Topic: "Anchorman" (6)
Frodo has taken great liberties in his descriptions of various and assundry residents of American States like Georgia, South Carolina, Alabama, West Virginia, and of course the Mexican State of Texas. That fact does not over emphasize the comparative nincompoopery of said locations, but Frodo readily admits that it is easy to overlook comparative stupidity in other locations when these make it so easy. Let us tonight include Minnesota.
Minnesota, the land of lakes by the thousdands, or some such, was the home of Hubert Humphrey, the "Happy Warrior" who had the unfortunate fate of being the President in charge of Vice under Lyndon Johnson. Humphrey, as some may recall and others will eventually learn, ran for President when Johnson decided that his old ticker wasn't up to it for another term. Humphrey found himself as an opponent of the Vietnam War who was part of an Administration charged with carrying out the War to some sort of conclusion (see "Afghanistan," in Wikipedia). Unable to establish himself on firm footing in anyone's mind, he lost the election to Richard Nixon (see "Tricky Dick," in Wikipedia). To that point, Humphrey was the only person Frodo had ever met who had actually been to Minnesota, much less lived there.
Of course, Frodo got to be quite intimate with Mary Richards, Rhoda, Suellen, Lou (see "Mr. Grant," in Wikipedia), Ted, and Frodo's favorite, Carlton the Doorman, nearly every Saturday evening for any number of years. Minnesota didn't look so bad if you had a girlfriend, with great legs, tossing her beret into the air every time you tuned her in, or turned yourself on.
Since those days, Frodo has been familiarized with two other Minnesotans. One, named Tim Pawlenty, looks like an accountant, or what Frodo has always imagined an accountant should look like. The other, named Michelle Bachmann, sounds like the driver of one of those little Volkswagens that used to appear in the rings of Barnum & Bailey with 10 other passengers wearing floppy shoes and red noses. Everyone else Frodo might associate with Minnesota is actually from someplace else (see "Brett Favre" in Wikipedia, but those under 18 should not be allowed to view the video portions thereof).
Everything that Frodo knows about Minnesota reflects incompetence. They had this great big bridge on the only big road that seemed to carry any volume of motorcars to collapse a few years back. A lot of cars actually fell into the water, which destroyed the myth that Minnesota has but two seasons, Winter and the Fourth of July. Frodo never understood why Governor Pawlenty never just sort of walked under the bridge and took a look around some time when he didn't have a lot of governing to do (see "most of the time" in Wikipedia) That event has now been followed by the collapse of this here tarpaulin that they had stretched across the roof of their football stadium. It seems that they had a whole mess of electric fans pointed skyward which were keeping the tarpaulin aloft from the field of play thereunder. Frodo would've thought that a smart Congressperson would've asked the question about what might have happened to the roof (see "tarpaulin," in Wikipedia) if the power ever went out.
Even in West Virginia, somebody would've figured that one out. Not so, in Minnesota (see "dumb shits," in Wikipedia).