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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
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Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Make Believe You Love Me, One More Time For The Good Times
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Boromir & Galadriel"(5)

This will be, perhaps, for those familiar, the last mention of these protagonists in this epic.  Galadriel is no more, and not until she had passed was there a grandchild.  Boromir was never able to be alone, and the divorced pastor's wife became his new companion, too soon, for some.

The son of Boromir & Galadriel is a philsopher, and his contacts with those outside his sphere are few.  His concepts of sympathy and understanding fall prey to rational discourse on empiricism, and leave him in the loneliness that his father could never accept.  It is his choice, and a world in which he is happy.

The daughter was born to rolls of baby fat and "orangeish" red hair.  Frodo feared that she would be an ugly duckling for all her days, but she became the graceful swan with an angelic smile and an appreciation for Frodo's prose, even deeper than that of her mother.  The daughter grew in latest of years from antagonist to the best of friendships with the declining Galadriel.  Therein lies the tragedy of this tale, and the probable end thereto.

The divorcee contacted Boromir after the death of Galadriel, and less then three months later they met and discussed the pages in their respective lives, and how new chapters seemed blank.  Not too long thereafter Frodo learned that it was the intent of Boromir and the Divorcee to wed.  The daughter of Boromir and Galadriel was furious, and nothing that Boromir could say would assuage the pain.  The immediate response being that Boromir was forbidden to ever see the grandchild, named for the gentle Galadriel.  

Now, more than a year has passed, and last month Boromir and the divorcee were wed in another kingdom, far from the Shire.  A reception was held in a very nice establishment not far from the Shire for the newlyweds this past eve, and Frodo, led by an ephemeral Sam, grasped the hand of his friend and hugged him as two old warriors are prone to do.  Then he was introduced to the divorcee.

Frodo thought of his own mother.  She was not the "sex kitten" he had anticipated, she was actually almost dowdy, and she spent more time talking about her days at Yale Divinity, than she did in affairs of the heart.  Frodo, and Sam, in discussion after, both realized that there had been a dual human need for the sameness of relationship, as opposed to arousal, and that that had brought two people together, escaping loneliness and fearing a repeat of pubescent frustration.

Frodo remains frustrated and disappointed in the daughter of Boromir & Galadriel, for her failure to attend the reception, or to accept any reasoning discussion from any of the numerous guests who told Frodo of their sad experience in attempting to do so.  Her pain, her grief, is so great, that she cannot find forgiveness; she will not even try.

Many years ago, when Boromir had violated the trust to love and honor, it was Frodo, alone, who spoke not to his friend, but waited for him to come and to talk.  When that finally did happen, it cemented their bond as "brothers," and gave Galadriel great comfort in the support they shared with the Hobbits.  No others shared that trust from both Boromir & Galadriel.

Now, Frodo would like to approach the daughter of Boromir & Galadriel, and to shake her until her sense returned.  He must, however, do as he did before, and to wait until asked.  His silent prayer this day is that the day does come, and that Frodo can talk, without crying.  Some events in human terms go beyond the pale, but, Frodo supposes, that is why there is a heart located where there could just as easily be a second brain. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:57 PM EDT
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Thursday, August 13, 2009
It's Just a Matter of Time
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "September Twelfth"(5)

"Let's turn back," said Frodo, "to those thrilling days of yesteryear."

It will soon be eight years, and much has changed.  Not unlike many of us, Frodo has been reflecting upon the history of those days, and their impact on the day at hand.  The span of time between January 20th, 2001, and the Inaugural of George W. Bush as the 43rd President of the United States, to the events of the 11th day of September was just about a week short of eight months.  During that time, the President had spoken to the nation on televison, and had declared that an extension of federal funding for stem cell research would be prohibited.  Not unlike the major workings of the government itself, he also found time to vacation for the entire month of August.  Rumblings about Social Security Privatization, and tyrannical regimes in other parts of the world were in preparatory abeyance.  Tax rebates for the unwary, and tax cuts for the wealthy were in fact.

On the 12th day of September, with dust and debris all about, and shock on all our minds, questions were being raised.  It does not matter who was asking or who was answering, for the responses were identical. 

It was not his fault.

He had not been President long enough.

The prior Administration had been distracted and failed to dispose of the problem in its infancy.

The Intelligence apparatus failed.

The security of the nation had been weakened in the budget cutbacks initiated by his predecessor.

Too much freedom had been extended to the republic thereby threatening the safety of us all.

Yada, yada, yada.  Joe Scarborough, Karl Rove, Mary Matalin, Peter Jennings, Hillary Clinton, Donald Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Dennis Hastert, Rudy Guiliani, Tom Daschle, Kaye Bailey Hutchinson, Clarence Thomas, George Allen, Chuck Norris, and you, dear reader, and if not you, certainly someone in your family, utttered one, if not all of the reasons why it wasn't his fault.

After September 12th it became his mantra.

In just about a month, it will be eight years.  The Bush Administration is a fading memory, pleasing few.  The new President is being hoisted with his own mantra nearly a full month ahead of the grace period granted his predecessor.  At this point, in the midst of an opposition continuing the displeasure of election defeat, President Obama has had his nationality, his loyalty, and his integrity questioned by those who feel that he is responsible for all their perceived ills.  Few, if any, repeat the arguments spoken on behalf of his predecessor, although consideration thereto need be uttered.

The prior Administration had eight years to deal with a pending economic tsunami, but their intelligence apparatus failed.  The deregulation of the banking system alone made all of us vulnerable to machinations we couldn't even define.  A monetary deficit, unparalleled in scope, the product of wars of choice and unseemly tax cuts, hinders the necessary capital expenditures which any recession places on society.  The threat is just as grave as it was eight years ago, albeit in very different ways.

Frodo wonders why one guy didn't feel any blame at all on September 12th, and another guy is blamed for everything from swine flu to Mrs. O'Leary's cow?  If there were any fairness in life or politics, nobody would blame Barack Obama for anything that has happened or been initiated prior to September 12th, 2009.

What gives Frodo so much hope, and so much confidence, is the fact that, unlike his predecessor, Barack Obama has learned not to take it personally, and to accept criticism as input.  Not unlike the Corporate CEO demonized during this period of economic challenge, Obama knows that his direct involvement at a premature moment is the error of the unwary.  Wisdom guides him to amass the input into a democratic product, which he can then stand and present as something truly American.

Think Frodo is overly optimistic?  Listen to Rush Limbaugh (for five minutes, if you can breathe through your mouth that long), and hear him lament that which is bound to come.

Frodo would love to see that happen on September the 12th, when our nation finally casts its lonely eyes on Joe DiMaggio.  If it happens the next day, so be it.  Frodo doesn't want to have any more dates to memorize.  

 

  

 

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:21 PM EDT
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Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Your Voice As Warm As a Sweet Summer Breeze
Mood:  bright
Topic: "Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)

Frodo once heard an actor define the "Self-made man as a horrible example of unskilled labor," something he has never forgotten.  Bill Gates, who never finished his degree program at Harvard, and went on to become, for a time being anyway, the "richest man in the world," is an example of a self-made man who seemingly defied the definition.  Gates, who founded MICROSOFT, just happened to have a technical disposition as well as a working knowledge of circuits and causal relationships which made the rigors of academia just a bit excessive.  Other examples speak for themselves.

Rush Limbaugh dropped out of Southeast Missouri State University. 

Sean Hannity dropped out of Adelphi University, and, for good measure, NYU.

Glenn Beck, after graduation from high school, started to work in radio stations (thereby negating the efficacy of even attempting to matriculate).

Bill O'Reilly graduated from Marist College, received a Master's (Broadcast Journalism) from Boston University, and a Master's in Public Administration from Harvard. 

Considering the public record, Frodo concludes that enrolling at Harvard is not a bad thing, but graduation is to be avoided.   By the same token, marginal high-school or college students who join the Radio Club should be encouraged to enlist in the military.  A mouth, it seems, without discipline or enlightenment, is nothing more than a terrible vessel of waste.         

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:28 PM EDT
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Monday, August 10, 2009
Close That Door Richard, I Just Seen The Thing
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Here Kitty-kitty"(5)

Troup County surrounds West Point Lake, and is only about an hour south of the Atlanta airport on the Alabama State line.  This past November 16th, an unidentified deer hunter, herein referred to as "Rufus" for the sake of simplicity, was sitting in a "tree stand" waiting for Bambi's Dad to wander into his sights.  A "tree stand," for the uniniated, is a chair, with a safety belt, which these bulbous athletes use to rest their tired feet, and to camouflage as much of their torso as possible.  In this case, Rufus was about to be confronted with the only thing that fell outside his realm of preparation, i.e. a decision.

"Puma concolor" properly identifies a subspecies of the American Mountain Lion known as the "Florida Panther."  There are fewer than 120 of these creatures still alive on our small, blue planet, predominantly because of the ancestors of the intrepid Rufus.  What Rufus saw beneath him that day proved to be a 140 pound, four-year-old male, who had wandered over 650 miles from the last remaining territorial expanse of these endangered creatures, presumably in search of his own home.  We know all of these facts because of the autopsy performed on the panther by veterinarians at the Southeastern Cooperative Wildlife Disease Study at the University of Georgia.

Frodo recognizes that a 140 pound panther does present a certain level of threat, but to a fat guy in a tree, with a high-powered rifle?  That's right sports fans, our good ole boy Rufus didn't know what it was, so the only thing to do was to kill it. 

Frodo is hopeful that Rufus is not in anyway involved in the current unrest in the discourse about Health Insurance Reform.  We can't be sure however, since what wildlife law enforcers have refused to do is identify Rufus, much less charge him with any crime whatsoever.  To, Frodo, it is worth noting that it wasn't all that long ago that no charges would've been filed against someone like Rufus who might've shot at a black man, who probably weighed more than 140 pounds, and could probably climb a tree.

The victims get equal justice in Georgia, despite the written word in the book of laws.    


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:00 PM EDT
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Thursday, August 6, 2009
Kicks Just Keep Getting Harder To Find
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "Mooosic" (5)

Frodo thinks a lot about music, and how much it means to the world around him.  Although he would never be caught dead walking around with some sort of personal music machine, he does have his places and his times where music fills the air.  Driving in his motorcar, when a Scott Shannon broadcast has faded from clarity, provides him with an opportunity to catch up on CD's composed by friends and artists alike.  

Sam's dear friend Allen, a taxidriver in Edinborough, whose dream is to someday sing with Kenny Rogers, sends compilations of concerts recorded in castles strong.  Somehow, Frodo never thought about the Scots-Irish heritage in reverse, and how much it seems to move those tough guys whose ancestors had no love for anything like a British Invasion.  

Patsy and Joe were friends at the College of the Shire whose entire romance flourished as they danced to the music, and now they compile an annual masterpiece which is valued throughout the known world.  For more than twenty-five years they send precious friends a CD with songs not presented to the general public within the scope of aging memory.  Every tune is as fresh as if it were dripping from the lips of Otis, and his band, who made John Belushi scream "Toga, Toga."

There are, of course, theme productions, and single artist compilations, usually purchased at deep discount, which rarely age well.  It matters not to Frodo, for even Buck Owens can stir a TV memory with friends, playing karaoke and drinking beer, at the top of their lungs, before jungles and yellow men took them away, forever.  Disco music can be dangerous while driving, but the aging John Travolta sparks great amusement from those who peer in the window labeled "Obama-Biden" and see the white boy grin back.

If Frodo were a Congressperson, planning to spend the next several days speaking to his constituents about Health Care Reform, he thinks he would bring a sound system with him.  It is an adage that music soothes the savage beast; even, he imagines, cows and turkeys.

 

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:07 PM EDT
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Wednesday, August 5, 2009
My Love Is Like a Story Book Story
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: " Putin' Out" (5)

Frodo was deeply engrossed in the news of the day, and almost missed an apparent off-hand comment from the former Governor of Alaska.  Sarah Palin announced that there was no truth to the rumor that she and Todd were contemplating divorce.  Now Frodo is no authority on matters of this nature, but he learned a long time ago that a denial by a politician of something contemplated by absolutely no one generally precedes an event of some magnitude.  As he raised his eyes toward the black-and-white, the picture was changing to images of the masculine symbol of mighty Mother Russia.  It was another series of shots of Putin, bare-chested again, and his tensed "pecs", on horseback, and on display.

How could Frodo have missed the signs?

Sarah said that Putin was flying over all of the time, and that she was watching from her front porch.  Now, here he is, for the second time, in something like GQ, strutting his stuff.

Does the Appalachian Trail run from South Carolina through Alaska to Siberia?

Sarah resigns her position as Groovenator of Alaska, closing out her responsibilities with a rambling love poem that could be best scored with the music from a balalaika (and the irrepressible William Shatner doing his best Rod McKuen imitation).  She then fails to show up for her scheduled appearance to honor Ronald Reagan (which is not much different from the Pope missing Easter Sunday entirely). 

Hey, isn't that the same guy ticketed on the next Alaskan Airlines plane that sat up all night outside John Edwards' hotel room for the National Enquirer?

Inquiring minds want to know (wink) (wink). 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:14 PM EDT
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Tuesday, August 4, 2009
There in The Edge of Darkness Stands The Peace Train
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "Darth Dick" (5)

The following conversation was monitored by employees of the United States Department of Justice, authorized under the Patriot Act, and protected by the Memos of John Yoo.  Sergeant Frodo Baggins presiding.

"How ya been Dick?"

"Just fine.  Are you calling to tell me that you've changed your mind about Scooter?"

"No Dick."

(click)

(redial)  "Listen to me just a minute will ya, I've got something that'll really catch your house on fire."

"Whose idea was it?"

"Mine."

(click)

(redial)  "Dadgum it, this'll give you a chance to go one up on Gore, Clinton, and Obama, all at the same time."

"Hmm.  I'm listening."

"I want you, the former Vice President, to go to North Korea as my, the former President, as my Special Emissary."

(click)

(redial)  "Lissen here, this is the one thing you can do to get your approval ratings back above mine."

"Are you drinking again?"

"Dick, I want to put you on one of them unmarked passenger jets, free of any pre-flight security checks, carrying your favorite thirty-aught-six, and to blast that little pecker to Hell when he walks up to greet you in Pyongyang."

"Let me get this straight.  You want me to kill Jong Dong Ill or whatever his name is right there on the tarmac?"

"That's right.  But here comes the best part, then one of the flyboys, who's been back there keepin' the engine runnin', unfurls my old 'Mission Accomplished' banner from the tail of the plane.  You waddle back on board and the plane taxis right out of North Korean airspace before anybody realizes what's happened."

"I am absolutely stunned."

"Oh, oh, I almost forgot, and on the plane will be the entire cast of 'Fox and Friends' who will broadcast live over the South China Sea, interviewing the Man who kept his country safe.  In fact, ole Glenn Beck hisself will be there to shed a tear as he salutes the end of another part of the 'Axis of Evil'."

"Why wouldn't you do this yourself?"

"Dang Dick, you know you're a better shot than me, and besides you'd have a hoot shootin' at something other than quail or drunken barristers."

"What do you think the (gasp) President would say or do once I landed back in the States?"

"Who said anything about returning to Obamaland?"

"Where would I go then?"

"Ole Brother Rick Perry and me've already arranged that, we'd bring you right here to Texas for the announcement of our Secession."

"Texas is going to secede?"

"You mean we haven't already?"

Transmission interrupted. 

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:37 PM EDT
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Saturday, August 1, 2009
I've Got Some Red Roses For a Blue Lady
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "A Touch of Class"(5)

Doorbell Ringing.

"Hello, who is it?"

"Candygram."

That is the way the skit would begin, Jane Curtin would then open the door to Chevy Chase in a shark suit while the theme music from "Jaws" played in the background.  Frodo smiled as he thought about the scene on the porch at the home of Ms. Lucia Whalen this past Friday.  He wondered if the delivery person realized the significance of the task at hand, or if it was simply one more stop to make before returning to hearth and home. 

Frodo believes that the dozen red roses, and a simple handwritten apology, wasn't something out of the ordinary for any florist.  The fact that it was sent from Dr. Henry Louis Gates, Jr. to the lady who called 911 while observing a forced entry into the house down the street made it a rather "special delivery."

It also gave Frodo solace, knowing that, despite all our differences, and our rants and our raves, some of us do indeed have class.  

What will Glenn Beck have to say? 

Probably?

How about, "Candygram."  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:16 PM EDT
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Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Sky Rockets in Flight, Afternoon Delight
Mood:  lazy
Topic: "Augustus Agonistes" (5)

The day after Labor Day still stands there, for Frodo, as the end of green grass memory.  School began, and barefoot sprints were replaced by organized races on asphalt until Mrs. West, or Mrs. Kettler, or Mrs. Sibert, or Mrs. Armstrong demanded that Frodo open a book to Chapter 4.  For days to come, his eyes would drift beyond the open windows ushering some semblance of respiration to he who sat behind the foul-smelling Jimmy Dailey.  It was far too early to give up the ghost of summer, and make practical use of the confined exercises of mathematics and earth science.  It remains a mystery to Frodo how the month of August has since disappeared from the calendar, and brought those who follow the Hobbit into a classroom a full month early.

"Spring Break" now appears in elementary schools, and it signals the commencement of a family trip to the beach.  Such trips were unknown to he who saw no ocean until the day after his Senior Prom.  Schools were closed on Good Friday and Easter Monday, but this long weekend was usually devoted to church and family picnics, accompanied by major league baseball on the radio.  The fortunate few gathered on vacant red dirt diamonds in the schoolyard and played with five or six on a team, until the absence of light demanded that they seek shelter.  Far better days they were than sunburns on the Gulf Coast.

Some time ago, Frodo did some whitewater rafting on the Chatuge (remember "Deliverance'?), in August, and his band of adventurers were few in number for this very popular activity in the Appalachian region.  Frodo was informed by his guide, that the fact that "the schoolyear" now includes August has drastically affected the prosperity of those who plan and lead such activity.  Ever since that day, Frodo has thought about how, if not why, Middle Earth has felt it necessary to consume August, and to make it just another February.  Frodo knows well that an additional month of staring out those windows would have turned him to a life of crime.

Labor Day is still a month away, yet Frodo thinks about the passage of another summer when he finds himself sedentary and indoors.  Soon the buses will be aligned in the School of the Shire, and innumerable "no-neck monsters" (see Tennessee Williams) will be driven into corrals and imprisoned pending slaughter.  It will be as if summer never existed, and that August was merely an invention of fantasy in the mind of one small Hobbit.    


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:30 PM EDT
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Saturday, July 25, 2009
Raspberries, Strawberries, The Good Wines We Brew
Mood:  lucky
Topic: "Passion Flowers" (5)

Frodo has always noticed Passion Flowers.  The wildflower, supposedly named for a resemblance to "The Cross" (which Frodo finds to be specious, at best) grows on a vine throughout much of the Appalachian region.  Beside the purple and white flower itself, a green fruit, about the size of a lemon, appears and is said to be a taste treat for certain species of monkey (please note the paucity of wild monkey in the area, once again making Frodo question the veracity of the informants).  Ever since Frodo removed most of the (blech) yellow pine trees from the Shire, he has allowed the vines of the Passion Flower to flow rampantly over the mulch and the low-lying bushes and tree limbs.  He has done so, not only because of his fascination with the flowers but because of the balance in Nature that becomes so easily visible.

Frittalaria are a species of butterfly.  Smaller than a Monarch or an Admiral, they are predominantly a bright orange in color, with little spots of black on the top of their wingspread.  They flutter mightily, and are visible, in one sub-form or another, almost everywhere in Middle Earth, except for that part of Northern Mexico known as Texas (which is an alternative explanation for Frodo's kind feelings toward these visitors to his garden).  Standing atop his front porch, Frodo can see the first of the bouncing butterflies in the Gardens of the Shire, and begins to peer into the undergrowth for the beginning of the miracle.

Passion Flowers are not the only host for Frittalaria, but they must be the favorite.  Right now there begins an abundance of caterpillars, all orange and black with the ugliest looking spikes all over, crawling upon the vines, denuding the plant down to the stringiest of garden detritus.  Once the deforestation is complete, these ugly caterpillars attach themselves nearby, thus bringing the transformation to a crescendo.  For it was a generation of Frittalaria that spread the pollen of the Passion Flower while consuming the nectar, allowing a season of plants to flourish, and providing food for the caterpillars anext.

The story of the Frittalaria is something that Frodo pieced together from his own observations, and a follow-up self-study in a butterfly book purchased at a yard sale.  The soon-to-be explosion of orange in his front yard will draw the attention of even casual passersby.  In a way, Frodo supposes, he has done something to foster, rather than fool, Mother nature. 

Not a bad way to start a new day.   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:27 AM EDT
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