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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Friday, May 11, 2012
I've Forgotten What I Started Fighting For
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "ERA"

Bilbo was very fond of reminding Frodo that "What goes around, comes around."  When the Equal Rights Amendment failed, by the slimmest of margins, to win acceptance by the requisite number of States, Bilbo soothed the torn emotions of the Hobbit with those favored words.

Frodo thought that was bullshit.

How, he wondered, could there be any question that a responsible adult could experience life in Middle Earth with anything other than rights equal to any of their fellow citizens?  How, indeed?  Bilbo answered that certain things are understood, and that the absence of something written is not a big problem.

Frodo thought that was bullshit, too.

More than 40 years have passed, and now the "leader" of one of the two most significant of political parties in all the Shire wants to see a "Constitutional Amendment" to ban equal rights in marriage.

Presumably, Bilbo's rejoinder to Frodo reflects a movement of 180 degrees, as opposed to a complete turnaround of equal justice or 360 degrees, under the law.  Despite the wisdom of our President, it will be many, many years before Bilbo's error is rectified, and an Amendment is passed, insuring that all Americans have equal rights.

ERA, it is way past time.    


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 5:46 PM EDT
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Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I'm a Loser, And I'm Not What I Appear to Be
Mood:  lazy
Topic: "Roads Scholar" (8)

"Mr. Frodo, is it true that you only played baseball for one year while matriculating at the College of the Shire"?

"That is correct."

"May I ask why?"

"Blame it on Cecil B. Rhodes."

"As in Rhodes Scholarships?"

"Frodo had come to the realization that there had never been a Rhodes Scholar from the College of the Shire, so he decided to give it a try?"

"No kidding?"

"As you know, a Rhodes Scholarship, for study at Oxford, is awarded based on a balance, if you will.  Rhodes Scholars excel in the classroom, on the playing fields, in the arts, while exhibiting true leadership potential. Bill Clinton, Bill Bradley, Rachel Maddow, Pete Dawkins, and many other familiar names have all been Rhodes Scholars."

"So, did Frodo win?"

"No, he gave up."


"Well, Frodo had the grades, even achieving straight A's upon occasion, he played on the baseball team, he was elected to the presidency of his fraternity and to the student legislature, he served as editor of the college newspaper, he participated in overseas study in Germany, he received an assistantship for graduate study at Tulane University and he was a genuine BMOC at the College of the Shire."

"So. . ."

"Frodo 'mailed in' his final year, simply because he was convinced that he was about to be drafted into the armed forces, and ordered to Southeast Asia."

"Frodo gave up baseball as well?"

"Frodo figured that if he only had another year or two, he wasn't going to waste his time 'practicing' anything.  If he was going to fight in a war he believed to be wrong, or if he decided to leave his homeland forever, then it was going to be on his terms.  His arrogance came through loud and clear."

"Looking back now, how does Frodo feel about bailing out?"


Sometimes, on a rainy day, melancholy rises to expectant levels.  It is in such a time that Frodo discloses something he never before shared, with anyone.  Disappointments, it seems, last forever if we let them, and he misses playing baseball more and more everyday. 



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:14 AM EDT
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Monday, April 30, 2012
I'd Like To Know Where You Got The Notion
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Nobody Even Asked"(8)

Thus ends the first third of the year 2012.  Since it is an election year, it is expected that the depth of the political faux pas will grow like a tomato in the spring sunshine.  What frightens Frodo is that what is truly relevant is overshadowed by the trivial.  An example, in truth, follows.

Those opposed to what is conveniently labeled as "Obamacare" have long argued that the project is wrong-headed.  The free-market, it is alleged, will enter the fray when insurance companies have the opportunity to compete for business in states other than those in which they are housed.  Said competition will help to lower prices, especially for those unable to obtain health insurance at work.

Well now, a logical argument, "Based on what?", Frodo asks. 

Not much, it seems.

Georgia is one of five states that have already passed the requisite legislation to allow out-of-state insurance companies to offer product for sale across state lines.

Funny that you didn't know that, eh dear reader?

Funnier it is because there has not been one, nary any at all, to even apply to Georgia, or to any of the other legislative enactees, seeking authorization to compete across state lines.  Apparently, it isn't the all-consuming profit monster the Republicants claimed.

Where could the all-seeing Republicants have screwed up this time?

"Nobody has even asked to be approved to sell across state lines.  We're dumbfounded.  We are absolutely dumbfounded," said Georgia Insurance Commissioner Ralph Hudgens.  Hudgens a "conservative Republican" further said "I'm really surprised because it was such a bumper sticker issue by Republicans saying if we could get across state line selling, we could reduce the cost of health care." 

Post-hypnotic party supplicants argue now that there is a fear that individual states will then have to regulate not only insurance companies housed in their state, but they will also hold regulatory authority over the out-of-state competition. 

Frodo has a more obvious answer.  The insurance companies are just figuring out how many palms they will have to grease should they take on customers serviced by another state legislature.  Imagine if you will, dear reader, the Georgia State Legislature, masters of Republican sleight-of-hand, requesting a "fee increase" in Georgia, in order to "facilitate" the sale of health insurance coverage to individuals in Alabama.  The words are "pay" and "off."  And nobody's rates go down, unless you count the loss of women's healthcare services.

Old southern men, for the most part, just suck.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:13 PM EDT
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Friday, April 20, 2012
Take a Load Off
Mood:  sad
Topic: "Come On Baby"(8)

Bad news, so the saying goes, comes in threes.  Frodo had two doses of it on basically the same day when Le Von Helm and Dick Clark moved back from the microphone, bowing for the last time.

Frodo actually ran from the bus stop, down Buchanan Street, to turn on the television, listen to the latest hits, and dance to the music.  Judy and Carol, Allen and Palmer were followed by any number of guests whose parents objected to the magic coming from Philadelphia.  Fortunately, Frodo's father was at work by 3:30 PM, so parental tolerance was exacerbated at Frodo's house by an overworked Bilbo.

Some years ago, Frodo and Sam drove by the building that was the source for the sophisticated sounds of American Bandstand.  It was a dumpy old warehouse--which just goes to show that magic and music are found in every nook and corner where eyes are open and feet are movin'.  Thank you Mr. Clark, for making music such a phenomenal part of the days that belong to Frodo.

Things will be silent on Frodo's ledger for a few days, as Frodo and Sam climb a mountain and observe wildflowers abloom (note that, again, they do not pick the wildsflowers, dear reader).  Frodo knows that along the trail he will hum the music which will be with him as long as there are breezes onto which words may be launched.  Virgil Cain will be his name, and he will sing of the night they drove old Dixie down.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:42 PM EDT
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Monday, April 16, 2012
On a Day Like Today, We Pass The Time Away
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Danger,Will Robinson"(8)

Frodo does not like to admit mistakes.  Easier it is to rant against those who are used to making errors, winning the acquiescence of friends and neighbors who have also been put upon, or think they have, by unseen yet powerful forces.  In the subject diatribe that follows, note that the villain is the most villainous of all villains, and empathize with friend Frodo.

Less than a fortnight ago, the Hobbit filed his Federal Income Tax Return for the year just past.  But a few days later, he received correspondence from the Villains, suggesting that dauntless Frodo had nelected to include important information on his Federal Income Tax Return for the year before the year just past.  After reviewing the correspondence, which is virtually illegible, Frodo noted that he had, indeed, omitted said data.  His analysis reflected the fact that the financial reports he had been used to receiving had been changed by the financial institution who had acquired his long-time (now defunct) bank.  The information was there all right, it just happened to be in a place Frodo did not, by habit, expect.

Worse yet is the fact that Frodo had repeated the error on the return just filed. 

Frodo is not very happy with Wells Fargo.  They are also villains who changed the reports in the first place.  Somebody should have alerted Frodo to the change, rather than anticipate that he would expend precious time in reading the revised instructions.  Frodo is obviously also not pleased with the Internal Revenue Service for the arduoius process which took a full year for them to notify him of their concern.  Not to mention that he now has to read all this legalese, and to make proper adjustments on his most recent tax return.

Frodo has long argued with those who advocate things called "fair" or "flat" income taxes, questioning their motivations, since nearly all point out that they pay too much, and "others" pay too little.  True it is that less than half of all of us pay any income tax at all, but whose fault, asks Frodo, is that?  Perhaps the answer is the gentleman who made a name for himself haranguing the world with the rejoinder that "Rent is too damn high."

Frodo's suggestion is simple enough.  Set a common rate for all income tax filers, including the "corporate" whom Willard Mitt among others avers as "people."  That rate should be 22.5% for everyone, excluding the bottom one-third of all those with income of any kind.  For the record, both Willard Mitt and President Obama would've reported significantly higher tax bills under the "Frodo Plan" at 22.5%.  The bottom one-third will still pay taxes, just not those taxes which are based entirely on income (i.e., sales, excise, employment taxes would stiil be charged).  There would also be no withholding on earned income for those in the bottom one-third.   

Too bad it is that such a good concept is identified as what it is, written in sand. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:11 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, April 16, 2012 1:19 PM EDT
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Sunday, April 15, 2012
I've Been Cry-eye-in Over You
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Islamic Fundamentals"(8)

There is, has been, and apparently, always will be, a major international conspiracy virtually ignored by the "lamestream media."  Frodo has suspected, ever since his ninth year at the High School of the Shire (note:  Frodo did not spend nine years at the High School of the Shire, but during his ninth year of academic excellence he happened to be housed at said institution), that certain required subjects reflected a bias that was not readily explainable.  Now he has the proof.  Let us begin, dear reader, with the proverbial question, about the "crap" we learned in high school.

Algebra.  Frodo can truthfully say, to the best of his knowledge, that he has never used, much less even considered using, anything he ever learned uttered by his Algebra teacher, Colonel Myers.  Frodo is however proud of the fact that he has managed to remember the name of said teacher, despite the fact that he probably was on the Axis side during WWII.

Frodo has recently learned that the word "algebra" comes from the title of a book written by an Arabic scholar named "al-Khwariami."  The word "algorithm" derives from this dude's name, and, most damning of all, the book was entitled "Al-Jabr wa-al-Muqua-bilah."  

Frodo, in the vernacular, Shiites you not.

Everything is there except the power behind the conspiracy, al-Qaeda.  It is only too clear to Frodo that his high school experience was intentionally diverted from the useful to the irrelevant.  Now, Frodo knows that x does not equal "why," rather x most probably equals "why not?"  It also opens up the entire issue of "Arabic numerals," and makes Frodo wonder if the US of A isn't being short-changed at the gasoline pumps by guys who not only control the product, but also compute the pricing therein.

Frodo now wonders about his old playmate, al-Horne.  He always looked foreign to Frodo. 

Well, what do you expect when Frodo gets home from paying $55 for a fill-up at his local al-Texaco? 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:54 PM EDT
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Thursday, April 12, 2012
Where Were You When I Needed Ya, Where Were You When I Wanted Ya?
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Master of None" (8)

Frodo wonders if writers ever have too much material?  Surely, in Middle Earth, there is presently no shortage of irrational political comments or senseless actions geared to unachievable goals.  Has this always been the case, or are we simply victims of the 24/7 news cycle?  It has gotten so bad that Frodo will not settle on a specific television channel unless the crawler "Breaking News" is prominently displayed. 

Perhaps this explains why the Hobbit is maximizing his efforts afield.  Ladies in the Shire are always giving Frodo flowers to plant amid that which is already crowded all about.  There generally follows a discussion about him becoming a "Master Gardener," and learning how to further expand his personal link with tropical growth.  Frodo has learned that there are many ladies, but few masculine types about to pull weeds and to show off their abs.

Frodo has also read about a program developed by the Audubon Society in which one learns to become a "Master Birder."  Sightings and songs are the measurements for success around short jaunts to parks and fields in the nearby trails encircling the Shire.  Frodo may enjoy this even more, given the fact that becoming a "birdwatcher" was not a necessary component of Frodo's adult life goals.  This, certainly, requires something more than a glossy brochure and a saliva-filled sales pitch.

Perhaps in jest, a sportsperson has also recommended that Frodo expand his bass-catching expertise to include cold-water trout in the nearby mountains of North Georgia.  Purchasing fly rods and flies to go with specialized tackle could be more expensive than the Hobbit is willing to consider.  He snickered when informed that such skill wins one the title of "Master Baiter."  Probable it is that, not unlike the play on words therein, the Hobbit does not need any assistance in furthering his proficiency.

All of this relates, of course, to an organized plan in active retirement.  For now, the unseasonably warm days, and the continuing presence of the aged Mick, the Wonder Dog, keep Frodo busy.  These, he knows, last not forever.  A major literary assault is eveningtide underway as Frodo pursues his effort to read at least one book by everybody, just so that no one be disappointed.  Fareed Zakaria is the current target, Dorothy Parker to follow.  Noted on his Kindle is the World War II centered addition, scheduled for release in September, to the latest trilogy of Ken Follet (this may mean that Diana Gabaldon remains on the inactive list even longer).

Busy, busy, busy. 



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:07 PM EDT
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Thursday, April 5, 2012
I Wanna Sing You a Love Song
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "The Boys of '63" (8)

Frodo has been asked to read a manuscript.  It is much, much more than Frodo expected.  Since much of the text involves real people and real places known to him, it is difficult for Frodo to retain a truly objective opinion.  Simply because the odds are great that what has been written will never reach the public marketplace, and because there is so much value in the banter of young men as innocence stands naked in their headlights, Frodo offers a setting, and some dialogue. 

It is the spring of 1963.  A bus transits small towns in Appalachia with a cargo of young men, who play baseball.  What follows herein is copyrighted material whose use is assumed solely for the purpose of non-commercial reference.

"He was staring out the window as if searching for something unseen, or contemplating something far away from baseball and our bus.  Half turning in his seat, Bob responded with his own query, 'what do you think is out there?'"

"You know, out there, beyond everything, where we all go when we punch out, when the big game is over?"

"Professor Neal was talking about the Great Depression last week and about how desperate things were.  He talked about how a lot of rich people thought the government should just let nature take its course, and let the country recover on its own steam.  And these people hated Roosevelt, they didn't just disagree with him or dislike him, they hated him for what he was doing with government programs and the New Deal creating make work jobs and programs to help poor people actually survive with some dignity and try to get back on their feet."

"What Roosevelt said when he ran for re-election in 1936 really hit home and I memorized the words after hearing them just that one time in the Professor's lecture.  It goes like this 'The immortal Dante tells us that the sins of the cold blooded are measured in different scales.  Better the occasional faults of a government that lives in a spirit of charity than the persistent omissions of a government frozen in the ice of its own indiffrence.'"

"I guess where I come down is believing that whatever the best thing is that's out there will be the place for the warm hearted."

For long minutes neither of us said anything as we both looked out the window at the greening Tennessee landscape, slipping serenely by as the Fuller bus hummed along, amid the murmuring of light banter in the conversations around us.

That night, in the dormitory, we lit farts. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:06 AM EDT
Updated: Thursday, April 5, 2012 10:10 AM EDT
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Saturday, March 31, 2012
What Will I Be, When I Grow Up To Be a Man
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Well, Poop"(8)

"Mr. Frodo."

"Who dat?"

"This is God."

"Yo, Big Guy, Wassup?

"Where were you last night?"

"Whatchu mean?  Where was I?  I lined up my Financial Planner, you know him, Mark, the Pharisee?  Then I started arranging for wire transfers of more than $650M to banks all around the world.  Based on what you'd said, I then. . ."

"Whoa, big fella."

"Don't shush me Dude.  I was making big plans because you implied that I was about to take on some new business in your behalf."

"Then how come you didn't go to Baltimore like I told you?'

"Baltimore?  I thought you said 'Bald No More.'  Weren't you telling me to put bear grease on my skull and then. . ."

"No.  I was telling you to use the primary machine at the convenience store in Baltimore County."

"Hmph.  I guess, what we have here is, 'Failure to communicate.'"

"Well, any way, now we have to figure out how. . ."

"Figure. Schmigure.  You think I didn't hear about the Dude in Kansas who got struck by lightning after buying a couple of lottery tickets that had several winning numbers?  I'm not sure I wanna mess with you at all."

"That was Randolph Terry, the Anti-Choice Fruitcake."

"No kiddin'?"

"It was just my way of letting everyone know that Deism was a bad idea even for Thomas Jefferson."

"So, did you set Tom up with Sally Hemmings?"

"It would be inconsistent for me to first say I was involved in affairs on the small, blue planet, then to deny the possibility."

"Okay, that's fair.  What about Halle Berry?  You know her?"

"Mr. Frodo, can we get back to the lottery, and how to help you move $600M into the hands of the poor and the underprivileged?"

"Oh yeah.  Good point.  But can we talk about Halle Berry a little later?"



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:03 PM EDT
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Friday, March 30, 2012
I Wonder If You Think About It, Once Upon a Time, In Your Wildest Dreams
Mood:  happy
Topic: "176,000,000 to 1"(8)

Okay, here's the deal.  If, dear reader, you post to Frodo, Keeper of the Ring, by Midnight this eve, AND if Frodo or Sam should win the MEGA MILLIONS drawing, then you share in the prize money.  Now keep in mind that the approximately $600M only goes so far, but no matter how one dices it, we will all become members of the top 1%.  In addition, what Frodo will also do is to walk right up to Willard Mitt, with his $600M check in hand, and say "WM, I understand that because of your Father's legacy that your investments paid you a paltry $42M this past year?  You know what Frodo has to say about that?  Well, WM, Frodo says 'Is that all?'"

Frodo would be very pleased to pay his taxes at a rate higher than that of the poverty-stricken Willard Mitt.

Frodo and Sam have been thinking good thoughts for the ASPCA, the people who fight ALS, the homeless, and everyone else who believes that Willard Mitt is truly a dork, or whoever needs a helping hand.  Yes, President Obama will also be well-advised to take Frodo's call, even at 3 A.M.

So, before the Evening News cuts on, say a lfew kind words for the Hobbits, and know that you are in the mix with the Hobbits of the Shire.

Last one in the pool is a rotten egg. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:32 PM EDT
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