You Know That It Would Be Untrue, You Know That I Would Be a Liar
Topic: "Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Good morning, our guest for the first half-hour of BEAT THE PRESS is Representative Joe Wilson (R-SC), and he will receive questions from Frodo Baggins of the Shire News Service."
"Thank you David, I'd also like to thank all the members of the Academy and. . .oh, excuse me, wrong set of note cards. Er, Mr. Wilson, have you considered apologizing to the President of the United States on the floor of the House of Representatives for your intemperate remarks last Thursday during the President's speech to the Joint Houses of Congress?"
"Suh, Ah think my apology to the President which ah made immediately after my emotional comments is adequate."
"Well, Sir, a number of elected officials, both Republican and Democratic, have expressed their disgust at your apparent lack of respect for the Office of the President, and have stated publicly that since your racist comments were uttered on the House Floor, it would therefore be appropriate for a formal apology to emanate from the same location."
"I verruh much object to your use of the word 'racist,' since there was nothing said which could anyway be construed as 'racist'."
"Sir, in the entire history of our country, no member of Congress has previously uttered comments of this nature against a sitting US President in public. Given the fact that President Obama is the first President with a definable African-American ancestry. . ."
"Boy, you need to be careful with where you're goin' here. I want yew ta know that some of my best friends are Nigras. We love our Nigras here in South Catrolina. Our Nigras are the happiest Nigras in the whole world. In fact, my Mammy had me raised by a Nigra lady right over there in McClellanville."
"Your mother was African-American?"
"Now see, there ya go again. Talkin' like yew ackshally know what people means. My "Mammy" was an ole Nigra lady that wet-nursed me while my Mother was workin' three jobs in order to help send me to college."
"Congressman, can we get back to my origiinal question?"
"Wassa matter boy, can't you heer good? Ah already said that my apology was apparently adequate, and we need to move forward, and not waste time lookin' back."
"Mr. Wilson, you've apparently received more than $1 Million in political contributions since the incident. Don't you feel that the motivation for these contributions is likely to be 'racist', and secondly, can you tell us if the bulk of these contributions are from in-or-out-of the State of South Carolina?"
"Boy, if that isn't proof of how you people from inside the Beltway are out-of-step. . ."
"Uh, Congressman, I am from the Shire, and this is the first time I have been in Washington in over three years."
"Yes, well, as ah was sayin', those contributions are pennies, nickels, and quarters, saved up by hard-workin' South Carolinians who could've given that money to their churches, but saw a need to 'Stand up for America', and to help protect the best healthcare system in the world."
"Congressman Wilson, what will you do if the entire House votes to censure you for your remarks, and if you are directed to apologize, appropriately?"
"Well, jes let Ms. Nancy Puloosey try. Looka here boy, donchew know that Fort Sumter still sirs out there in the middle of Charleston Harbor, and that if it means that the fight for right has to start again, in South Carolina, then so be it."
"Boy, I knows that Jorjuh, and Alabamya, Texish, and Eyediho will follow our lead, and we'll hang that Nigra from a sour apple tree."
"You mean. . .?"
"States Rights Boy, Don't have nuthin' to do with the President bein' a Nigra, it has to do with States Rights."
"Where ya goin' boy, was the truth too much fer ya?"
"I'm going to go to the very first military enlistment office I can find. Our country needs me."
"Hee hee, well, we'll whip your asses fer good, this time."
"Well thank you everyone for a very spirited discussion. That's all we have time for now on BEAT THE PRESS, but stay tuned for our next segment, with former the Prime Minister of Great Britain, Tony "the poodle" Blair, discussing his new book "George & Me and a Dog named Blue."
Posted by loveysdaddyga
at 9:05 PM EDT