Mood:  caffeinated

Frodo enjoys an injection of humor into serious issues and events.  Rare it is that the Hobbit retreats to the totally theoretical in order to postulate, especially when there is little of scientific fact to support his assertions.  It is far too easy to portray oneself as analtically omnipotent or insightful, and since, in this instance particularly, Frodo is pulling his thoughts out of his own instinctive butt, it deserves a prologue such as this.

"It is not about Russia."

Taken entirely out of context from the repetitive recitations of President Obama on wall-to-wall projections from the black-and-white world of television journalism this day, these words say a great deal about the extremely effective state of strategic foreign policy thought in America today.  Frodo believes that the decision by the Obama Administration to re-structure the missile defense system proposed by previous purveyors of American Foreign Policy is a creative step toward a more peaceful world.  No longer will civilized nation-states draw "lines in the sand" in each others' faces, rather they create a joint capacity to deter the uncivilized non-nation-states of the world from future acts of barbarism. 

In effect, argues Frodo, the Russians, the Americans, and all of the NATO allies are now capable of defending Israel against the potential nuclear threat of Iran.  Note that the Russians labeled Ahmadinejad's latest denial of the Holocaust as words which deny fact.  At the same time, the flexibility of mobile defense systems means that civilized peoples can act in tandem to prevent acts of terror against any one of them.  No longer does the United States stand as the "world's policeman."  It is as if we have melded defensive capabilities in order to make it clear to the Vandals, the Visigoths, and the Huns that we will act WITH the Russians, and they will act with us, in order to prosper civilization on our, jointly-owned, small blue planet.  

There is no need for a line of missiles in Poland or the Czech Republic, pointed toward Russia, to stand and gather dust for the next millenium.  There is however, a very great need for religious zealots to take note of their potentially imminent transit to Valhalla, the Land of 97 Virgins, or whatever they call the next world, which can be dispatched from any of the allied civilized societies.

Frodo believes that this is the product of good and wise men and women, who have seen War, and are doing their best to prevent the next one.  On a day when the questions were about other aspects of public and foreign policy, it is, in Frodo's mind, important to take note of the fact that the joint threat has produced joint responsibility and cooperation.  

Perhaps it is Frodo's wishful thinking, but this night, in this place, he truly believes that great steps have been taken to bring the white dove home, and to let her sleep, peacefully, in the sand. 

How is that for "hope" and "change"?   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:40 PM EDT

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Mood:  hungry

Cracker Barrel is a restaurant chain headquartered in Lebanon, Tennessee.  Those who travel the Interstate Highway System anywhere in the American South certainly have seen their billboards, and nearly all of us have stopped, at least once, in order to empty a bladder and re-charge the colon.  The fare is something fried, two or three vegetables, corn bread, and all the sweet tea imaginable.  Frodo is a particular fan of the fried okra, while Sam surreptitiously fills a "doggie bag" with every extra piece of corn bread.  The prices attracts the local genre as well as the wayward.

The parent company got into a good bit of trouble some years ago when it became public knowledge that not only did they refuse to hire individuals they suspected to have homosexual tendencies, but they were doing their darned best to avoid even serving those with that inclination.  The situation was resolved because the American Civil Liberties Union became a grouping of words that do not emanate from  certain mouths in Lebanon, Tennessee, without a blasphemy that relates to traditional sex attached.  Frodo mentions all of this because of an incident that occurred this past week outside the Cracker Barrel located in Morrow, Georgia, which is about 50 miles, and 100 years, from the Shire.

Based on eyewitness description, and the not-yet-available-to-be-publicly-viewed surveillance videotape, Mr. Troy Dale West, Jr., bumped a military reservist, Tashawnea Hill, and her 7 year-old daughter, while opening the door to the restaurant.   When Ms. Hill objected, without further provocation, the considerably larger Mr. West commenced to beat the mortal hell out of her, in front of her child.  Ms. West, more than a week later, complains of headaches.  Police have charged Mr. West, who happens to be white, with assault on Ms. Hill, who happens to be black, and additionally cited him for racial insults while the beating was taking place.  The FBI is investigating the incident as a hate crime.

Interestingly enough, the parent company of Cracker Barrel, after issuing a strongly-worded statement deploring the attack, and prior to any adjudication, decided to act on its own.  The company announced that they were banning Mr. West from entering any of their restaurants for the rest of his life.

Imagine that!  Looking at a picture of Mr. West, Frodo found himself wondering exactly how this ban would be enforced?  Mr. West facially resembles at least 50% of the attendees at the "9-12 Protest" conducted by Fox News.  Frodo is convinced that he has seen Mr. West in the stands of every University of Tennessee football game he has ever watched on television.  In addition, Frodo believes him to be the crew chief of the racing motorcar driven by Dale Jarrett.  Perhaps the Management of Cracker Barrel will start issuing ID Cards. 

Considering the facts, Frodo found himself of two minds.  Firstly, he could imagine the American Civil Liberties Union now entering the fray on behalf of Mr. West, charging that taking this action prior to the completion of the judicial process might be just a bit premature considering how one might interpret the Fourteenth Amendment, for example.  On the other hand, Frodo sees considerable merit to the precedent established by the good folks at Cracker Barrel, and has decided to implement a similar policy applicable to potential visitors to the Shire.

The following individuals are hereby banned from entry to that geography defined as the Shire;  George W. Bush, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Newt Gingrich, Joe Wilson, Kim Jong Il, Lisa (the Howler Monkey), Glenn Beck, Roger Ailes, Tony Romo, Paris Hilton, Dick Cheney, Joe Scarborough, Sarah Palin, Michael Vick, Osama-bin Ladn, Ralph Reed, Michelle Bachmann, Charles Krauthammer, Bill Kristol, and Bernie Madoff for starters.

Management reserves the right to refuse service to anyone.     

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:05 AM EDT

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Mood:  blue

Patrick Swayze, Henry Gibson, and now, Mary Travers.

Frodo will be neither funny nor loquacious.  Mary Travers was a very special gift to the Fellowship of the Ring, and no one stood taller, or straighter, in the face of Sauron.  Her companions were Disciples in name only, but together the three of them propelled the Hobbit to flights of fancy on the backs of dragons, above ribbons of highway, answering only to the blowing winds.  Her hammer was a formidable weapon for freedom, love, and justice. 

The voice may tonight be stilled, and the long blonde hair may never again bounce to the music, but the songs remain.  They are a part of us.  Damn, were we lucky.

This gray night it happened, and Frodo sadly slips into his cave. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:24 PM EDT

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Mood:  suave

It was probably a rainy Sunday, and Frodo settled down to watch something mindless on his black-and-white.  The movie had something to do with a country nightclub with an extremely violent clientele, and the "bouncer" who was hired to maintain order.  Frodo has been in a few bars in his time, and has never been particularly supportive of the role played by the bouncer, so it was his predisposition to root for the bad guys.  Frodo grew increasingly uninterested as sophomoric violence spread like oleomargarine over the characters, that is until the potential for a little hero-heroine peekaboo lovemaking caused him to shift positions in his Lazy Boy.

The heroine peered through a window, looking to the shoreline of an idyllic lake, taking note of the hero, in the gleaming of the Morning Sun.  Clad for dance, he turned his head in the same direction as his thrusting arm. then he spun and danced in the opposite direction, and threw his trailing leg into a high kick landing on the toes of both feet.  He paused.  He whistled both arms in a rhythmic flurry of circles, then stretched to his full height, and held the pose, arms aloft, as if he were Nureyev, waiting for Fonteyn to enter upon the stage.  Then he moved both hands toward his torso, as if he were holding something, round, in both hands.  There he stood, for five minutes or longer, as if he had a great prize between his empty hands.

With a leap and a kick in finale, he ended his exercise, turned to the window, and smiled to his assumingly unseen audience of one.

In the early mornings at Lake Lovey, Frodo will leash Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, and walk them out across the earthen dam.  Once an acceptable location is reached, he unleashes his friends and lets them wander about until they individually settle in the underbrush and perform their duty.  While they sniff and explore the fresh scents of morning, Frodo lifts his arms high above his head stretching toward the Sun, until his wrists touch, then he spins and kicks, landing on the other leg.  He holds the pose and slowly balances, like a crane, with one leg level with the Earth, and both arms aloft as if he were about to fly.  He steps back onto both legs, then reverses the pose just completed upon the other leg, again as if were about to soar above valleys far below.  To finish, he takes hold of an invisible balloon, and holds it against his torso, tightly enough to avoid escape, but not tight enough to burst.  When five minutes pass, he leaps and spins his hips in the air, landing softly a full half-turn, facing the mildly interested canines.

The little old ladies who walk around Lake Lovey in the early mornings don't know what to make of the Hobbit doing something called Tai Chi'.  Frodo is convinced that they time their walks in order to see if today will be the morning when he breaks his neck.   For Frodo, as he leashes up his associates and heads for home, he remains grateful for the artistic inspiration  of "Roadhouse," and its hero, Patrick Swayze.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:43 PM EDT

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Scott Shannon frequently accompanies Frodo while jaunting about the Shire in his motorcar.  Not only is the music wonderful, but Shannon has been everywhere, and done everything, and when it comes to telling stories about the artists and the art, there is none better.  Every storyteller however, is subject to the sometimes witty reposit of a faithful companion, and what follows is akin to Tonto responding to the Lone Ranger's lament that being surrounded by hostile Indians may bring their eventual demise ("What you mean 'we', kemo sabe?").

Shannon recounted a recent bank robbery in California, and subsequent questioning of witnesses by the local gendarmerie, which yielded an unheard of consistency in description.  Nearly all of the witnesses to the hold-up remarked upon the striking beauty of the robber, but none could seem to give any detailed physical description.  Eventually, said Shannon, one of the police officers commenced to query a rather effeminate gentleman who had witnessed the evil-doer from across the street as she made her hasty getaway.

The witness disclosed that the tall and leggy African-American bandit wore a tight fitting pink gown, with pearls, and an off-white kerchief about the throat.  The shoes were white and open-toed.  A matching broad-brimmed hat with a red ribbon about the base, upon which the felon maintained its placement with her left hand while holding a derringer, pointed at a bank teller furiously stuffing bills into a shopping bag from Saks Fifth Avenue.

Shannon paused, for a fatal moment, before adding the punch line to the story, and it gave his broadcasting sidekick the opportunity to add in a rhetorical huff, "White, after Labor Day?"

When the entire radio network regained control, Shannon sheepishly explained that the witness also indicated that the robber was actually a man.  Then again, what would one expect?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:17 PM EDT

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Mood:  irritated

"Good morning, our guest for the first half-hour of BEAT THE PRESS is Representative Joe Wilson (R-SC), and he will receive questions from Frodo Baggins of the Shire News Service."

"Thank you David, I'd also like to thank all the members of the Academy and. . .oh, excuse me, wrong set of note cards. Er, Mr. Wilson, have you considered apologizing to the President of the United States on the floor of the House of Representatives for your intemperate remarks last Thursday during the President's speech to the Joint Houses of Congress?"

"Suh, Ah think my apology to the President which ah made immediately after my emotional comments is adequate."

"Well, Sir, a number of elected officials, both Republican and Democratic, have expressed their disgust at your apparent lack of respect for the Office of the President, and have stated publicly that since your racist comments were uttered on the House Floor, it would therefore be appropriate for a formal apology to emanate from the same location."

"I verruh much object to your use of the word 'racist,' since there was nothing said which could anyway be construed as 'racist'."

"Sir, in the entire history of our country, no member of Congress has previously uttered comments of this nature against a sitting US President in public.  Given the fact that President Obama is the first President with a definable African-American ancestry. . ."

"Boy, you need to be careful with where you're goin' here.  I want yew ta know that some of my best friends are Nigras.  We love our Nigras here in South Catrolina.  Our Nigras are the happiest Nigras in the whole world.  In fact, my Mammy had me raised by a Nigra lady right over there in McClellanville."

"Your mother was African-American?"

"Now see, there ya go again.  Talkin' like yew ackshally know what people means.  My "Mammy" was an ole Nigra lady that wet-nursed me while my Mother was workin' three jobs in order to help send me to college."

"Congressman, can we get back to my origiinal question?"

"Wassa matter boy, can't you heer good?  Ah already said that my apology was apparently adequate, and we need to move forward, and not waste time lookin' back."

"Mr. Wilson, you've apparently received more than $1 Million in political contributions since the incident.  Don't you feel that the motivation for these contributions is likely to be 'racist', and secondly, can you tell us if the bulk of these contributions are from in-or-out-of the State of South Carolina?"

"Boy, if that isn't proof of how you people from inside the Beltway are out-of-step. . ."

"Uh, Congressman, I am from the Shire, and this is the first time I have been in Washington in over three years."

"Yes, well, as ah was sayin', those contributions are pennies, nickels, and quarters, saved up by hard-workin' South Carolinians who could've given that money to their churches, but saw a need to 'Stand up for America', and to help protect the best healthcare system in the world."

"Congressman Wilson, what will you do if the entire House votes to censure you for your remarks, and if you are directed to apologize, appropriately?"

"Well, jes let Ms. Nancy Puloosey try.  Looka here boy, donchew know that Fort Sumter still sirs out there in the middle of Charleston Harbor, and that if it means that the fight for right has to start again, in South Carolina, then so be it."

"Sir?"

"Boy, I knows that Jorjuh, and Alabamya, Texish, and Eyediho will follow our lead, and we'll hang that Nigra from a sour apple tree."

"You mean. . .?"

"States Rights Boy,  Don't have nuthin' to do with the President bein' a Nigra, it has to do with States Rights."

"Excuse me."

"Where ya goin' boy, was the truth too much fer ya?"

"I'm going to go to the very first military enlistment office I can find.  Our country needs me."

"Hee hee, well, we'll whip your asses fer good, this time."

"Well thank you everyone for a very spirited discussion.  That's all we have time for now on BEAT THE PRESS, but stay tuned for our next segment, with former the Prime Minister of Great Britain, Tony "the poodle" Blair, discussing his new book "George & Me and a Dog named Blue."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:05 PM EDT

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Mood:  quizzical

"Sometimes I sits and watches.  Sometimes I just sits."--author unknown. 

Many years ago, Frodo was in one of those elongated sessions whose functional purpose was to develop the professional skills of the Hobbit.  Amid a tour of the administrative records available in Jefferson County, Alabama, Frodo happened upon the gentleman whose responsibility was the local penal system.  The gentleman happened to be the brother of the recently-dismissed Manager of the Atlanta Braves Baseball Team.  It was an interesting and star-crossed discussion between two baseball fans, which ended with an invitation to Frodo and his companions (none of whom were Members of the Ring) to tour the Birmingham Jail.  Given that training sessions lasting more than 55 minutes generally suck beyond all comprehension, the invitation was readily accepted.

Frodo had probably never seen so many black people compressed into one building in his entire life, before or since.  Depression and angst deepened in the Hobbit as he listened to the cheerful warbling of his new-found friend who exulted in the sparkling clean facility housing those whose actions mandated confinement.  Frodo had little to say, and dropped back to the further reaches of the touring group.

Eventually, the entire group was brought into a single large room, with a line of individual cells against the rear wall.  One of the empty cells was smaller than all the rest, and it was apparent that it was designed for a single occupant.  When all were gathered therein, Frodo, now being far-removed from the tour guide, was standing in front of the single-occupant cell.  The Tour Guide waited untill all was quiet, then proudly announced that Frodo was standing in front of the cell that had housed Martin Luther King.  He asked if anyone would like to share in that experience.

Frodo pulled the door opened, entered the cell, and sat down on the metallic floor.  Frodo recalls only the peeling paint, and the rust-colored undercoat.  The structure was cool to the touch.  The Tour Guide slammed the door shut, and everyone laughed.  Except Frodo.  Frodo closed his eyes and let his thoughts broadcast a feature film into his memory.  When the door was opened again, Frodo just sat there, etching a few moments into his soul. 

When the tour was completed, Frodo thanked his host, and walked out into the sunshine.

The Men of Gondor joined Frodo yesterday, a day that seemingly symbolizes quiet reflection, in a tour of the home into which Martin Luther King was borne.  Sitting on Auburn Avenue, the home cost King's father $3500 when it was purchased and the property yet remains owned by his survivors.  All of the nearby homes are owned by the US Park Service, have been restored to their historic grandeur, and are held as rental housing with the Park Service as landlord.  Those few blocks look, as much as possible, just like they did when young Martin was formative.

After lunching at nearby "Thelma's" on ribs and black-eyed peas, cornbread, and sweet tea, Frodo noted the omipresent panhandlers and homeless up and down Auburn Avenue.  Every corner, except those in the museum and restored areas, was crowded with black faces, gaunt and drawn.   Each seemed to have his (or her) own approach to a potential target like Frodo.  The object being to engage him in conversation, make eye contact, and then secure some "spare change."

Driving back to Mount Doom in his motorcar, Frodo thought only of how crowded that single jail cell in his memory now seems to have become.  There was no sunshine, just a gray sky, and a roadsign pointing to "75 North," toward home. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:18 AM EDT

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Mood:  accident prone

Frodo is not one for serials.  Readers, to paraphrase Forrest Gump, are never sure what they're going to get when they click on the appropriate links to the Hobbit.  Except this time.

The Hobbit is increasingly concerned about events in another part of the world, again.  This, perhaps because of clamor in the media about all sorts of domestic issues, is not receiving enough careful analysis by the inhabitants of Middle Earth.  Frodo believes that the "heavy lifting" on healthcare reform is done, and that what remains is implementation.  Not to discount the importance of the issue, but Frodo, as explained a bit below, thinks another worm from the flick "Tremors" is in pursuit of the protagonists of truth and justice.

Reports this morning of 90 more Afghan deaths, 40 of whom are civilians, by "coalition" efforts underscore Frodo's concern.  Frodo knows, dear reader, that you know that there are 58,000 (give or take) American troops in Afghanistan right now.  Frodo also knows that you know, dear reader, that there is a very distinct probability that these numbers will increase significantly in days to come.  What Frodo also believes however, dear reader, is that you didn't know that there are 72,000 American mercenaries, also, in Afghanistan, at this very moment.  These are "employees" of firms with familiar sounding names, e.g. Halliburton, Blackwater, et al.

Anticipating your mental questioning, know that these "employees" are not subject to the terms of the Geneva Convention.  What's more, there is no distinct definition as to their duties and responsibilities.  That means that they can use deadly force if there is a perception of threat to life or property, and that their conduct is often intermingled, in the minds of the Afghani civilian population, with that of the regular Armed Forces.  The "employee" of Blackwater who sprays a truck with an automatic weapon is not viewed as an "employee," he is viewed as an American.  Perhaps it is better to refer to him as an "Ugly American." 

The reference above to a great narrative that is now more than forty years old is intentional.  The fact that there are more "employees" in Afghanistan than there are American soldiers should make everyone stop and ask the questions that are now running through your head, dear reader. 

Frodo is a believer in the fact that War should be expensive.  War should drain national wealth, it should cost many lives, it should produce immeasurable suffering.  For Frodo believes that the only way that History has shown the successful prevention of War is by the exposure of its terrible potential result.  It is a bad idea to seek to make War cost-effective by, for example, out-sourcing the responsibility for War to an "employee."  There is no room for "the best and the brightest" graduates of MBA School in the decision-making process leading to War.

We've been there, done that.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:28 AM EDT

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Mood:  loud

Alexander the Great conquered the known world by the time he was 33 years of age.  Scrounging for a little perspective, Frodo noted that his forward progress was halted by the nickel defense utilized by the Camels of Afghanistan.

Crucified between his 33rd and 34th years, Jesus of Nazareth and his Band of Reknown arranged concerts and sent thank-you notes to their fans in Ephesus, Rome, and other campuses throughout the world as they knew it.  There is no record of any performance in Kabul.

Frodo read the James Michener book "Caravans" several years ago, and has subsequently paid homage to the writer who describes exactly how it has come to be that certain locations on our small, blue planet are so truly desolate.  It should be noted that he also wrote "Texas," which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that he therefore was not required to write a book entitled "Hell."  This book was enough to convince Frodo that the Khyber Pass would not be included in his popularly-defined "bucket list."

What this little discussion does reflect is Frodo's increasing concern over the presence of Hobbits, Riders of Rohan, Dwarves, and Men of Gondor in a place that even Jesus didn't think was worth any of his 33 years.  Frodo is even more concerned that the greatest military leader of almost any age had his butt kicked by guys who looked much then as they do today.  The difference being that now they have RPG's and IED's (Frodo hopes that he has not confused his acronyms and erroneously described something inter-uterine).

It is easy to accept that the pursuit of mindless Orcs is a challenge which remains from the mishandling of the Incomparable Moron and his Puppeteer from Transylvania.  There is however, little evidence that the dissenters from the Koran remain in Afghanistan.  Those getting killed do include an awful lot of people who haven't done anything to anybody.  So what in the blazes are we doing there?  Why does Frodo spend time scanning the obtuaries to see if some kid he knows has just been blown to pieces?

If Frodo is wrong, then he errs on the side of the good guys.  He'd prefer not to see his healthcare dollars consumed by the Veterans Administration. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:18 PM EDT

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Mood:  down

Iva Ikuko Toguri developed an existing American import business, which continues some 61 years after she last went on trial for treason.  "Tokyo Rose" was the moniker given to the voices that drifted across lines of battle separating the "Greatest Generation" from the homeland they defended.  History has proven that there was no single voice dubbed "Tokyo Rose," in fact, the title itself was created by the soldiers who were subject to the broadcasts from behind enemy lines.  After the War, Toguri admitted to being "Tokyo Rose" in order to receive food and consumer products from reporters and military investigators (perhaps adding credence to the fact that one will admit to almost anything if enough pressure is applied).

Frodo has long contemplated the impact of radio on the psyche of those who spent countless hours listening to it.  Frodo has commented often on his long trips by motorcar, in the dead of night, listening to "John R" and "Jerry" .  It was the music that drew Frodo, but it was the romance of faraway places with strange sounding names that kept him tuned in.  Similarly, it was 78 RPM records in English played to lonesome boys in trenches halfway around the world that made an audience for "Tokyo Rose."  Today however, there is no music at all.

Frodo commits about 10 minutes a week to the airings of Rush Limbaugh.  Over the past couple of years, Frodo has come to believe that a goodly number of the call-ins to Limbaugh come either from those at work who travel by car and use their cellphone, or are "shut-in" for any number of reasons.  The universe that responds to the verbal diatribe have rejected the call of music during mid-day, and instead seek to voice the frustrations which accompany daylight hours.  Frodo does not seek to carry this theory to all of "talk radio," only to the Limbaugh audience to which he has paid attention.

Frustration is a breeding ground for outrageous behavior.  A simple germ of veracity, wrapped in the preposterous, is the formula used by Limbaugh to extend his influence.  Although he plays no music, he offers the entertainment that comes with the self-righteousness to which all are susceptible.  Who among us, dear reader, doesn't occasionally feel "put upon" by elements of our world, beyond our control?  This, argues Frodo, is not a great deal of different from the Hobbit dreaming of kisses in the dark or a soldier boy who wanted to go home and make babies.  It is "those guys" who make it difficult for us in radioland, and Rush Limbaugh keeps reminding people that they lost a sale, or have arthritis, and he alone understands their pain.

Tokyo Rush.  Call a spade a spade.  Pass it on.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:48 AM EDT

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