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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
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"Our Town" (8)
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"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
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"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
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"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
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"Problem, Officer?" (5)
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"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
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"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
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"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
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"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
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"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
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"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
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"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
"Speechifyin'" (4)
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"Stan & Ollie"(7)
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"Sticker Shock"
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"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
"Sunni Daze" (4)
"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
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"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
"Teflon Causes Cancer"
"Ten Cent Coke" (3)
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"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
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"Tess of the Dorghis" (8)
"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
"Thank You, Molly" (2)
"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
"The Atlanta Eye" (6)
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"The Brotherhood Begins"
"The Eyes of Texas"
"The Forum" (2)
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"The Good Book" (4)
"The Good Doctor"(6)
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"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
"The Litany" (6)
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"The Non-Issue" (3)
"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
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"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
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"The Turtle" (3)
"The Union Label"(6)
"There is a Virginia" (2)
"They're He-ear" (4)
"Thin Ice, Frodo" (4)
"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
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"To Arms, To Arms"
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"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
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"Tom" (4)
"Top Two Percent" (7)
"Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
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"Toro, Andalay,Toro (2)"
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"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
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"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
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"Trouble Sleepin'" (3)
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"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"Untimely Events"
"UR Number Is Up" (7)
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"Vandals at the Gates"(2)
"Vat of Chocolate"(6)
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"Veto Shmetoe (2)"
"Vick Drops, Cough!" (3)
"Video Thriller"(5)
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"Virgin Birth" (2)
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"Virginia Lovers" (4)
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"Vote for Steve" (2)
"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
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"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
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"Winter Solstice"
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"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
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"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Saturday, April 26, 2008
I Can't Live With Or Without You
Mood:  suave
Topic: "Tovarich" (4)

When first the Kennedy Center opened for business, Frodo and Sam bought tickets; the year was 1975.  They saw Yul Brynner, James Earl Jones, Kevin Conway, Robert Horton, Rita Moreno, Cleavon Little, and, of course, Dame Margot Fonteyn and Rudolf Nureyev.  James Earl Jones starred in "Of Mice and Men," and Frodo will never forget the dozen or so "special people" who were uncharacteristically seated after the lights had gone down and the actors appeared on stage.  Some very special person had figured out that watching James Earl Jones play the part which he did would be very, very special for some special people.  Frodo and Sam cried together watching them watch, and listen, to a giant of a man, who sounded just like them, so very special. 

The next year was 1976, and everything at the Kennedy Center was programmed to celebrate the 200th Anniversary of the founding of the Republic.  Frankly, dear reader, in Frodo's opinion, the whole program sucked.  Frodo and Sam did not re-new their subscription, and they moved on to other forms of entertainment.

The story this night is of the Hobbit who found a special appreciation for ballet.  Long before the night with Fonteyn and Nureyev, Frodo was offered a choice by Rachel A. Ames, High-School English Teacher Extraordinaire.  He could write a 50-page paper on the "American Civilization," or he could attend the performance entitled "Stars of the Bolshoi Ballet," appearing at the Uline Arena in Washington, D.C.  The tickets were cheap, in those days, since Russians were not exactly looked upon favorably, and Frodo figured that two or three hours napping while a bunch of "June Taylor Dancers" made sugar-plums on stage was far better than nights of pounding on the Selectric.

Frodo will never forget noticing the knots of muscle on the calves of the men.  Then, when these characters went air-borne, three or more feet straight up into space, Frodo's mouth fell open, and he put aside all thoughts beyond pure admiration.  Following that, these incredibly gorgeous, and lithe, women came flying into the arms of the athletes already on-stage, and they never once broke into anything resembling perspiration.  It was a life-changing moment for Frodo, which he has considered, in many respects, whenever tempted to demean persons of whom he has no knowledge, much less introduction.

It was unsurprising that Frodo's palms were wet, and that even the prima ballerina by his side was an object of lesser attention when Nureyev and Fonteyn came on stage.  Fonteyn was in her 50's, and was far beyond her prime.  Although Frodo does not know for sure, it is possible that he and Sam saw her in one of her last performances on stage.  Nureyev looked as if he had just come from a photo shoot for GQ.  In Frodo's time on our small blue planet, he can safely say that Presley and Banderas are the only males who were ever more physically appealing than was the Russian on that night .  When the dancers were done, Frodo stood, and cheered, and applauded, and did so until no one else was left in the auditorium.

Being among the last to leave, Frodo and Sam sat at the end of the traffic line, and their eyes sparkled for each other, and for the beauty and grace of that night,  Then, on Sam's side of the car, Frodo saw him, walking from the Kennedy Center, to the Watergate, dressed in a leather suit, brown it was, and wearing a beret.  Nureyev, all alone, it was.  Frodo shook Sam and they stared at the maestro as his eyes caught theirs.  Frodo, not knowing what else to do or say, simply screamed "Tovarich, Dwo Svedanya."  Nureyev smiled, and did a full-arm wave to his American fans, and repeated the words to Frodo.

Frodo had heard Charles Bronson use the same phrase in "The Great Escape."   Frodo has had an affection for the best vodka, and lime juice, ever since.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:00 PM EDT
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Friday, April 25, 2008
Little Boxes, All The Same
Mood:  lazy
Topic: "Pass the Malais" (4)

Chris Matthews, a long time ago, worked as a speechwriter for the 39th President of the United States.  During a period of economic downturn, when all of the news seemed bad, the President decided that he would go on nationwide television and talk to the American people.  His plan was to emit a sympathetic ear, and to commiserate from a philosophical point-of-view.  Matthews was not alone amongst the President's staff, in that he argued against calling the doldrums a "malaise," feeling that something inspirational would work much better.  Jimmy Carter did not take Matthews' advice.

Frodo was reminded of this story the other day when he heard Barack Obama being quoted about the "bitter" feelings which seemed to characterize voters in the Rust Belt primary states.  It seemed to Frodo that Obama was trying to be philosophical, and to explain his approach.  Hmmph, thought Frodo, "How much better off he would have been, if he had simply read his speech at the 2004 Democratic Party Convention, even if it had no relationship to the issues"  People, Frodo supposes, sometimes want inspiration, not sympathy.

Barack Obama has said, continually, that he would tell the people "not what they want to hear, but what they need to hear."  In his best Chris Matthews imitation, Frodo says, "Don't do it."

The Democratic Party process is addled, at best.  These stupid contests go on, ad infinitum, and it is conceivable that the kids will be back in school after summer vacation, and there still won't be a "presumptive" standard-bearer for the Democrats.  What's worse, George W. Bush will still be in office, which means that absolutely nothing will be accomplished, and the current economic downturn is fraught with heretofore unknown peril.  The boys will still be dying, for nothing, except, perhaps, for the fiscal coronation of Achmed Chalabi.  One of the Bush daughters will get married (Frodo believes her gown should be red),  and John McCain will also demonstrate to every voter able to read that he has absolutely no clue about anything.

Sometimes, dear reader, Frodo thinks that our only hope is that McCain gets pissed at some female reporter and punches her lights out.  Frodo suggests Campbell Brown.

"Perhaps," says Frodo, "we should simply call it 'Spring Fever,' since it seems to be affecting us all."  Rather than tuning in, turning on, and dropping out (remember that little bit of nostalgia, do ya?), although one of those sounds awfully tempting right about now, Frodo looks hopefully to Indiana and North Carolina, with a silent prayer that the voters there put us all out of our misery. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:07 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, April 25, 2008 11:09 PM EDT
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Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Goin' Away For To Leave You, Might Not Come Back Any More
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "All Good Things" (4)

More than ten years ago, Frodo received a telephone call in his office from an entrepreneur with an interesting idea.  The gentleman explained that he had developed a concept for working Hobbits who found themselves increasingly isolated from each other.  "After all," he said, "as we age, we spend more and more of our time at work, and what's left mostly goes to  our familial responsibilities."  "Any time beyond that," he offered, " which we call leisure, is usually somewhat solitary.  What we lose is the locker room.  We no longer interact as team-mates, because we outgrow our abilities and they morph into our responsibilities."

What he would do is to gather a group of 15 or so businessmen, generally entrepreneurs, business owners, professionals, with achievements and education, and set-up an introductory luncheon.  Prior to the luncheon, every participant would receive a briefing book on the other members of the group.  At the luncheon, each member would stand and introduce himself for 10 or so minutes, then make himself available for questions. 

After the meeting, he would arrange for a second meeting, and that would be the last that anyone would see of him.  At the second meeting, the group would begin to establish its own dynamics, and develop its own plan for future meetings.  As a general rule, meetings seemed to usually be scheduled once-a-month and in the beginnning would be discussions over lunch.  From there, the group was entirely on its own.

Frodo has discussed many meetings of what he dubbed "The Men of Gondor."  On two occasions Frodo has white-water-rafted the Chatuge River (remember "Deliverance"?, well that's it), he has visited tourist locations often overlooked by residents (the Cyclorama, the Carter Center, the Wren's Nest), and he has been introduced to the vocational expertise of other members (waste-water treatment, architectural design, theatre production).  Frodo tried foods he'd never considered (chicken feet, sushi), but mostly he listened.  He listened attentively as one spoke of an actual visit to the Olduvai Gorge, and another about the last hours on Earth of a life's love.  Together they all discussed the changes in their world after the collapse of the Twin Towers.  All of this coming from participants who shared no commonality, other than the fact that fellowship was something they had lost, somehow, somewhere along the way.

Today, Frodo announced that he would no longer attend the lunchtime gatherings on the second Friday of every month.  He indicated that his enthusiasm had simply waned.  That was partially true, for it grows increasingly difficult to maintain spontaneity when schedules and the unforeseen continually intrude.  Like most things in life however, there is an end, and recognizing it is what we all must do, or suffer in silence.  Frodo has genuine affection for "The Men of Gondor," and he will never be able to replay the experiences in total context.  He will try, from time-to-time, to tell you, dear reader, what it is like in the locker room, and why you miss it so much. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:48 PM EDT
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Sunday, April 20, 2008
We Are The World, We Are The Children
Mood:  loud
Topic: "Sing It Again" (4)

The price of gasoline, on the average, in America, has risen 16 cents in the past two weeks.  It is true that on the day that George W. Bush took office (even then Frodo was considering a run for the border), Frodo filled his motorcar and paid 75.9 cents per gallon to do so.  Returning last night from the Atlanta Aerodrome and Security Checkpoint, Frodo once again filled his motorcar and paid $4.349 for the honor.  On the face of it, the sheer dynamics of inflation and the resultant shift of economic power in the world is a problem.  There is however, to Frodo, an immense concern herein, and so in the words that follow dear reader, assume no satire, no humor, and, above all, no agenda.

The words "alternative energy sources," are as much a part of the English lexicon in the twenty-first century as are the words "weapons of mass destruction."  Everyone knows that it is imperative that the world must wean itself off its thirst for fossil fuels, if only to preserve a habitat for humankind.  The solutions proposed have included the purely ecological to the purely economic, and most fall somewhere in-between.  The production of ethanol from agricultural plant-life has been proposed many times, but has never been a rational part of the discussion because of the cost factors.  Today however, with the inflated prices commanded by energy demand, ethanol can be produced and sold at a profit in a competitive marketplace.  The economy can also be enhanced as greater dependence on ethanol requires both more fuel and vehicle suppliers.

The problem is very basic.  With an increasing amount of agricultural plant-life production diverted to a more profitable use, i.e. into ethanol, the availability of basic food products is lessened.  At the same time, the growing worldwide population continues to demand food, and the result is both a lesser availability and a higher cost for all food products.

Before moving into the point of this faustian dialogue, Frodo feels it important to share a couple of facts,  In the developed world today, approximately 10% of all household income is dedicated to the costs of food.  In the "undeveloped world," (perhaps what we once called the "Third World"), approximately 80% of all household income is dedicated to the costs of food.  In this statistic alone it is easy to see the potential impact for increasing food costs, and who it truly hurts, as opposed to whom it "inconveniences."  Lastly, 37 nations around the world are today classified as "in famine condition," because a majority of the population is not receiving a livable sustenance; 21 of these nations are on the African Continent.

The peons of Mexico overthrew Maximillian and Carlotta in order to re-distribute the wealth.  The peasants of France beheaded Louis and Marie because their cries for "bread" were satirically answered by references to "cake."  Starving Africans are not going to be swayed by the documented generosity of comparatively wealthy Americans who helped tsunami victims in Indonesia several years ago.  It is entirely conceivable that starving people will follow any ideology that provides for their families.  The suicide bombers of tomorrow may not even be Muslim, but they will have had their hunger sated by some who may be such.

The risk we run, dear reader, to erase 16 cents from the cost of a gallon of petrol, is the same once faced by Romans who stared into the eyes of Visigoths, and who felt that someone else's son would protect them.  Today, our politicians speak to the farmers, but not of food.  And they are fools.   The votes in Iowa are about life on Earth, they have absolutely nothing to do with purported sniper fire or silly old men who stand behind altars. 

Frodo has no more patience.  The battle is at hand.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:54 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, April 20, 2008 8:59 PM EDT
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Monday, April 14, 2008
Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves
Mood:  rushed
Topic: "Travel Sucks" (4)

Never has the distance between Virginia and Kansas been so completely chronicled as it was by the shutterbug Frodo on his first airplane flight.  Frodo will never forget the thrill, nor will he ever be able to explain why something once so exciting is now so unbelievably mundane.  On the morrow, Frodo and Sam once again tempt their tempers as they confront the growing cancer that air travel has become.  Even the prospect of Bilbo's 90th Birthday offers little to salve the wounds that oil, at more than $100 per barrel, has cast upon those who traverse our nation's skies.

Frodo and Sam will drive more than one hour in order to arrive two hours before flight time (9 AM, or so the schedule alleges).  They will park in a satellite lot,  tip the driver, and be ferried to the boarding gate.  Their bags will be checked  through to Phoenix (at a cost of $3 per bag + another tip), and they then confront passenger screening.  Frodo dresses simply, removing almost everything, and placing all inside his carry-on.  Sam insists on wearing jewelry, shoes with bits of metal aside, and sunglasses.  Frodo usually waits while Sam's body cavities are searched.

Once the TSA stormtroopers are convinced that Sam is harmless, the Hobbits are allowed to make their way to the gate.  At this point the location of the nearest bathrooms becomes a critical determination.  Realizing, subsequently, that they are about to spend four hours in cramped, airless, quarters absent any food service whatsoever, it becomes Frodo's fate to stand in an endless line at the world's slowest Wendy's in order to overpay for a soggy, coolish biscuit.

Eventually, the Hobbits are summoned to discover the location of their seats, but only after every person in front of them first puts a carry-on, a hat, a coat, and something that appears to be breathing into the overhead compartments.  Only then does Frodo realize that he is seated next to the only infant on the entire airplane.  What Frodo learns, much to his surprise, is that this will not be the cherub's first flight.  It will be however, alleges the mother, his first in which he sleeps the entire way without disturbing anyone.  Frodo notes the first opportunity to bet large sums of money against that prospect.  There are however, no adult takers anywhere in his vicinity.

When finally off the ground, well beyond schedule, Frodo commences an assault on a "beach book," and pretends that the cramped space he occupies is his, and his alone.  Frodo has always been a very silly Hobbit.  Every passenger heading to the bathroom violates his space, and every person with a head cold or some form of typhus, coughs into his face as they pass.  Frodo considers that first vodka and tomato juice, for $5, at exactly 10 AM (well, it has to be 5 o'clock somewhere, doesn't it?).

When they arrive at Sky Harbor, Frodo and Sam will walk at least the equivalent distance between Canada and Mexico before they are in a position to retrieve their luggage.  Along the way they pass the lines of refugees waiting to be strip-searched by the TSA stormtroopers before they depart.  Knowing that the Hobbits will pass through in that direction in just a few days prevents them from feeling any solace whatsoever at the absence of such activity for arriving passengers.  Frodo does consider hiding Sam's jewelry, shoes, and sunglasses.

Luggage in tow, the Hobbits wait for the limo, and wait, and then they wait a little more.  Eventually, once the fee for the round-trip ride, including tips, is paid, they are on their way.  It is, by that time, rush hour in Phoenix.  Frodo has never figured out where all those people are going.  They should be sitting by the pool, drinking a "Dos Equis," or planning which golf course to play that day.  Instead, they all seem intent on following Frodo's route, at varying rates of motion, and blocking every effort by his driver to bring a hasty conclusion to the final phase of air travel, step one.

Frodo is convinced that passage by rail is, at last, enhanced, not by what we do to encourage it, but by the sheer dynamics of what we have done to better it.  Air travel is soaring beyond the budget of people everywhere, along with their mortgages, the cost of food, and fuel for individual transit.  It is also one of the most unpleasant ways possible to lose an entire day.   

Frodo thinks he will ask Mark the Magician (a Series 7 license and a lot of lucky guesses) what he thinks about putting a few dollars into railcars?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:53 PM EDT
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Saturday, April 12, 2008
Lightning Striking Again
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "Wither Weather?"(4)

Almost exactly one year ago, a few days of sub-freezing temperatures wiped out Georgia's Peach crop.  The result included the fact that Frodo had to amend his dietary intake to compensate for the loss of fresh fruit.  This physical adjustment made Frodo very grumpy for an extended period of time.  Beyond the strictly personal, all the gardens of the Shire lost their blooming flowers, with the resultant brown droppings seeming to emotionally plague the well-being of all inhabitants.  It was the grumpiest of times.

Frodo is alarmed at the weather report.  An alien frontal system, emanating from Canada, is winging its way through the midwestern US of A, and is bringing the likelihood of a repeat of last year's freeze to a crescendo of probability.  Already Frodo feels himself losing patience with the sufferings of the fools in political, journalistic, military, sports, economic, and scientific leadership roles.  If Frodo turns negative, what portends the future for those of lesser moral turpitude?

Frodo deems to look forward and offer suggestions for change.  Knowing that geographical barriers are a retardant to changes in the weather, e.g. a mountain range preventing clouds from movement beyond the pinnacle, Frodo believes that an artificial blockade on the Canadian border offers hope for the future.  Not only would such a boundary block the flow of freezing weather into the Shire, but it would also assist in reducing the access of illegals from Canada.  Digging and trucking fill-dirt from a source location in the US of A to the Canadian border would be a massive public works project, thereby creating thousands of jobs for Americans as well as needed income for struggling construction-related firms and businesses.

The obstacles to Frodo's suggestion are minor.  What better use could be made of the wasteland known as Texas than to simply dig it up, and move it to Minnesota, North Dakota, and Montana?  The vacancy created on the Mexican border would eventually fill with needed water, and establish a natural moat to replace the unnatural, and expensive, fence blockade currently under construction.  The costs of construction would be recouped by the reduction in current expense levels for border safety personnel and other Department of Homeland Insecurity requirements.

Yes, dear reader, Frodo is a great believer in the fact that no problem is insoluble.  What is most important however, to Frodo that is, is that he do something to ensure a state of systemic regularity in the months to come.  Hobbits do not prosper on Milk of Magnesia and Maalox as dietary supplements.   Frodo does not look forward to another grumpy year. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:07 AM EDT
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Thursday, April 10, 2008
Just Turn Around Now, You're Not Welcome Anymore
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Helping Frodo" (4)

Some time ago, Frodo proclaimed that he would be proud, once again, of the American electorate when the "Approval Rating" of George W. Bush fell to 24%.  It was Frodo's assertion at the time that 24% of the American electorate, at any measured point in time, is functionally illiterate, and will support an incumbent politician no matter what facts are put in front of them.  Frodo was convinced, from the first day the Incomparable Moron ever uttered his first public statement, that George W. Bush would achieve the 24% level at some point during his incumbency, assuming that he would ever be elected.

The Associated Press reported in its' latest polling data today that 27% of polled respondents, given the dismal economic slide underway, indicated "approval" of the performance of George W. Bush.  That means, dear reader, that only 3 out of every 100 potential voters need to be convinced that George W. Bush is an absolute, and complete, failure, in order for Frodo to be declared prescient.  Here is how you can help.

It will not be hard to identify Republicans who are functionally illiterate; they still have "Bush/Cheney '04" bumper stickers on their cars or on their foreheads.  Please ignore them.  However, should you come across a person who, say, is the off-spring of four consecutive generations of Republicans, and has been supporting this clod out of sheer habit, then sit them down and talk to them as if they still have brain cells not smothered by Sean Hannitty or Rush Limbaugh.  Remember, it is not necessary to even discuss the upcoming election, just get them to recognize that this blowhard has done damage even to the Republican Party.

Frodo truly feels that it is important for all Americans to recognize that if we can survive eight full years of an absolutely abominable President, then, together, we can do anything.  Let us bring all thinking Americans to the same conclusion:  George W. Bush Sucks.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:37 PM EDT
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Tuesday, April 8, 2008
No, I Can't Get It Out Of My Head
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Parade of Horribles"(4)

Every once in a while, thinks Frodo, it is not a bad thing to step back and admire the effort.  Mrs. Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton and Mr. Senator Barack Hussein Obama both distinguished themselves this day, and they did so without anybody taking a cheap shot, except, perhaps, for Frodo.  Even their fellow Senators surrendered some of their own individual political thunder in order to provide both presidential contenders with the ability to appear on the evening news shows.  Ambassador Crocker and General Petraeus be damned, this was the "Bush Surrogates" in review.  Clinton (Hillary supporters please pardon the familiarity, Frodo simply grows weary of identifying every conceivable title except "Your Highness" in order to avoid an error of judgment in sexual identification) asked an absolutely brilliant question, about the review of Bush dogma by the Iraqis, but not by the American Congress, which should someday become a reference in every meaningful history ever written about these terrible times.  Obama (see explanation above substituting the words "Highness" and "sexual" with "Honor" and "racial") underscored the obfuscation of testimony by honorable men who were simply following their orders to imitate the monkeys who neither see, hear, nor speak evil.  In this case, the word "evil" could be replaced by the word "truth."

The Incomparable Moron was, at the same time, shedding crocodile tears with the parents of the third young man to receive the Medal of Honor, posthumously, as a result of heroic action in the "George W. Bush Memorial Pre-Emptive War Against Terrorists, Insurgents, Rebels, Innocent Bystanders, Tourists, Volunteers, and Religious Pilgrims."  The needle-nosed slimeball had the unmitigated gall to allow his wimpy chin to quiver while he contemplated the fact that he was responsible for another loss of life.  Then again, he may simply have been thinking about the sad ending he imagines to the one book we know he has opened, which is, of course, "My Pet Goat."

Frodo is angry at George W. Bush, but he is proud of the as yet nameless person dragged from the proceedings who kept yelling "Bring Them Home."  Perhaps that one voice will resonate loud enough that we will all remember just how terrible War is, and how badly served we have been by those who treat it in such cavalier fashion.  How much better this day would have been if those two very caring parents had not had to go to the White House to memorialize their son, and our loss.

George W. Bush is Sauron.  May he rot in Hell.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:53 PM EDT
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Sunday, April 6, 2008
Just Like The Tree Planted By The Water, We Shall Not Be Moved
Mood:  surprised
Topic: "Jose and Claudia" (4)

The Gardens of the Shire begin to bust out all over, and with the new growth the search begins for a spot to nest.  Frodo speaks, of course, about the rabbits, the squirrels, the chipmunks, the birds, and any others not presently visible.  Frodo has attached a variety of wooden structures to trees, fenceposts and poles, all in the effort to attract the diversity which appeals to him in both birds and human beings.  For, not unlike human beings, issues of territory, competition, and hospitality seem to play some role in whose chicks will begin life in the Shire, or in other corners of Middle Earth.

Apparently the Shire stands amid the territorial dominance of several male cardinals.  The screaming scarlet battles occur throughout the nesting season, but now that the first nesting has begun there is only the silent sentinel forever in search of food for his mate.  Frodo noted, last year, that his neighbor had a nest of cardinals near a window, while space in the Shire was taken by chickadees, titmice, wrens, nuthatches and a plethora of others.  The neighbor children seemed at the time to be forever peering into the nest, seeking parental progress.  That behavior has evidently resulted in the construction of a natural nest in the bough where stands one of Frodo's feeding spots for hummingbirds.  Frodo has not yet seen a ruby-throat in the vicinity, nor has he pointed out the new nest location to his budding base-ball playing neighbor, "Little Chipper."

Jose Cardenal was a base-ball player for many years.  Claudia Cardinale was an extremely buxom actress.  This fanciful pairing of an athlete and a starlet has been Frodo's way of properly addressing the pending parents in the Shire.  Jose and Claudia are a handsome couple who seem to recognize that they are welcome visitors, and that an unseen "Do Not Disturb" sign exists in their defense.  Frodo can ensure that neither Mr. Beau Neau nor any human interloper approach the nest now occupied full-time by Claudia.  Jose however, will have to assume responsibility for the hummingbirds.  Nature, and higher powers, will hopefully direct the red-tailed hawk toward bigger game.

Frodo never realized that being a surrogate parent was such a big deal.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:09 PM EDT
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Saturday, April 5, 2008
In The Desert, You Can't Remember Your Name
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "The Pre-Fellowship"(4)

Frodo has always had a song in his heart, and a friend at his side.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, is ever present these days, but even in the time before the Fellowship, Frodo kept close to those who shared his dreams and his passion.  Too rarely do instances now occur in which paths cross for those who shared thoughts of a different world than that which molded Middle Earth.  Such an event took place this past week, and Frodo reflects back on the time spent by those whose friendship crosses boundaries, if not explanation.

Frodo had used the magic of the Internet to first find his old friend.  Frodo knew that he had matriculated at Amherst, in Massachusetts, and beyond that there was only a wilderness.  The Webmaster at Amherst graciously forwarded Frodo's message on to one of its' alumni, allowing arrangements for the demise of a 40-year absence.  Afterwards, it would be four more years before the visit just concluded.  This time, in a replay of the adolescent "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours," they brought their wives along.

Bill Kelly's father was the first pilot to safely land his fighter plane on Tarawa, in 1943.  His subsequent career carried him to the rank of Captain in the US Navy, and meant that his family would travel with him on each of his assignments around the world.  When duty brought him to the Pentagon, Bill was of high school age, and the domicile, by happenstance, was in the neighborhood of one known as Frodo.  Frodo had lived most of his life in one or two places, unlike his new-found friend, who seemingly took all the world for granted.  Bill, on the other hand, knew that he would soon be moving on, and friendships had to be quickly developed, without deep entanglements, for they were sure to soon be ended.

Bill Kelly, by the time that the junior year rolled around, was the top student in all the land.  With a perfect 4.0 average, he was the example by which Frodo was compared when admonished by his father.  Frodo took pride in his friend, and did his best to learn his habits and his insights so that he could do better himself.  Frodo did not have the discipline that had been instilled in his friend, but he did have the capacity to sometimes drag his friend away from effort and to discover play.  Perhaps this single element became the grounding of their friendship; to Bill, Frodo was boyhood fancies, and to Frodo, Bill was a view of the larger world and how to get there.

It was a truly gray day when, after that junior year, Bill Kelly was following his family on to the next assignment in someplace called Italy.  Frodo still has the yearbook where it is written that "only two or three times in one's life does a true friend come along."  It ended with the word "Ciao," which, at the time, required translation. 

It was amazing to Frodo that the words which composed the tales flowed so freely in their first reunion.  On two straight nights the bar was closed before they had completed their conversations.  All others had retired for the night while Bill and Frodo talked of families now dissolved, and mentors long absent from current events.  Saying "Farewell" then was just as difficult as it had been two score years earlier.

The convention that brought Bill to the Shire provided the current opportunity.  Louisa, whose name is pronounced to befit one who fancies flowers, architecture, and knowledge, captivated Frodo as she sought to learn more about one of whom she had heard so much.  Frodo was only too anxious to provide them both with an eye into the Shire, and to not disappoint.  Frodo, a mere Hobbit, and Samwise, effervescent and engaging, were, after all, escorting the Chairman of the Anthropology Department of Yale University and his First Ladyship.

An early and brisk spring day, with only a fraction of the flowering potential at hand,  passed too swiftly, and without opportunity to delve deeply into the poetry of life.  Frodo was struck by the fact that Bill spoke of a desire to stay, for all time, in New Haven.  He seemed to fear another relocation, to stay, perhaps, "where everybody knows your name."  Frodo, as we know, looks to the sea, and dreams of lands far away.

Shaking hands good-bye, once again, Frodo committed to an offer to visit the house where Mark Twain once lived, and to sit in the same gazebo where famous words were penned, in Connecticut.  Frodo will bring the mixings of a mint julep, to share with Louisa.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:26 AM EDT
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