Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Hello Darkness My Old Friend
Mood:

not sure
Topic: "Good Friday, Maybe"(11)

Frodo felt positively vindicated a few days ago. A masterful stroke by Aragorn enveloped the hypocrisy of those who oppose him. The black gate laid asunder before all the peoples of Middle Earth, save the Grey Company. Sanctions were successful and there was no longer a need for weapons of mass destruction. Frodo could not take pleasure in the politic, he was grateful that peace was at hand.

Then, in a short biography somewhere between Section C and the Obituaries, he saw the name of Eddie LeBaron. A Hobbit to be sure, the one-time quarterback of the Washington Redskins, and Frodo's earliest favorite player. He was backed up by Ralph Gugliemi and Eagle Day, successors to the title of Slingin' Sammy. The Redskins truly stunk. They were the last team to have a black player. They were coached by men who had no talent for the game, and they were housed in a stadium that was not safe for pedestrian traffic. Only the golden arm of the shortest quarterback in the league produced any points at all for the team with the best fight song in all the land.

Eddie LeBaron is dead. He lies now on the altar before Touchdown Jesus. Frodo stands alone, not nearly as tall as the quarterback who taught him that the game is what matters. Hail to the Redskins, and thank you Eddie, for all those passes that eluded Dickie James and Billy Barnes.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:45 PM EDT

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Friday, February 20, 2015

It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To
Mood:

bright
Topic: "Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)

Frodo hates cold weather. In that regard he differed little from the entire North Carolina Legislature who chose not to attend the legislative session this past Wednesday due to inclement conditions. That is with the exception of Jeff Jackson (D) who was greeted at the front door by security personnel who informed him that he was the only member to show up. Admittedly, Frodo might have turned around and gone home had he been in Rep. Jackson's place.

Rep. Jackson, a fine looking lad be he, decided to take advantage of the opportunity presented to him. Through several assorted social media channels, Rep. Jackson informed interested parties of the activities of the Legislature, which was him. By voice vote the Legislature endorsed the Medicaid expansion which had failed to pass the Republican filibuster. Rep. Jackson voted "Aye." In fact, the Legislature passed nearly all of the outstanding pieces of legislation by, strangely enough, conclusive votes of one-to-zero.

Yesterday, nearly the entire membership returned to duty. The Republicans were not amused.

Ha!

Frodo will begin tracking this inspired young man. He thinks there is a place for him on a national ticket, perhaps in 2024.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:32 AM EST

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Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Ahab The Arab, Sheik of The Burning Sand
Mood:

rushed
Topic: "Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)

The Prime Minister of Israel is drawn from the pyre of Denethor. Despite the need for all the personages of Middle Earth to share in the threat by Isis this manipulative moron would sacrifice all to satisfy his political desires. Imagine, on the other hand, Hamas and Israeli standing side-by-side against the nihilistic caliphate. This was the scenario pictured by Lord Tolkien.

Frodo presented his case well when he said: "All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken: The crownless again shall be king." Despite the strength of the threat emanating from those with an eschatological end of times belief, there are small warriors able to meet the challenge. They must first however remove the obstacles presented by those who never rise to join, only to harangue.

Nethanyahu is shrewd, and he is beyond any level of trust. Boehner is impotent. Putin is bankrupt. The Koch brothers seek to pass a camel through the eye of a needle. Frodo's admiration for he who entered as the Strider and who stands as Aragorn grows stronger every day. The struggle is against those who are blind and who seek to possess the Ring at all costs. They are more than clowns, and worse than fools.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:49 PM EST

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Sunday, February 15, 2015

Six Hundred Miles to the Mexican Border
Mood:

cool
Topic: "Equinox Approaching"(10)

The Gardens of the Shire are nearly always in bloom. Even in the dead of winter the hollies are loaded with fat-rich red berries for robins and cedar wax wings in abundance. Cypress are deep and green for the cardinals who use them for cover as well as afternoon snacking. Soon forsythia and pussy willows will be first to burst, followed by the bulbs of gladiola, tulip, crocus. It is hard to visualize when it is so damn cold outside, even for just a few days. The hobbit dares not go barefoot in mid-February.

Dandy's heritage is Swiss, and his paws are brushy with protective cover. Perhaps he thinks his best friend is truly a pussy, and he softly whines as if in reminder of the joys of the dog park nearby. Sunday it is, and the dog park is populated by owners unskilled in canine management and the inevitable resulting conflicts are preferably avoided by wiser heads who avoid these locations on weekends. Despite a forecast for precipitation, the hobbit will find a convenient time on the morrow to share with Tess and Dandy among their own kind despite the dropping thermometer.

Frodo is planning alterations to the Gardens of the Shire. More sun will offer opportunities for certain annuals; begonias seem to do especially well. River stone will be expanded to cover trails and red mulch will brighten the darkness beneath the leaves of the native plants and trees which intersperse every turn one makes. Again, it is difficult to visualize when the wind chills everything in sight, and Dandy is bored.

Alas, near doggie dinnertime it is, and Frodo's companions are demonstrative. A shame it is that it is just too damn cold, especially when the sky is so blue. Let us hope that the chill breaks early in the A.M. and wish that warmer temperatures won't be so far away.

That is a pretty neat little titular segue says the hobbit. Even if no one is here to appreciate it. It is cold outside, you know.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:01 PM EST

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Friday, February 13, 2015

Baby if I Made You Mad, Something I Might Have Said
Mood:

amorous
Topic: "Balls"(10)

Social media, if that's what we'r known for, seems to be fixated with balls. The quarterback of the Super Bowl winning New England Patriots may have started it when he found himself in the squabble lane amid improperly inflated balls. Snickering commenced and in a manner that would've made Rachel Ames angry, nobody seemed capable of laughing out loud. The mentor of the wordsmith once taught that laughter was healthy, while snickering was ignorance. Frodo seems to have forgotten that lesson.

Legolas was speaking before the class. Frodo and Tom Bombadil had shared a joke in the hallway as they approached, and were snickering. From the curiously designed, but easily recognizable, faux furniture labeled as "desks" Frodo and Tom desperately tried to retain a semblance of decorum. They failed. Each time one snickered, so did the other, and no sooner did one grasp control then the other lost it. It continued, and it continued, leaving Legolas in the quandry of what was wrong, and everyone else wondered what they must have missed. Finally, Legolas could take no more, and he bellowed "What the Hell is so damn funny?" There was no rational response. The subject of the joke was juvenile, and there was no presentation that would make the class laugh.

Rachel took control when she asked the class at large if any of the assembly had ever been to a show, a movie, or any other presentation of obscenity. The whole class fell silent as one-by-one, boys and girls alike, responded. Fascinated were all as each waited to see what each other would say. Not one snicker. When it was Frodo's turn, Rachel's eyes danced over him and passed on to the next in line, without a word.

Frodo knew that the lesson was his. Much was expected of the hobbit it seems, and a great teacher knew how to make the lesson worthwhile. The laughter you hear is Frodo, wondering if Tom Brady even has any balls at all.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:37 PM EST

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Friday, February 6, 2015

In The Early Mornin' Rain
Mood:

suave
Topic: "Shaken, not stirred"(10)

Two hobbit warriors counted the lines on the face of each other, and thought about their unspoken promises. They are always among the first to receive requests for assistance; money these days as opposed to the ephemeral when times were oh so different. Scholarships at the College of the Shire exist because of their generosity and their feeling for faces now unseen. What surprises most is that they have so little to say even when they have accomplished so much. If truth indeed be told the silence gives them solace and mutual respect.

The sun has come and gone twice since they reminisced through tales once filled with laughter and good fortune. Gin accompanied each switchback over mountain trails now littered with the flotsam of a generation disappearing into the mist. Not unlike the night when all the hobbits returned to the Shire from their great adventures and they experienced the difficulty of eye upon eye. These two shared a lamentation. As long as one stood, the other knew that his back would never be exposed.

Those closest to them were there listening for evidence of chagrin or lost dreams. All that was is now falling gently and reflecting the obsidian of a metropolitan road to home. Friends, and brothers, be they. It is a stately being, and well-suited for Frodo and the Fellowship of the Ring.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EST

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Monday, January 26, 2015

The Games People Play Now, Every Night and Every Day now
Mood:

chillin'
Topic: "Panic Attack"(10)

Cross the lane from the gardens of the Shire and there are hobbits rarely mentioned. They work very hard at what they do, and have little time to visit with Frodo. The youngest occasionally helps Frodo in his landscaping efforts, for pay of course, and his sister always waves as she meanders out to school, part-time work, and other tasks which furl beyond Frodo's realm. The parents are always smiling but rarely talkative. The peaceful abode was struck earlier this week by lots of blinking lights and emergency vehicles, causing Frodo to experience the curiosity of the neighbor and the fear of the unknown.

When daylight spread its gossamer wings Frodo found an excuse to rake leaves and perform other mid-winter tasks by the lane. Many hours passed with nary a sign of life or disturbance. Finally, mid-afternoon brought the parents in their motor car to home, and to stop by the obviously inquisitive neighbor Frodo. They expressed chagrin and apology for bringing disturbance to the Shire, knowing that Frodo cared not of such things, but that he was indeed worried about their misadventure.

When Frodo reported to Sam, he inquired "What is a panic attack?" Sam explained while Frodo attempted to assimilate the extensive monologue. Stress, it seems, brought a respiratory challenge to the health and happiness of the handsome and fit young lady. Emergency medical personnel came to the rescue and spent many hours helping re-establish an even keel for her to manage. Sam felt that the crisis was not uncommon but often signaled the need for a few moments away from the turmoil of each and every day.

Frodo has thought a great deal about what he learned this day. 22 veterans daily return to civilian life and promptly commit suicide. Families are torn asunder by bipolar reactions to daily life crises and challenges. Medications are so much a part of existence that they lose their effectiveness and potentially create problems never previously conceived by man or hobbit. Proof, it is, that ignorance is not a cure; it is a cause.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:55 AM EST

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Friday, January 23, 2015

Writing Love Letters in the Sand
Mood:

energetic
Topic: "Christian Balls"(10)

Frodo still roots for the college sports team with the best academic record. Harvard, to Frodo, would, for example, get the nod over Alabama, as would Virginia over Baylor. This comes to mind because of the current controversy over the inflation (or lack thereof) of footballs by certain persons affiliated with the New England Patriots of the National Football League. It seems as if no one has ever planned in order to deal fairly with those accused of hanky-panky in contests of sport. Not since the days of gladitorial combat in ancient Rome has anyone decided that simply chopping off the head of a miscreant is an acceptable tonic. Perhaps in this most recent case of apparent misbehavior corporal punishment could be linked to the crime itself. Cutting off Tom Brady's balls may deter future miscreants.

Carson-Newman college is a Baptist institution beyond Knoxville in eastern Tennessee. Frodo noted in today's "Broken News" that the college has established a new sports team. "Sand volleyball" ("Beach volleyball" is the Olympic sport which arouses Frodo's interest every fourth year, and Frodo naturally assumes that the difference is in the nomenclature) will expand collegiate competition to now include the couple of thousand Baptists abutting the shores of Cherokee Lake. Not only is Frodo having difficulty imagining the competitors (Carson-Newman vs. Southern Cal?), he is wondering about the uniforms of the conservatively-clad Protestantics. Noting the quandary created by the soft balls of Tom Brady, Frodo is suggesting that certain conduct standards be maintained by the participants in the race for future championship titles.

Female participants will be blind-folded. Aspirin will be held tightly between their knees at all times. Uniform design must not include pants. Shorts or Spandex is strictly prohibited.

All competition will take place in locales with average temperatures below 40 degrees Fahrenheit.

Game balls will be baptized.

Waiver of all rights assumed by Roe-v-Wade.

Saltpeter tablets administered orally.

Conduct code violations will be require memorization of the video presentation entitled "Complete speeches of Senator Jodi Ernst".

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:30 PM EST

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Monday, January 19, 2015

Gonna Love Me In My Chevy Van
Mood:

lazy
Topic: "Broken News"(10)

This evening Frodo was subjected to an important news flash from friend Wolf of CNN. It was so important that even Frodo, fresh of mind and spirit, is unable to recall the subject matter. What he has noted however is that there seems to be a whole lot more "breaking news" these days, and that is probably the reason why he cannot recall what was so important. What bothers him truly is the fact that it was the same story Wolf had reported as "breaking news" last Wednesday. If not, howcum Frodo was able to recite the words simultaneously with the crack international reporter?

Frodo has decided to make a change on behalf of CNN. From this time forward the crack international reporter will be known as "Woof." The result being that Dandy, again asleep upon the foot of his troubled master, will be able to introduce the crack international reporter every time he proffers a piece of "broken news" (headlines in the past tense if you will).

Note, dear reader, that you have been treated to a third commentary by Frodo in the passage of time since last Wednesday. That, perhaps, is also broken news. It probably reflects upon the fact that Frodo is just beginning to get his Mojo back.

Dandy is thrilled.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:18 PM EST

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Sunday, January 18, 2015

I'm Not Missing You At All
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "In Dog We Trust" (10)

For an extra $1 drivers in the State of Georgia may purchase and attach a sticker to the license plate on their motor cars. The sticker fits neatly over the county of registration. It reads "In God We Trust." The significance eludes Frodo.

Drivers, for the most part, in the State of Georgia do suck. Frodo has opined that perhaps the sticker is a silent prayer of sorts. If so Frodo understands that we all need a bit of a helping hand whenever venturing onto the interstates slicing throughout the Peach State. It is also possible that the reference is a political statement whereby the driver asserts his dominion over the rules of the road. Then again it may simply be that a public employee may have thought that it was one more way to increase the public weal without anybody realizing. After all, who wants to admit that they don't trust the big guy?

Frodo found his answer in a recent newspaper item. It seems that the Commissioners of Pinellas County in Florida decided that it would be in their best interest to expand the concept to the administrative offices of the county. So they ordered, paying more than $500, for a new rug in the entranceway, and directed that it be designed around the suspect phrase. Unfortunately, a slight error occurred and the phrase featured a misspelling. It read "In Dog We Trust."

If you are wondering about the subject matter herein, or the timing thereto, simply note that the rug remains in place as we speak, because nobody noticed.

Dandy is smiling from the floor beneath the feet of Frodo.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:09 PM EST

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