Frodo is a long time fan of Basil Fawlty, proprietor of the English Bed & Breakfast known as "Fawlty Towers." John Cleese, the brilliant comedian and member of the heralded group known as "Monty Python," portrayed Basil Fawlty. The interplay between Basil Fawlty and the Spanish-speaking waiter, Manuel, was a highlight for Frodo. Manuel would invariably inquire of the mercurial proprietor, "Que, Mr. Fawlty?" That was always a clue for massive inability to communicate.
John Cleese has written a satirical letter to the citizens of the United States of America entitled "Fawlty America." Frodo has always believed that satire should be read not only for the humor, but for the serious aspect of constructive criticism. From his letter, Frodo quotes the following:
"In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence. . .Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
. . .the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:. . .
2.There is no such thing as 'US English.' We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. . .
5.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. . .
6.you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7.All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. . .
8.The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol. . .roughly $8/US gallon. Get used to it. . .
11.The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. . .American brands will be referred to as 'Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine,'. . .
12.Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. . .
13.You will cease playing American 'football.'. . .Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American 'football,' but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). . .
Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are even aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
14.You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. . .
Thank you for your cooperation."
Funny? Frodo is prepared to defend Miller Light, the Atlanta Braves, the Internet, the Second Amendment, Ford Motor Company. He realizes then that none of them need defending. The satire is one of man's oldest weapons, just ask Dante Machiavelli. He is long remembered beyond the subject of his publication "The Prince."
Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:23 PM EST