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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
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"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
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"Play Melancholy Baby"
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"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
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"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
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"Queen of Memphis"
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"Qwest For Truth (2)"
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"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
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"You Take the High Road"
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"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I Believe in Miracles, Oh You Sexy Thing
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Render Unto Wright" (4)

Frodo is the last Hobbit in all of Middle Earth to approach with any form of conspiracy theory.  He did not believe that there was a "vast right wing conspiracy," nor did he believe that that the University of Georgia deserved to be ranked "Number One" (certainly not in any academic realm) by the Bowl Selection Comiittee.  It was surprising to him however, when Samwise began to filibuster over the dinner table about the pecuniary future of one named Jeremiah Wright.

"You watch," said Sam, "sooner or later it is going to come out that some book publisher, or some-as-yet undisclosed major contributor to the Clinton Library is going to be found out as the money behind that old sleazeball."

Frodo sat in stunned silence as Sam continued the discourse.

"It would be just like them to have arranged for some major bucks to be paid to this supposed "Reverend" if he would derail Obama's chances at the nomination.  It is not fair," Sam articulated, "that such a good man would be pilloried by people who would do anything to get elected."

Frodo was totally unprepared for such a spin on something he had viewed from an entirely different perspective.  In truth, Frodo felt that here was an old guy, under personal assault, who was merely striking back by defending the kind of paranoid proposal which seem to characterize old people.  In fact, Obama himself had nearly said the same thing, when he talked about the "bitter" response of some people to their personal circumstances.  Sam was, however, putting forth the belief that this latter-day Judas had collected thirty pieces of silver.

Like, wow.

"Sam," asked Frodo, "what makes you think it was the Clintons, and not some newly-spun Karl Rove in the McCain camp?"

"That would come later if it was the Republicans," said Sam.  "They aren't organized enough yet, they're just letting the Democrats shoot themselves in both feet, and they'll jump in and use their money wisely once the shooting stops, if ever."

"Sam, it is a lot for me to digest," parried Frodo, "I'll have to think on this a bit."

NOTE:  Sam is white, under 60, makes more than $50K per year, and has a college degree; ergo, per all measures of statistical polling and media reporting, is thereby prevented from supporting Hillary Clinton.  Sam is also left-handed.

Left-handed people, as we all know, are trying to take over the world.     

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:15 PM EDT
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Monday, April 28, 2008
With The Poor People of This World, I Want to Cast My Lot
Mood:  lucky
Topic: "St. George" (4)

Every once in a while, Frodo happens across someone who simply takes his breath away.  Not, he implores, in either a visceral or redemptive manner, but a simple soul who could have filled the role portrayed by Tom Hanks in the movie "Forrest Gump."  Frodo's friend John Jenkins, who died during the "ambushes" at Duc Lap in 1968, was such a man.  You know the type, dear reader, as honest as the day is long, hard-working, devoted to friends and family; a person who is too good for his own good, or so they say.  He whom Frodo has dubbed "St. George," of the "Men of Gondor" is such a person, and Frodo has asked for a few moments of your time merely to introduce you to a very good Man.

George first introduced himself as "actively retired," and that description fit perfectly.  Once an intercollegiate swimmer, he has stayed with the discipline and is today a frequent winner in "Senior Olympics" wherever they may be held.  He is a volunteer extraordinaire, devoting countless hours to the Salvation Army and other organizations who serve the homeless and the underprivileged.  Annually, he assists in the all-night effort to take an accurate census of the homeless in downtown Atlanta, a task which would daunt even the fearless Samwise.  He serves as the organizing center of the Men of Gondor.

Frodo first noted this good man as he spun the tale of his own father, who had to leave his employer due to illness, and was promptly cut-off from his health insurance.  St. George choked as he heard Frodo's voice break, and Frodo saw the sympathetic tear in the eye of one not known.  In the days and years to come, St. George would encourage Frodo to join with him in offering greater assistance to the less fortunate.  Eventually, Frodo and the rest of the Men of Gondor joined St. George in the annual ringing of the bell outside a Wal-Mart front door in the days before Christmas.  It remains the day that culminates the Holiday Season for Frodo.

"Honey" and Sam have never met.  Soldiers, it seems, are reluctant to cross bounds of loyalty with those of fidelity, no matter if they bear sword or the Cross of Jesus.  St. George is a quiet man, but with an engaging and winning smile.  There is no doubt that he acts sincerely, and respectfully.  Frodo has been very fortunate to have crossed this path.

Today, St. George, previously encumbered by a dragon it seems, called upon Frodo in dismay.  "Why, Sir Frodo, would you deem it best to forego our time together?  Have I done something to offend?"

Frodo felt that such a query would come, and for one such as St. George, there is no easy response.  He asked Frodo to consider staying with the Men of Gondor.  "Surely Frodo, you know that Sauron still bears the ring, and that those of us who would rend it from his grasp need to keep each other strong during this long endeavor."

Frodo promised to consider the plea of this good, good soul.  He is still weary, so weary, but Hobbits always listen to the entreaties of those who serve us all, and ask so very little in return.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:41 PM EDT
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Sunday, April 27, 2008
Nobody Here Can Walk It For You, You Gotta Walk It By Yourself
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Hungarian Answer" (4)

James Michener, one of Frodo's favorite authors, first came to Frodo's attention when he wrote a book about the Hungarian Revolution in 1957.  The scrappy Hungarians tried to separate themselves from the Soviet Empire, and implored President Dwight Eisenhower and the American Government to aid them.  When that did not occur, the Hungarians eventually fell to the onslaught of tanks and superior manpower.  Although Frodo now looks back at those events in historical context, he had an entirely different point of view when he first read the Reader's Digest Condensed version of Michener's work.  In fact, every young boy he knew had a similar reaction.

The Soviets were so determined to find and to destroy the leaders of the Revolution, that they utilized specialized methods to encourage the flow of information.  It was written and reported by Michener that glass tubes were inserted into the opening of the penis of unfortunate prisoners, and the dangling organs were beaten until the glass tubes were all broken.  Young, developing, boys read this to each other all around the world, and Frodo was one of them.  The universal response was "Eeeyewww," accompanied by a shielding handclasp.

Frodo was today asked a hypothetical about torture.  He was asked what he would do if he could preserve, with dignity and happiness, all life on the small blue planet, if he merely would tolerate a single instance of torture against one small representative of one small species.  Frodo knew that the questioner was trying to elicit his acceptance of the "water boarding" that the Incomparable Moron seems to feel is a legitimate tool to be used in his War against unidentified combatants.  As tempting as such an offer is, Frodo could not bring himself to forget the glass tubes in those Hungarian boys.

Frodo once had a BB-Gun, and in his ardor, he began to pursue songbirds.  One day, he remembers firing and winging a dove in flight.  He pursued the wounded bird from yard-to-field, firing constantly.  At last he saw the bird fall just over a hillock, and he ran to the summit in order to view the carcass.  Instead, he found the bird of peace bleeding profusely from a hole in his throat.  Frodo cocked, and re-cocked, until he could put the creature out of its undeserved misery.  That, dear reader, happened decades ago, and the picture is still so vivid and the pumping blood so scarlet, that Frodo has, on innumerable nights, wakened amid his guilt.

Tolerate torture?  Frodo would never again have a night's sleep.  Nor could he even take a piss.  It really makes one wonder what it would take for George W. Bush to wake up, and not be able to go back to sleep.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 5:44 PM EDT
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Saturday, April 26, 2008
I Can't Live With Or Without You
Mood:  suave
Topic: "Tovarich" (4)

When first the Kennedy Center opened for business, Frodo and Sam bought tickets; the year was 1975.  They saw Yul Brynner, James Earl Jones, Kevin Conway, Robert Horton, Rita Moreno, Cleavon Little, and, of course, Dame Margot Fonteyn and Rudolf Nureyev.  James Earl Jones starred in "Of Mice and Men," and Frodo will never forget the dozen or so "special people" who were uncharacteristically seated after the lights had gone down and the actors appeared on stage.  Some very special person had figured out that watching James Earl Jones play the part which he did would be very, very special for some special people.  Frodo and Sam cried together watching them watch, and listen, to a giant of a man, who sounded just like them, so very special. 

The next year was 1976, and everything at the Kennedy Center was programmed to celebrate the 200th Anniversary of the founding of the Republic.  Frankly, dear reader, in Frodo's opinion, the whole program sucked.  Frodo and Sam did not re-new their subscription, and they moved on to other forms of entertainment.

The story this night is of the Hobbit who found a special appreciation for ballet.  Long before the night with Fonteyn and Nureyev, Frodo was offered a choice by Rachel A. Ames, High-School English Teacher Extraordinaire.  He could write a 50-page paper on the "American Civilization," or he could attend the performance entitled "Stars of the Bolshoi Ballet," appearing at the Uline Arena in Washington, D.C.  The tickets were cheap, in those days, since Russians were not exactly looked upon favorably, and Frodo figured that two or three hours napping while a bunch of "June Taylor Dancers" made sugar-plums on stage was far better than nights of pounding on the Selectric.

Frodo will never forget noticing the knots of muscle on the calves of the men.  Then, when these characters went air-borne, three or more feet straight up into space, Frodo's mouth fell open, and he put aside all thoughts beyond pure admiration.  Following that, these incredibly gorgeous, and lithe, women came flying into the arms of the athletes already on-stage, and they never once broke into anything resembling perspiration.  It was a life-changing moment for Frodo, which he has considered, in many respects, whenever tempted to demean persons of whom he has no knowledge, much less introduction.

It was unsurprising that Frodo's palms were wet, and that even the prima ballerina by his side was an object of lesser attention when Nureyev and Fonteyn came on stage.  Fonteyn was in her 50's, and was far beyond her prime.  Although Frodo does not know for sure, it is possible that he and Sam saw her in one of her last performances on stage.  Nureyev looked as if he had just come from a photo shoot for GQ.  In Frodo's time on our small blue planet, he can safely say that Presley and Banderas are the only males who were ever more physically appealing than was the Russian on that night .  When the dancers were done, Frodo stood, and cheered, and applauded, and did so until no one else was left in the auditorium.

Being among the last to leave, Frodo and Sam sat at the end of the traffic line, and their eyes sparkled for each other, and for the beauty and grace of that night,  Then, on Sam's side of the car, Frodo saw him, walking from the Kennedy Center, to the Watergate, dressed in a leather suit, brown it was, and wearing a beret.  Nureyev, all alone, it was.  Frodo shook Sam and they stared at the maestro as his eyes caught theirs.  Frodo, not knowing what else to do or say, simply screamed "Tovarich, Dwo Svedanya."  Nureyev smiled, and did a full-arm wave to his American fans, and repeated the words to Frodo.

Frodo had heard Charles Bronson use the same phrase in "The Great Escape."   Frodo has had an affection for the best vodka, and lime juice, ever since.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:00 PM EDT
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Friday, April 25, 2008
Little Boxes, All The Same
Mood:  lazy
Topic: "Pass the Malais" (4)

Chris Matthews, a long time ago, worked as a speechwriter for the 39th President of the United States.  During a period of economic downturn, when all of the news seemed bad, the President decided that he would go on nationwide television and talk to the American people.  His plan was to emit a sympathetic ear, and to commiserate from a philosophical point-of-view.  Matthews was not alone amongst the President's staff, in that he argued against calling the doldrums a "malaise," feeling that something inspirational would work much better.  Jimmy Carter did not take Matthews' advice.

Frodo was reminded of this story the other day when he heard Barack Obama being quoted about the "bitter" feelings which seemed to characterize voters in the Rust Belt primary states.  It seemed to Frodo that Obama was trying to be philosophical, and to explain his approach.  Hmmph, thought Frodo, "How much better off he would have been, if he had simply read his speech at the 2004 Democratic Party Convention, even if it had no relationship to the issues"  People, Frodo supposes, sometimes want inspiration, not sympathy.

Barack Obama has said, continually, that he would tell the people "not what they want to hear, but what they need to hear."  In his best Chris Matthews imitation, Frodo says, "Don't do it."

The Democratic Party process is addled, at best.  These stupid contests go on, ad infinitum, and it is conceivable that the kids will be back in school after summer vacation, and there still won't be a "presumptive" standard-bearer for the Democrats.  What's worse, George W. Bush will still be in office, which means that absolutely nothing will be accomplished, and the current economic downturn is fraught with heretofore unknown peril.  The boys will still be dying, for nothing, except, perhaps, for the fiscal coronation of Achmed Chalabi.  One of the Bush daughters will get married (Frodo believes her gown should be red),  and John McCain will also demonstrate to every voter able to read that he has absolutely no clue about anything.

Sometimes, dear reader, Frodo thinks that our only hope is that McCain gets pissed at some female reporter and punches her lights out.  Frodo suggests Campbell Brown.

"Perhaps," says Frodo, "we should simply call it 'Spring Fever,' since it seems to be affecting us all."  Rather than tuning in, turning on, and dropping out (remember that little bit of nostalgia, do ya?), although one of those sounds awfully tempting right about now, Frodo looks hopefully to Indiana and North Carolina, with a silent prayer that the voters there put us all out of our misery. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:07 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, April 25, 2008 11:09 PM EDT
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Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Goin' Away For To Leave You, Might Not Come Back Any More
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "All Good Things" (4)

More than ten years ago, Frodo received a telephone call in his office from an entrepreneur with an interesting idea.  The gentleman explained that he had developed a concept for working Hobbits who found themselves increasingly isolated from each other.  "After all," he said, "as we age, we spend more and more of our time at work, and what's left mostly goes to  our familial responsibilities."  "Any time beyond that," he offered, " which we call leisure, is usually somewhat solitary.  What we lose is the locker room.  We no longer interact as team-mates, because we outgrow our abilities and they morph into our responsibilities."

What he would do is to gather a group of 15 or so businessmen, generally entrepreneurs, business owners, professionals, with achievements and education, and set-up an introductory luncheon.  Prior to the luncheon, every participant would receive a briefing book on the other members of the group.  At the luncheon, each member would stand and introduce himself for 10 or so minutes, then make himself available for questions. 

After the meeting, he would arrange for a second meeting, and that would be the last that anyone would see of him.  At the second meeting, the group would begin to establish its own dynamics, and develop its own plan for future meetings.  As a general rule, meetings seemed to usually be scheduled once-a-month and in the beginnning would be discussions over lunch.  From there, the group was entirely on its own.

Frodo has discussed many meetings of what he dubbed "The Men of Gondor."  On two occasions Frodo has white-water-rafted the Chatuge River (remember "Deliverance"?, well that's it), he has visited tourist locations often overlooked by residents (the Cyclorama, the Carter Center, the Wren's Nest), and he has been introduced to the vocational expertise of other members (waste-water treatment, architectural design, theatre production).  Frodo tried foods he'd never considered (chicken feet, sushi), but mostly he listened.  He listened attentively as one spoke of an actual visit to the Olduvai Gorge, and another about the last hours on Earth of a life's love.  Together they all discussed the changes in their world after the collapse of the Twin Towers.  All of this coming from participants who shared no commonality, other than the fact that fellowship was something they had lost, somehow, somewhere along the way.

Today, Frodo announced that he would no longer attend the lunchtime gatherings on the second Friday of every month.  He indicated that his enthusiasm had simply waned.  That was partially true, for it grows increasingly difficult to maintain spontaneity when schedules and the unforeseen continually intrude.  Like most things in life however, there is an end, and recognizing it is what we all must do, or suffer in silence.  Frodo has genuine affection for "The Men of Gondor," and he will never be able to replay the experiences in total context.  He will try, from time-to-time, to tell you, dear reader, what it is like in the locker room, and why you miss it so much. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:48 PM EDT
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Sunday, April 20, 2008
We Are The World, We Are The Children
Mood:  loud
Topic: "Sing It Again" (4)

The price of gasoline, on the average, in America, has risen 16 cents in the past two weeks.  It is true that on the day that George W. Bush took office (even then Frodo was considering a run for the border), Frodo filled his motorcar and paid 75.9 cents per gallon to do so.  Returning last night from the Atlanta Aerodrome and Security Checkpoint, Frodo once again filled his motorcar and paid $4.349 for the honor.  On the face of it, the sheer dynamics of inflation and the resultant shift of economic power in the world is a problem.  There is however, to Frodo, an immense concern herein, and so in the words that follow dear reader, assume no satire, no humor, and, above all, no agenda.

The words "alternative energy sources," are as much a part of the English lexicon in the twenty-first century as are the words "weapons of mass destruction."  Everyone knows that it is imperative that the world must wean itself off its thirst for fossil fuels, if only to preserve a habitat for humankind.  The solutions proposed have included the purely ecological to the purely economic, and most fall somewhere in-between.  The production of ethanol from agricultural plant-life has been proposed many times, but has never been a rational part of the discussion because of the cost factors.  Today however, with the inflated prices commanded by energy demand, ethanol can be produced and sold at a profit in a competitive marketplace.  The economy can also be enhanced as greater dependence on ethanol requires both more fuel and vehicle suppliers.

The problem is very basic.  With an increasing amount of agricultural plant-life production diverted to a more profitable use, i.e. into ethanol, the availability of basic food products is lessened.  At the same time, the growing worldwide population continues to demand food, and the result is both a lesser availability and a higher cost for all food products.

Before moving into the point of this faustian dialogue, Frodo feels it important to share a couple of facts,  In the developed world today, approximately 10% of all household income is dedicated to the costs of food.  In the "undeveloped world," (perhaps what we once called the "Third World"), approximately 80% of all household income is dedicated to the costs of food.  In this statistic alone it is easy to see the potential impact for increasing food costs, and who it truly hurts, as opposed to whom it "inconveniences."  Lastly, 37 nations around the world are today classified as "in famine condition," because a majority of the population is not receiving a livable sustenance; 21 of these nations are on the African Continent.

The peons of Mexico overthrew Maximillian and Carlotta in order to re-distribute the wealth.  The peasants of France beheaded Louis and Marie because their cries for "bread" were satirically answered by references to "cake."  Starving Africans are not going to be swayed by the documented generosity of comparatively wealthy Americans who helped tsunami victims in Indonesia several years ago.  It is entirely conceivable that starving people will follow any ideology that provides for their families.  The suicide bombers of tomorrow may not even be Muslim, but they will have had their hunger sated by some who may be such.

The risk we run, dear reader, to erase 16 cents from the cost of a gallon of petrol, is the same once faced by Romans who stared into the eyes of Visigoths, and who felt that someone else's son would protect them.  Today, our politicians speak to the farmers, but not of food.  And they are fools.   The votes in Iowa are about life on Earth, they have absolutely nothing to do with purported sniper fire or silly old men who stand behind altars. 

Frodo has no more patience.  The battle is at hand.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:54 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, April 20, 2008 8:59 PM EDT
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Monday, April 14, 2008
Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves
Mood:  rushed
Topic: "Travel Sucks" (4)

Never has the distance between Virginia and Kansas been so completely chronicled as it was by the shutterbug Frodo on his first airplane flight.  Frodo will never forget the thrill, nor will he ever be able to explain why something once so exciting is now so unbelievably mundane.  On the morrow, Frodo and Sam once again tempt their tempers as they confront the growing cancer that air travel has become.  Even the prospect of Bilbo's 90th Birthday offers little to salve the wounds that oil, at more than $100 per barrel, has cast upon those who traverse our nation's skies.

Frodo and Sam will drive more than one hour in order to arrive two hours before flight time (9 AM, or so the schedule alleges).  They will park in a satellite lot,  tip the driver, and be ferried to the boarding gate.  Their bags will be checked  through to Phoenix (at a cost of $3 per bag + another tip), and they then confront passenger screening.  Frodo dresses simply, removing almost everything, and placing all inside his carry-on.  Sam insists on wearing jewelry, shoes with bits of metal aside, and sunglasses.  Frodo usually waits while Sam's body cavities are searched.

Once the TSA stormtroopers are convinced that Sam is harmless, the Hobbits are allowed to make their way to the gate.  At this point the location of the nearest bathrooms becomes a critical determination.  Realizing, subsequently, that they are about to spend four hours in cramped, airless, quarters absent any food service whatsoever, it becomes Frodo's fate to stand in an endless line at the world's slowest Wendy's in order to overpay for a soggy, coolish biscuit.

Eventually, the Hobbits are summoned to discover the location of their seats, but only after every person in front of them first puts a carry-on, a hat, a coat, and something that appears to be breathing into the overhead compartments.  Only then does Frodo realize that he is seated next to the only infant on the entire airplane.  What Frodo learns, much to his surprise, is that this will not be the cherub's first flight.  It will be however, alleges the mother, his first in which he sleeps the entire way without disturbing anyone.  Frodo notes the first opportunity to bet large sums of money against that prospect.  There are however, no adult takers anywhere in his vicinity.

When finally off the ground, well beyond schedule, Frodo commences an assault on a "beach book," and pretends that the cramped space he occupies is his, and his alone.  Frodo has always been a very silly Hobbit.  Every passenger heading to the bathroom violates his space, and every person with a head cold or some form of typhus, coughs into his face as they pass.  Frodo considers that first vodka and tomato juice, for $5, at exactly 10 AM (well, it has to be 5 o'clock somewhere, doesn't it?).

When they arrive at Sky Harbor, Frodo and Sam will walk at least the equivalent distance between Canada and Mexico before they are in a position to retrieve their luggage.  Along the way they pass the lines of refugees waiting to be strip-searched by the TSA stormtroopers before they depart.  Knowing that the Hobbits will pass through in that direction in just a few days prevents them from feeling any solace whatsoever at the absence of such activity for arriving passengers.  Frodo does consider hiding Sam's jewelry, shoes, and sunglasses.

Luggage in tow, the Hobbits wait for the limo, and wait, and then they wait a little more.  Eventually, once the fee for the round-trip ride, including tips, is paid, they are on their way.  It is, by that time, rush hour in Phoenix.  Frodo has never figured out where all those people are going.  They should be sitting by the pool, drinking a "Dos Equis," or planning which golf course to play that day.  Instead, they all seem intent on following Frodo's route, at varying rates of motion, and blocking every effort by his driver to bring a hasty conclusion to the final phase of air travel, step one.

Frodo is convinced that passage by rail is, at last, enhanced, not by what we do to encourage it, but by the sheer dynamics of what we have done to better it.  Air travel is soaring beyond the budget of people everywhere, along with their mortgages, the cost of food, and fuel for individual transit.  It is also one of the most unpleasant ways possible to lose an entire day.   

Frodo thinks he will ask Mark the Magician (a Series 7 license and a lot of lucky guesses) what he thinks about putting a few dollars into railcars?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:53 PM EDT
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Saturday, April 12, 2008
Lightning Striking Again
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "Wither Weather?"(4)

Almost exactly one year ago, a few days of sub-freezing temperatures wiped out Georgia's Peach crop.  The result included the fact that Frodo had to amend his dietary intake to compensate for the loss of fresh fruit.  This physical adjustment made Frodo very grumpy for an extended period of time.  Beyond the strictly personal, all the gardens of the Shire lost their blooming flowers, with the resultant brown droppings seeming to emotionally plague the well-being of all inhabitants.  It was the grumpiest of times.

Frodo is alarmed at the weather report.  An alien frontal system, emanating from Canada, is winging its way through the midwestern US of A, and is bringing the likelihood of a repeat of last year's freeze to a crescendo of probability.  Already Frodo feels himself losing patience with the sufferings of the fools in political, journalistic, military, sports, economic, and scientific leadership roles.  If Frodo turns negative, what portends the future for those of lesser moral turpitude?

Frodo deems to look forward and offer suggestions for change.  Knowing that geographical barriers are a retardant to changes in the weather, e.g. a mountain range preventing clouds from movement beyond the pinnacle, Frodo believes that an artificial blockade on the Canadian border offers hope for the future.  Not only would such a boundary block the flow of freezing weather into the Shire, but it would also assist in reducing the access of illegals from Canada.  Digging and trucking fill-dirt from a source location in the US of A to the Canadian border would be a massive public works project, thereby creating thousands of jobs for Americans as well as needed income for struggling construction-related firms and businesses.

The obstacles to Frodo's suggestion are minor.  What better use could be made of the wasteland known as Texas than to simply dig it up, and move it to Minnesota, North Dakota, and Montana?  The vacancy created on the Mexican border would eventually fill with needed water, and establish a natural moat to replace the unnatural, and expensive, fence blockade currently under construction.  The costs of construction would be recouped by the reduction in current expense levels for border safety personnel and other Department of Homeland Insecurity requirements.

Yes, dear reader, Frodo is a great believer in the fact that no problem is insoluble.  What is most important however, to Frodo that is, is that he do something to ensure a state of systemic regularity in the months to come.  Hobbits do not prosper on Milk of Magnesia and Maalox as dietary supplements.   Frodo does not look forward to another grumpy year. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:07 AM EDT
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Thursday, April 10, 2008
Just Turn Around Now, You're Not Welcome Anymore
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Helping Frodo" (4)

Some time ago, Frodo proclaimed that he would be proud, once again, of the American electorate when the "Approval Rating" of George W. Bush fell to 24%.  It was Frodo's assertion at the time that 24% of the American electorate, at any measured point in time, is functionally illiterate, and will support an incumbent politician no matter what facts are put in front of them.  Frodo was convinced, from the first day the Incomparable Moron ever uttered his first public statement, that George W. Bush would achieve the 24% level at some point during his incumbency, assuming that he would ever be elected.

The Associated Press reported in its' latest polling data today that 27% of polled respondents, given the dismal economic slide underway, indicated "approval" of the performance of George W. Bush.  That means, dear reader, that only 3 out of every 100 potential voters need to be convinced that George W. Bush is an absolute, and complete, failure, in order for Frodo to be declared prescient.  Here is how you can help.

It will not be hard to identify Republicans who are functionally illiterate; they still have "Bush/Cheney '04" bumper stickers on their cars or on their foreheads.  Please ignore them.  However, should you come across a person who, say, is the off-spring of four consecutive generations of Republicans, and has been supporting this clod out of sheer habit, then sit them down and talk to them as if they still have brain cells not smothered by Sean Hannitty or Rush Limbaugh.  Remember, it is not necessary to even discuss the upcoming election, just get them to recognize that this blowhard has done damage even to the Republican Party.

Frodo truly feels that it is important for all Americans to recognize that if we can survive eight full years of an absolutely abominable President, then, together, we can do anything.  Let us bring all thinking Americans to the same conclusion:  George W. Bush Sucks.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:37 PM EDT
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