Topic: "What, Me Worry?"
Last night, a 21 year-old white boy named Jeff Francoeur played his first game as a Major League Baseball Player. He hit a home run late in the game, and cemented the Braves victory over the Cubs from Chicago (You know, Chicago, the place that only has two seasons, Winter and the Fourth of July).
Tonight the Braves found themselves tied with the Brewers of Milwaukee, when young Jeff Francoeur was again scheduled to bat. The Manager of the Braves, Bobby Cox, called the young man back to the bench, and substituted another 21 year-old white boy named Ryan Langerhans as a "pinch hitter." Langerhans hit a ground ball through the infield for a single, driving in the game winning run.
How did Cox know to do that? Is he actually Gandalf? Has he devised some magic potion, or perhaps a chant that energizes and inspires those around him? Whatever it is he needs to make sure that its' potency is not limited to the world of games between Hobbits and Halflings.
Frodo thinks Bobby Cox should be named Chief of Staff in the White House. John Scheurholz, the General Manager of the Braves, should replace George W. Bush. Pat Corrales, the Braves Bench Coach, whose job it is to position the team defensively, should replace Rumsfeld. Terry Pendleton, the Braves Hitting Coach, should become the new Secretary of State. Leo Mazzone, oh the famous "Rockin' Leo," Pitching Coach, should be Secretary of the Treasury. How many times has he made a "silk purse" out of a pitcher nobody else wanted? Additionally, Skip Caray, the crotchety son of Harry Caray, and the Dean of the Braves Announcers, is the man for Press Secretary.
Frodo would miss these guys very much. We all have to do our part however. This is the only way to replace those losers in the White House with real winners.