Mood:  d'oh

"Welcome to the Frodo Network and the Forty-Fifth of One Hundred and Eleven scheduled Presidential Candidate Debates.  I am Frodo Baggins, your Moderator for this evening's gathering of the Republicans contesting for the nomination of their Party in the 2008 Presidential Election.  Gentlemen, you all know the rules, so let's 'start your engines' with the newest member of this entourage, former United States Senator from Tennessee, Fred Thompson.  Good evening Sir."

"Good evening Mr. Frodo."

"Senator, the current Administration often speaks of the 'Coalition of the Willing' when discussing the 'War on Terror.'  Yet, the facts are painfully clear that the United States provides much more than 95% of all the human, material, and fiscal resources into the conflict in iraq.  What countries do you think would rally to assist the United States once you become President?"

"That's an excellent question Mr. Frodo.  I would start, as a Christian, seeking to bring representatives of the great religions all together, and involve people of all faiths in the effort.  For example, the Holy Roman Empire would give special significance to the struggle."

"The, Holy Roman Empire?  Do you mean, like Charlemagne?"

"Of course, you cannot define the conflict as purely religious, or purely secular, you have to combine the two.  So I would also seek people of the Islamic faith in democratic countries, say like Yugoslavia, places that are presently not likely to offer their assistance without us requesting it."

"You mean Tito's Yugoslavia?"

"Oh yes, then even more important would be representatives of different races, particularly from Africa."

"Like?"

"Oh, let's say Rhodesia comes quickly to mind.  A black African nation would be a very important part of the coalition we'd assemble to fight terrorism."

"You think Rhodesia, along with Yugoslavia, and the Holy Roman Empire, could become an integral part of the pacification of Iraq and the worldwide struggle against terror?"

"Sure."

"Would anyone care to take issue with Senator Thompson on his multi-national, multi-ethnic, multi-religious approach to the struggle for order in the world?"

"I would."

"Representative Tancredo, you have sixty seconds."

"I won't need that long Mr. Frodo.  It is painfully clear to the American people that the first thing we need to do is to secure our own borders, before we go signing any more deals.  We need to build walls around us first, and then build walls around those on our side, and then we can keep the 'illegals' in their own countries where they belong."

"So you would build a security wall around the United States, and, I presume, Rhodesia and Yugoslavia, and, of course, the Holy Roman Empire?'

"And anybody else who seeks to join in our coalition."

"Do you think Hadrian could handle something of that magnitude."

"Well, if they win the competitive bid, why not?"

"Anybody else?  Please."

(Silence)

"Do any of you gentleman play a fiddle?."

"I do."

"Somehow, Governor Huckaby, I'm not surprised." 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:50 PM EDT

Updated: Thursday, October 4, 2007 9:52 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink

Mood:  flirty

Frodo learned at an early age that mowing the lawn or cleaning the bottom of a swimming pool are two of the only tasks in life in which one can actually see progress being made.  Frodo observed that in both instances the results were short-lived.  Similar conclusions may be drawn about the activities of two men named Thomas.

Isaiah Thomas was a great basketball player, and smart enough to save some of the millions he made on the front court.  After his playing days were over, he had positioned himself properly so that he could invest in the most valuable franchise in the NBA, the New York Knickerbockers.  Today he is the face and part-owner of the Knicks, and as such he has become "the man;" one for whom black people toiled for two centuries in the land of Middle Earth.  It is inspiring, refreshing, and Frodo feels proud that such achievements are possible.

Clarence Thomas is the 59 year-old Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States.  The Yale University graduate and former senior government official had served on the bench but a single year when he was picked by President George H. W. Bush.  After a contentious set of hearings, he was confirmed and today is the only black American to sit on the highest Court in the land.  It is important that such a significant portion of the population of Middle Earth be physically represented in the Judiciary, and it is noteworthy that what was once an assembly of "the man" now also contains those who toiled on his behalf.

With power however, problems, like growing grass or silt in the pool, confront the newly-enfranchised as they did his predecessor.  Over the past week, both Messrs. Isaiah and Clarence had to deal with charges of sexual harassment, and to deny those charges publicly.  What struck Frodo's imagination about these charges were that they were both complaints from black women.  There was a time, not long ago in Middle Earth, when such charges would have been virtually ignored by those in power, since it was assumed that the conduct of black people reflected their inferiority.  Frodo, logically, should take pride in the genuine societal interest in the affairs of men and women who just happen to be black, and who now are dealing with the problems of driving the bus. 

Frankly, neither of the Thomases seemed too happy.  Frodo feels a certain amount of compassion for those who are challenged on the basis of what is either their actual behavior, or what is perceived to be their behavior.  It is difficult to walk all of the lines that separate propriety from impropriety when the rules change because of who happens to be in the room at the time.  The outcome reflects judgment, not experience.  Experience is an expensive teacher; just ask the Thomases.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:33 PM EDT

Updated: Wednesday, October 3, 2007 8:36 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Mood:  spacey

The gallant Braves were flying back to Atlanta during the 1976 baseball season when Ted Turner, the new owner of the ball club and a pioneer in cable TV, began to draw on a napkin.  He explained to his broadcast team that they could conceivably beam a signal to a communications satellite which could then be transmitted to cable systems all over the country.  The broadcasters looked at one another, and said "That's interesting."

The Atlanta Braves of 1976 were one of the worst teams in all of baseball.  At the time, there was no ESPN, no regional sports networks, and even (hallelujah) no Fox.  Skip Caray, one of the original broadcasters said, "It was like being on the first wagon train heading west.  We didn't know where we were going, but we were having fun getting there."  Soon the fledgling cable TV stations around the country realized that live baseball was more entertaining than playing tapes of usually very dull subject-matter, even if it was a crummy team.  The broadcasters were probably the first to recognize thjat something was happening, simply because they were being recognized everywhere they went, and people started doing things like buying them drinks.

Dale Murphy, Bob Horner, Jerry Royster, Ralph Garr, Hank Aaron, Gary Matthews, Phil Niekro, Pascual Perez, Glenn Hubbard, Bob Watson, and a plethora of others were becoming household names all over America.  The ubiquitous Turner added homey touches and down-right offensive stuff to grab the nation's attention.  Watching an ostrich race, or a cow-milking contest was not unexpected on any given night at the ballpark, and "Chief Noc-a-Homa" would emerge from his teepee in the left-field stands and dance a little dance whenever an Atlanta Brave hit a home run.  There was an air of uncontrolled festival emanating from America's town that was too busy to hate anybody.

In 1991 the Atlanta Braves went from last in the National League to first place, and suddenly the attention they had achieved on America's cable stations caught fire.  The Commissioner of Major League Baseball was deluged with complaints from the other team owners, whose attendance and viewership dropped significantly as people wanted to watch the boys from Atlanta.  Viewership nationally justified the dubbing of this emerging monolith as "America's Team."

John Smoltz, Chipper Jones, Tom Glavine, Greg Maddox, Ron Gant, David Justice, Otis Nixon, Francisco Cabrera, Fred McGriff, Jeff Blauser, Sid Bream, John Rocker, and  Julio Franco were participants in a 14-year reign as the only team to win the championship of the Eastern Division of the National League.  That is a record of first-place finishes that has never been approximated by any team, in any sport, anywhere, ever.

So?  Is Frodo merely lamenting the fact that, at long last, the reign has ended and his "gallant Braves" have ended their season without achieving even a second-place berth in the play-offs leading up to the World Series?  No, it is not that simple.

The Turner Broadcasting System televised its final Atlanta Braves baseball game this afternoon.  Viewership has declined 84% since the heyday of 1995, what with the growth of ESPN, other sports networks, and yes, even Fox (gag).  Ted Turner is long gone, forced out in the mergers that brought Time-Warner, Liberty Media, and other space aliens into the corporate ownership, and the humanity of the organization followed in the same fashion as the demise of the Great Auk. 

Somewhere the sun is shining, so the poem goes.  The mighty Casey of sports programming in America, who brought one team into America's living rooms, and made the Mayor of Hilo, Hawaii, among others, a fan of a team in a place where he had never even visited, had indeed, struck out.  Frodo will no longer be able to watch the gallant Braves from his retreat in the mountains, that is, unless he signs up for MLB.com for only $199.

Therein is the rub, or so Billy Shakespeare might have said.  Ah, but there is so much more,  for never again will Frodo's father call him on the telephone and say "What's the matter with Murphy?  He's not hitting."  Never again will Skip Caray scream into a microphone as Sid Bream slides across home plate with the words "Braves Win, Braves Win, Braves Win."  Never again will Ted and Jane sit next to Jimmy and Rosalyn in the front row. 

It won't be the gallant Braves against the world, ever again. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:55 PM EDT

Updated: Sunday, September 30, 2007 8:58 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Mood:  cheeky

Of all the institutions involved in the American political process, Frodo is most taken with the concept of the "open primary."  Without having to declare party allegiance, anyone can vote for whomever in either the Republican or the Democratric Primary.  The voter is in no way inhibited by that vote as to the casting of a ballot in the General election.  The only negative, as best Frodo has been able to determine, is that he is solicited on the telephone by candidates from both parties.  The concept allowed Frodo to vote for Pat Buchanan in a Republican primary, knowing that he had no chance of victory in a General election against Bill Clinton for President.  Putting the weakest possible candidate against Clinton was Frodo's intent.  The open primary also allowed Frodo to vote against Ralph Reed, thereby eliminating the smarmy weasel from consideration for any political office.  Frodo recommends that all the States of Middle Earth consider the benefits of an open primary.

Frodo laments the news that Newt Gingrich (pron. Ging Rick by his sister, who just happens to be gay) today announced that he would not seek the Presidential bid of the Republican Party in the 2008 General election.  Had he run, Frodo would have had the opportunity to cast a vote against this slime ball for the fourth time.  The point is however, that Frodo probably would have taken advantage of the open primary once again, and probably would have actually voted for the Newtster.  It speaks well to the growing, albeit glacially fast, sophistication of voters in Georgia, that even in one of Newt's adopted states, he would fail to carry anything beyond the percentage of the population that suffers from Mongoloid delusions.

For the general public, the most fascinating aspect of the events was the announcement that His Geekness would only have run if his supporters could have come up with $30 Million.  Two days later we receive the bad news.  Frodo, his curiosity piqued by the unspoken truth in such a quick pronouncement, is proud to announce that his sources working with the lady who serves beer to retail customers of Ben & Jerry's in McLean, Virginia, have provided him with documentation of the pledges to the Gingrich Exploratory Campaign.  Newt was able to take the cash itself and purchase two scoops of "Rocky Road," and a Bud Lite.

Frodo is, dear reader, asking you to consider a ticket of Newt and Mitt for 2012.  Can't you just see it?  Here they come, crammed into a miniature motorcar with Mitt's five sons and Newt's three wives, all wearing floppy shoes and noses that blink on-and-off.  They squirt each other with seltzer bottles, and the Party which began with Abraham Lincoln is swept up and settled into the elephantine effluent piled just outside the Big Top.  Newt has a spoon.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:47 PM EDT

Updated: Saturday, September 29, 2007 9:49 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink

Mood:  sad

Beer Ayuel, originally from southern Sudan, was displaced by war, but somehow won a scholarship to study in Cairo.  He learned four languages, and resettled in the United States in 1999.  Atlanta, Georgia, was fortunate to receive this new resident.  Through his church he would become a mentor for a group of young men you may have heard about, dear reader, "The Lost Boys of Sudan."  These children, separated from parents during the chaos of War in the Sudan, survived months of wandering and came of age in dismal refugee camps.  In 2001, when the first group was brought to America, Beer was there to greet 150 even newer residents to his adopted home town.

There are many stories about these young men and how they adapted to a 21st Century environment, when all they had ever known was the Stone Age, with rifles.  Few stories are told about those who worked directly with these young men, in the spirit, of the Spirit, if you will.  Beer quickly became a special source of inspiration to the "Lost Boys," since he, too, had survived war, and was willing to give selflessly to these who followed him into a New World.

Six months ago, Beer Ayuel traveled back to Cairo to wed his fiancee, Ms. Amiot Kur, but only after he had achieved American citizenship.  The new bride remained in Cairo, waiting for a visa, while her husband returned to America.  Beer had great difficulty finding employment suitable for his new responsibilities in Georgia.  The best alternative he found was to work as an Arabic translator for L-3 Communications, a New York based company that provides translators and other services in Iraq.

This past Tuesday, after 17 days in Iraq, while assigned to assist soldiers of the Third Infantry Division in restive central Iraq, Beer Ayuel was killed in a suicide bombing.  His brother-in-law, who lives in Nebraska, is arranging for Ayuel's remains to be flown to Atlanta where he will buried.

Frodo is cleaning the lint off of his dark suit.  He will be one of at least 151 "Lost Boys" there to send Beer Ayuel home.  Perhaps Frodo can learn enough Sudanese to simply say "I am so sorry." 

This death will not be included in the nightly number.  It will be as if he never happened at all.   Had he merely failed to survive the first war from which he escaped, it would have made little difference to most.  But not to all.  That is what Frodo keeps telling himself, through his tears.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:49 PM EDT

Updated: Friday, September 28, 2007 8:51 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink

Mood:  quizzical

A video game, something called "Halo 3," which implies that the subject herein is part of a continuing series, produced by MicroSoft, has just grossed more revenue in its' first week of issuance than has any movie, anywhere in the world.  Each of these little babies costs $60.  Frodo has been trying to analyze exactly what the equivalent expenditure would be for any outdoor activity.  What he must accept however, is that the times they are a changin' once again, and that Clark Gable, Dustin Hoffman, Stephen Segal, Robert Redford, and Brad Pitt, among others, are about to be permanently replaced by something in a helmet shooting lasers at war dogs.

Frodo is a proponent of change.  Growing up in a world that decried everything from the changing complexion of a neighborhood to the increasing cost of soda water, Frodo's first acts of rebellion were in response to everyone who thought that the whole world was going to hell in a hand basket.  Frodo looked at new neighbors as sources of information about everything from music to cigarettes.  Higher prices for some items brought competition and product expansion that met the ever-changing needs of a halfling (Perhaps "Gatorade" being the clearest example of increasing profit in soft drinks resulting in something with a completely new purpose).  Frodo therefore, long ago promised himself to never, ever be critical of change.  Change is good.

But $60 for a video game?  Were "Halo 1" and "Halo 2" also $60?  Each?  What, Heaven forbid, will be the cost of "Halo 4"?

Frodo knows a boy who was offered a minor-league baseball contract many years ago.  That boy would have played 50 games for $300 and $6 per day; meal money.  He turned down the opportunity because he could work construction and make $1000 for the summer.  The difference helped pay for a semester of college.

Today, it would take him all the way to "Halo 6," and change.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:04 PM EDT

Updated: Thursday, September 27, 2007 9:06 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (3) | Permalink

Mood:  silly

Occasionally a living, breathing, educated homonid says something so ridiculous that Frodo feels the need for dramatic license.

"Sergeant Frodo?" 

"Yes Saint Peter, you called for me?"

"Yes, I did, I was just checking to see how things are going here at the Pearly Gates Admissions Desk?"

"Well  Sir, funny you should ask, we have been having a little problem with that guy standing over there filling out his paperwork."

"A problem you say?  Who was he, and is there something I need to do?"

"He claims to be the former Governor of something called Arkansas, and I believe he said his name was Huckleberry.  Frankly, I couldn't find more than 2 or 3 out of 100 or so Angels who had ever heard of the guy.  He is complaining about the activities scheduled for his corner of Heaven, and was demanding to speak with you.  Frankly, I figured a few milennia worth of paperwork might dampen his zeal,and I could simply process him in when he got over his hissy-fit."

"I'll be glad to speak with him.  What was his concern by the way?"

"He's another one of those gun nuts, and he was complaining about the absence of ducks and shooting privileges, or something like that?"

"Ducks, you say?"

"Yes Sir, he claims that he'd been promised an Eternity of duck-hunting when he arrived in Heaven."

"Shooting ducks?  You mean he honestly believes that Heaven would be some place where the slaughter of those over whom he was assigned dominion while on Earth would even be tolerated?  What did you say his name was?"

"Huckleberry, or something like that?"

"Mr. uh, I believe this form says Huckabee, I'm Saint Peter, and I believe there's some sort of problem?"

"Dern tootin' your Eminence.  I was under the distinct impression that when I got to Heaven, I would be able to duck hunt whenever I wanted, and now this little halfling said I was misinformed.  I'm very upset, for as I told the NRA Membership, I was really looking forward to the day when my life ended, so that I could start duck hunting and never worry about someone else's opinion of my right to bear and use arms."

"If I may be so bold Mr. uh Huckabee, where did you get the information that Heaven would be a place where wanton slaughter would be tolerated, much less fostered?"

"The President told me so."

"Oh, him again."

"Pardon?"

"We've had a few problems with his interpretations of fact."

"Uh-oh.  What did I misunderstand and does this mean I won't be able to hunt ducks in Heaven?"

"Oh no, you'll be able to hunt all you want, it's just that there will be no ammunition in your gun."

"Bummer."

"Well, that's not all."

"What else?"

"The ducks have ammunition in their guns." 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:50 AM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Mood:  chatty

Frodo begins all his commentaries with a little art work.  In his time the Impressionists, the Cubists, and Modern Art are confined to buildings, while music it is that touches the mortal soul.  Frodo was reminded last night that much of this started before his chemical soup was stirred.  The first three hours of the new Ken Burns epic, "The War," spanning the run up to War through Stalingrad and Bouganville, captured the Hobbit noiselessly before the black-and-white.

As "The Ballou Letter" set the tone for Frodo's first introduction to the artist Ken Burns, the little towns in California, Minnesota, Connecticut and Alabama brought the deaths of somewhere between "50 and 60 million people" into relative comprehension.  The fact that fewer than half-a-million of those deaths were American, and that this nation suffered relatively less than did any of the other combatants, gave great pause to one who would contemplate this human disaster.  Frodo was taken by the dramatic photographs, the movies not seen before, and the lucidity of those who were able to capture what "it" was like.

Above all else, Frodo listened to the music.  Although thematic throughout, there were two songs that Burns used to capture the mood of the time.  Frodo must admit that he did not recognize one of the songs, but that did not lessen his enjoyment.  The other, well, what can anyone, least of all Frodo, say about "White Christmas?"  Burns interspersed the genius of Irving Berlin and the gifts of Bing Crosby with still photographs of bearded boys, who would not know Christmas at home for many, many days, if at all, especially not in 1942.

Frodo's father would miss the Christmases of 1943, 1944, and 1945.  He must have been very cold and lonely.  78 RPM records remained in closets and drawers throughout Frodo's Hobbithood, and only now does Frodo understand why. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:10 AM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, September 25, 2007 2:53 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

Mood:  down

Not long ago, a neighbor of George W. Bush, the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, DC, was killed in Iraq.  The young man was buried just across the Potomac River at the Arlington National Cemetery, in Arlington, Virginia.  Frodo could make a significant comment or two about the fact that it might have been "prudent" for Bush to have attended the services or the funeral, since they were both held within a mile of his residence.  Let us leave that point for another time, in order to comment on the fact that the young man was denied his constitutional rights, and that nobody seems to care.

By a vote of 57-42, the United States Senate decided not to address the issue of voting rights for residents of the District of Columbia.  This effectively killed the proposal for the foreseeable future.  Frodo notes, at the outset, that both Senators Robert Byrd (D-WV) and Max Baucus (D-MT) voted with the Republicans to deny the plan to add a House Seat in both the District of Columbia and in the State of Utah.  Frodo, in this instance, holds these two Senators in the same contemptuous cesspool as that in which the  Republicans reside, on a full-time basis.

The arguments are long-winded and pithy.  Since the Constitution uses the word "States," that means to some that an Amendment would be required in order to allow residents of the District of Columbia to elect a voting member of the House of Representatives.  To others, the predominantly Democratic District of Columbia may then be entitled to two United States Senators, an obvious potential shift in Congressional power.  Still others feel that it was the intent of the Founding Fathers to keep the District of Columbia separate from the States, since it was the center of the federal republic.

Not one of the 42 pointed out the fact that the District of Columbia is more than 80% black.

All political arguments aside, Frodo finds it hard to believe that in a land so verbally concerned with human rights, dignity, and the power of government, that the central issue of argument does not dominate.  Dear reader, the young man mentioned above, not unlike many others, fought, and he died, for all of us; yet, we, all of us, decided that he didn't deserve the right to vote for his own Member of Congress.  That decision includes the entire State of Georgia, since both Senators (Chambliss and Isakson) decided that young man did not deserve the same rights as those of Sam and Frodo.  And you, dear reader.   How did your Senator vote?  Does he or she "support our troops?"

If three more United States Senators had joined Orrin Hatch (R-UT) or Joe Liebermann (?-CT), the last vestige of voting rights denied by law would have ended in this great land.  

Tonight Frodo heard that the most recent poll numbers reflect an approval rating of 11% for the Congress of the United States.  Frodo wonders how it ever got so high? 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:43 PM EDT

Updated: Wednesday, September 19, 2007 10:45 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink

Mood:  smelly

Frodo's penchant for wildflowers has been frequently documented.  It may have started when he became aware of the fact that certain wildflowers were targeted by certain butterflies, and that he could manage the presence of butterflies in the gardens of the Shire.  "Passion flowers" are a particular favorite of the Hobbit, and the bright orange "Frittalaria" are the butterflies that flock to this year's record production of the purple and white flowers.  A cacophony of color and movement needs only a little background music to produce something almostly reminiscently psychedelic in the afternoon sunshine.

Moments like this give rise to questions so far unanswered.  What happens to butterflies in the winter?  Frodo is cognizant of the fact that caterpillars now munching on the passion flower leaves will roll up into a cigar-like construction and thereby produce a hatchling butterfly.  The butterfly will feed from the nectar produced by the the passion flowers, and then they disappear.  Monarch butterflies, we know, migrate to some place in Mexico, although it will take them four or five generations each way.  But what about Frodo's Frittalaria, or his Swallowtail?  Are they simply sunning themselves on some beach in nearby Florida?

Mr. Beau Neau, the denizen of the Shire, has taken a special interest in the fluttering movements above his head.  On more than one occasion, Sam has found a "gift" inside the dog door, and butterfly wings have been included among these trophies.  Frodo's angered gaze does not go unnoticed, and the would-be hunter turns away, seemingly offended that he would be observed doing anything so trivial.  Perhaps Frodo has taken one small step to protect the balance of nature, hopefully it will yield further charms in the gardens of the Shire in years to come.

Thoughts such as these are common when, at last, the heat breaks and the windows are left open all night long.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:51 PM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, September 18, 2007 10:52 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (5) | Permalink