains to be flown to Atlanta where he will buried.

Frodo is cleaning the lint off of his dark suit.  He will be one of at least 151 "Lost Boys" there to send Beer Ayuel home.  Perhaps Frodo can learn enough Sudanese to simply say "I am so sorry." 

This death will not be included in the nightly number.  It will be as if he never happened at all.   Had he merely failed to survive the first war from which he escaped, it would have made little difference to most.  But not to all.  That is what Frodo keeps telling himself, through his tears.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:49 PM EDT

Updated: Friday, September 28, 2007 8:51 PM EDT

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