Topic: "Pat bin Laden"
"I would like you to build an Ark."
"Right. What's an Ark?"
"An Ark is a great ship into which you will place a mated pair of all my creations."
"Right. Does the definition of 'mated pair' include civil unions?"
"I will cause a great flood to destroy all the Earth, and only those aboard the Ark will survive."
"Right. How big is this Ark supposed to be?"
"It will be 200 cubits by 100 cubits in length and width, and will stand more than 50 cubits in heigth."
"Right. What's a cubit?"
"Why are you doing this?"
"Frodo, of all my creations, Man has been my greatest disappointment. I fear that he has used my Word to serve Mammon, and that nothing I do can bring him back to the Path of Righteousness."
"But Master there are many who serve you with devotion and honour."
"I know that Frodo, but those who act in my Name to spread destruction upon this Earth will leave it barren and lifeless."
"Master, how can I choose amongst all thy creations but two of each? How will I know that I have picked correctly?"
"Frodo, beware of he who says he acts in my Name."
"Hi there, my name's Pat Robertson, and that's a mighty pretty Ark you got goin' there."
"Why I'll bet it's at least 200 yards long. I know a lot about bettin' since I own my own racehorse."
"Mr. Frodo you sure there's plenty of room for me and my racehorse on that there Ark? You know, I was out there talkin' to the Master out there about that Evil Mr. Chavez down there in Venezuela, and he told me that there is a place for all those who say they act in his Name."
And so it came to pass that the Earth was struck by a Flood of greater proportions than ever before known. After 40 days and 40 nights, the Great Ark came to rest on Iraq. Frodo and his friends looked upon the land that had been, and all that remained was a great sign. The sign read "Mission Accomplished."