Mood: accident prone
Topic: "Fergit? Hell No!"
Major Robert Rogers (portrayed by Spencer Tracy in "Northwest Passage")has become the subject of a statue erected on Rogers Island in the Hudson River, 40 miles north of Albany. The site was the base camp for "Rogers' Rangers" in the late 1750's when the British and French fought for control of North America. In 1759 the Rangers conducted a raid on an Indian village in Quebec, which inspired James Fenimore Cooper to write the first American novel, "The Last of the Mohicans."
Rogers, himself, subsequently penned a manual on guerilla warfare which is still used as a blueprint for Army Ranger fighting tactics.
Surely, thought Frodo, there could be no objection to Spencer Tracy. How could anyone object to the inspiration for Daniel Day-Lewis as "Hawkeye?" Well little pardners, it just goes to show you, as Roseanne Roseannadanna was fond of saying, "If it ain't one thing, it's another."
Some Veterans groups objected because they felt that unveiling the monument on Memorial Day was insensitive since Rogers remained loyal to England during the Revolutionary War. Bob Bearor, a veteran of the 101st Airborne, stated "I think it is a travesty that we would think about honoring. . .someone who fought against us on that day."
Frodo has considered bearing arms against the British on more than one occasion. His failure to do so he always considered to be an "adult" response, as opposed to the role of a provocateur. Therefore, to appease Mr. Bearor, and his associates, Frodo is today declaring a state of preemptive aggression between the Shire and the British Empire. Prime Minister Blair should be forewarned that he is no longer a desired guest at afternoon tea.
The Shire is announcing an economic boycott of all things British. That includes, well, tea, and uh, well, anything else that comes to mind that the Imperialists export into the Shire. Understand that these sanctions do not extend to teas emanating from any other source and which are used in the preparation of the true Southern delight, "sweet tea."
Frodo believes that Major Rogers would approve of his actions in this matter. Frodo has instructed all of the Hobbits under his control to follow Rule No. 1 of Rogers' manual, which is "Don't forget nothing." It is obvious that Mr. Bearor and his associates also follow the same rule.