Topic: "Armored Dildos" (3)
The mountainous Hindu State of Himachal Pradesh, previously referenced by Frodo, is under siege, by monkeys. Tens of thousands of monkeys live in and around the cities, protected by Hindu beliefs, and the consequences have included serious deaths and injury, to human beings. The Deputy Mayor of New Delhi was killed recently when he fell off a balcony during an attack by 25 wild rhesus macaques (those are monkeys, for any reader from Texas or Alabama). In a spate of bureaucratic ingenuity, a proposal has been put forth to deal not only with this problem, but with the more traditional problem in the area; that being chronic unemployment.
The State's Chief Minister has proposed that unemployed youths and retirees be put to work sterilizing monkeys. Persons currently receiving government benefits, i.e. unemployment or a pension, would be trained in the capture and sterilization (utilizing "laser technology") by experts. Despite protests from conservation groups and political opponents, who respectfully argue that sterilization might actually make some of the monkeys even more aggressive (or certainly a bit disappointed in the conduct of their human friends), Frodo has to admit that he sees some merit in the potential application to similar problems in America.
Throughout the American Southwest and Southeast, the casual traveler will observe a multitude of armadillo corpses alongside the road. These gentle little marsupials are rather slow and clumsy as they spread throughout the region, and are frequently accidentally slain by motorcars. Blending the concepts of putting the unemployed to work, and limiting the suffering by these cute little creatures, it certainly seems that there would be utility in training America's unemployed and retirees in capture and sterilization methods for armadillos. Frodo proposes, therefore that, commencing 381 days from now, all American citizens qualified to receive either unemployment benefits, or a federal pension, be trained to capture and sterilize armadillos before receiving any benefits.
381 days, long enough for us to find something at which he might actually be proficient. Maybe Arturo Gonzales can hold them down while he practices "shock and awe."
Frodo is actually going to miss not having the Incomparable Moron to kick around anymore (Not).