Topic: "Frodo's Revenge"(7)
Larry O'Neill and Byron Trapnell were bullies in every sense of the word. Although neither flushed Frodo's head down a toilet nor stuffed him into a locker, that was probably only due to the fact that collectively they were not intelligent enough to have thought of something so complex. True it is, given the present standards, both would have been dismissed from school and would have been featured on the local evening news in handcuffs. School had many negative features for the smallest and the weakest. Without doubt the exploits of these two miniature hoodlums was among the worst of school-day memories for the Hobbit.
But they were not THE worst.
Friday was the day that Frodo came to detest. Rather than a heaping plate of shepherd's pie, or a cheeseburger, or even something dubbed "mystery meat", the Friday public school menu was always the same.
No definition to "fishsticks" was ever offered. Were they greasy cod, whitefish, catfish, tuna, shark, carp, or something from the deepest depths of the East River? The only certainty was that, come Friday, it was going to be fishsticks.
Frodo grew up hating Catholics. The grubby little fat guys ate the fishsticks as if they actually liked them. Frodo came to believe however that they only consumed the garbage because some religious father figure, who may have been a woman, would smack the shit out of them if they didn't eat their damn fishsticks.
Frodo resented the fact that, every Friday, in order to appease the Catholics, all the rest of the students in the School of the Shire had to face the weekend with greasy fishsticks stuck in the intestinal tract. Time has the habit of soothing the irritations of youth alas, so Frodo eventually got over his prejudice. At least that is what he thought until this little battle over "contraception" raised its ugly head.
The issue, as the entire potential electorate of the small blue planet knows, is that the "Bishops" in Middle Earth have collectively attacked the guaranteed services for contraceptive purposes which current law allows. The argument being, from their side, that it is wrong for the government to provide services which are contrary to their religious beliefs. On the other side is the fact that 98% of all the women of Middle Earth, including the Catholic populace, actually utilize contraception, even when the Church says they must not.
In order to avoid his darker side, Frodo is proposing a compromise. Since he has consumed more fishsticks than he ever deserved, because of his Catholic friends, maybe they can keep their beliefs to themselves, and tell their Bishops to suck wind.
By the way, should either Messrs. O'Neill or Trapnell ever stumble upon the wisdom of Frodo, he'd like to take an opportunity to tell them both to "eat fishsticks."