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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Don't Sleep in The Subway Darlin', Don't Stand in The Pouring Rain
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Bring in the first Prisoner."
"State your name for the record."
"Why am I here?"
"Your name please!"
"Look, I don't know who you are, I don't know why I'm here, and I'm not telling you anything. I demand a lawyer."
"You will answer the questions put before you by this tribunal."
"And if I choose not to do so?"
"You will suffer the consequences."
"No one has informed me of my rights."
"No one is required to inform you of anything."
"Yeah, well according to the MIRANDA decision. . ."
"The reference you make does not apply because you have been deemed to be an 'unlawful enemy combatant'."
"What? Deemed by whom?"
"This tribunal."
"Listen dude, I don't know who you are, and I don't know what this is all about, but somebody has made a big mistake."
"I repeat, state your name for the record."
"I refuse to answer based on my rights under the Fifth Amendment of the US Constitution."
"As I stated previously, you are subject only to the authority granted to the President by the Congress of the United States on this date in American history. The President has thereby directed the creation of this tribunal in order to provide for the public safety by bringing unlawful enemy combatants into the legal system expeditiously. Now, what is your name, boy?"
"I was born in this country. I am a free man. I have rights as a citizen."
"I am telling you to provide this tribunal with your name and I will not ask you again."
"Good. I see I'm finally getting through to you."
"Bailiff, remove this enemy of the people, and let him sit in a cell until he is ready to answer the questions of this tribunal."
"You can't do this. My God, this is America."

What you have just read, dear reader, according to Frodo, is all legal and consistent with the signing into law of that which removes "Habeas Corpus" from the rights of an American citizen. You, an American citizen, can be brought before some who may question your loyalty, and you can be imprisoned without the rights granted to you by the Constitution of the United States.

TS Eliot said that our world would end not with a bang, but with a whimper. While you worried, dear reader, about whether or not the Cardinals could go a game up on the Mets, or if gas prices were going to go back to $3 a gallon, you created the framework for despotism that you once read about in the book "Animal Farm."

Frodo and Sam are picking up the pace to reach the summit of Mount Doom, to destroy the Ring. The Dead must follow Aragorn into battle at Pelennor Fields, for the living who face Sauron are too few.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:24 PM EDT
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Monday, October 16, 2006
Thunder Only Happens When It's Raining
Mood:  special
Topic: "Vote for Steve" (2)
Frodo and Sam will not be around to vote on Election Day. Following all procedural guidelines properly, they received absentee ballots in the mail and today submitted them for tabulation. The early returns are in, and the Republican fears of a Democratic landslide are supported by the evidence.

In a "Red State," there are many uncontested races; simply because inertia dictates that a nameless, faceless incumbent is nearly unbeatable. Frodo seethes at the perennial re-election of State Representative Bobby Franklin, who has never submitted a bill for consideration nor taken any kind of stand on any controversial issue. He does however, send out nice little magnetic calendars for your refrigerator. Representative Franklin, a Republican, naturally, opposes the things you're against, and he is in favor of the things you are for, whoever you may be, and whatever your opinions are when he is around. Politely, Bobby Franklin is pond scum.

Frodo's next door-neighbor in the Shire, recognized by the creatures therein as "Mr. Steve," is a nice man. Mr. Steve has two dogs and a mortgage. He works multiple jobs, and he spends every free hour trying to make his yard into an environmental showplace. Mr. Steve is a fan of "The McLauglin Group" on TV, and "Air America" on radio. Mr. Steve also agrees with Frodo that George W. Bush is a horse's ass.

Frodo likes Mr. Steve. Frodo wrote-in the name of Mr. Steve to oppose Representative Bobby Franklin. Frodo would like to urge any other future voters in the jurisdictions which include the Shire to write-in Mr. Steve for State Representative.

Frodo approves this message.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:28 PM EDT
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Saturday, October 14, 2006
I'm On My Way, I Don't Know Where I'm Going
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Autumnal Observances"(2)
All of a sudden Frodo awakes hoping that the first frost did not strike the Shire; semi-tropical plants drop leaves and die if that happens. Relief turns to purpose and Frodo begins to organize the pots into which the hibiscus and scheffelera, planted outside during the warm seasons, are to be transferred. Above, Frodo clearly observes the older squirrels patching the tree-top nests to off-set the coming winter winds, while the first-year "dumb ones" make a feast of the blazing red seed of the dogwoods. Beau Neau is on patrol all about the grounds as small creatures gather the fall harvest into cavernous shelters. Mick (the Wonder Dog), Fiona, and Georgia are taking advantage of patches of soothing sunlight. There seems to be a sense of urgency encompassing all who share the Shire.

Despite the scientific evidence that all of Middle Earth grows warmer, Frodo knows that we are due for an onslaught of winter weather. A big snow, and gale-like winds from the West have not disappeared from the weather charts for the remainder of the milennium. The absence of tropical storms during the warm seasons portend an increase in the severity of the cold days ahead.

After the great storm of 1993, Frodo bought a snow shovel and hung it in his garage adjacent to his motorcar. The cobwebs that cover it need to be dusted away. A kerosene heater, with fresh kerosene, and a battery-powered TV-radio will receive tune-ups and testing. The battery in the laptop will be replaced. Vulnerable limbs will be trimmed back to prevent ice accumulation over outside wiring.

A little cool weather and Frodo becomes the personification of "the Energizer Bunny." In all likelihood, the Shire will experience another mild winter, and little use will be made of any of Frodo's frenzied preparations. There is, however, this acute sense of foreboding.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:34 AM EDT
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Friday, October 13, 2006
Blinded by The Light
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Sauron Psalms" (2)

Frodo has been considering the ecumenical status of political life.  He has been researching his memory for a single instance in any of the collected statements of George W. Bush in which the speaker has cited a biblical chapter and verse.  "Wouldn't it seem logical," said Frodo, "that this, the President who has most depended on a public display of faith, would fill his speeches with references to the Book of Genesis, or to St. Matthew, or even to Psalms?"

"You raise an interesting point, Mr. Frodo," said Sam.  "I cannot recall a single instance where the President has ever mentioned the most rudimentary citation, John 3:16 for example."

"Sam, he's reminded of that citation every time he turns on a sporting event."

"That raises a question Mr. Frodo, what ever happened to that goofy white guy with the rainbow wig that seemed to find his way into every sports arena, in front of every camera, wiith a sign in reference to John 3:16?"

"You know Sam, come to think of it, I can't recall seeing him, at least since before Hurricane Katrina."

"And what about Chicken George?," Sam added.  "I haven't seen him in a long time.  Hey, what about the San Diego Chicken?"

"Sam, your questions are interesting, but you're getting off my  point," cautioned Frodo.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Frodo, it's just that you've made me think about how much things have changed since Sauron took possession of the Ring."

"I understand Sam, and I accept your point that things we took for granted are no longer a part of our everyday lives.  It is my belief that the reason that we never hear the President refer to biblical passages is because he doesn't know any."

Sam looked surprised.  "You mean that all the 'faith-based this' and faith-based that' is somebody else's idea?"

"Sam, I think it's all a sham, and I don't mean a single reference to 'hair on a bull'."

"That, Mr. Frodo, is a weak joke."

"Sorry Sam, but what I mean is that I've always been suspicious of people who wear their 'faith' on their sleeve, and use it to justify, or even to hide, an ulterior purpose or motive, if you will."

Sam looked puzzled, and gazed toward the horizon.  "You think the whole faith thing of George W. Bush is a put-on?"

"Sam, I would bet dollars to donuts that not a single day goes by that George W. Bush does not take the name of the Lord in vain.  I believe I could substantiate the fact that he has violated Nine of the Ten Commandments."

Sam paused.  "Nine of Ten?" 

"That's correct."

"May I be so naive as to inquire as to the one you seem to feel he has honored?"

"Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother."

"I'll buy that.  Whose ass has he been coveting?  Oh, I forgot about his Secretary of. . ."


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:33 PM EDT
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Wednesday, October 11, 2006
They Say I Won't Last Too Long On Broadway
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
Frodo has always liked CNN. Turning on the TV in a hotel room in Austria, after first trying to find out what happened to the blankets and wondering what in the hell that huge pillow was for, is a comforting experience when something identifiable lights up the screen. Frodo might fail to recognize a single talking head and be totally baffled by the accents, but he wasn't as far from home as that weird shower curtain would make him feel. Further, CNN did not originate in New York. That meant that how the Yankees did would not necessarily be the lead story, and "Times Square" would not be identified as the center of all civilized existence by default. Besides, it is kinda cool to keep tabs on the Belgian point-of-view, or the cod crisis in the North Sea.

This evening Frodo was reminded of those feelings by the reporting of a single engine airplane which crashed into an apartment building on the eastern side of Manhattan Island. Now Frodo is not ambivalent about tragedy, and the accidental death of fellow Hobbits, however the story dominated at least half the broadcast time of the major networks' news shows. Each of the cable news channels devoted signifciant, if not all, of their time to the story. What really grabbed Frodo's attention however, was the postponement of the scheduled show on "Hardball" in order to "completely" cover the crash. Hey, it was Robin Williams at Georgetown University, doing politics on the improv!

Had the same terrible accident occurred in Miami, or Cleveland, or Denver, it would've been the final story before tonight's segment of the special series on ingrown toenails.

The answer is not to tune in on a local Atlanta TV station. Without a doubt, the local stations in the Atlanta market are totally controlled by individuals who have experienced complete frontal lobotomy. There is no reporting beyond traffic, crime, weather (ad infinitum), and the latest from NASCAR. The stories are often pulled verbatim from the morning edition of the local newspaper, and always filmed with an interstate highway as a backdrop.

Ah, thought Frodo, I'll turn on CNN. . .Error, Error, Error. . .Paula Zahn (in New York). . .Larry King (in New York). . .

Frodo is going to explore the merits of twisting the dish away from the southeastern sky in order to update himself as to the grape harvest on the slopes of the Alps this year.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:50 PM EDT
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Monday, October 9, 2006
Do You Believe in Magic
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Wiccan I do for you?"(2)

Remember the "Runaway Bride?"  The young lady who disappeared just prior to her wedding, then turned up in New Mexico alleging that she had been kidnapped by Hispanics?  It turned out that she had merely gotten "cold feet," and went "walkabout" on her family & friends.  Remember, also, dear reader, the attempted murder of Larry Flynt, the publisher of "Hustler," the very graphic obscenity occasionally dubbed a magazine?  Frodo thinks of these two incidents because they both occurred within the confines of the same geographical sub-division of real property located in the State of Georgia.  Especially, he says, since something else equally bizarre is now underway in this land of plenty.

It seems that one Mother, a resident of Loganville, Gwinnett County, Georgia, has felt the call to bring truth, justice, and the Book of Leviticus to all those who have been spared from her sense of salvation.  She has determined that "Harry Potter" must be eliminated from the literary confines of the public school system.  Since there have been several issuances in the "Harry Potter" series, our devoted Mom has prompted six hearings in her solo effort to ban these books.  The cost to the taxpayers, so far, exceeds $4,000 in attorney's fees alone to her fellow residents of that far-out land of Gwinnett.  The score now stands Taxpayers 6, Mom Zip.

Perhaps there is something in the water of Gwinnett County that seems to give credence to the wandering rationale of the infirm?  The logic seems to be that whenever someone, nay, anyone, disagrees with you, then it is OK to shoot them, or to sue them, or to simply disappear.  Frodo actually thinks that this insanity goes back to the very roots of Gwinnett County.  The county, it seems, was named for a signer of the Declaration of Independence who bore the moniker, interestingly enough, Button Gwinnett.   Obviously, his parents did not love him.  Frodo believes that the obscurity of this individual, amongst all the nobility who signed that precious document, is the source of all the frustration that climaxes in one single political jurisdiction amidst endless strip shopping centers, patchwork interstates, and indistinguishable houses on innumerable cul-de-sacs.  Frustrated residents-to-be were drawn together, perhaps by magic.

It deserves note that Gwinnett County is heavily Republican.  No resident of Gwinnett County has ever met a tax, a levy, or an assessment that they felt was justified.  There is a county-wide belief that public services and justice are the unpaid right to which they are individually due.  The two greatest exports of the citizenry are traffic and sewerage, and both of them are everyone else's fault.  If one did not know better, one would assume that the county leaders are Dennis Hastert, Dick Cheney, and Jerry Falwell.  Frodo mirrors the landscape as closely resembling the single largest Super Wal-Mart parking lot in all of Alabama.

Frodo is very pleased to be in Gryffindor, the Loganville Mom deserves Slytherin.




Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:38 PM EDT
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Thursday, October 5, 2006
I Just Can't Keep From Cryin', He Was a Friend of Mine
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
SPECIAL NOTE: Several days ago Frodo lost an article to the ether. In the attempt to retrace his steps and to rescue this significant literary artifact, he retained the article from the ATLANTA JOURNAL & CONSTITUTION which was the impetus for the original document. Hereafter follows a synopsis of what Frodo originally wrote, perhaps better, perhaps not.

For the first time in fifteen seasons, the gallant Atlanta Braves will not be participating in the play-off preliminaries to the World Series. Not by choice adds Frodo, and the resultant application of the loser's lament to followers of the gallant Braves is, by way of the words that follow, not actually so offensive after all. "Wait 'til next year," has taken on a whole new meaning for the Hobbit.

Bobby Dews has been the Braves Bullpen Coach for the past several seasons. Not too long ago, Bobby was jogging in the neighborhood around Turner Field, and happened by an unfamiliar building with a courtyard out front. Curious, he stopped and asked a few questions. This is how the Atlanta Braves discovered "Our Lady of Perpetual Help Home," which had been established in 1939 by the Hawthorne Dominicans, an order of nuns devoted to caring for patients with terminal cancer. "We're a free home," said Sister Miriam, one of eight nuns in residence who care for an average number of 25 patients. No more chemotherapy, no more radiation, just palliative care to lessen the pain for the patients whose time is necessarily short.

Because of their proximity to the ballpark, the patients can watch the fireworks display when the gallant Braves hit a home run or win a ballgame. In this holy place the games are a reason to live another day, and to look forward to the challenge of another sunrise. In addition to occasional trips to a game, the patients have been treated to the creation of a souvenir shrine in the lobby of the hospice. Amid all the autographed pictures and bobble-head dolls there is the glove worn by the late Sister Aquinas. She always carried it to the ballpark, just in case a foul ball should come her way. One more thing, Frodo supposes, that baseball gives to those who look forward to opportunity.

Losing did not sit well with many of the fans of the gallant Braves, and Mr. German Mabry spoke for all of them, both in-and-outside the gates at "Our Lady." "The doctor said I had stomach cancer but I can't tell it, I don't believe it. I feel fine. Now, we're gonna get that Braves thing right next Spring. I'm going to a ball game."

Frodo doesn't really want to write anymore tonight dear reader, but now you understand why he felt that re-creating this post was worth the time. Amen, Mr. Mabry. We'll root them home next Spring, and the one after that.

Frodo has a lot to think about, with far too few days to go until Spring comes again.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:47 PM EDT
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Come Mr. Tally Man, Tally Me Banana
Mood:  hungry
Topic: "Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
Bilbo taught Frodo to never swim in the deep end until he was sure that he was able to reach firm footing when circumstances required it. That was Bilbo's way of telling Frodo to never get in over his head. Too bad that Bilbo never got to meet Senator Bill Frist.

The surgeon turned politican who set himself up for public ridicule during the Terry Schiavo affair has heaped even more judgmental dung upon his public persona. While touring Afghanistan with fellow Senator Mel Martinez (R-FL) in the kind of educational exploration that only seems to benefit the travelers themselves, Senator Frist was asked to prognosticate about the future of Afghanistan in the larger world. In an absolutely mind-boggling statement Frist indicated that he felt the Taliban would have to be an integral part of any stable governmental system. As a reminder, dear reader, it was the Taliban which harbored Osama bin Laden and al Qaeda before and after the attacks of 9/11/01. It is the same Taliban which George W. Bush, in typical Bush-family fashion, failed to destroy during the ill-fated "War on Terror," allowing these monsters to regain strength and to re-emerge from their subterranean garbage dumps. Our boy, Dr. Frist, once-harboring dreams of a Frist Presidency, wants to give credence to the continued presence on the Planet Earth of these vipers.

Frodo absolutely freaks out when the spin-masters back in the Senator's command post rise to "revise and extend" the Senator's remarks. "He didn't really mean what he said," they imply, "remember the altitude in Afghanistan is such that the Senator was suffering from oxygen deprivation."

Yeah, right, and the next thing we know, he'll be admitted to an Alcohol Rehab program.

"Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its' lonely eyes to you."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:56 AM EDT
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Wednesday, October 4, 2006
I Stand My Ground And I Won't Back Down
Mood:  sad
Topic: "IED's in Congress" (2)
Frodo detests the hypocrisy of politics and politicians. To react without glee when a particularly egregious individual sinks to the level where he belongs has always been a struggle for Frodo. It has always seemed as if now, things will get better, so why not be happy? That is, until today.

Frodo is disconsolate. Despite his disagreements with so many of these people, he knows that for many of his fellow citizens these were the people who represented, or so they thought, the values that are truly American. Hard work, individual responsibility, thrift, a strong national defense, and having just enough government to get by with are the theoretical cornerstones of those who deem themselves conservative. Tonight they must feel that the great test of hope versus greed that manifests itself in the pending adulthood of every Hobbit has been breached by those who lead their side of the Aisle, if you will. Frodo takes no joy in a loss of faith in the institutions constructed on the blood and fortune of those who dreamed of better days in our land.

The third in line to be President is a piece of toast. He did not act on principle when it was absolutely demanded of any adult. The firing squad stands in a circle, and each shot directed at him finds another target. How absolutely depressing it is to see that so many in whom so much responsibility rests failed their test. Politics be damned, this was all about right and wrong.

Bob Seger recently released a new album. The fourth song is entitled, "No Matter Who You Are." Frodo thinks every American should listen, and listen closely.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:59 PM EDT
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Saturday, September 30, 2006
No Matter Who You Are, No Matter What You've Done
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "What is a Shimkus?" (2)

Former Representative Mark Foley (R-FL) is a pedophile.  In fact, he is a repeat pedophile.   Frodo explains that Foley's repeat status as a pedophile is documented by the investigation of Representative John Shimkus (R-IL) completed almost a full year ago.

It seems that Representative Shimkus was responsible for the internal investigation of allegations of abuse of the "page system" in the House of Representatives.  Pages are, of course, young people who serve as "runners" or "gofers" to Members of the House of Representatives.  Shimkus had received a referral regarding the alleged behavior of Representative Foley, and  had even confronted the sleazebag about many of the charges now in the public purview.  According to Representative Shimkus, Representative Foley promised him that he would terminate the relationship of concern, and would not repeat his errors of judgment.  Representative Shimkus accepted that and closed the investigation without further action.

Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert was so concerned about this week's resignation of Representative Foley, once he was confronted with documentary evidence of his pedophilic behavior, that he, Hastert, ordered an investigation of the entire House "page system."  Representative Shimkus was selected to head up the investigation.

Despite his life-long interest in politics, Frodo admits that, until today, he had never heard of Representative Shimkus.  Frodo is of a mind that the responsibilities of Representative Shimkus are so noteworthy that perhaps the term "Shimkus" should be adopted as a new word in the English Language.  "Shimkus" could be listed in the next edition of Funk & Wagnall's thusly:  "Shimkus (noun), a partisan ideolgue incapable of either sound judgment or sane conduct; not to be confused with but not dissimilar to the state of being known as incompetency.  Synonyms include Bushite, see also Bush, Administration of George W. "



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:25 PM EDT
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