"It's Jim Beam or me," said Laura Bush to her husband. The ultimatum, according to the NATIONAL ENQUIRER, has been re-instated since the First Lady caught the President drinking the night the levees broke in New Orleans. The First Lady has subsequently vowed to travel with the President more often so she can keep an eye on him to prevent him from completely "falling off the wagon." Dr. Justin Frank, a Washington D.C. psychiatrist and author of "Bush on the Couch: Inside the Mind of the President," told the NATIONAL ENQUIRER "I do think that Bush is drinking again. Alcoholics who are not in any program, like the President, have a hard time when stress gets to be great. I think it's a concern that Bush disappears during times of stress. He spends so much time on his ranch. It's very frightening." Another source, not identified by the NATIONAL ENQUIRER is quoted as saying "I'm only surprised to hear he hadn't taken a shot sooner. Before Katrina, he was at his wit's end. I've known him for years. He's been a good ol' Texas boy forever. George had a drinking problem for years that most professionals would say needed therapy. He doesn't believe in it, he never got it. . .Everyone's drinking around him." Frodo has averred the continuation of drinking by the President ever since the "heart flutter" which caused him to collapse and darken his eye when he fell against a chair. It was reported at the time that the President had been in a room, all alone, watching football on TV, and eating pretzels when he fell. Frodo has never met anyone who was able to eat pretzels without something to wash them down with. The absence of any beverage being discussed was the giveaway. It should be noted, out of fairness, that the same issue of the NATIONAL ENQUIRER also carried articles entitled "Jen Falls for Brad Clone," "Britney Sells Baby for $6M," and "Kenny Chesney's Not Gay." At least none of the articles implied that Space Aliens had impregnated anyone, at least in this issue. Frodo attempted to contact the White House Press Secretary in order to seek his comment prior to posting, but not very hard. Frodo thinks that guy is a dweeb.