Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Thursday, March 17, 2005

The Bush Legacy
Mood:

chillin'
Topic: "Thar She Blows"
January 19, 2009--Outgoing President George W. Bush today announced that drilling has commenced on the 156th oilwell on the White House front lawn. President Bush will be long remembered for his initiative to turn all public lands open for energy exploration. "I am proud that my Administration was pro-active in our national effort to expand America's energy capacity. From our first days in office, when Vice President Cheney met secretly with all the crowned heads of energy companies around the world, it has been our goal to reap all of the fossil fuels which belong to all the people."

Outgoing Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham announced earlier this morning that the 19 test wells at Yellowstone, the 45 "dry holes" in the Great Smoky Mountain National Park, and the 4 exploratory drillings at the Acadia National Seashore in Maine were all worthwhile efforts. "Although we didn't find any oil, we put a lot of Americans to work." said Secretary Abraham. "We also helped turn our trade imbalance in the right direction by piping all of the oil so far recovered from the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to China."

"It is one of my proudest achievements," said the President, "that we helped preserve our nation's natural beauty for future generations. We did not drill a single well off the coasts of Florida. We have been a national steward."

Incoming President, former Florida Governor, "Jeb" Bush echoed his brother. . .

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:19 PM EST

Updated: Thursday, March 17, 2005 8:21 PM EST

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Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Doe, a Deer, a Female Deer; Ray, a Drop. . .
Mood:

don't ask
Topic: "Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
Officials in India's southern Andhra Pradesh state have adapted the concept of "Aversion Therapy" to modern government. Drummers have been hired and are dispatched to the homes of tax laggards. The drummers play, continuously, until the outstanding balance is paid in full. T.S.R. Anjaneyulu, the local municipal commisioner explains that "They put up a spectacle outside the houses of defaulters, draw them out and explain their dues to them and the need to clear it." Since authorities began pounding in the tax law, nearly 20 percent of the overdue payments have been made.

Frodo believes there is applicability to the collection overload faced by the IRS. He shudders to imagine 24/7 of "Snoopy Dogg Doo" (or whatever his name is) outside his home in the Shire. But how about Ken Lay listening to "You Light up my Life," over and over and over? Richard Scrushy getting "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll love ya tomorrow," until he admits to anything?

Good thing Frodo didn't join the National Guard.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:47 PM EST

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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

God Save Queen
Mood:

happy
Topic: "We Will Rock You"
Until today, the village of Harby in Nottinghamshire, north of London, was the kind of hamlet whose main claim to fame was that Eleanor of Castille, wife of Edward I, died there in 1290. Today "Reality TV" struck when BBC offered the citizens $20,000 to participate in their new series, "The Week the Women Went." All of the hamlet's women would leave town en masse and agree to be put up at a luxury hotel while the town's men would struggle on their own for a full week. 80 of the 119 women in the hamlet signed up immediately.

An emergency meeting of the entire hamlet, the first called in 11 years, is scheduled for tomorrow night. Joanna Horbury, the landlady of the Bottle and Glass Pub, who has volunteered to leave her husband and their 20-month old daughter was quoted as saying, "I think it all sounds very exciting." Mr. Paul Marshall, vocation unidentified, complained that this kind of show never makes anybody look good. BBC officials were asked not to attend the meeting.

Frodo is of two minds on the issue. He would be out of both of them if he said another word. Film at 11.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:13 PM EST

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Monday, March 14, 2005

What a Difference a Generation Makes
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Chapter 13"
A generation ago, The Federal Tax Lien Act of 1966 came into being. It established the priorities for creditors. It established for all judicial proceedings the "first in time, first in right" by which nearly all creditors would be paid. It should not surprise anyone that "attorneys" (who might have had something to do with writing the law) were specifically identified as a "priority." Unpaid taxes, supported by a legal notice (lien), became a "super priority." Pretty far down on the list were retail purchases on credit. Oftentimes, these creditors would find their "account receivable" was to become "uncollectible."
Prudent business, it would seem, would be for a restriction on credit to persons considered risky. At the same time, it would seem logical that businesses selling consumer items on credit would lobby to increase their standing against other priorities. American History tells us that neither of these occurred.

The expansion of consumer spending increased the availability of credit, and at rates far beyond the norm. Rather than fight to improve their priority, the consumer sales world fought to increase the costs of borrowing. Even today, 30% rates on credit card balances are not unusual. The justification for such "usury" is because of the "high costs" associated with collection of ever-increasing balances due.

Business marches on, and one way to improve profitability is to restrict the ability of the borrower to seek legal protection. Logically, if a consumer is prevented from filing for bankruptcy, then he is able to accumulate more debt, and there is nothing to prevent the lender from charging even higher rates, and becoming increasingly aggressive.

Chapter XIII of the Federal Bankruptcy Act is known as "The Wage Earner Plan." It arose because of the instances primarily in the South where working people found themselves heavily in debt on consumer purchases. Particularly in the areas around Memphis, Tennessee, people with regular jobs were being mercilessly pounded by creditors, and the struggle to rise from poverty was greeted by job loss from employers frustrated by garnishments and seizure of wages. Chapter XIII allowed people such as these to follow a court-directed spending plan to keep their jobs while satisfying the "past due" obligations.

Guess who was pissed? You got it, our friends who extended all that credit in the first place. They weren't being paid as fast, and the court actually had the gall to keep these people from getting further into debt.

It took the bastards an entire generation. Our "Compassionate Conservative," and his Merry Band of Legislators have made it much more difficult for borrowers to enter Chapter XIII. In the States of Tennessee, and Georgia, and South Carolina, where levels of fiscal sophistication are not at their peak, the onus falls on those poor dumb people who borrow on credit cards, and borrow on credit cards, and borrow on credit cards.

Sure, it will mean that the number of bankruptcies will decrease, but not because people acted more responsibly. It is just one more way that the weakest and the smallest are kept "where they belong."

Damn George Bush, and everyone of the miserable bastards who voted for this disgusting bill. It is my great regret that a certain carpenter from Nazareth is not around to toss every one of you from the Temple.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:17 PM EST

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Sunday, March 13, 2005

What We Have Here Is Basketball
Mood:

energetic
Topic: "Andy Griffith Redux"
Hobbits do not make good basketball players.
Dwarves and Elves are also chosen last when teams are picked.
Rohirrim, Orcs, Trolls, and Men of Gondor are representative of the physical stature of those who participate.
In the Shire we have a team coached by one as wise as Gandalf. Our players are Rohirrim and Men of Gondor. Our opponents are Orcs and Trolls.
Today we lost to the Trolls of Duke University, after a sparkling victory over the Orcs from North Carolina. Gandalf provided magic, but the Trolls were protected by the evil Sauron, who was disguised in striped clothing and blew whistles loudly at inopportune moments in the struggle.
Strider, whom we know to be Aragorn, fell to a twisted ankle, but rose again and again to smite the deadly Trolls. Alas, this was not meant to be.
As the Hobbit moved away from the screen he remembered these words:
"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:47 PM EST

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Saturday, March 12, 2005

It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Mood:

cheeky
Topic: "Ethel Merman Lives"
This morning, a gentleman with a rather significant amount of sunshine residue on the stem supporting his head received a telephone call from his brother. His brother informed him that he was in an apartment in Duluth, Georgia, visiting a friend, and he was looking out the window, while hiding behind a couch, and peering into the eyes of Brian Nichols, currently a fugitive from justice. "Come help me," he pleaded. Neither one of them thought about calling 911.
The rescuer was, at that moment in downtown Atlanta, about 25 miles away, installing panes of glass in an office building under construction. Our hero jumped into his pick-up truck, leaving all of his tools behind, and headed north on Interstate 85 to rescue his brother.
Now, imagine if you will, a pick-up truck with sheets of glass in the back, traveling as fast as the rescuer could go, heading toward an area currently under siege by a SWAT team. According to the CNN interview with our plucky hero, he passed at least two police cars who were being dispatched to the scene where a mass murderer was confined in an apartment complex. "Neither one of them put on their blue lights to pull me over."
Standing in the parking lot with a microphone in his face, he told the reporter that he was afraid that his brother was being held hostage. "I've been calling his cell phone, and there is no answer." He began to sob in front of our erstwhile Judy Woodruff. "I don't know which apartment he's in, he could be the hostage."
A few moments later ATF agents announced that Brian Nichols was in custody. Later on, the hostage was identified as a woman, obviously not the brother of our hero.
Not all happy endings are cloud free, however. It seems the brother had turned his cell phone off when his visit with someone named Angela turned amorous. Sadly, when our hero returned to his job site that afternoon, his tools were gone.
As a Son of the South, Frodo knows that a request would be made of CNN for a copy of the video so that the family could have a keepsake of their Andy Warhol moment.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:30 PM EST

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Friday, March 11, 2005

Life Is Like A Box of Chocolates
Mood:

blue
Topic: "No Humor Today"
Frodo was looking forward to learning a little about the Arts today. Instead, he learned how much life imitates Art.
Like a bad movie, which is anything starring Bruce Willis, a very bad person took the sidearm of a courthouse guard, and he killed three people. The Michael Jackson Trial dropped off of CNN for the day. There was no mention of a walk-out by all the Black members of the Georgia State Senate. Georgia Tech's ACC Tournament win has been ignored. It is interview and re-interview with the witnesses, passersby, shocked, and saddened.
The violator is on the run. Frodo hopes they kill him, and he doesn't hurt anyone else. The alternative is years of legal proceedings, and the eventual termination of life by a vengeful State. It is a situation not unlike the rabid dog confronted by Atticus Finch one summer's day in Monroeville, Alabama. Frodo always figured that this was the contrast so vividly drawn by Harper Lee. Atticus acted to end the danger of the rabid dog, as opposed to the legal steps taken to punish his client, the wrongly accused. There is no doubt, there is no question about the danger, there is no presumption of innocence. All of Middle Earth will be better off when the violator is no more. No one was bitten by the mad dog.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:43 PM EST

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Thursday, March 10, 2005

The Wife of Bath
Mood:

quizzical
Topic: "An Admission"
There is a time in all our lives when hormones reign supreme, and for some of us that time is greatly extended. When Frodo first sat down with Geoffrey Chaucer to discuss his characters in "The Canterbury Tales," his hormones were just coming into their own. It is not surprising that the ribald tales of the gap-toothed "Wife of Bath" burst to the forefront of Frodo's imagination.
From that moment forward, Frodo has tested the theory that hormonic activity is enhanced by the presence of a gap between the front teeth of those of the feminine gender.
The empirical evidence has strongly suggested that proper scientific conclusions can be accurately derived therefrom.
Frodo admits that is the very first thought that crosses his mind on many occasions.
Today, someone very observant referred to the Secretary of State as a "gap-toothed neocon-ette."
Inquiring minds want to know.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:28 PM EST

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Wednesday, March 9, 2005

Whatever Happened to Randolph Scott?
Mood:

party time!
Topic: "Film at 11"
Twenty-four years ago tonight, Roger Mudd got stewed to the gills. The long battle to succeed Walter Cronkite had been decided in favor of the other guy. Frodo saw Roger hosting a show on The History Channel just a few weeks ago. He looks just the same. Same suit, same tie, same hair-do, same nasal resonance. The pecker hasn't aged a day.

Dan, on the other hand, looks like a banker. Somebody helps him on and off with his coat, his pupils are constantly fully dilated, his dark hair looks like it was trimmed with a lawnmower. I'd swear he is on leave from the "Shady Acres Rest Home." Tonight, I'll bet, Dan Rather got stewed to the gills.

Uncle Walter was on the poop deck of his sailboat when Roger got smashed. Tonight, he popped the cork on that champagne he'd hidden in the refrigerator twenty-four years ago.

Frodo used the remote control to switch the channel to Peter Jennings. And that's the way it was.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:36 PM EST

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Tuesday, March 8, 2005

Smile When You Say Them Words, Effendi
Mood:

accident prone
Topic: "The Second Amendment"
"Yes, Is this 'Guns to Go-Go'?"
Sure is, right here in Smyrna, Georgia, the Capital of Christian Concealed Weaponry.
"I'd like to place an order to go-go."
Fine Son, what'll ya have?
"Is it still free delivery? I have a coupon for 10% off."
Sure Boy, we have free delivery by college students on their way home from Spring Break. Your coupon is good on your first order over $200,000.
"Excellent. How do I provide you with adequate ID over the telephone?"
Tell you what Boy, just answer the following question. Which President of the NRA, by God, played Moses and that Jew-boy who raced the chariot horses in the movies?
"Uh, George Bush?"
Close enough. May I take your order, please?
"I'd like 150 AK-47's, 300 RPG's, 200 of your best handguns, and 400,000 rounds of ammunition for the handguns?"
Smith & Wesson good enough for them handguns?
"That'd be fine."
You want fries with that?
"No, that should do me for now."
Where would you like that delivery?
"How about care of the Postmaster, Tehran, Iran, 24328?"
No problem.
"How much?"
Hold your horse there Son, I also need to know if you have ever been convicted of a crime here in the USA, or if you are mentally defective?
"No to both."
Fine, that'll be $245,000 with your coupon, and sales tax brings that to $259,700. Now, will that be cash or charge?
"American Express. . ."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:40 PM EST

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