Topic: "Fox Views" (3)
Former Mexican President Vicente Fox should be the next guest of Chris Matthews on HARDBALL. Having released his new book, "Revolution of Hope," the first foreign leader to visit the Crawford Ranch after George W. Bush took office, was far from, shall we say, complimentary, to the Incomparable Moron. Calling Bush "the cockiest guy I have ever met" who "uses grade-school Spanish" and is merely a "windshield cowboy," Fox also implies that Bush is afraid of horses. He described Bush as someone who "struts like he's carrying a watermelon under each arm," (which compares favorably to Frodo's earlier characterization that he has a stick up his butt) and that he is not only "stubborn" but "high-handed" in his efforts to obtain support for his positions. Most telling is the statement that (under Bush) "America stopped building bridges and started building walls."
Frodo has been imagining what might be said if certain other world leaders would someday take Microsoft Word in hand, and begin to compose their impressions of Boy George (aka Incomparable Moron). Let us, dear reader, try these two, Putin and Musharaf (you know, "Vladimir" and "General").
"Yass, ve here in Rrussha also veal dat Gorgy is two afraid of horses. Venn I tried to haff him take his shirt off and to compare biceps wid me, he make funny face and snicker. I try take him two a slay ride in Yakutsk he say he not interested in seeing horse butt in his face. I tell him just think of Chainee."
"Premier, this is Frodo Baggins."
"Yass Mr. Frudo, remembering you from Isengard, good fight it was."
"Mr. Premier, how would you describe Boy George in his dealings with you, was he 'stubborn' and 'high-handed'?"
"Mr. Frudo, Gorgy had impressions that we were businessmen negotiatink de future of de vorld, and dat between us de two of us could do anything we vanted. He siad he could see my 'soul,' I siad he need glasses."
"Do you think History will regard him fondly?"
"Mr. Frudo, do you know what I call my new book?"
"No Sir, I do not."
"It is called 'Mr. Gorgy, Tear Down Your Own Wall." I believe that says enough."
"Thank you Sir, and now President Musharaf, would you care to tell us how you characterize and what stands out in your memory about your relationships with Gorgy, er, Bush?"
"Tankyew veddymush Mr. Froto. I wuzza particularly struck by how little heknew aboot the military, and that he not listened to those around him who did, like President-General Powell of the State Department. His time flying in little aeroplanes must have made him think dat those were not peoples down there being shot at and bombed."
"Was he 'stubborn' and 'high-handed' with you?"
Musharaf, his translators, and all his aides were laughing out loud for several seconds.
"Mr. Froto, he vas afraid of me. He vas afraid that I could give nucular veapons to Osama bin Laden. He would have done, in the early days, anything I told him to do."
"Can you give me an example?"
"Mr Fruto, when first he sent Rumsfeld and the black woman to talk, I told him to kiss my ass. I was speaking figuratively. He thought I meant it."
"The next time he wanted to send Larry Craig and Mark Foley."
After a pause for laughter, Frodo asked the General "And what is the title of your new book?"
"Mamas Don't Let Your Cowboys Grow Up To Be Horses' Asses."
Frodo sees a bright future for the publishing business.