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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
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"Polish or Polish?"
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"Que?"
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"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
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"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
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"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
MoveOn.org
The Return of the King
BarackObama.com
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
My Blood Runs Cold, My Memory Has Just Been Told
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "Name That Tune"(4)

Frodo asks, dear reader, what do all of the following have in common;  Tupac Shakur (the late, but not lamented), Britney Spears, Lil' Kim, Don McLean, Eminem, Metallica, Bruce Springsteen, Aerosmith, and Meat Loaf?

Give up?  Oh please do, for the answer will make you smile.

It seems that the then commander in Iraq, Lt. Gen Ricardo Sanchez, authorized the use of systematically applied loud music upon the hundreds of detainees in Guantanmo commencing in September of 2003.  That means, of course, that the military has been repeatedly piping in music from all of the artists identified above for the past five years.  The tactic, according to Sanchez, was meant to "create fear, disorient. . .and prolong capture shock."  The experience has indeed proven to be overwhelming for many of the detainees, prodding one detainee to swear that he has seen cellmates screaming and smashing their heads against walls unable to endure any more.

One interrogator at Guantanamo Bay has bragged to the FBI that he only needed four days to "break" someone by alternating 16 hours of music and lights with four hours of silence and darkness.  That does give rise to a query about what took place during the remaining four hours of a "work day?"  Perhaps four hours of waiting for the music to start again might make one wonder why the Carly Simon song "Anticipation" wasn't similarly applied to the miscreants?  

What was particularly startling to Frodo was that not all of the music is hard rock.  Christopher Cerf, who wrote the music for "Sesame Street" was horrified himself to learn that songs of his own creation were applied to the internees.  In fact, the song "I Love You," from the TV show "Barney & Friends" is cited as one of the most frequently repeated songs, albeit not by popular request we are told.  Perhaps it shows that we are a small world, after all.

Frodo chuckled when he learned that another frequently repeated song, from the pen of the "Boss," is "Born in the USA."  That'll teach them.  Try to get that title out of your mind.  It certainly compares favorably to driving your Chevy to the levee, even though it was dry.

Waterboarding?  Frodo bets that they begin to beg for it knowing that Nine Inch Nails are next on the replay button (that is a rock group, for you who may be culturally handicapped).  Remember, as we've been assured, "The United States doesn't torture." 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:51 PM EST
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Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Just Got Home From Illinois, Lock The Front Door, Oh Boy
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Damn Close" (4)

Huey Long, known affectionately as the "Kingfish" in Louisiana politics, had few equals when it came to gall.  Frodo's favorite story took place in Winnfield, Louisiana, during a speech to support the Governor's re-election.  Long said words to the effect that he highly resented the United States Government and its effort to convict him for the theft of one million in taxpayer dollars.  "I didn't steal one million dollars.  I stole two million dollars."

Applause, closely followed by the re-election of the Governor.

Some years later, Edwin Edwards, from Crowley, Louisiana, became the closest thing to a successor to Huey Long.  In a series of conflicts with the Internal Revenue Service, the FBI, and probably every other agency licensed to carry firearms, Edwards eventually found himself in a re-election race against David Duke, of Ku Klux Klan reknown.  Voters in the "Pelican State" did not shy away from the bumper-stickers which read "Vote for the Crook, It's Important."

Applause, closely followed by the re-election of the Governor.

The fourth of the past eight Governors from the State of Illinois was today greeted by the presence of the FBI on his front stoop at 6:00 AM, and arrested for public bribery and a multitude of other charges in a 78-page indictment.  Frodo has to admit that he was impressed by the 50% figure achieved by the US Attorneys Office in the Northern District of Illinois.  However, it is important to remember names like William Jefferson (he of the $90K in cold cash found in his freezer), Bob Livingston (who served as House Speaker for three days after Newt Gingrich while testing Viagra on a constituent), and of course, the current US Senator, Mr. Vidrine, whose wife seemed to have a predilection for leopard-skin, or so it appeared on TV (Frodo feels she should have used her claws on his genitals).  Corruption, in public, is not limited to the Governors in Louisiana; it is universal.  The challengers from Illinois, Maryland, Mississippi, and most certainly New Jersey, are merely pretenders to the throne.

Applause, closely followed by a marching band chanting "We're Number One."


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:02 PM EST
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Monday, December 8, 2008
How Gentle Is The Rain
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "DevelopmentalStudies"(4)

"We may not make a university student out of him, but if we can teach him to read and write, maybe he can work at the post office rather than as a garbage man when he gets through with his athletic career."---from the opening statement by University of Georgia attorney Hale Almand, defending the University against charges of placing student athletes in preferential treatment, 1986.

Professor Jan Kemp died Friday from complications associated with Alzheimer's; she was 59.  Named by PEOPLE magazine as a hero "of the eighties," she was admired and reviled for filing a lawsuit against the University of Georgia after she was fired for refusing to inflate grades for UGA football players.  The six week trial resulted in the firing of the long-time President of the University, Fred Davison, and Kemp eventually collected $1.1 Million.

The crescendo of the trial came when the "Developmental Studies" Department Head, Leroy Ervin, was overheard on a secretly-taped faculty meeting to say "I know for a fact that these kids would not be here if it were not for their utility to the institution. . .They are used as a kind of raw material in the production of some goods to be sold as whatever product, and they get nothing in return."

Dr. Kemp remained in the Athens community the rest of her life, teaching in the local technical college and high schools until her physical condition would no longer permit her to do so.

In 1986, Barack Obama was 25. 

Fitting it is, opines Frodo, that Saxby Chambliss attributed his run-off election victory to "Georgia values."


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:06 PM EST
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Thursday, December 4, 2008
Remember You Told Me You Loved Me Baby
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Assembly LineDancing"(4)

Frodo is a reluctant commentator on issues du jour.  It has always been his preference to allow the zealots their time-on-air, and to take a longer, more big picture approach to issues that may or may not be as important as they first appear.  In the case of the automotive industry, Frodo has truly listened to arguments with credibility, albeit absent anything other than that which permits a medical diagnosis to be similarly based only on the experience of a few isolated cases.  Frodo's opinion, it seems, is being  formulated in the same manner.  Frodo sincerely hopes that if President-Elect Obama should accidentally read these words, then he should understand that Frodo is talking out loud, and not dictating policy.

Frodo's father was in Germany when the European version of World War II ended.  Frodo's father returned home in January of 1946, and Frodo drew his first breath as a citizen almost exactly nine months later.  From that first moment, Frodo was exposed to the belief that the Great War ended properly because the "sleeping giant" was able to re-tool its' industries into a war machine, and to overwhelm the deficit which planning and preparation by the Axis powers had used to nearly destroy the land which fostered Frodo.

The manufacturing aspect of American industry in 1942 was shaped into the production of tanks, jeeps, airplanes, and machine guns, where only days before there had been bicycles, automobiles, and candy bars.  Quite obviously, the automotive assembly lines were an integral part of the final victory over those fascists.  So why, Frodo asks, would we run the risk of removing that capacity from our present and future ability to respond and re-tool?  Frodo has not satisfactorily answered that question in his own mind, much less in the words of any talking-head.

When the War ended, Frodo's father drove trucks and machines that hauled raw materials into the smelter that truly ended the Great Depression.  Today, as Frodo understands the debate, it is argued that the absence of what could be millions of wage-earning jobs would be absorbed by either new technology, or more efficient-industry.  Frodo's father, in all candor, did exactly that when he moved Frodo and his family to the larger environment and learned new skills.  The difficulty in that comparison is that Frodo's father was not 2.5 million people, and the one job he found does not exist in the volumes potentially required.  The result, it seems, would be a lot of hungry people, at least for a period of time.

Frodo believes that Barack Obama is a wise man, who will approach momentous issues with a sense of purpose, as opposed to something merely partisan.  Tom Joad, in the mind of Frodo, is standing in the dirt somewhere in Oklahoma, even now, watching a turtle cross the road.  Where these two took those who depended on them will be more than one great novel, and it will go beyond sheer endurance and determination.  The analogy though, is pretty good. 

In a truck it was that the Joad family struck out for California, a truck made in America.            


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:35 PM EST
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Monday, December 1, 2008
Don't Rock The Boat Baby
Mood:  amorous
Topic: "Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)

Nestor Kirchner is the former President of Argentina.  Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner is the current President of Argentina.  Julio Cobos is the current Vice President of Argentina.  The official residence of the President of Argentina is known as the Pink House.

Julio Cobos was suggested for the Vice Presidency by the outgoing President to the incoming President.  Since July 27th however, the Vice President has not spoken in person or on the phone with the President.  Instead, the former President jokes that the current President asks him every morning to identify which Vice President he stuck her with today?  According to a spokesman for the Argentine Agrarian Foundation, the trouble all started because of the "intolerant and authoritarian style of the Kirchners."

President de Kirchner, it seems, is a bit put off by the fact that on the 17th of July, the Vice President cast the deciding vote against her four-month-long attempt to raise taxes on farm exports.  That vote made the 53-year-old former governor of Mendoza Province an instant hero to an overwhelming majority of ordinary Argentinians.  Such a hero, in fact, that opinion polls now suggest that more than 80 percent of the citizenry rejects the Presidents' attempt to force the resignation of the Vice President.  "My idea is to continue working in a way that allows me to be true to my conventions and my principles," he offered to the Argentinian Press.

When queried about his political future, Cobos stated, "I have a committment until 2011, and then we will see what my destiny is in politics."

Is it true that toilets flush counter-clockwise south of the equator?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:49 PM EST
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Saturday, November 29, 2008
It's A Turn Down Day, Nothin' On My Mind
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)

It is no secret that the Shire has been experiencing drought conditions for quite some time, in fact the reservoir lake levels are lower now than they were at the same point in time last year.  Frodo has been unable to wash his motorcar as an act of physical exertion on a Saturday morning for more than a year.  Should he be so tempted, the "water police" are on constant patrol, moreso even than those who search for illegal immigrants plucking feathers from chickens.  Frodo usually takes his motorcar to an authorized car wash, supposedly using recycled water, and pays about $6 just to remove road grime.  Today however, it is raining and Frodo is watching the cold drizzle that will prevent anything but brief excursions out-of-doors to meet the natural needs of the canine contingent.

It is also the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and that means football, all day long, piped directly into the area adjacent to Frodo's favorite sofa.  It would seem that a day of rest, accompanied by mindless concentration on insignificant events, would be just what the doctor would order for the stressful life of the Hobbit.  No thought given to terrorists, fundamentalists, Texans, the stock market, Sarah Palin, or relational intrigue of any kind.  Concentrate only on the formation of a ham sandwich, a few chips, an apple for good measure, and a draft light when time-outs aver the opportunity.

So why is Frodo blue?

If the sun were shining, then Frodo would miss all the relaxation, and would wreak havoc on his lumbar region by removing every single leaf from the grounds of the Shire.  He would toss the tennis ball for hours on end to the one who snoozes upon his socks this very moment.  He would wash $6 down a drainpipe.  He would scout for "Saxby" signs that could be turned away from the view of those who might be encouraged to vote for one who has done nothing save an improvement to his golf score in the past six years.  At the end of the day he would watch videotape of the games he had missed, eat a ham sandwich, and drink that beer.

It is the loss of choice that befuddles Frodo.  Instead of taking full advantage, he begins to contemplate the tasks undone.  The kerosene heater that makes the Florida room toasty all winter needs cleaning, if not now, then a week or so after Sam begins haranguing him for not previously having done so.  On-line correspondence to a plethora of long ago visited friends in faraway locations has reached epidemic proportions.  Business research on prospective clients resting too long undone provides only fodder to potential competitors.  There is, also, the disaster known as a garage which houses so many unused items that the Salvation Army would make multiple house calls, if so summoned.

Decision-making should be avoided on certain days, that is for sure.  On this day, Frodo will be wisest if he worries only about the point spread in Athens, then to a turning of his attention to Phil Fulmer's final game in Knoxville.  That should bring him to the point of sandwich construction.

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:56 AM EST
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Thursday, November 27, 2008
People Everywhere Just Want To Be Free
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Mumbai, My Lord" (4)

Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, raced across the empty parking lot of the School of the Shire, while Frodo was distracted by the now-familiar call on the morning breeze.  Against an all-blue sky on Thanksgiving Day, the Sandhill Cranes were now less than one state away from their winter home in the Okeefenokee.  Frodo's canine friends were not about to be distracted from a mid-week romp, so Frodo was unable to tarry in appreciation.  Upon his return he noted the now-familiar pink ribbons marking property lines, this time upon that of his neighbors, parent to Jessica and "Chipper."

Brian and Carolyn are outstanding parents, and their children are favorites of the Hobbit.  This past Halloween they were Princess Leia and Lord Vader, in costumes that exhibited many hours of motherly love, and a deep appreciation for the importance of a truly realistic light saber.  Brian is a musician, and he has had multiple heart surgeries.  He is no longer "insurable" in Middle Earth, and the inconsistency of income makes life very difficult for such good people.  They have not lived beyond their means, and they did not buy a house that was beyond their means.  Frodo fears however, that the pink ribbons do not mean a simple re-financing. 

The reports from the city formerly known as Bombay cause Frodo to imagine what it must have been like in their city on the day that the nihilists destroyed so many lives in 2001.  Surely, he thought, they cried too, and wished that they could do something to help end the needless suffering of just plain people, who didn't do anything to hurt anybody.  As this story continues, even now, to unfold, it appears that those without conscience were Pakistanis, and therefore, probably Islamic.

Frodo must note that the weapons, and the expenses for this conflagration probably came from some of the $10B paid to Musharraf by those who sought his assistance against Islamic terrorists.  The money these monsters used was probably American dollars.  The truth hurts, doesn't it, dear reader?

The other truth is equally painful.  The continuing fundamentalist violence, all around our small, blue planet, does not come from dissimilar circumstances.  It is not the Shinto, or the Buddhist, the Hindu, or even the Zoroastrian; rather, the violence stems from the monotheists, those who believe in one God.  Dear reader, it is Islamic, it is Jewish, and it is Christian.  It seems to Frodo that the three largest religious groups in all the world represent the impetus to violence.  Perhaps it is merely an unwillingness to retreat from the realization that the one God is "our" god, and not that of the other guy.  On the other hand, the polytheists believe in flexibility, and perhaps the simplicity of the fact that if one God doesn't deliver, we simply change channels.

At some point in time, it is the essence of humanity to rale against the injustices of life.  Watching good, hardworking people lose a house is not fair.  Watching subhuman cretins assault all of civilized society is beyond temperance.  Ah, dear reader, the bridges before us are filled with peril, and those which we now cross are threatening, to be sure.  Important it is that we don't waste time or effort commiserating about that which lies behind us.  Still, had he the chance, Frodo would truly enjoy kicking the ass of either Dick Cheney or anyone who would entice the "Deccan Mujahadien."  There is not a dime's worth of difference between them.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 5:47 PM EST
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Sunday, November 23, 2008
It Started Long Ago In The Garden of Eden
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Sunni Daze" (4)

Despite Frodo's immediate preference for Barack Obama, Frodo, quite characteristically, withheld making any predictions about the outcome of either the nomination or the election process.  Allegorically speaking, Frodo long ago learned that everything involved in the brewing and preparation of a cup of tea can be negated by the accidental addition of a teaspoonful of salt.  Predicting the outcome of political events is dependent upon human behavior, which is, of course, unpredictable.

That being said, Frodo has been considering the final days of George W. Bush and the residual effects on the small, blue planet.  It must be grating for Bush to experience the public comments of the Shiite leadership in Iraq.  Demonstrations occur with some regularity urging the swift withdrawal of US military personnel, in contrast to the creation of a memorial to George W. Bush, as once proffered by Richard Perle, the Neo-Con of Neo-Cons.  Perhaps, thinks Frodo, it is merely illustrative of that which is most likely to occur in time to come.

Americans were startled by videotaped replay of Shiite religious ceremonies when true Iranian nut cases stormed the US Embassy during the Carter years.  To see the faithful whipping themselves in a symbolic display of deity devotion seemed as strange as, say, communion in a Protestant Church might seem to Shiites, for example.  To now realize that the one definitive outcome of the Pre-Emptive War initiated by George W. Bush is that another fundamentalist Shiite government, Iraq,  has been created and added into the mixing bowl of international relations. 

Frodo contends that little time will pass before the Shiite, now ruling, majority in Iraq will seek "payback" from the Sunni minority, who populated the Baathist regime of the late Saddam Hussein.  These guys, Sunnis and Shiites, have gotten along for centuries almost as well as did the Protestants and the Catholics in Belfast.  It is for this reason that the Shiites are so anxious for the Americans to leave.  Not unlike the final words spoken by the executioners of Saddam, it is the will of al-Sadr that hangs heavy over the future of the nation that isn't.

The William Kristolites who argue that the true legacy of George W. Bush will not be evident until years in the future are, for the wrong reasons, absolutely correct.  There will, Frodo predicts, be no continuing growth of democracy in that region, rather the continuing civil war will fester as long as theocracy is an acceptable alternative.  The Bush legacy will be the loss of American prestige, sacred honor, lives, and fortune.

Would that it were already the 23rd day of January, and the Incomparable Moron would already have exited the world stage, never to return. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:36 AM EST
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Friday, November 21, 2008
Every Time You Go Away, You Take a Piece Of Me With You
Mood:  party time!
Topic: "Moon Over Miami"(4)

Frodo grew up playing team sports.  To this day the Hobbit is enthralled by games that require sacrifice by some, in order to ensure victory for all.  In the world of Intercollegiate Athletics, Frodo has taken note of the President-Elect and his position that a "play-off" is required in order to properly determine a "National Champion" in Football.  Frodo is bored by the prospect.

Why not simply take the best academic school, with the most number of victories, and declare that school the "National Champion?"  The only negative is that the Southeastern Conference, composed of the worst academically-rated universities in all the land, would therefore never have a "National Champion." 

Frodo always roots for the best academic school.  If Harvard, for example, were to play the College of the Shire, Frodo would root for Harvard.  Frodo has a problem only when two deficient academic schools, say like Alabama and Texas, play each other.  In this instance, Frodo roots either for a scoreless tie, or a forfeit.

Frodo raises this issue because of something pretty neat that took place just last evening.  At 6:10 PM, the space shuttle Endeavour passed over Bobby Dodd Stadium in Atlanta.  This preceeded the kickoff of the game between Georgia Tech and the University of Miami, which took place at 7:45 PM.  On board as crew members were three graduates, including one woman, of Georgia Tech.  To commemorate the event, the video board at the stadium received a live feed from the space shuttle, and the Tech graduates were saluted by all those in attendance on the ground.  At least one of the on-field celebrants wore a self-designed spacesuit.

Georgia Tech, with a devastating ground game, as well as superiority in the air, kicked the bejabbers out of the Miami Hurricanes. 

It's a damn good thing they weren't playing Notre Dame.  Come home safe boys and girls, Frodo cheers loudest for you.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EST
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Thursday, November 20, 2008
Well, I've Never Been To Heaven But I've Been To Oklahoma
Mood:  silly
Topic: "Pit Bull Revenge"(4)

Some time ago Frodo remarked about Mick, the Wonder Dog, and his unending joy as a passenger in Frodo's motorcar.  Recently, in Pryor, Oklahoma, a 70-pound pit bull did him one better.  He served notice on all the world that he was fully prepared to navigate himself, and that should give special pause to Michael Vick, should he ever again become a pedestrian.

Joe D'Plummer was washing his motorcar at a commercial car wash while his dog waited patiently inside the vehicle.  For whatever reason, the dog suddenly jumped on the dash, and the car somehow was shifted into reverse.  As the automobile backed out of the car wash bay, the dog stood guard over the steering wheel and seemed to be in total control as he looped out onto the highway and circled back to a safe stop at an automated car wash lane.

Pryor police officer Brent Crittenden reported that the vehicle was impounded because neither the driver nor the owner could provide proof of insurance.  Because the dog was properly registered with the City of Pryor however, he was not taken into custody and Joe was allowed to walk the pooch home.  A court date has not been set.

The dog's name, you ask?  Would you believe Dale Earnhart?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:37 PM EST
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