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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
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Citizens of Middle Earth
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Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Friday, August 28, 2009
Who Is The Coolest Guy, What Is, What Am?
Mood:  cool
Topic: "Mohair Sam" (5)

All of Middle Earth is looking back tonight, in hopes of moving forward in days to come.  Sad it is that some events are overshadowed when eras collide, and choices are made, that are much bigger than whatever channel one watches on the black-and-white.  Frodo planned, as a result, to walk away from his gallant Braves in order to listen to the impossible dream, then to take note, dear reader, of something you probably never knew, but now may never forget.

The Beach Boys, not unlike many performers, were constantly approached by total strangers who just happened to be aspiring songwriters, having composed, coincidentally, the next major chart-buster for the chroniclers of the little deuce coupe.  One of those actual approaching aspirants went on to ignominy, rather than songwriting, his name was Charles Manson.

For reasons such as the above, it is understandingly very difficult for performers to meet each other in a casual setting.  After many attempts, and a long period of time, 44 years ago this evening, the most influential artists in all the world met, for the first time, informally, in the Los Angeles suburb of Bel Air.

The young men from Liverpool ducked down so that their motorcar could pass safely through the throng of young ladies gathered outside the gates of the rented California mansion.  When the group entered the room where he was, they noticed the musical instruments scattered all about, and after greetings were shared they sat down and mutually wondered what would come next.  Elvis finally said to John, "Well, if all you're going to do is stare at me, I think I'll go to bed."

After George returned from a little smoke around the pool, Elvis picked up a guitar, perched upon a bar stool, and started to strum a song making its round of poular radio of the day.  Paul remarked, "Hey, he's one of my favorites."

"Mine too," said Elvis, and after randomly securing scattered instruments, the Beatles joined in a jam session commencing with a rendition of "Mohair Sam," recorded by Charlie Rich.

"Charlie Rich?  You mean the guy who sang 'The Most Beautiful Girl,' 'Behind Closed Doors,' and had that bizzaro hair-do," queried Frodo?

Elvis Presley and the Beatles, perhaps the greatest assemblage of performing artists in the Post-War World, gathered together in friendship for the first time 44 years ago this evening, and they played and sang a Charlie Rich song together.

If that don't beat all.

Just a damn good thing they didn't watch Hee-Haw.

"Well-who is the hippie that's happenin' all over our town?  Tearin' up chicks with the message that he lays down.  Who is the coolest guy, what is, what am?  That's fast-talkin'-slow walkin'-good lookin' Mohair Sam. . ."

(1975 performance available on YouTube)

   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:54 PM EDT
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Sunday, August 23, 2009
Lay Your Head Upon My Pillow
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Elizabeth I" (5)

In jest, if not in truth, Frodo and Sam have always responded to inquiries about Fiona's parentage as "she is a minature Chocolate Lab."  Satisfying some, but mystifying most, that the twenty-nine pound brown mound of reknown is of a breed that until that point in time was unknown, has given special interest to those who go beyond in order to learn her name.  Children, especially little girls, immediately relate to her as the Princess from Shreck ("the most beautiful girl in the world") and would be disappointed to find out that the name emanates from a PBS disc jockey.  Some things in childhood are best left unsaid.

Fiona is clearly Sam's dog, however adventure beckons with Frodo, and weekends, either at Lake Lovey or in the Shire, are spent in close proximity to the leader of the pack.  Two weekends ago, Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, rode in the back seat of Frodo's motorcar in order to explore the Appalachian stronghold sans the presence of Sam.  Unbeknownst to Frodo until his return to the Shire, Fiona picked up some sort of infection, or bite, and spent the next several days biting on her own butt.  The resulting loss of hair and discoloration gave Frodo and Sam great concern, but the trusty associates at the Shire Veterinary Clinic were prompt to respond with a planned course of treatment.

When Frodo returned from his labors that day at Mount Doom, he was greeted by Fiona wearing one of those Elizabethan-style plastic funnels around her neck.  Frodo's first words to Sam were "Error Will Robinson, Error," for he surely assumed that the very determined canine would make short work of this alien contraption.  All knowingly, he observed as she bumped into chairs, plants, Mr. Beau Neau McKitty, and almost everything in the planned trajectory of her travels about the Shire.  Surely, he felt, this monstrosity will be in pieces when Frodo awakened the next morning, or so he thought.

Just before retiring each evening, Frodo takes Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, outside for the last urinary dispatch before bed.  Usually, Fiona goes directly to the lowest-mounted of the bird feeders in the Gardens of the Shire, in order to check on alien life forms attempting felonious activity.  The result generally being that once alerted the mouse, or mice, who have broken into the "squirrel-proof" feeders, flee ahead of Fiona and her efforts at the restoration of justice.  This time, however, something unique happened when Fiona snapped at the targeted mouse, and found that the escaping miscreant was trapped within the geographic scope of the collar, and the snapping molars of Fiona, the Merciless.

Frodo was stunned to watch sweet, little Fiona swing the mouse violently about in her jaws, and then to spit the lifeless carcass at the feet of Frodo.   Frodo had never before gazed into the countenance of one so similar in attitude to Attila the Hun.

Before the week of collar-wearing treatment was concluded, the corpus delicti count had reached three, and a probable temporary depletion of the vermin population was evident to even the casual observer.  Fiona had exhibited absolutely no problems in adapting to her new coiffure.

The collar has now been removed, and life is returning to normal, along with the fur all around Fiona's butt.  Fiona lies by Frodo's feet as he types these lines (she has always enjoyed being in the room while Frodo "chases the mouse").  Her feet kick in dreams, her nose twitches, and she shakes her head to-and-fro.  

Scratch one mouse at Heaven's Door.   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:22 PM EDT
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Saturday, August 22, 2009
Heal The Sick, Raise The Dead
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "Obama's Generals"(5)

"President Obama Sir, we have a problem."

"A problem, you say?  I'm not sure we can limit our challenges to the singular Press Secretary Frodo."

"Sir, this guy Winfield Scott, as Commanding General of the Army, is a dinosaur.  There is no way we can meet the challenges of the latter-half of the 19th Century with him in charge of the Armed Forces."

"Well Frodo, if you'll recall, the cornerstone of my election campaign was the issue of change.  General Scott has served his country well, but I'm kind of leaning to this guy McClellan to replace him."

"McClellan?  Are you crazy?  That guy is the closest thing to Caesar's Cassius."

"He does have a 'lean and hungry' look, doesn't he?"

"Sir, he's a back-stabber, who uses words like 'bi-partisan' while he rips your heart out from behind."

"Well what about Ambrose Burnside?  He's a patrician, and those prominent 'sideburns' bring attention as soon as he enters a room."

"Yeah, but he is as dumb as a stump, and is probably better off working on a farm in Crawford, Texas."

"Where?"

"Never mind.  How about 'Fighting Joe' Hooker?  As they say, 'he takes no prisoners,' and he will quickly win the trust of the soldiers themselves."

"I just keep coming back to McClellan."

"Lord God Almighty, anybody but McClellan.  How about George Meade?" 

"I'm afraid we could hand him certain victory, and he'd stop to water his horse."

"Well, no arguments there.  You could try Henry Halleck."

"Halleck?  He could be in that job for three years before his secretary would recognize him."

"Ha, that's good.  You know, you could take a turn on the kids Sheridan or Sherman?"

"Well, you mentioned the problem there.  Neither one of them are barely prepared for anything beyond one Army, much less all of them.  I just wonder if McClellan isn't capable of growing into the job?"

"Sir, I'm telling you, that guy is a snake, and he will end up challenging you and your authority as leader of the free states."

"You know, maybe we need to get back once again to what we said we were going to do, and make a complete change."

"Sir, I'm telling you, doing nothing is not an alternative.  Winfield Scott can't handle it, and relying on somebody like McClellan to follow your orders would destroy all of your political capital with your supporters, and God knows we've lost almost all of them already.  In fact, some of the newspapers are reporting that you might not win re-election."

"I didn't take this job to stay in it the rest of my life."

"I know Sir, but my point is that people are questioning your ability to lead, particularly in this, the greatest potential crisis of confidence our young country has ever faced."

"Frodo, I know all of that.  I fully intend to live up to my committments, and one of those was to try and end the violence, the enmity that exists between North and South.  I may stumble a time or two, particularly with a General like McClellan, but, hopefully, the principles outlined by our fledgling democracy in our blessed Constitution and Declaration of Independence will temper the ill will that divides our nation."

"Sir, that's why I'm here."

"I, too, Mr. Frodo."

"Excuse me Sir, I have a problem to take up with General Scott before you meet with him."

"Oh, and what is that?"

"I'm not sure, it has something to do with one of our Generals who has been drinking on the job."

"Ha.  Sounds like he may be the only one with a shred of sense."   

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:23 PM EDT
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Tuesday, August 18, 2009
One Love, One Heart, Let's Get Together And Feel All Right
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: "Reimers' Rhymers"(5)

Frodo feels no sorrow noting the passing of one who lived a bit longer than 96 years.  He was struck however by his immediate recognition of the man's words, if not his name.  The retired actor and TV announcer, Ed Reimers, died at his daughter's home in Saratoga Springs, New York, on Sunday.  For 22 years, starting in 1957, Reimers was best remembered for his words on behalf of his employer, "You're in good hands with Allstate."

What tickled Frodo's fantasy however were the obituary-like references to his other assignments as the voice of something well-known during Frodo's Hobbithood.   It seems that Reimers also served as the announcer for the black-and white Western "Maverick" which made James Garner its star.  Frodo chuckled when reminded that Reimers also served as the announcer for the TV Game Show "Do You Trust Your Wife?"

Hmmm, "Maverick," "Do You Trust Your Wife?," and "You're in good hands with Allstate."  Sounds like the rudimentary construction of sentences in the South Carolina Governor's Mansion, doesn't it?  Or maybe once upon a time in Alaska?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:17 PM EDT
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Sunday, August 16, 2009
Make Believe You Love Me, One More Time For The Good Times
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Boromir & Galadriel"(5)

This will be, perhaps, for those familiar, the last mention of these protagonists in this epic.  Galadriel is no more, and not until she had passed was there a grandchild.  Boromir was never able to be alone, and the divorced pastor's wife became his new companion, too soon, for some.

The son of Boromir & Galadriel is a philsopher, and his contacts with those outside his sphere are few.  His concepts of sympathy and understanding fall prey to rational discourse on empiricism, and leave him in the loneliness that his father could never accept.  It is his choice, and a world in which he is happy.

The daughter was born to rolls of baby fat and "orangeish" red hair.  Frodo feared that she would be an ugly duckling for all her days, but she became the graceful swan with an angelic smile and an appreciation for Frodo's prose, even deeper than that of her mother.  The daughter grew in latest of years from antagonist to the best of friendships with the declining Galadriel.  Therein lies the tragedy of this tale, and the probable end thereto.

The divorcee contacted Boromir after the death of Galadriel, and less then three months later they met and discussed the pages in their respective lives, and how new chapters seemed blank.  Not too long thereafter Frodo learned that it was the intent of Boromir and the Divorcee to wed.  The daughter of Boromir and Galadriel was furious, and nothing that Boromir could say would assuage the pain.  The immediate response being that Boromir was forbidden to ever see the grandchild, named for the gentle Galadriel.  

Now, more than a year has passed, and last month Boromir and the divorcee were wed in another kingdom, far from the Shire.  A reception was held in a very nice establishment not far from the Shire for the newlyweds this past eve, and Frodo, led by an ephemeral Sam, grasped the hand of his friend and hugged him as two old warriors are prone to do.  Then he was introduced to the divorcee.

Frodo thought of his own mother.  She was not the "sex kitten" he had anticipated, she was actually almost dowdy, and she spent more time talking about her days at Yale Divinity, than she did in affairs of the heart.  Frodo, and Sam, in discussion after, both realized that there had been a dual human need for the sameness of relationship, as opposed to arousal, and that that had brought two people together, escaping loneliness and fearing a repeat of pubescent frustration.

Frodo remains frustrated and disappointed in the daughter of Boromir & Galadriel, for her failure to attend the reception, or to accept any reasoning discussion from any of the numerous guests who told Frodo of their sad experience in attempting to do so.  Her pain, her grief, is so great, that she cannot find forgiveness; she will not even try.

Many years ago, when Boromir had violated the trust to love and honor, it was Frodo, alone, who spoke not to his friend, but waited for him to come and to talk.  When that finally did happen, it cemented their bond as "brothers," and gave Galadriel great comfort in the support they shared with the Hobbits.  No others shared that trust from both Boromir & Galadriel.

Now, Frodo would like to approach the daughter of Boromir & Galadriel, and to shake her until her sense returned.  He must, however, do as he did before, and to wait until asked.  His silent prayer this day is that the day does come, and that Frodo can talk, without crying.  Some events in human terms go beyond the pale, but, Frodo supposes, that is why there is a heart located where there could just as easily be a second brain. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:57 PM EDT
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Thursday, August 13, 2009
It's Just a Matter of Time
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "September Twelfth"(5)

"Let's turn back," said Frodo, "to those thrilling days of yesteryear."

It will soon be eight years, and much has changed.  Not unlike many of us, Frodo has been reflecting upon the history of those days, and their impact on the day at hand.  The span of time between January 20th, 2001, and the Inaugural of George W. Bush as the 43rd President of the United States, to the events of the 11th day of September was just about a week short of eight months.  During that time, the President had spoken to the nation on televison, and had declared that an extension of federal funding for stem cell research would be prohibited.  Not unlike the major workings of the government itself, he also found time to vacation for the entire month of August.  Rumblings about Social Security Privatization, and tyrannical regimes in other parts of the world were in preparatory abeyance.  Tax rebates for the unwary, and tax cuts for the wealthy were in fact.

On the 12th day of September, with dust and debris all about, and shock on all our minds, questions were being raised.  It does not matter who was asking or who was answering, for the responses were identical. 

It was not his fault.

He had not been President long enough.

The prior Administration had been distracted and failed to dispose of the problem in its infancy.

The Intelligence apparatus failed.

The security of the nation had been weakened in the budget cutbacks initiated by his predecessor.

Too much freedom had been extended to the republic thereby threatening the safety of us all.

Yada, yada, yada.  Joe Scarborough, Karl Rove, Mary Matalin, Peter Jennings, Hillary Clinton, Donald Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Dennis Hastert, Rudy Guiliani, Tom Daschle, Kaye Bailey Hutchinson, Clarence Thomas, George Allen, Chuck Norris, and you, dear reader, and if not you, certainly someone in your family, utttered one, if not all of the reasons why it wasn't his fault.

After September 12th it became his mantra.

In just about a month, it will be eight years.  The Bush Administration is a fading memory, pleasing few.  The new President is being hoisted with his own mantra nearly a full month ahead of the grace period granted his predecessor.  At this point, in the midst of an opposition continuing the displeasure of election defeat, President Obama has had his nationality, his loyalty, and his integrity questioned by those who feel that he is responsible for all their perceived ills.  Few, if any, repeat the arguments spoken on behalf of his predecessor, although consideration thereto need be uttered.

The prior Administration had eight years to deal with a pending economic tsunami, but their intelligence apparatus failed.  The deregulation of the banking system alone made all of us vulnerable to machinations we couldn't even define.  A monetary deficit, unparalleled in scope, the product of wars of choice and unseemly tax cuts, hinders the necessary capital expenditures which any recession places on society.  The threat is just as grave as it was eight years ago, albeit in very different ways.

Frodo wonders why one guy didn't feel any blame at all on September 12th, and another guy is blamed for everything from swine flu to Mrs. O'Leary's cow?  If there were any fairness in life or politics, nobody would blame Barack Obama for anything that has happened or been initiated prior to September 12th, 2009.

What gives Frodo so much hope, and so much confidence, is the fact that, unlike his predecessor, Barack Obama has learned not to take it personally, and to accept criticism as input.  Not unlike the Corporate CEO demonized during this period of economic challenge, Obama knows that his direct involvement at a premature moment is the error of the unwary.  Wisdom guides him to amass the input into a democratic product, which he can then stand and present as something truly American.

Think Frodo is overly optimistic?  Listen to Rush Limbaugh (for five minutes, if you can breathe through your mouth that long), and hear him lament that which is bound to come.

Frodo would love to see that happen on September the 12th, when our nation finally casts its lonely eyes on Joe DiMaggio.  If it happens the next day, so be it.  Frodo doesn't want to have any more dates to memorize.  

 

  

 

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:21 PM EDT
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Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Your Voice As Warm As a Sweet Summer Breeze
Mood:  bright
Topic: "Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)

Frodo once heard an actor define the "Self-made man as a horrible example of unskilled labor," something he has never forgotten.  Bill Gates, who never finished his degree program at Harvard, and went on to become, for a time being anyway, the "richest man in the world," is an example of a self-made man who seemingly defied the definition.  Gates, who founded MICROSOFT, just happened to have a technical disposition as well as a working knowledge of circuits and causal relationships which made the rigors of academia just a bit excessive.  Other examples speak for themselves.

Rush Limbaugh dropped out of Southeast Missouri State University. 

Sean Hannity dropped out of Adelphi University, and, for good measure, NYU.

Glenn Beck, after graduation from high school, started to work in radio stations (thereby negating the efficacy of even attempting to matriculate).

Bill O'Reilly graduated from Marist College, received a Master's (Broadcast Journalism) from Boston University, and a Master's in Public Administration from Harvard. 

Considering the public record, Frodo concludes that enrolling at Harvard is not a bad thing, but graduation is to be avoided.   By the same token, marginal high-school or college students who join the Radio Club should be encouraged to enlist in the military.  A mouth, it seems, without discipline or enlightenment, is nothing more than a terrible vessel of waste.         

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:28 PM EDT
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Monday, August 10, 2009
Close That Door Richard, I Just Seen The Thing
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Here Kitty-kitty"(5)

Troup County surrounds West Point Lake, and is only about an hour south of the Atlanta airport on the Alabama State line.  This past November 16th, an unidentified deer hunter, herein referred to as "Rufus" for the sake of simplicity, was sitting in a "tree stand" waiting for Bambi's Dad to wander into his sights.  A "tree stand," for the uniniated, is a chair, with a safety belt, which these bulbous athletes use to rest their tired feet, and to camouflage as much of their torso as possible.  In this case, Rufus was about to be confronted with the only thing that fell outside his realm of preparation, i.e. a decision.

"Puma concolor" properly identifies a subspecies of the American Mountain Lion known as the "Florida Panther."  There are fewer than 120 of these creatures still alive on our small, blue planet, predominantly because of the ancestors of the intrepid Rufus.  What Rufus saw beneath him that day proved to be a 140 pound, four-year-old male, who had wandered over 650 miles from the last remaining territorial expanse of these endangered creatures, presumably in search of his own home.  We know all of these facts because of the autopsy performed on the panther by veterinarians at the Southeastern Cooperative Wildlife Disease Study at the University of Georgia.

Frodo recognizes that a 140 pound panther does present a certain level of threat, but to a fat guy in a tree, with a high-powered rifle?  That's right sports fans, our good ole boy Rufus didn't know what it was, so the only thing to do was to kill it. 

Frodo is hopeful that Rufus is not in anyway involved in the current unrest in the discourse about Health Insurance Reform.  We can't be sure however, since what wildlife law enforcers have refused to do is identify Rufus, much less charge him with any crime whatsoever.  To, Frodo, it is worth noting that it wasn't all that long ago that no charges would've been filed against someone like Rufus who might've shot at a black man, who probably weighed more than 140 pounds, and could probably climb a tree.

The victims get equal justice in Georgia, despite the written word in the book of laws.    


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:00 PM EDT
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Thursday, August 6, 2009
Kicks Just Keep Getting Harder To Find
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "Mooosic" (5)

Frodo thinks a lot about music, and how much it means to the world around him.  Although he would never be caught dead walking around with some sort of personal music machine, he does have his places and his times where music fills the air.  Driving in his motorcar, when a Scott Shannon broadcast has faded from clarity, provides him with an opportunity to catch up on CD's composed by friends and artists alike.  

Sam's dear friend Allen, a taxidriver in Edinborough, whose dream is to someday sing with Kenny Rogers, sends compilations of concerts recorded in castles strong.  Somehow, Frodo never thought about the Scots-Irish heritage in reverse, and how much it seems to move those tough guys whose ancestors had no love for anything like a British Invasion.  

Patsy and Joe were friends at the College of the Shire whose entire romance flourished as they danced to the music, and now they compile an annual masterpiece which is valued throughout the known world.  For more than twenty-five years they send precious friends a CD with songs not presented to the general public within the scope of aging memory.  Every tune is as fresh as if it were dripping from the lips of Otis, and his band, who made John Belushi scream "Toga, Toga."

There are, of course, theme productions, and single artist compilations, usually purchased at deep discount, which rarely age well.  It matters not to Frodo, for even Buck Owens can stir a TV memory with friends, playing karaoke and drinking beer, at the top of their lungs, before jungles and yellow men took them away, forever.  Disco music can be dangerous while driving, but the aging John Travolta sparks great amusement from those who peer in the window labeled "Obama-Biden" and see the white boy grin back.

If Frodo were a Congressperson, planning to spend the next several days speaking to his constituents about Health Care Reform, he thinks he would bring a sound system with him.  It is an adage that music soothes the savage beast; even, he imagines, cows and turkeys.

 

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:07 PM EDT
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Wednesday, August 5, 2009
My Love Is Like a Story Book Story
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: " Putin' Out" (5)

Frodo was deeply engrossed in the news of the day, and almost missed an apparent off-hand comment from the former Governor of Alaska.  Sarah Palin announced that there was no truth to the rumor that she and Todd were contemplating divorce.  Now Frodo is no authority on matters of this nature, but he learned a long time ago that a denial by a politician of something contemplated by absolutely no one generally precedes an event of some magnitude.  As he raised his eyes toward the black-and-white, the picture was changing to images of the masculine symbol of mighty Mother Russia.  It was another series of shots of Putin, bare-chested again, and his tensed "pecs", on horseback, and on display.

How could Frodo have missed the signs?

Sarah said that Putin was flying over all of the time, and that she was watching from her front porch.  Now, here he is, for the second time, in something like GQ, strutting his stuff.

Does the Appalachian Trail run from South Carolina through Alaska to Siberia?

Sarah resigns her position as Groovenator of Alaska, closing out her responsibilities with a rambling love poem that could be best scored with the music from a balalaika (and the irrepressible William Shatner doing his best Rod McKuen imitation).  She then fails to show up for her scheduled appearance to honor Ronald Reagan (which is not much different from the Pope missing Easter Sunday entirely). 

Hey, isn't that the same guy ticketed on the next Alaskan Airlines plane that sat up all night outside John Edwards' hotel room for the National Enquirer?

Inquiring minds want to know (wink) (wink). 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:14 PM EDT
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