Mood:
cheekyTopic: "Tear Down That Wall"(4)
Frodo is sensitive to criticism. It is easy enough to find fault with almost anything, and criticism, whether of a novel or an appropriations bill, if constructively presented and received, offers great value to society. The tail of the dog is that every once in a while, the critique requires specificity, and specificity usually requires an alternative to what is already on the table.
On this day, Frodo called the former Governor of Louisiana, the not-so-Honorable Edwin Edwards, who is occupying space in a fully-funded facility of the United States Government, in order to seek out his opinion of the financial stimulations underway by the current administration. Edwards' high-roller status in Las Vegas is well-known, so Frodo felt that one who has proven to have no fear of losing a gamble would be an excellent critic of that upon which so much of our present national interest is hinged.
"Thank you for taking my call, Governor."
"It is my pleasure, Mr. Frodo. Now, in exhange for what is it that you require?"
"Sir, I'm not sure I have anything to offer you, I have no gifts to bring (pa-rum-bum-bum-bum-bum), I thought you might simply enjoy someone seeking your opinion."
"Well, ask away, and we'll see what it might or might not be worth to you."
"Governor, the President has proposed a stimulation to the current worldwide recession, to the tune of about $800B, knowing, and even publicly offering, that should it fail, then his administration, and, in fact, the entire financial system of the free world may collapse. What do you think about a gamble so similar to "letting it ride" while attempting to draw against an Inside Straight, if you will?"
"Well, first off Mr. Frodo, Ah do not accept your analogy, on something so very basically easy to resolve."
"Sir?"
"Mr. Frodo, this entire mess can be solved by striking, aggressively, at the very root of the problem. You do know what that root is, don't you?"
"Well, most economists point to housing as the core problem, both as the source of the debt and the inability to set value."
"Ah agree with that Mr. Frodo. So wouldn't it make sense to you, to ignore everything else, and eliminate that part of the problem?"
"And how would we do that?"
"Increase the demand for housing. Fill up all of those foreclosed properties. Sell every empty house to a new homebuyer. Put all of your unemployed back to work building even more houses."
"Okay, but where is the demand going to come from? Nobody has any money, and nobody can get a mortgage to buy a house that nobody knows what it is worth."
"Boy, oh boy. How quickly y'all move from one problem-to-another without ever solving anything."
"So what are you telling us to do, Governor?"
"Damn boy, just open the borders."
"Sir?"
"Tear down that damn dumb wall y'all built on the southern border, and let all them Mexicans and Salvadorians come on in."
"You mean to open our borders to unlimited immigration?"
"Absolutely."
"But wouldn't that increase the chance of terrorism at home?"
"Could be."
"Aren't most of those people dirt poor?"
"Some are awfully rich."
"Like the drug cartels?"
"Could be. But wouldn't all those people need housing?"
"Well, sure, but. . ."
"But nothing, they could get jobs just building houses for each other, and they'd create lots of new jobs for those here who are out of work."
"But, but who would pay them?"
"Boy, ya got two choices, either you, and all the rest of the taxpayers pay them, or you let the rich Mexicans and Salvadorians run their own capitalist enterprise. No matter what, you'd have a whole bunch of new Americans who own their own home, and provide for their own families."
"Sir, I have to object. We can't just let a whole bunch of criminals into the country willy-nilly."
"Boy, who do you think settled Australia?"
"Well, you have a point there."
"Don't you know that your whole darn country was made from people who ran away from debtors prisons, or worked off their passage to America by working as indentured servants?"
"Yeah, that is so."
"Well, then, what in the hell are you doing asking me about an inside straight when the first thing you should be doing is tearing down that stupid wall?"
"Governor, you are extremely persuasive. You have given me something I need to think about."
"Give? Son, we are now at the point where I tell you what I want for solving your problem."
"And what would that be?"
"There was a reall purty gal in one of those pictures on DEMWIT a couple of days ago. How bout gettin' me her direct telephone number?"
Well, the President did ask each of us to help, didn't he?
