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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
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Monday, November 28, 2005
He Took a Hundred Pounds of Clay
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Presidential Erection"
Architecture is a lost art when it comes to Frodo. Maya Lin, the genius who designed the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, should feel relatively secure in the fact that Frodo could not have duplicated her design had he been given an infinite amount of time, an infinite number of monkeys, etc. Frodo appreciates the explanations given him by those who have an "eye" for such things.

Frodo has been contemplating architectural design as he has thought about the Memorial which is sure to someday commemorate the current unpleasantries in the Middle East. First off, Frodo proposes that the future Memorial should be dubbed the "Pre-Emptive Strike Monument ." In that way the "War Against Terrorism" and the "Iraq War" can be combined into one money-saving edifice. The nature of the structure itself is another matter however, and Frodo can foresee much disagreement.

The "Domino Theory" of the Vietnam War prescribed that all of the countries in Southeast Asia would fall if the United States failed to confront the Communist threat. A reverse "Domino Theory" apparently specifies that if one country in the Middle East successfully implements a capitalistic democracy then they all will. This foreign policy enigma of "one begets another" has become the justification for two similar and equally controversial wars separated by only a generation in time.

Frodo visualizes a Monument with large black tiles scattered all about the Mall. Each tile will carry white spots to signify a certain value. The tiles will touch at various points to reflect the interlock between cause and effect. As "one begets another" in the game of Dominos, so shall it be recognized in the "Pre-Emptive Strike Monument" that one stupid judgment produced another.

Now if Frodo can only figure how to incorporate George W. Bush picking his nose into the final design, then he will have caught the entire significance of the tragedy. Maya Lin, eat your heart out.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:40 PM EST
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Sunday, November 27, 2005
You Made Me Leave My Happy Home
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Here's Help, Now Leave"
Frodo has always had a very good memory. He remembers exactly how he felt when the President was shot, the wonder of the night when the Astronaut stepped onto the Moon, and even the first forced kiss laid upon him by Kitty Kreft. Frodo recalls telephone numbers more than thirty years old, and can return to the front door of a home or business he visited no more than once or twice when he was a very young Hobbit. It is a very mixed blessing.

Suffering is something that also stays in memory. The loss of life and property on the Gulf Coast is an astronomical burden which weighs heavily on all the Citizens of Middle Earth. The outpouring of feeling and support for the victims has been very gratifying. Things are changing, however, and Frodo can't seem to separate the pathos from progress, and that is what is noted below.

Capitalists believe that one takes responsibility for his own life, and that even disaster comes with a point at which assistance is no longer necessary as long as the individual is mentally and physically able to fend for himself. Human beings, Frodo believes, experience inertia when torn from the normality of life. Grief and self-pity may continue as long as necessary, and sometimes they both continue longer than expected or necessary.

The capitalists and the victims are coming into conflict. The capitalists are setting dates at which temporary housing assistance ends. Complaints are seen in the media that victims seem to be "taking advantage," and are not exercising sufficient effort to find work or to re-establish their independence. The victims are hesitant to return to an area where levees remain questionably safe, where neither electricity nor water have been re-established for residences, where schools are still closed, and where the dangers of toxic waste are ever-present.

The people of Orleans were the poorest of the poor. Poverty and its' problematic causes were there all along, and they were not erased by the kindness of strangers during a crisis. The problems were merely moved into other towns and cities with the victims. Many of those towns and cities truly believed that there were no problems such as these in our great land, that they had been corrected by time.

It is too bad that people in these towns and cities do not share Frodo's memories. People make do, they just don't make do at the same level, or the same pace, or in the same manner. America has found that there are a lot more poor people than they thought, and they have no idea how to deal with the problem. They have forgotten what Abraham Lincoln said about poor people, and that God loved them.

George W. Bush returns from another vacation tomorrow, and he will tell us how well he has managed the pre-emptive war. He will tell us all that any mistakes weren't his fault, it was the result of "bad intelligence." He must think that changing subjects will make Frodo forget. He wouldn't lie about it, would he?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:00 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, November 27, 2005 9:06 PM EST
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Friday, November 25, 2005
Goin' Away For to Leave You, Might Not Come Back Anymore
Mood:  cool
Topic: "Winter Solstice"
Despite December 21st and the gradual lengthening of days that follow, Frodo knows that Winter officially entered the Shire on this date. Once heard, it is the honk that emanates from an old Model-A Ford which is the sound that compares to the Sandhill Crane, in flock, passing overhead. Frodo and Mick, the Wonder Dog, stopped their work in the gardens of the Shire and stood silently this blue sky day when the first flock passed overhead on the way to their winter feeding grounds. It seemed like just last week when they flew through vicious thunderstorms and threats of tornado to brighten the days in the marshes far to the north of the Shire.

Mick was not encouraged by the thought of cooler days despite his personal preference for the temperatures. Mick knows that Frodo will toil at Mount Doom throughout most of daylight and that games of soccer and tennis ball will be rare and brief. He watched the flock passing overhead, and turned his head to comprehend the news communicated to those below. He rushed to the lime green object at Frodo's feet, picked it up in his mouth, and held it to Frodo's hand for the requisite toss into the leaves atop the lawn at the Shire. "Hurry Mr. Frodo, there is a game afoot, and tennis balls to be returned. Hurry Mr. Frodo," said the Wonder Dog.

Frodo's preparation of the garden for the winter would have to wait. Sqirrels could scamper freely, and Mr. Beau Neau could wander unmolested as he wished, for the game would not be delayed. Frodo tossed the ball, aiming for the upper rim of a boulder which bounced the ball skyward, followed closely by the Wonder Dog using the same as a springboard to grasp the elusive ball with his back to Frodo. Twisting in midair the Wonder Dog would land facing Frodo, and the ball would be returned at breakneck speed albeit much more moist than but a moment before.

After several tosses and requisite retrieval, Mick found a cool spot to sit and rest. With great speed and leaping ability the Wonder Dog is hindered only by a lack of wind. The game, for the moment, is at an end, but both participants revel in its' outcome. Frodo returned to his tasks, and the cacophony continued overhead. Mr. Louis Armstrong had it right.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:21 PM EST
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Wednesday, November 23, 2005
You Can Get Anything You Want
Mood:  hungry
Topic: "Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
It was always cold in that part of the Shire when Thanksgiving rolled around. Usually it meant that Frodo and Sam were to travel a long distance in order to share in the victuals, the fellowship, and the football. It was an opportunity for Frodo to be waited upon, as opposed to the shared labor which Sam required of him. The perfect holiday memory was, however, clouded by the annual struggle over the dressing.

Frodo had been raised on a mushy dressing, so soft that one wouldn't even need to chew. Simply roll it around in one's mouth two or three times and let it slide lovingly down into the swelling receptacle at the end of the gullet. Sam's Mother, casting all of her other culinary talents aside, had obviously been the victim of abuse as a child. She had been introduced to a dressing which was only suitable for use as a puck by teams in the National Hockey League.

Annually, at Thanksgiving dinner, and for the remaining meals in that time period, Frodo was confronted by the presence of a hockey puck immediately adjacent to the candied yams and the green peas on his plate. At first he would tactfully observe what the other sufferers did to dispose of the disgusting geode. Sam would simply push things around on the plate, and eventually no one could tell what was left on the plate. Sam's Father had a special relationship with Prissy and Gumbo (canines of the period) who, being strong of tooth, would be able to surreptitiously down any object laid before them. Other guests simply wandered from the table to catch the "latest score" and left the brick in place.

Frodo was always trapped by the question, "How do you like the dressing? You don't seem to have eaten much of it?" Frodo's eyes met Sam's every year, and only the subtle threat of locked ocular orbits kept him from answering truthfully. Always, Frodo endured. Sam still owes Frodo, big time.

Time has passed and such a trip is no longer possible. Frodo misses the fellowship very much, so much so in fact that one more hockey puck wouldn't be so bad after all.

Happy Thanksgiving. Eat the dressing.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:06 PM EST
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Sunday, November 20, 2005
Hot, Hot, Hot
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Congress' Schmidthead"
Frodo awoke this morning to realize that his Congressional Representative was going to make $3100 more this year than he did last year. Frodo did not give him a pay raise, he gave himself one. Had the story not appeared in the local newspaper Frodo would not have known since his Congressional Representative did not notify Frodo that he intended to vote himself a pay raise. Frodo's Congressional Representative is a Doctor, he is a Republican, and he looks like he uses his mustache as a soup-strainer.

Representative Jean Schmidt (R-Ohio) the junior-most member of the US House, winner of a special election held earlier this year, has been broadcast on most networks in a replay of her comments relative to Representative John Murtha (D-Pennsylvania). Schmidthead referred to Representative Murtha, a 37 year veteran of the US Marine Corps and winner of the Bronze Star in Vietnam, as being somewhat less than a hero for his stance suggesting a redeployment of US troops out of Iraq. Schmidthead failed to take note of the House Rule that forbids one member from publically castigating another on the House floor. Schmidthead failed to identify that she is neither a veteran of the US military, nor has she ever been decorated for her courage on the battlefield.

Frodo notes that Schmidthead defeated a young man named Hackett, who is a veteran of the Iraq Preemptive Strike, and that she must therefore feel qualified to comment on military policy.

Representative Murtha who, before the current pronouncement, never did much to excite patriotic fervor in Frodo, has reacted with a bit of class. Frodo therefore suggests that perhaps his Congressional Representative should forego his personal $3100 pay raise, and offer it to Representative Murtha. Frodo votes "Aye." "Opposed?"

Representative Schmidthead is another case in point. For her violation of House Rules Frodo suggests that she be fined $3100, and that the non-deductible gift be submitted directly to the family of PFC Jesus Fonseca. None of his family members were doctors.

Frodo votes "Aye." "Opposed?"

See how easy good government actually is? Eliminating Schmidtheads isn't really that difficult.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:02 PM EST
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Friday, November 18, 2005
You're in The Arms of The Angels, May You Find Some Comfort There
Mood:  special
Topic: "Frodo and Jesus"
Frodo remembers a day last year this time when he went to the funeral of a young man he never knew. Frodo had seen the obituary in the newspaper and noted that the public was invited. The church was very near the Shire.

PFC Jesus Fonseca, age 19, had been felled by a sniper. His body was being escorted from Iraq to the Shire, and then on to his familial home in Mexico. There were a lot of non-Hispanic citizens of Middle Earth in the church. Frodo wondered if it was important to any that some of their fellow mourners might have entered the Shire illegally?

He was just a baby. The waxen appearance of such a small body was almost too much for Frodo to bear. From the bier Frodo turned to the family and touched his heart and his lips as he had seen Sammy Sosa do so many times. It was the only thing he could think to do or to say.

Frodo has not forgotten the sacrifice of that young life, and today he thought once more about what meaning to ascribe to Jesus. Perhaps the most important aspect is that Frodo hasn't forgotten that he has attended one more funeral of an American serviceman than has George W. Bush.

Dear reader, take a moment and pause with Frodo to remember a baby named Jesus Fonseca. Let us all share in the hope that the killing will end before we stand in silence, again, next year.

Gracias.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:08 PM EST
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Down By De Seashore, Siftin' Sand
Mood:  party time!
Topic: "Frodo's Foreign Policy"
Frodo is pleased to report that he has undone the months of neglect and mismanagement by the Bush Administration relative to relationships with our Caribbean neighbors. Frodo devoted his personal time and resources to the renewal of his friendship with people who are as diverse as they are full of life. Frodo now speak like da Creole man on Dominica (pron. Dom-uh-neeek-a), or mebbe like da man on French side St. Maarten who sometime lay on da sand wid no close on. Frodo swim wid de green sea turtles on Barbados, and every where he drinka da rum punch.

Frodo learned a lot from those who traveled with him, and he will have much to offer from those perspectives in nights to come, dear reader. Frodo say "Thank you Mon, for checkin' on me, but da rum punch helped me tally me banana. Day Oh, Day Oh, come de light and me need go bed."

Frodo learned that he is now the titular head of all those who truly believe in the Gospel of Louis Armstrong. "I see skies of blue. . .and I say to myself, What a Wonderful World. Oh yeah!"

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:11 PM EST
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Friday, November 4, 2005
Aye Calypso a Story toTell
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Pirate Booty"
Mick the Wonder Dog, Fiona, and Georgia are safely ensconced at Camp Kennel. Rocky, Beau Neau, and Sydney will be visited daily by Miss Ellyn until Frodo and Sam return to the Shire on November 15th.

The Spanish Main, the Dutch East Indies, the Sandwich Islands, around the Horn, "Captain Blood," Long John Silver and young Jim 'awkins, pieces of eight, walk the plank, the Jolly Roger, and "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir."

Aye Matey, picture Frodo with a peacock plume atop his cap and a silk shirt open to the navel, with a scarlet sash about his waist. That is, at least until the late seating for dinner is called.

"Ya got any rum to go with that chateaubriand, ya swab?"

Fair sailing until Frodo returns.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:48 PM EST
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Thursday, November 3, 2005
"Git Along Little Dogie"
Mood:  surprised
Topic: "Bovine Stem Cells?"
THE WASHINGTON POST today reported the details of a major felony in the farmlands surrounding our Nation's Capital. It seems that someone purloined a huge number of "straws" containing bull semen.

In a setting reminiscent of the genetic laboratories exhibited in the movie "Jurassic Park," the seminal fluid of shorthorn bulls is maintained for the appropriate act of artificial insemination. The magic elixir is packed in tubes (known as "straws") and contained within nitrogen-heavy solutions with temperature levels cold enough to keep the contents fresh. The straws are drawn when needed and the contents injected into the appropriate orifice, and in approximately the same gestation period as a human being a new shorthorn comes into being. The benefit of this to the "farmer" is that no bulls are actually required to live on the farm.

Frodo supposes that the value of the bull semen is dependent on a number of factors. It would seem logical that if the semen came from a very highly-regarded bull it may carry more value than if it came from a rather ordinary bull, say a bull named "W" for example. Another consideration of the value is certainly the alternative cost of maintaining a bull on the farm. Frodo is afraid that this speaks to the motive of the thieves in the subject crime.

Keeping "W" (as an example) available could prove to be a real budget-buster. Huge deficits would be created. Security would have to be strengthened. Coalitions with neighboring farms would have to be established for mutual protection. Disaster plans would be put into preparation. All in the effort to protect the business.

"Yeah," says Frodo, "that 'W' is a whole lot of bull."

If a ransom note comes from the semen thieves, Frodo suggests that the farmer pay it. The alternative might be three more years of bull.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:40 PM EST
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Wednesday, November 2, 2005
I Never Knew Just What It Was And I Guess I Never Will
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Brownie Hawkeye"
Frodo remembers the box-like appearance, and the curving plastic strap extending front to back on the top of his first camera. It was at that moment that Frodo decided to become a professional photographer. This decision was soon superceded by professional baseball, the United States Senate, medicine, guitar, soul music, journalism, teaching, space exploration, fishing, method acting, and poetry. The "Brownie Hawkeye" however remains as the single physical memento of these daydreams of yesteryear.

Frodo attempts to stay one step behind technology. After everyone else has commenced the second phase of a consumer technological innovation, Frodo acquires his first. The digital camera is the latest addition to the playroom of the Hobbit.

Armed with the July, 2005, edition of "Consumer Reports," Frodo entered "Best Buy" with the swagger of one who knew what he wanted, and who required no assistance whatsoever from a lowly salesperson. The all-knowing attendant took note of Frodo's confident demeanor and contained his sly grin at the far end of the counter. Frodo searched for the four highest ranked recommendations in his price range.

It was quickly apparent that Frodo was more than one step behind technology. Each of the recommended "best buys" from July were now out of production and surpassed by new models in this the month of November.

The salesperson swooped, and Frodo was in his talons.

Frodo knows that he should read each and every page of the instruction books, even those in Spanish, but he is unable to break from his time-honored tradition of breaking open the package and immediately beginning to play. It was what he did with the "Brownie Hawkeye," and if it was good enough for Eastman Kodak, then it ought be handled in exactly the same manner today. Frodo knows what the result will be however, and he is already steeling himself for the inevitable "crash" when nothing seems to work as it is supposed.

Frodo also hesitates to ask directions when driving the motorcar. It must be associated with the presence of a penis.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EST
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