Topic: "Nixon Agonistes" (3)
Donald Rumsfeld, Richard Cheney, Pat Buchanan, when they were young, all served on the White House Staff of Richard M. Nixon; and Frodo was naive enough to think that the damage that Nixon did to our nation ended with his death. Buchanan subsequently became the only one of the three to seek the highest office in the land. Fortunately, the Convention of the American Independent Party, which nominated him, was only covered by the Comedy Channel. Rumsfeld could easily have been nicknamed "Boomerang" since he spent the rest of his professional life reurning to serve the collection of Republican losers who have followed "Tricky Dick" into the White House. Cheney remains, and periodically rises from the crypt to remind us all that anbody can become Vice President.
The Vice President of the United States has just returned from an important mission on the other side of the world. Accompanied by one of the top spooks at the CIA, he dropped in on the military dictator currently manning the nuclear button in Pakistan. Sitting down, mano-a-mano, the Veep explained, in no uncertain terms, that if the good General wanted to keep on receiving regular support payments from Uncle Sugar, he had better start doing something significant to curtail the "surge" of Taliban and al Qaeda performers passing into Afghanistan. To dispell any claims of disbelief, the current "Tricky Dick" was armed with the Intel.
Unfortunately, as Frodo learned from an unimpeachable source, Mr. Musharraf did not share the Vice President's assessment of the situation. Although Frodo had to rely on a translator, he was able to garner the substance of the Pakistani leader's response to Mr. Cheney.
"Mr Vice President, please place those intelligence reports someplace where the sun does not shine."
"In addition, Mr. Vice President, since there have been multiple attempts on my life by members of my military, my intelligence service, my fellow citizens, as well as by those who share my faith, it is quite possible that your theory about my half-baked attempts to stem the terrorist flood can be equated to the old adage which, I believe, goes like this: 'That dog don't hunt.'"
"Also, Mr. Vice President, your money is no good in Pakistan. In fact, given the rather dismal balance of payments situation under your distinguished leadership, it goes without saying that the Yankee Dollar ain't what it used to be. Perhaps you should consult with someone who has private industry experience with an organization that makes money by means other than sucking the government teat?"
"Finally, Mr. Vice President, I have it on good authority that every world power who has ever attempted to conquer the indigenous peoples of Wazeristan and the other tribal provinces on the Afghani-Pakistan border have had their heads handed back to them, on platters. I suggest that if you think that will be my fate, you are sadly mistaken. I also suggest that if you plan to take action yourself, you might suggest to Mr. Bush that you pack a lunch. It is likely you will be there most all day."
Frodo was on the tarmac as Air Force Two lifted off. He heard that Mr. Cheney told the Faux News reporter "embedded" with him on the mission that the talks had been "productive."
Frodo wonders if the plane touched down at San Clemente.