Topic: "Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Secretary Gates, Admiral Mullen, welcome to our hearing this morning. As we all know, the Administration is proposing that the Congressional Legislation commonly known as "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," be rescinded. Before the Congress considers such action, it is incumbent upon us to seek the opinions of both the Department of Defense and the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Let me begin by asking Admiral Mullen for his comments."
"Mistuh Chairman, ah object."
"I'm sorry, Senator Simply Useless (aka Saxby Chambliss) (R-GA), I did not hear any question or point raised prior to the opening comments of Admiral Mullen. What is your objection?"
"I object to the presence of all them pink ribbons openly worn by those in the gallery. That symbolizes the anti-Chrisitian leanings of those who would defile our honored military veterans. I ask that they either remove their ribbons, or they be escorted out of this chamber forthwith."
"Senator, why? No one has, to my knowledge, sought to either disrupt or influence these proceedings, assuming they can begin over your objection."
"I retain my objection."
"Senator, in consideration of your objection, and recognizing the fact that you have no military service history yourself, due, I believe, to a 'bad knee,' isn't it inappropriate for you to even be present in the room with people who have served our nation?"
"Mistuh Chairman, I would've gone to Vietnam had I been able."
"So noted. Please proceed Admiral Mullen."
"Chairman Frodo, I also object.
"Senator McCain (R-AZ)? What Sir, is your objection?"
"Since this hearing addresses existing legislation, it seems propriety would require that minutes from prior Congressional Hearings on this matter should first be read into the record."
"I beg you pardon Senator, but you want the Congressional Record, twenty years later, entered into these proceedings? That sounds rather wasteful to me."
"Mister Chairman, it is incumbent upon this Congress to act to prevent this Administration from ignoring the safety and security of the United States by admitting bung-holers and cocksuckers into the the first lines of our defense."
"Senator McCain, can you give this Chair a single example in order to give any credible consideration to your request? What negative impact do you foresee if this Legislation were amended to give equal access to military service by all who qualify?"
"Mister Chairman, I fear that those under the spell of homosexuality would be unable to stand up to the rigors of torture as was inflicted upon me during my years of captivity in North Vietnam."
"I see. Well Senator, I believe every American respects and is grateful to you both for your service, and your sacrifice. What is it which makes you think that a guy who came in fifth from the bottom of his graduating class at West Point would perform better than someone who graduated first in her class at Wellesley?"
"Mister Chairman, I'm not sure I appreciate the tone of your response."
"Senator, you have exerted your bias and your attempt to forestall consideration of an important public issue before any input has been presented by either the Secretary of Defense or the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. That is improper by both you and Senator Useless. In my opinion, it is a reflection of a couple of tired old men, who simply forgot that old soldiers, and old draft-dodgers alike, are meant to fade away."
"Well, I never."
"No you didn't. No you haven't. Nor will you.
"Sit down and shut up you old farts. It is time for us to get on with the business of being Americans. Perjhaps you should take notes. Admiral Mullen, I believe this country is listening, above the cacophony, in order to hear what you have to say. Please proceed."