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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
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Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Friday, September 25, 2015
Song Sung Blue
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Bridge at Andau"(11)

By sheer happenstance, Frodo had access to literally hundreds of individual issues of the National Geographic Magazine throughout his formative years  The relevance thereto reflects on the presence of nakedness as opposed to countless maps and diagrams.  In fact, Frodo took bolder steps as he "matured" seeking similarity to potential comparisons in closer proximity to the Shire.  It was the Reader's Digest that offered him early fabled verbal descriptions that went beyond any photograph.

In 1956 the brave people of Hungary stood in front of Soviet tanks to obtain freedom.  A year later the effort collapsed and the Hungarian freedom fighters were brought under the iron heel of Soviet troops.  Not unlike Davy Crockett, it "was freedom fightin' another foe" to the hobbit and he amassed everything he could in order to prepare for the inevitable struggle for Middle Earth.  It was then that Frodo came across the name of James Michener.

Michener wrote a book describing the torture faced by the insurgents and in that book he described physicality that surpassed the attraction of naked native boobies.  Michener alleged that, in order to obtain information, the Soviets inserted glass tubes into the penises of their captives and struck the glass tubes until they shattered into miniscule pieces of glass.

Frodo felt instant pain when next he contemplated taking a piss.  In fact, he probably avoided any physical touching of his genitalia for at least a week (after all he was pre-teen in Eisenhower's America).  The fact remains however that it was a written word which had painted him a picture, and it was James Michener who opened the door to stories which rivaled the Minotaur and the Plains of Troy.

Thank you Sir.  Sad it is however that the Hungarians fail to treat thousands of immigrants as if all suffering ended more than fifty years ago.  Suffering seems never to be extinguished, saddest when applied by those who know its impact and seemingly ignore bloodstains even on their own hands.  How much further is the bridge?

 

 

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:46 PM EDT
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Monday, August 24, 2015
Rainy Days and Mondays Always Make Me
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Fallin' Behind"(11)

Frodo has taken to the logical computation of his remaining days on the small blue planet.  Surely, he notes, he has been here longer than he will be here in the future, but by how much?  He wonders because of all the familiar names he comes across who once shared something somewhat noteworthy with the hobbit.  The semi-scientific analysis is responsible for Frodo's continuing absence from the keyboard.  It is the reason he wastes few extra moments inside when he needs to be outside, enjoying his (potentially) last day in the Gardens of the Shire.

Claudia Smith, once known affectionately as "Chunki," is no more.  Tom, "Root" Rudisill has succumbed.  The death of Harmon Killebrew drew comment from friend and foe alike equally aware of Frodo's admiration for his favorite player many moons ago.  It is not surprising therefore that the hobbit finds many reasons to avoid an inside seat with a window on the world.  Better, he thinks, to be outside, even if it is to simply pull a weed or pursue the rabid squirrels who draw his ire and call his canine associates into action.

It is also too damn hot.  Frodo learned during yesterday's rainstorm that July represented the hottest month in recorded history worldwide, and that 2015 is anticipated to be the year to have the equivalent title.  The magnificent Dandy and friend Tess yet demand an outing at the dog park, but shadowy spots soon draw their attention and an early trip home is not unappreciated most days.

Life amid these days is Monday on one hand, and rainy on the other.  It is however, preferable to the alternative. 

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:00 PM EDT
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Wednesday, July 22, 2015
I'm a Stubborn Kind of Fella
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Rechargin' da Shire"(11)

Over the past four days Frodo endured temperatures in excess of 95 (F) at every turn.  He wheelbarrowed (note the word creation feature of the hobbit) one ton of pea gravel and more than 10 cubic yards of red mulch from his driveway into the nooks and crannies of the gardens of the Shire.This is the third time that he has undergone this mammoth task and he has drawn curiosity seekers from far and wide who felt adequate to observe, but incapable of assistance.  It mattered not, the hobbit failed to be deterred.

Frodo has learned many lessons from his past adventures into the arboreal.  His new plants sit in well-drained pots mobile to adjustments for sun and shade.  Native growth is all about but nothing dominates the entire landscape.  Bodies of water, including the "Mr. Turtle Pool," are clean and provide no pediatric benefit to hatching mosquitoes.  Songbirds are more numerous than at any time in the past, and the squirrels are having an increased level of difficulty in their continuing efforts to strip every bird feeder created by man or hobbit.

There are fewer butterflies than is traditionally so.  The milkweed that attracts Admirals and Swallowtails is not present.  Frittalaria are massive in number and the passion fruit flower among the azaleas and the nameless plants with berries and vines as their support.  Frodo ignores the protestations of Sam who seems to stumble inside just as a flotilla of caterpillar converts rise to meet the morning sun.

The refurbished gardens are truly magnificent.  Frodo is joined in his gazebo by his canine assembly who endlessly enjoy the rustlings in the underbrush.  The breeze carries sweet challenges to their olfactories and they lie against the sturdy legs of the seated hobbit.  Every morning adds something new.  Frodo's hard work is a reward.   

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:54 PM EDT
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Monday, July 13, 2015
I've Loved You All Over the World
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Buy a Subaru" (11)

www.youtube.com/watch?V=cpYxJs6D434

Frodo has never before posted in this fashion.  The marketing geniuses working with Subaru deserve some special consideration however and so this path is opened.  How fitting that on the night Frodo returns to the world, he finds himself with moist eyes, once again.  Completing a "bucket list" for "my buddy, my pal, my friend" is something Frodo wishes he had thought of some years ago, and something he will share with Dandy when the time softly comes.  Enjoy dear reader.  Frodo is on the loose.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:31 PM EDT
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Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Hello Darkness My Old Friend
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Good Friday, Maybe"(11)

Frodo felt positively vindicated a few days ago.  A masterful stroke by Aragorn enveloped the hypocrisy of those who oppose him.  The black gate laid asunder before all the peoples of Middle Earth, save the Grey Company.  Sanctions were successful and there was no longer a need for weapons of mass destruction.  Frodo could not take pleasure in the politic, he was grateful that peace was at hand.

Then, in a short biography somewhere between Section C and the Obituaries, he saw the name of Eddie LeBaron.  A Hobbit to be sure, the one-time quarterback of the Washington Redskins, and Frodo's earliest favorite player.  He was backed up by Ralph Gugliemi and Eagle Day, successors to the title of Slingin' Sammy.  The Redskins truly stunk.  They were the last team to have a black player.  They were coached by men who had no talent for the game, and they were housed in a stadium that was not safe for pedestrian traffic.  Only the golden arm of the shortest quarterback in the league produced any points at all for the team with the best fight song in all the land.

Eddie LeBaron is dead.  He lies now on the altar before Touchdown Jesus.  Frodo stands alone, not nearly as tall as the quarterback who taught him that the game is what matters.  Hail to the Redskins, and thank you Eddie, for all those passes that eluded Dickie James and Billy Barnes.   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:45 PM EDT
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Friday, February 20, 2015
It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To
Mood:  bright
Topic: "Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)

Frodo hates cold weather.  In that regard he differed little from the entire North Carolina Legislature who chose not to attend the legislative session this past Wednesday due to inclement conditions.  That is with the exception of Jeff Jackson (D) who was greeted at the front door by security personnel who informed him that he was the only member to show up.  Admittedly, Frodo might have turned around and gone home had he been in Rep. Jackson's place.

Rep. Jackson, a fine looking lad be he, decided to take advantage of the opportunity presented to him.  Through several assorted social media channels, Rep. Jackson informed interested parties of the activities of the Legislature, which was him.  By voice vote the Legislature endorsed the Medicaid expansion which had failed to pass the Republican filibuster.  Rep. Jackson voted "Aye."  In fact, the Legislature passed nearly all of the outstanding pieces of legislation by, strangely enough, conclusive votes of one-to-zero.

Yesterday, nearly the entire membership returned to duty.  The Republicans were not amused.

Ha!

Frodo will begin tracking this inspired young man.  He thinks there is a place for him on a national ticket, perhaps in 2024.

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:32 AM EST
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Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Ahab The Arab, Sheik of The Burning Sand
Mood:  rushed
Topic: "Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)

The Prime Minister of Israel is drawn from the pyre of Denethor.  Despite the need for all the personages of Middle Earth to share in the threat by Isis this manipulative moron would sacrifice all to satisfy his political desires.  Imagine, on the other hand, Hamas and Israeli standing side-by-side against the nihilistic caliphate.  This was the scenario pictured by Lord Tolkien. 

Frodo presented his case well when he said:  "All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost.  From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken: The crownless again shall be king."  Despite the strength of the threat emanating from those with an eschatological end of times belief, there are small warriors able to meet the challenge.  They must first however remove the obstacles presented by those who never rise to join, only to harangue.

Nethanyahu is shrewd, and he is beyond any level of trust.  Boehner is impotent.  Putin is bankrupt.  The Koch brothers seek to pass a camel through the eye of a needle.  Frodo's admiration for he who entered as the Strider and who stands as Aragorn grows stronger every day.  The struggle is against those who are blind and who seek to possess the Ring at all costs.  They are more than clowns, and worse than fools.    


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:49 PM EST
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Sunday, February 15, 2015
Six Hundred Miles to the Mexican Border
Mood:  cool
Topic: "Equinox Approaching"(10)

The Gardens of the Shire are nearly always in bloom.  Even in the dead of winter the hollies are loaded with fat-rich red berries for robins and cedar wax wings in abundance.  Cypress are deep and green for the cardinals who use them for cover as well as afternoon snacking.  Soon forsythia and pussy willows will be first to burst, followed by the bulbs of gladiola, tulip, crocus.  It is hard to visualize when it is so damn cold outside, even for just a few days.  The hobbit dares not go barefoot in mid-February.

Dandy's heritage is Swiss, and his paws are brushy with protective cover.  Perhaps he thinks his best friend is truly a pussy, and he softly whines as if in reminder of the joys of the dog park nearby.  Sunday it is, and the dog park is populated by owners unskilled in canine management and the inevitable resulting conflicts are preferably avoided by wiser heads who avoid these locations on weekends.  Despite a forecast for precipitation, the hobbit will find a convenient time on the morrow to share with Tess and Dandy among their own kind despite the dropping thermometer. 

Frodo is planning alterations to the Gardens of the Shire.  More sun will offer opportunities for certain annuals; begonias seem to do especially well.  River stone will be expanded to cover trails and red mulch will brighten the darkness beneath the leaves of the native plants and trees which intersperse every turn one makes.  Again, it is difficult to visualize when the wind chills everything in sight, and Dandy is bored. 

Alas, near doggie dinnertime it is, and Frodo's companions are demonstrative.  A shame it is that it is just too damn cold, especially when the sky is so blue.  Let us hope that the chill breaks early in the A.M. and wish that warmer temperatures won't be so far away.

That is a pretty neat little titular segue says the hobbit.  Even if no one is here to appreciate it.  It is cold outside, you know.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:01 PM EST
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Friday, February 13, 2015
Baby if I Made You Mad, Something I Might Have Said
Mood:  amorous
Topic: "Balls"(10)

Social media, if that's what we'r known for, seems to be fixated with balls.  The quarterback of the Super Bowl winning New England Patriots may have started it when he found himself in the squabble lane amid improperly inflated balls.  Snickering commenced and in a manner that would've made Rachel Ames angry, nobody seemed capable of laughing out loud.  The mentor of the wordsmith once taught that laughter was healthy, while snickering was ignorance.  Frodo seems to have forgotten that lesson.

Legolas was speaking before the class.  Frodo and Tom Bombadil had shared a joke in the hallway as they approached, and were snickering.  From the curiously designed, but easily recognizable, faux furniture labeled as "desks" Frodo and Tom desperately tried to retain a semblance of decorum.  They failed.  Each time one snickered, so did the other, and no sooner did one grasp control then the other lost it.  It continued, and it continued, leaving Legolas in the quandry of what was wrong, and everyone else wondered what they must have missed.  Finally, Legolas could take no more, and he bellowed "What the Hell is so damn funny?"  There was no rational response.  The subject of the joke was juvenile, and there was no presentation that would make the class laugh.  

Rachel took control when she asked the class at large if any of the assembly had ever been to a show, a movie, or any other presentation of obscenity.  The whole class fell silent as one-by-one, boys and girls alike, responded.  Fascinated were all as each waited to see what each other would say.  Not one snicker.  When it was Frodo's turn, Rachel's eyes danced over him and passed on to the next in line, without a word.

Frodo knew that the lesson was his.  Much was expected of the hobbit it seems, and a great teacher knew how to make the lesson worthwhile.  The laughter you hear is Frodo, wondering if Tom Brady even has any balls at all. 

   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:37 PM EST
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Friday, February 6, 2015
In The Early Mornin' Rain
Mood:  suave
Topic: "Shaken, not stirred"(10)

Two hobbit warriors counted the lines on the face of each other, and thought about their unspoken promises.  They are always among the first to receive requests for assistance; money these days as opposed to the ephemeral when times were oh so different.  Scholarships at the College of the Shire exist because of their generosity and their feeling for faces now unseen.  What surprises most is that they have so little to say even when they have accomplished so much.  If truth indeed be told the silence gives them solace and mutual respect.

The sun has come and gone twice since they reminisced through tales once filled with laughter and good fortune.  Gin accompanied each switchback over mountain trails now littered with the flotsam of a generation disappearing into the mist.  Not unlike the night when all the hobbits returned to the Shire from their great adventures and they experienced the difficulty of eye upon eye.  These two shared a lamentation.  As long as one stood, the other knew that his back would never be exposed.

Those closest to them were there listening for evidence of chagrin or lost dreams.  All that was is now falling gently and reflecting the obsidian of a metropolitan road to home.  Friends, and brothers, be they.  It is a stately being, and well-suited for Frodo and the Fellowship of the Ring.

 

 

     


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EST
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