Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I Beg Your Pardon, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
Mood:

smelly
Topic: "Flower Power (2)"
In the back of the Shire, just beyond the last of the azaleas, and hidden beneath an old dogwood, a patch of Crested Dwarf Iris have taken hold. Now in full bloom the pale blue miniature stands atop a separate two-inch stalk which offer each of them to the Sun. Inside there is a streak of yellow and a flash of purple on each petal. So small, so delicate, this is Frodo's favorite wildflower.

Frodo first noticed a patch of these wildflowers growing in the gravel alongside a road that was about to be paved. Clearly, the wildflowers were to be thoughtlessly sacrificed to the smoother drive of the motor cars that seem to multiply when asphalt appears. Tactically confident that he was not disturbing someone else's property, or moving something from the native wild, Frodo appeared with a flat shovel and a batch of that yesterday's newspaper. Gently, he removed the connected rhizomes as if they were the very definition of the word fragile.

The plants, wrapped in wet newspaper (thereby disproving almost any valueless charge offered by the Administration relative to the "liberal media"), accompanied Frodo on his return trip to the Shire. The first bed proved adequate, but over time the patch did not spread, and the flowers began to disappear. Frodo noted that, in the wild, the Crested Dwarves seemed to thrive in a shadier spot than that which he had chosen in the Shire. He moved them again. Unfortunately, that choice also yielded a further decline.

Finally, Frodo settled on the present location, which mixes periods of full sunshine with periods of full shade, with successful blossoming and a spreading patch as the result. Frodo looks admiringly at these gifts from the woodland and contemplates both their beauty and the lesson that something so fragile represents. When you take things out of the natural order, you had better be prepared to make adjustments time and again.

Doesn't say much for somebody who wants to "stay the course," does it?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:36 PM EDT

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Monday, April 10, 2006

Do You Remember When We Used to Sing Sha-La-La-La-La-La
Mood:

not sure
Topic: "I Believe in Music (2)"
Oktoberfest 2000, Frodo and Sam are in Munich. It is pouring down rain, but the excited travelers are not about to let a little moisture get in their way. Unfortunately, everyone else who had made it to Munich was saying exactly the same thing. Undaunted, Frodo led the way to an open door and a weary and wet but merry band stumbled into the venue sponsored by Lowenbrau. There must have been 10,000 wet Citizens of Middle Earth in there, but none of them were as thirsty as Frodo.

Once the beer began to flow, Frodo began to explore. Amid the hustle of the crowd there stood a band on the stage.

"Listen Sam, they're about to start," said Frodo. "You are about to get your first lesson in Ooompah-pah-pah."

"Heeeyyy Babeee, I wanna know-oh-oh, Will you be my girl?"

Frodo was in shock, the band was playing and singing, in English, a great old soul song from the US of A. What was most amazing however, was the fact that the entire crowd was singing along, in English. Frodo and Sam joined in, and the mostly young crowd from all over the world was firmly united in celebration and sweet soul music.

This past weekend the Rolling Stones made their first appearance, ever, on the Chinese Mainland. Despite the desire of the political leadership in China to censor the now 60 year-old Mick Jagger and Friends, the Stones were unperturbed. After all, they operate from a play-list of more than 400 songs.

Frodo was struck by the crowd outside waiting to gain entry to the concert, all of whom were singing, albeit in that unique Chinese dialect, "I Can't Get No Satisfaction." Frodo recalled the time in Munich and how he assumed, once again, that music was a great uniter of people, despite the best efforts of religion and politicians to undo that which brings people together.

The Chinese Government has announced the attending crowd at 8,500, and that it was mostly composed of "expatriates." Frodo paused, for he realized that he had made an assumption without knowing the relevant facts. That is what George W. Bush does, so Frodo decided he'd better further analyze the preamble of his theory of unity by rock-and-roll.

American television, particularly commercials, have been shown around the world, and for people who've never opened a can of beer, it looks like something they'd like to try. Just as Frodo once danced with the older teenagers on "American Bandstand," he is sure that kids in Lithuania are doing hip-hop with "50 Cent," this very moment. Frodo truly believes that young people in Iran are wearing make-up, and sports bras.

He just can't prove it. The proof is if the generation in power ever gives them all the opportunity to "get down" together. Peace just may have a chance.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:38 PM EDT

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Saturday, April 8, 2006

Children Get Older, I'm Getting Older Too
Mood:

cool
Topic: "Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
There was a time when entry into any male dorm room in America would be the same no matter which way one turned. There would always be one of two, or perhaps both, posters displayed somewhere in the room. Raquel Welch, starring in the Movie "One Million Years B.C.," would thrust her silicon-guided missiles into the eye of the beholder in one of those posters. Head turned slightly to the right, animal skin teasingly clinging to one of two legs, as the head of a T Rex appears menacingly behind her (Strange that even though Frodo was never required to memorize said details, they remain locked in place).

The other poster was of a man, on an airborne motorcycle, wearing a cut-off sweat shirt and chino pants, leaping toward freedom. Steve McQueen, in "The Great Escape," was attempting to clear the barbed-wire barrier between Germany and Switzerland, while Nazi soldiers were hot in pursuit.

In his days at the College of the Shire, Frodo wanted to be Steve McQueen when he grew up. No man, much less an actor, epitomized the unbridled independence and coolness of Steve McQueen. As time passed, Frodo realized that it was more the character than it was the man whom he so admired.

Frodo recalls these memories because of an e-mail he received from an internet friend, i.e. a soul-mate whose face he will never know. The e-mail mentioned the passing of Squadron Leader Eric Foster, age 102, at his home in England. It seems that Eric Foster had survived the crash of his Wellington Bomber in Germany in 1940. Subsequently, he escaped from various prison camps on seven occasions. He ended up in Stalag Luft III, from whence he was released in 1945 when he convinced his captors that he was insane.

Eric Foster was the inspiration for the character portrayed by Steve McQueen in the movie, "The Great Escape," or so the story goes. McQueen, by the way, died of lung cancer in 1980 at the age of 50.

If, indeed, Foster was the inspiration for the movie, then Frodo owes him a great debt. Frodo refuses however to accept the iconoclastic image of some squirrely Limey as his hero "Hills." McQueen spent countless hours in "the Cooler" bouncing his baseball off the wall, driving his Nazi guards to distraction. McQueen and James Garner organized a special Fouth of July celebration for the entire camp at Stalag Luft III. McQueen raced motorcycles, not horses. No Limey, including the heroic Mr. Foster, could have been "Hills."

Only Steve Mcqueen, or perhaps Frodo.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:44 PM EDT

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Thursday, April 6, 2006

There's Beauty Up Above In Things We Never Take Notice Of
Mood:

vegas lucky
Topic: "Immigration Reform (2)"
Frodo has kept very quiet on the subject "du jour," as Sauron might say. Frodo and Sam have discussed their individual "take" on the subject, and they find themselves, individually, drawn in different directions. Not unlike many other social issues, there are far too many variables for there to be one, simple, answer. That is, unless you are a simpleton, and can summarize your opinion with a pithy phrase like "guest worker program."

The Statue of Liberty is a part of Frodo, and it is the welcome that he offers to all who come in search of a better life. The fact that so many have sacrificed so much to begin that new life in the Shire is humbling to Frodo. Frodo also recognizes that there is every valid reason to ensure that there is a regulatory process to which all must adhere.

Lou Dobbs has made the very valid point that the regulatory process has been circumscribed by those whose economic interests are best served by people willing to work at any price. It is nothing new. Frodo sadly observes that a huge number of the Citizens of Middle Earth combine xenophobia with resentment for the individuals who have violated the regulations.

Frodo knows that this exists in all the settled lands of Middle Earth. Sociologists have long taught us that from the earliest times, there have been groups; groups for protection, groups for the production of foodstuffs, groups to accomplish tasks beyond the scope of the individual. As long as there have been groups, there has been jealousy and discrimination between groups. It is nothing new. What is new is the attempt to deal with the conflicts by political leaders who are even dumber than their forebears.

Then, out of nowehere, Frodo sees something that underlines his faith. Amidst all the dark hordes of Orcs, he suddenly notes the names of Alain Maboussou, Quang Dao, and Dung Tran. Dear reader, these three immigrants dropped into a homeless shelter in Nebraska last Tuesday, and dropped off a donation for $6,000. These "immigrants" must have remembered what suffering was like, for they sought to soothe it.

Frodo remembered similar words spoken at a funeral, a long time ago. He smiled when he learned that these generous newcomers to the Shire had recently shared in a lottery jackpot. Frodo notes that there has been no inquiry from Members of Congress about the "status" of these immigrants.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:28 PM EDT

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Tuesday, April 4, 2006

I'd Hammer Out Danger, I'd Hammer Out Warning
Mood:

a-ok
Topic: "Only 434 More to Go" (2)
Frodo believes the words went something like this, "Ding Dong The Witch is Dead, The Wicked Witch is Dead. . ." With furrowed brow, Frodo waves bye-bye to the ship carrying Tom DeLay back to Texas. The song keeps racing through his mind.

Beyond the bizarre, Frodo has taken note of some rather uncharacteristic writings by former residents of Mordor. Rather than espouse the party line, and attempt to assure the Peoples of Middle Earth that the only good Democrat is a Dead Democrat, Kevin Phillips has written an extremely provocative and profound book. Much of the substance was captured in an op-ed piece in THE WASHINGTON POST.

Frodo used to believe that quoting a Republican was something one did only when one wanted to resort to letting fools speak for themselves. Kevin Phillips, a thinker, albeit one usually mis-directed, has usually been on the forefront of those who felt that Ronald Reagan was storming the Bastille while Frodo felt he was merely emptying the psychiatric wards. Following are a few quotes from Mr. Phillips:

"Now that the GOP has been transformed by the rise of the South, the trauma of terrorism and George W. Bush's conviction that God wanted him to be president, a deeper conclusion can be drawn: The Republican Party has become the first religious party in US history."

"These developments have warped the Republican Party and its electoral coalition, muted Democratic voices and become a gathering threat to America's future. The last parallel was in the early 17th century, when the papacy, with the agreement of inquisitional Spain, disciplined the astronomer Galileo for saying that the sun, not the Earth, was the center of our solar system."

And, finally, "Unfortunately, three of the preeminent weaknesses displayed in these past declines have been religious excess, a declining energy and industrial base, and debt often linked to foreign and military overstretch. Politics in the United States--and especially the evolution of the governing Republican coalition--deserves much of the blame for the fatal convergence of these forces in America today."

Frodo ponders these words, and watches as his Homeland steps back from the precipice. Perhaps, he muses, reason is returning to the fore, when even the architects of the maelstrom sense that things have gone too far. There will be much work, and it will require a spirit of cooperation which George W. Bush neither recognized nor fostered. Perhaps we are watching as this modern Sauron becomes obsolete. His foolishness has been his own Brutus, and he bleeds on the Senate floor. Frodo will not waste the opportunity to seize the ring from his finger.

Then again, it is Spring outside. Hope blooms eternal.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:48 PM EDT

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Monday, April 3, 2006

We're Caught In a Trap, We Can't Walk Out
Mood:

sharp
Topic: "Zinni in Bloom (2)"
William Westmoreland was an ass. Despite the impressive accomplishments of military leaders throughout the history of the United States, Frodo, like so many of his peers, only saw Westmoreland. The disdain in which he held the US Military was shared by a generation who also focused on the ineptitude of this witless bumblefuck. Frodo fears that much the same will occur in years to come when today's young people look back on the political leadership of George W. Bush.

General Andrew Zinni, USMC (Ret), appeared on "Meet the Press" yesterday and called for the resignation of the Secretary of Defense. This evening, Zinni appeared on "Hardball" with Chris Matthews, and he was asked to expand on his remarks of the previous day. It should be noted at this point that the gallant Braves were entering the ninth inning holding a slim lead over the Visigoths from Los Angeles on another channel. Frodo was torn asunder.

Zinni expressed the philosophical analytical skills of Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin looking back at Lincoln. Zinni pointed to the untested assumptions which were applied to support arguments not supported by fact. The blame was clearly placed as he had indicated previously. The question was raised as to why Donald Rumsfeld held this job in the first place? Here, Frodo, would have made headlines had he been asked the same question:

"Chris, it is common knowledge that George W. Bush had limited exposure outside the United States when he became President. If you'll remember, reporters had hit him pretty hard asking him to identify many of the most important political leaders of other nations. He failed miserably, if you'll recall."

"Yes, Mr. Frodo, I remember that his supporters rallied to his defense and called the reporters 'biased'."

"Well, Frodo believes that Rumsfeld was hand-picked by Cheney to provide specific experience to the Administration of George W. Bush."

"Now, Mr. Frodo, look at Powell. . ."

"Powell, Schmowell, he wasn't one of the inner circle, and he wasn't somebody that Rove and Company trusted at all. Rummy was the guy who could do the job and make the Moron look like he knew what he was doing."

"Moron? Now come on Mr. Frodo, that's pretty strong talk. . ."

"Hey, isn't this supposed to be Hardball?"

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:51 PM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, April 4, 2006 8:51 PM EDT

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Sunday, April 2, 2006

Cruisin' and Playin' The Radio With No Particular Place To Go
Mood:

lazy
Topic: "What Time Is It (2)"
Frodo is not a fan of time changing. There is, to Frodo, no credible scientific reason that justifies the biennial shift from Standard to Daylight Time and back again. The politicians who support these shifts in the continuum are the same politicians whom Frodo happens to feel were born brain-dead, and whose condition has worsened, as one might expect, over time.

Frodo is an extremist as it relates to matters of the clock. Frodo thinks that four o'clock in London should be four o'clock in Des Moines, Shanghai, Honolulu, Juneau, Berlin, and Krakow (Please note that the choice of 4 o'clock is coincidental and has no impact on the recognition of a world-wide "tea time"). What harm, would it do, pray tell, to have all the world on the same time? Just because the Sun may be at its' zenith in London at noon doesn't mean that people in New York couldn't learn that the same setting for them will now be 7 o'clock. Does it really matter? Wouldn't it be so much more convenient for travel to leave New York at Noon and to arrive in Barcelona ten hours later at 10 o'clock? Who would care if the workday in New York were to begin at 3 o'clock, if it ended at 11?

Frodo has lectured on this issue extensively, and has yet to receive any negative feedback. Mick, the Wonder Dog, recipient of most lectures on this topic, does not take note of the digital clock when he nods off about 9:30 each evening. He breathes deeply and wishes Frodo went to bed earlier.

Frodo notes that the gallant Braves would then actually play their inaugural game of the new season in Los Angeles at 1 o'clock, when games are supposed to start.

How will the gallant Braves do this season?

Frodo says, "Only time will tell."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:53 PM EST

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Thursday, March 30, 2006

When Nights Are Cold And Lonely Stand By Your Man
Mood:

happy
Topic: "Female Insurgency (2)"
Three very different women were in the news today, for three very different reasons. Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney (D-Georgia) punched out a Capitol Hill Policeman. First Lady Laura Bush (R-Upstairs at the White House) passed up a trip to Cancun. Naomi Campbell (A Whitney Houston Impersonator) beat the blazes out of her housekeeper. Frodo notes a disturbing pattern to the uneven reporting of these events by the Mass Media.

In the first instance, the Congresswoman is a divorcee who recently changed her hairstyle and regularly fails to wear the identification badge which allows her to pass through security screens on Capitol Hill. In the second instance, the First Lady quietly avoided accompanying her husband to the Mexican seaside resort famous for its' topless sunbathers. In the instance involving the single Ms. Campbell, whose talent has little to do with anything other than walking in front of other people wearing somebody else's clothes, impatience with the hired help wrought violence.

One of the ladies objected to the fact that a man failed to identify her. Another lady decided that spending time with a man was not preferable to climbing into her jammies and watching a Dirk Bogarde movie. The other lady in the news decided that physical violence is the preferred way to deal with people who displease. Frodo ponders each of these incidents. Each reminds Frodo of things going on in other parts of Middle Earth.

In Iraq, the Sunnis are miffed that they are no longer in control. They evidently feel that they are not getting the respect that they deserve, and despite their previous shortcomings, demand greater responsibility in running the country.

The Kurds feel that they have things knocked, and they don't really give a damn what the other guys do. They just sort of stand around, dish out a little oil from time-to-time, and if they get pissed they know that they don't need the other guys like the other guys need them.

The Shiites are exhibitionists. They whip themselves in religious celebration and they enjoy being on TV telling dimwit Congresspeople that they love Americans for making them free. Then they blow up Sunni mosques, kidnap and murder their political opponents, and gather together into their own protective little armies.

Iraq, Frodo supposes, is a great deal like a woman scorned. If you make her mad, she'll either cut you off, or cut you up. Perhaps this explains why this Administration has been walking around with its' zipper down.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:07 PM EST

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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I Went Down Virginia Seeking Shelter From the Storm
Mood:

down
Topic: "The Future is Now (2)"
Frodo has never considered himself elitist in any sense of the word. He does however, have little tolerance for people who wear cowboy boots, chew tobacco, and spout homilies about what Americans really want and believe. It is not difficult to lump many Texans under such an umbrella. It would be impossible to exclude Senator George Allen (R-Virginia).

Frodo remembers the "Over-the-Hill Gang" of the Washington Redskins as if it were yesterday. Sonny Jurgensen or Billy Kilmer would hand off to Larry Brown, who would follow the block of Charlie Harraway, into the hole opened by Len Hauss, and follow the interference of Jerry Smith down the sidelines past the hateful gaze of Tom Landry and Roger Staubach. Frodo can still here the Redskins' Coach, George Allen, say "Twenty-Two Men, pulling together, cannot lose." In the background would be the song, over and over the song, "Hail Victory, I say Hail to the Redskins, Fight for Old D.C."

After the game, Coach Allen would eat ice cream.

Coach Allen's son entered politics and became Governor of Virginia. Subsequently, he ran for the Senate, and now he is the apparent chief rival to Senator John McCain for the Republican nomination to succeed George W. Bush as President.

The only good thing about that last sentence is the phrase "succeed George W. Bush." It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it, dear reader? It is certainly the most hopeful phrase Frodo has heard in some time. A true harbinger of better times.

George Allen models himself after Thomas Jefferson, not his father. He is quite adept at taking words from Jeffersonian uttering and inputting them into the context of some bizarre adage about conservative ideology. Frodo wishes he could face George Allen and establish a dialogue as follows:

"Senator, I knew Thomas Jefferson. Thomas Jefferson was a friend of mine. Senator, you are no Thomas Jefferson."

NOTE: Frodo pays special homage to the only words ever produced by a Texan which he will ever use in polite company. Thank you, Lloyd Bentsen.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:27 PM EST

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Monday, March 27, 2006

Baby You Don't Know What It's Like
Mood:

lucky
Topic: "What We Have Here (2)"
Master Tolkien tells us that Smeagol successfully turned Frodo against Sam at Cirith Ungol. It was, however, not the only time. Recently, Frodo placed an order for straw of the pines, in great quantities, and had it delivered to the Shire. It was the intent of Frodo to luxuriously mulch straw of the pines amidst all the islands of plants on that part of the Shire which borders Minhiriath. Once he had accomplished the basic task, he sought out Sam in order to best coordinate the remainder.

"Of the 20 bales with which I began," said Frodo, "I now have 6 left. If you will come and see the fruit of my labor, then you can help me judge where best to spread all the rest."

"Oh Mr. Frodo, I have much to do," answered Sam, "and I am sure that your judgment is good and that you can spread all the straw of the pines in good taste."

With a knowing shrug, Frodo returned to the border and proceeded to spread the remaining bales in what seemed a logical manner. When done, he stood across the border to give full dimension to his accomplishments. Frodo took great pleasure in the visual betterment to the Shire.

The next day, when it was a bit warmer, Sam and Frodo strolled about the Shire so that Sam could also admire the results of an entire day's labor. When they approached the border, Sam placed hands on hips and growled to Frodo about the unsightly nature of one area undressed by straw of the pines. As he looked at it, Frodo thought to himself that Sam was, indeed, correct. That did not however, ease the consternation Frodo felt, for had Sam observed the situation the previous day when asked, Frodo would've been able to address the problem. It was irritating that Frodo had sought Sam's counsel, been rebuffed, and now would have to acquire even more straw of the pines.

Frodo was considering dropping a handful of straw of the pines into Sam's shorts.

The following day, which is the day before the day that waste products are magically transformed into transportation, Sam sought Frodo's assistance in preparing for the transformation. Frodo found that huge amounts of cat litter had been bound into plastic bags, contrary to his public position on the subject. Not anticipating that his directives had been disobeyed, Frodo soon found himself knee-deep in the onerous product which escaped its' confinement.

"You should be more careful Mr. Frodo," said Sam, "now you have to clean up that mess."

Frodo was considering dropping a handful of litter of the cat into Sam's shorts.

Smeagol's chicanery is overcome by the affection that Frodo feels for Sam. Issues are bound to arise however, even between those who fight their way up Mount Doom together.

Sam would be well-advised to wear tight-fitting underwear for the next several days.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:42 PM EST

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