Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Friday, April 19, 2013

Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird is The Word
Mood:

accident prone
Topic: "Seems Like Yesterday"(9)

Repetitive old Frodo, thinking back amongst the halcyons when little Peeper first joined the Shire, setting the stage for the current representative of the avian democrats. Sydney was but six months old, and soon found himself as the tutee in all matters regarding fertility. Sad it was when Sydney eventually found himself all alone, except that is when it came to dinner time. He watches himself in a full-length mirror and eats whatever he wants whenever. Sydney is also subject to fits of screech that rival any chalkboard.

Tess, not unlike most Shire residents past and present, has been fascinated by the swooping cockatiel vaulting from cabinet top to the shoulder of the Hobbit and back again. Unsurprising it was that she finally nade contact with the target. Sam was quick to the scene, but age combined with shock bodes ill for the continuing good fortune of Frodo's friend from down under. He moves about his cage, and he squawks at the Hobbit from time to time, but he did not eat any this day, and his head appears to lean noticeably left. He has not tried to fly to familiar perches in Sam's kitchen.

It is hard to be angry with Tess. It is easier to write things off as the simple expectation of friends who come and go in each of our many lives. Sydney may look, and scream, like normal in the morrow, but his stay in the Shire is not endless no matter. Frodo will miss his calls to cousins who flit about the Shire in desperate search of the wealth that is Sydney's without effort. He has served his responsibilities well, and he actually smiles at Frodo whenever the Hobbit whistles his favorite tune, "Peeper, Peeper, Peeper."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:05 PM EDT

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Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Look At The Night, Now It Don't Seem So Lonely
Mood:

don't ask
Topic: "The Boston Massacre"(9)

Frank Shorter won a Gold Medal when he finished first in the marathon at the 1972 Olympics in Munich. He has often remarked about the horror he saw that first day when the ski-masks appeared on the balcony. Forty one years later, Frank Shorter ran in yesterday's marathon in the City of Boston. His first thoughts, as he relaxed just beyond the finish line, were "Oh no, not again." It is unlikely that anyone else in the entire world played such an active role in both events.

Frodo was close by when the 1996 Olympics yielded something more than the skills of Edwin Moses and the insanity of Eric Rudolph. Hawkeye Pierce and those who portray him for real performed admirably and ran to assist the really wounded, as if they really were dressed in fatigues and unloading choppers while "Suicide is Painless" accompanied their acts of heroism.

There it was, as Frank Shorter said, and young Martin Richard was declared dead by the young surgeon, only moments after hugging his favorite runner, at the finish line. Oh no. Hawkeye Pierce had to yield to Father Mulcahy, again.

It may be a long, long time before that which motivated the perpetrator is known. After all, Boston is the home of the real "Tea Party," and it was the 15th of April and our taxes were all due, and the Government of North Korea was celebrating, and the Saudis announced that they were authorizing women to drive motorcars, and the Governor and the President were both black. Surely, thinks one, that one or more of these arguments justify the end of small lives by small explosions.

The very first marathoner collapsed, and died, as he delivered the message that motivated the first 26.2 mile trek. Frodo has always thought that someone would have to be crazy to follow in those footsteps. Perhaps he has learned that the real craziness is in the throngs that watch, with nothing else to do, again. Henry Blake's lament lives for all time.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:53 PM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, April 16, 2013 10:57 PM EDT

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Saturday, April 13, 2013

I'm Your Puppet
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "Tax Driver" (9)

Frodo once truly believed that state and local governments were preferable tools in legislative hands than those wielded by the federalists. He has amended his opinion upon reflection. The examples he cites require minimal explanation, to wit.

From his earliest memories, Frodo has always been aware of the privileges available to diplomats in a foreign land. As long as he can remember, Frodo has known that thousands of unpaid parking tickets are amassed annually in places like Washington, New York, and Missoula, Montana. All of that, of course, is to guarantee ready access so that misunderstandings are minimized and prompt action can be taken as necessary in resolution of potential conflicts. These privileges, rankling as they may be to locals, are universal in application and therefore not a major problem, usually.

Fulton County, Georgia, houses one of five Indian Consulates in the State of Georgia. Note that Frodo uses the word "houses" reflecting that the question of ownership is at the crux of the issue under discussion herein (the diplomatic terminology is anticipated). Thirty days after the Indian Government moved into the newest of its consulates, they received an invoice for unpaid property taxes from Fulton County.. Thirty days thereafter, the property was sold. The Indian Government, as one might imagine, is claiming "diplomatic immunity."

Pakistani officials are laughing their asses off.

Carnival Cruise Lines has suffered quite a number of operational failures over the past many months. On more than one occasion, the US Coast Guard or other agency have been called upon to assist in the rescue of its citizenry drifting aimlessly, with out plumbing, in transient waters. The Coast Guard has invoiced Carnival Cruise Lines for services rendered. Carnival has responded that it was the duty of the US Coast Guard to respond in keeping with hundreds of years of maritime law. Indirectly, the response being that the Coast Guard should not be looking for a check in the mail.

Frodo wonders just who is going to show up the next time the good folks at Carnival run aground, without working toilets.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:05 PM EDT

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Thursday, April 4, 2013

Has Anybody Here Seen My Old Friend
Mood:

quizzical
Topic: "Strip Searched" (9)

It was very quiet in the bus stop where male students gathered in the early morning hours for burgers and fries. An important man had died this day, representing one more loss on one more day when losses mounted beyond comprehension. Someone asked Frodo what it all meant, and what he felt would happen as a result of events this day.

Frodo said that Washington D.C. would burn. He hoped he was wrong, but he knew he wasn't. In the days that followed, Frodo's father was trapped within the confines of the building where he worked, unable to leave to go home, and not allowed to return. Eventually, he received a special pass allowing him to travel back-and-forth from his place of employment to home. Frodo wishes he had saved that pass, for it would be a marker in history we all, sadly, would like to forget.

The murderer escaped that day and was on the run for many days. When captured, he was extradited to the land that would treat him as an innocent man, until it proved otherwise. This very day Frodo learned something not previously made public knowledge. James Earl Ray was strip-searched and the entire process was filmed, and aired for the first time just a few hours ago. Frodo wasn't shocked by the nudity, he was stunned that nobody even knew of the existence of said data. Why, wonders Frodo?

What, Frodo asks, does it say to us, if not about us, that we keep secrets from one another? The suspicion that guides what we think about the integrity of our system is hurt more by information undisclosed than by all the ills wrought upon us by McCarthy, Hoover, Cheney, and Woodrow Wilson's personal physician.

How sad it is that, despite the suffering we have known, we accept the fact that our elected officials add content to legislation, anonymously. Other elected officials are authorized to prevent specific executive appointments for no stated reason. Potential evidence is hidden for generations or more, and no one asks why. Perhaps the fabled balance of power in our system is nothing more than lack of trust. If this is the case, then someone else's father will some day also require a special pass into our nation's capitol.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:38 PM EDT

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Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Blue on Blue, Now That We Are Through
Mood:

irritated

Former US Senator Howard Baker (R-TN) is probably best-remembered for his participation in the Watergate Hearings more than 35 years ago. His "What did the President know, and when did he know it?' is a phrase that will continues to live in infamy. During the same period in time, he was also quoted wishing that any of the Watergate participants had been elected to any political office at least once in their lives. The implication being, of course, that none would have acted so irresponsibly had they some measure of accountability to the general electorate. Frodo has been thinking about that quite a bit of late.

If Frodo were to ask, dear reader, you to identify the Republicant miscreant with the greatest responsibility for tax policy in all of Middle Earth, would you not likely respond with the name Grover Norquist?

Similarly, would you not identify Wayne LaPierre as he who comes first to mind when one considers the folly of gun legislation?

Rush Limbaugh has received on-air apologies from sitting members of Congress whenever he takes umbrage with something at variance from conservative dogma.

Ann Coulter has documented the electoral process in the Republicant Party beginning with a bypass of potential victory in order to nominate Mitt Romney, and to therefore lose.

Frodo's point is clear, at least to him, that nearly every strategic or operational political responsibility position therein is "manned" by an individual who has never run for any position in the public forum. To begin identifying political figurines beyond that group results in one more "wish list" candidate for 2016. Strange it is that names like Moynihan, Kennedy, Ervin, Rayburn, Mansfield, Eisenhower, Goldwater, Simpson, Jackson, and yes, even Baker are no longer the points fixe for policy and implementation.

With what we've got, it is clear that the loyal opposition should require what's left to receive remedial training.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:36 PM EDT

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Saturday, March 30, 2013

Monday, Monday Can't Trust That Day
Mood:

celebratory
Topic: "Good Friday It Was"(9)

Sometimes, cards dealt are the cards to play. On Good Friday, Frodo met another doctor, a nice man to be sure. Suggested by another, the new doctor deals in blood, and there were apparently some concerns therein. The decision being that Frodo would do nothing, but come back in three months. The new doctor said, simply, that he wanted to make sure that doing nothing is the right thing.

Frodo asked him if he were a Republican, and they laughed.

The "platelet count" seemed high to Frodos regular doctor. It seemed high to the new guy, also, but from a relative point of view, it was not a concern. Frodo felt a whole lot better, as did Sam. Instead of promising to never consume more than 4 ounces of spirits at a single setting, the Hobbit put a severe dent in a Jack Daniels namesake, saluting pure fate at every lapse in the toasting thereto.

The new doctor asked Frodo if he were a Republican. Frodo told him those were fighting words, and they laughed once again.

That evening Frodo ran his fingers across the pate of the noble Dandy, promising him that they would soon swim in the big water dish in the sky. They looked up to the stars, together, grateful that time was still on their side, and that Sam would be there when they came back to shore.

Dandy may not yet know what a Republican is, but he knows what he doesn't like.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:36 PM EDT

Updated: Saturday, March 30, 2013 8:40 PM EDT

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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Islands in The Stream, That is What We Are
Mood:

lucky

400 people have amassed personal assets equivalent to that of 150,000,000 of their countrymen. When Frodo first heard these numbers, and his boyhood thoughts of wealth redistribution as a worthwhile aspect of the social agenda stopped short of a new eruption, he began to wonder what kind of statistical malaise confronted Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette? Obviously, dear reader, her demise was hastened by her suggestion that cake replace bread, and it has made Frodo wonder if a repeat couldn't follow upon the musings of young Senators Paul and Cruz, et al.

The behavioral sciences have elevated economics to a leadership position among the sociologists, the anthropologists, the political scientists. The mathematical applications reveal exact results when the variables are clearly and scientifically identified. Although political science has made great strides (a la Nate Silvert) there is too great a human whim involved to ignore the facts of economics. The problem remains that the "moment" cannot be captured by the economist. That is why "irrational exuberance" and "Keynesian" and "Laffer Curve" all have relevance, in the grand scheme, but are virtually worthless as stand alone subjects of study. At least as far as Frodo is concerned.

Just when he thinks that he's gotten a grip on all of this, by adopting the long-term analyses of Paul Krugman, Frodo watches Krugman get shredded into chopped liver by someone like Joe Scarborough. Sigh. Had Krugman responded by saying that the finite statistics are bound to change over time, and as variables, well, vary, then Frodo would've laughed off the rantings of the right. The result is, however, that the fat old white guys are not about to give up the fight.

After all, that's why they got the money in the first place.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:12 PM EDT

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Monday, March 25, 2013

In The Summertime When The Leaves Are Green And The Redbird Sings I'll Be Blue
Mood:

cool
Topic: "Wither Weather"(9)

Nina and Nino are Spamish-language terms which Frodo initially assumed were two of the ships that Columbus utilized when invading the western hemisphere. In summary, he was probably close to being correct. Depending on which happens to be underneath a prevailing wind, unseasonable weather occurs somewhere, almost every day. Since it is Spring in the Shire, that must logically mean that the weather outside is pretty crummy. That assumption is substantiated by the congenial stroll which two nameless canines initiated and maintained upon their best friend. In the vernacular, Frodo froze his ass off while these two checked out every pile of discharge assembled during the past quarter-century.

On the bright side, Frodo's unwillingness to spend too much time in the great out-of-doors has eliminated the procrastination involved in the annual preparation of the income tax return. Job one. Additionally, Frodo has completed the reviews promised old friends of their independent chronologies to which Frodo bore witness when they actually happened. Job two. Finally, Frodo attacks the keyboard in order to bring to summary his 28th consecutive massacre of "March Madness" predictions in the NCAA Basketball Tournament (Ed Note--please remember that Frodo picked Villanova to defeat Georgetown in 1985). Job three, pending the initiation of a nap. Harvard beat New Mexico, and something called Florida Coastal Waterway Agricultural & Mining (or something close to that) has become the lowest-rated team to ever make the "Sweet Sixteen?"

The Weather Channel, now under the tutelage of NBC, has been performing as if their vocation paralleled Frodo's prognostications. Frodo also has learned that someone has filed suit against "Punxatawney Phil" for seeing his shadow on Groundhog Day (Ed. Note Two--please remember that a lady in Arizona once filed suit against God for making her ugly, stupid, and Governor, Frodo assumes). Perhaps it is best that Frodo move away from said keyboard and think much more seriously about that nap mentioned above. It's a dog's world out there today.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:24 AM EDT

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Thursday, March 21, 2013

It's a Small World After All
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: "Solving a Problem"(9)

Not unlike the rest of the world, Frodo is adept at identifying problems. It is the answers that are so darned elusive, even to those critically imperiled by inaction. What follows is not meant in jest, it is a suggestion. This solution is not overly complex, although the problem itself is.

There are nearly a million military veterans waiting more than 250 days for the processing of benefit claims. These numbers include those wounded so severely that they are unable to earn a living. It includes those promised tuition assistance for returning to complete their education. The problem being that the confluence of veterans returning from two wars at basically the same point in time, and the absence of digitized information systems means that human beings are processing thousands of files, by hand. It will take years to catch up, and years more to modernize the process, all in an environment where there are few avenues for more money, and more staff.

The most capable people in all the world to deal with government are those staff people who serve Members of Congress. As part of the budgetary process, each member receives a stipend to cover administrative needs, including the staff whom they hire to answer constituent correspondence, serve the needs of the citizenry, and investigate matters of public concern. Who better to work, temporarily, to solve the problem at hand?

Frodo suggests that each Member of Congress, House and Senate, volunteer one staff-member to assist the Veterans Administration for one year. Assuming that it would take a month to train each person, that means that 435 people, handling one case a day (if not more), working about 200 days each in said endeavor, would legitimately further reduce the backlog by 87,000 cases. Admittedly, this would delay the efficiency of the offices of each Member of Congress. So? Isn't this one way for the legislative branch to address its miniscule performance level in the eyes of our nation? Isn't this one step to be taken by an organization nearly devoid of veterans itself?

And you know what? It wouldn't cost us a dime more than what we're paying right now. It might save the life of a kid who can't deal with the cards we've dealt him.

If you think Frodo makes sense, then pass it on. Who cares who gets the credit for a good idea, particularly when the need is at hand, and the answer is biting you in the butt.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:24 PM EDT

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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

My Blood Runs Cold
Mood:

not sure
Topic: "Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)

Frodo is the picture of health. That was not always the case, underscored by that winters evening when his sister informed him of what no one else thought he should know. Pneumonia was serious, even to a pre-teenager, and people thought that he might worry about the threat. In truth, all he could think of was a double-burger and fries, washed down with a chocolate shake. He survived it all, apparently, and has taken the position that everything works out OK if you don't worry about it. Frodo, it seems, thought a lot about MAD Magazine and the tutelage of Alfred E. Newman.

He overcame his childhood pestilence with a daily intake of liver, cooked no more than one minute, as opposed to the steroids recommended by the less-involved physicianery. Although things worked out well, Frodo still cannot stand the smell much less the taste of liver. In fact, he has oft thought that his premature end will come choking on a mouthful of that dreadful offal. He just never thought it might come so soon.

Frodo's new doctor, since the last one decided that family practice was no longer effusive, has noted that amid all the "normals, acceptables, and no problems" there need be a "slight concern." Frodo is, at first glance, anemic. Additional analysis of the presence of iron in his bloodstream will add greater clarity but the fact remains that Frodo may need to supplement his present intake with, get this, liver!

Frodo has decided to construct a suicide vest, which he will wear when next he visits the offices of the Republican National Party. If he's gotta go, he's gonna take some of those assholes with him, i.e. Ranch Preebus, Sara Pailend, and Michel Blockhead. Frodo opines, we believe, that it works to his advantage to have all the faux faithful join with those who admire the Hobbit, and wish him the best.

Frodo still thinks about double burgers, fries, and chocolate shakes. None of which smell like liver.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:42 PM EDT

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