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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
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"Out Damned Spot (2)"
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"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
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"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
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"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
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"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
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"Sperm Count" (3)
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"Spoonerized" (6)
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"St. George" (4)
"Stan & Ollie"(7)
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"Sticker Shock"
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"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
"Sunni Daze" (4)
"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
"Swiss Miss" (5)
"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
"Teflon Causes Cancer"
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"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
"Terrible Two's" (2)
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"Tess of the Dorghis" (8)
"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
"Thank You, Molly" (2)
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"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
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"The Blue Dog"(11)
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"The Forum" (2)
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"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
"The Good Doctor"(6)
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"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
"The Litany" (6)
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"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
"The Real Rhett" (4)
"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
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"The Turtle" (3)
"The Union Label"(6)
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"Thin Ice, Frodo" (4)
"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
"This Day in History"(3)
"This, Too, Shall Pass"
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"To Arms, To Arms"
"To the Hoop (2)"
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"Tokyo Rush" (5)
"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
"Tom Bombadil Returns"(9)
"Tom" (4)
"Top Two Percent" (7)
"Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
"Torah, Torah..."(6)
"Toro, Andalay,Toro (2)"
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"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
"Train Wreck"(8)
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"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
"Trees v. Forest"(9)
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"Tripod Hackers?"(9)
"Trouble Sleepin'" (3)
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"Truly,Totally, Nuts"(3)
"Tuesdays with Nancy"(4)
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"Tumbler" (3)
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"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"Untimely Events"
"UR Number Is Up" (7)
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"Vandals at the Gates"(2)
"Vat of Chocolate"(6)
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"Veto Shmetoe (2)"
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"Video Thriller"(5)
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"Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)
"Virginia Lovers" (4)
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"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
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"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
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"Winchester Women (2)"
"Wink at the Moon"
"Winter Solstice"
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"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
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"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
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"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
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"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Monday, October 3, 2005
And so on, And so on, And Scooby-Dooby-Dooby-Dooby
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Another Single Woman?"
Frodo poses a hypothetical question for hypothetical readers on a hypothetical subject, much in the manner of former (and thank heavens for that) Education Secretary William Bennett. Suppose you were introduced to a Hobbit who was born in New York City, raised in New York City, educated in New York City, employed in New York City, and of course lived in New York City? Would you, oh wordly and sensitive reader, sustain any preconceived notions about that Hobbit even before a single word had been spoken?

The latest name submitted for consideration as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States was born in Dallas, Texas. She was educated at SMU (the initials of an institution which received the "death penalty" for ethical violations in the conduct of its' football program). She was the President of the "Bar" in Dallas, and her residence is (as you have already anticipated) in that city without trees.

Dallas is the town that killed John Kennedy. The professional football stadium resembles a commode with the lid raised. To purchase a mixed drink a visitor must join a "private club," since public drinking is not permitted. No other large city in America has ever had a prime-time television show entitled solely with its' name, as has "Dallas." Residents of the "Metroplex" have to water the foundation of their homes. It is the home of the Southern Baptist Convention (you know, the guys who boycotted "Disneyland"). And true it is that there are no trees, anywhere.

Frodo has a preconceived notion about anyone who has spent the majority of their life in such a terrible place. He feels the same way about a resident of Dallas as he does about Saddam Hussein, or William Bennett.

Frodo understands that Ms. Miers spent all of her time in the public library in Dallas, and that that is where she first met George W. Bush. He was looking at pictures in THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC (which probably explains his fascination with a certain member of his Administration). Frodo is hopeful that Ms. Miers will develop an affinity for the other "single" on the Court, and that Justice Souter will expose her to his etchings.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:06 PM EDT
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Sunday, October 2, 2005
Where Seldom is Heard a Discouraging Word
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "One Act Play"
"Before we begin our regular Cabinet Meeting, I'd like to introduce a special guest. Mr. Frodo is here at the suggestion of the White House Communications Director, Mr. McClellan. You all know Mr. McClellan, don't you?"

All heads nod.

"Well, Mr. McClellan has been following Mr. Frodo's 'blog,' and has found it to be very critical of us. By the way, ya'll do know what a 'blog' is, don't ya?"

All heads nod.

"Well, Mr. Frodo here, and if you would Mr. Frodo please sit up straight. Being as small as you are some of the Cabinet may have trouble seeing you. Have we got some telephone books for Mr. Frodo?"

All faces smile.
A United States Marine brings in the A-L portion of the New York Metro White pages.
"There that's better, kin ya'll see him now?"
All heads nod.

"As I was sayin', Mr. Frodo here is going to ask us to respond to some of the criticisms being made of our Administration, and he has promised to publish our responses in his widely-disseminated 'blog.' Mr. Frodo, according to Mr. McClellan, now ya'll do know who McClellan is, right?"

All heads nod.

"Mr. Frodo, we're told is an honorable and brave Hobbit whose major concern is that the weakest and most vulnerable are fairly represented. We all understand that, since I am the (Trumpet Sounds from off-stage) 'The Compassionate Conservative.'"

All heads nod.

"Mr. Frodo, please ask your first question, and please make use of our precious time?"

"Thank you, Mr. President. I am honored to be here, and I promise that I will be direct, fair, and brief. Mr. President, boxers or briefs? Just kidding."


"Mr. Snow, would you respond? The President said during the 2000 campaign that he would simply meet with the OPEC members and negotiate with them to maintain oil prices at the then $25 per barrel in order to keep prices in line during his term as President. Today the price is almost $70 per barrel, and gasoline is more than four times the retail price it was when you, sir, took office."

"Yes, well, the President has met with many members of OPEC and the negotiations are continuing."

All heads nod.

"OK, well let me be a little more specific in my question for Mr. Cheney. Mr. Cheney, you were quoted recently as saying that the Iraqi insurgency is in its' 'last throes.' Yet nearly every military commander on public record has disputed that assertion. Were you misinformed or perhaps, misquoted?"

"By that I mean that based on evidence at my disposal we are witnessing a positive trend to that conclusion."

All heads nod. A Marine entered and delivered a tumbler to the President.

Frodo does not raise his eyes from the paper on the table.

"Mr. Chertoff. With a countless number of helicopters located at Fort Polk, only an hours' flight from New Orleans, why didn't you act to see that they delivered food and water to the people trapped on Interstate 10 in the first several days after Hurricane Katrina struck?"

"Neither the Mayor of New Orleans nor the Governor of Louisiana asked for them."

All heads nod. Chertoff stared daggers. The Marine re-appeared and delivered another tumbler, with ice, to the President.

"Mr. Rumsfeld, sir, does it cause you any personal discomfort that so many of the casualties suffered by US troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have involved inadequate armor on vehicles or the absence of personal body armor?"

Rumsfeld's lower lip touched the tip of his nose, and he said "Our military personnel are sufficient in number and in training. Stuff happens in war, and believe me, stuff does happen."

The Marine removed the first two tumblers from in front of the President, and replaced them with another.

No one else moved.

"Thash a good answer Donnie," said the President. All heads nod.

"Mr Gonzales."

"Lesh make this do as the last question Mishter Frootoe."

"Yes Sir, thank you. Mr. Gonzales, given the indictment of Congressman DeLay, the SEC investigation of Senator Frist, the Special Prosecutor's pending report on the Valerie Plame' disclosure, the replacement of Mr. Brown at FEMA, the legal investigations of Mr. Abramoff and his alleged ties to Mr. DeLay and Ralph Reed and Grover Norquist, shouldn't you, as a member of the Bar, recommend to the President that he retain personal legal counsel?"

No one moved. "Now boy," said the President, "why would Ah need anudder lawyer. I got a million a dem?"

All heads nod.

"Mr. Fruitoes, we've had a real good time, and glad you could join us. You just report back on that 'blog' a yers what we agreed, and have a nice day."

All heads nodded as the Marine scooped up Frodo's papers and ushered him through the doorway. As he pulled the door shut behind him the President was heard to say, "Get me that asshole, whatizname, you know the little bald guy who's alwayus talkin' to reporters. I wanna fire his ass."

Frodo thought about the meeting for a long time after. He wonders to this day who was pulling on all those strings on all those heads. Exit stage left.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:43 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, October 2, 2005 9:48 PM EDT
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Thursday, September 29, 2005
Ooee Baby, Ooee, Won't You Let me Take You on a Sea Cruise
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Kirk Saves Nemo"
Chichijima is an island about 600 miles off the southeastern Japanese coast. In September of 2004, at a depth of 3000 feet, a predator was photographed hundreds of times, struggling to free herself from a baited trap. The struggle for freedom was so intense that the predator severed part of her body as she escaped. The hundreds of pictures and the severed tentacle were recovered and displayed in the current edition of the British journal "Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences." They document the first visions of the predator in her natural habitat. The "Giant Squid" of Greek mythology and Jules Verne had eluded scientific documentation all this time.

Frodo is ahead of the game. Frodo went to High School with a "Giant Squid," and his name was Gordon Sayre. "Giant Squid" went on to the United States Military Academy at West Point, and has subsequently disappeared from public scrutiny.

Frodo often thinks about the other "Giant Squid" characters in his life. There was Talbot "Ty" Harper, with whom Frodo shared an unfortunate trek through a pasture inhabited by over 50 less than pleasant bulls. Cindy Duncan was the girl, honestly, wearing pigtails, who first made Frodo's heart flutter. Ben Putman was the rock-ribbed Conservative who guided Frodo on his first days of full-time employment. Randy Dorsey stood for Frodo on his Wedding Day. St. Clair Carr lifted Frodo into the air after he scored a winning basket.

How do we lose people? Are some moments merely photographs, and not meant to be a part of anything but mythology? Frodo tells stories of those who are no longer known in his life, much like a tentacle lost in a desperate struggle. Kirk Douglas' character probably thought the same about the character played by James Mason.

Frodo wishes the Japanese scientists had left well enough alone.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:22 PM EDT
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Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Will You Still Need Me, Will You Still Feed Me
Mood:  suave
"It's Jim Beam or me," said Laura Bush to her husband. The ultimatum, according to the NATIONAL ENQUIRER, has been re-instated since the First Lady caught the President drinking the night the levees broke in New Orleans. The First Lady has subsequently vowed to travel with the President more often so she can keep an eye on him to prevent him from completely "falling off the wagon." Dr. Justin Frank, a Washington D.C. psychiatrist and author of "Bush on the Couch: Inside the Mind of the President," told the NATIONAL ENQUIRER "I do think that Bush is drinking again. Alcoholics who are not in any program, like the President, have a hard time when stress gets to be great. I think it's a concern that Bush disappears during times of stress. He spends so much time on his ranch. It's very frightening." Another source, not identified by the NATIONAL ENQUIRER is quoted as saying "I'm only surprised to hear he hadn't taken a shot sooner. Before Katrina, he was at his wit's end. I've known him for years. He's been a good ol' Texas boy forever. George had a drinking problem for years that most professionals would say needed therapy. He doesn't believe in it, he never got it. . .Everyone's drinking around him." Frodo has averred the continuation of drinking by the President ever since the "heart flutter" which caused him to collapse and darken his eye when he fell against a chair. It was reported at the time that the President had been in a room, all alone, watching football on TV, and eating pretzels when he fell. Frodo has never met anyone who was able to eat pretzels without something to wash them down with. The absence of any beverage being discussed was the giveaway. It should be noted, out of fairness, that the same issue of the NATIONAL ENQUIRER also carried articles entitled "Jen Falls for Brad Clone," "Britney Sells Baby for $6M," and "Kenny Chesney's Not Gay." At least none of the articles implied that Space Aliens had impregnated anyone, at least in this issue. Frodo attempted to contact the White House Press Secretary in order to seek his comment prior to posting, but not very hard. Frodo thinks that guy is a dweeb.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:31 PM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, September 28, 2005 9:47 PM EDT
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Tuesday, September 27, 2005
I Don't Care if it Rains or Freezes
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Little Sky"
Joe Montana was known as "Big Sky." Although he was neither Frodo's favorite player, nor even a member of a team he particularly liked, he did beat the Dallas Cowboys a lot, and that made him a good guy to Frodo. "Big Sky" must have been a big hero to a family named Mazurkiewicz.

Montana Mazurkiewicz was born in 1995. 10 years later he was dying with an inoperable brain tumor. "Little Sky" had a wish that was somehow transmitted to Charlie Weis, Head Football Coach at Notre Dame University. Notre Dame, the alma mater of Joe Montana, should let "Little Sky" call the opening play of the game against the University of Washington. Even though Notre Dame's first play began on its' own one-yard line after a fumble recovery, Coach Weis agreed to use the play "pass right" as called by "Little Sky."

The play gained 13 yards.

"Little Sky" passed away the night before the game.

There is a place for guys like Charlie Weis, who smiled noticeably on the sideline. Frodo notes that Notre Dame University has never been a favorite of Southern powerhouse football schools. Notre Dame recruited Southern black athletes while the Southern powerhouses stayed lily-white. Notre Dame regularly kicked their butts.

Frodo always roots for the best academic school. This year, he will "cheer, cheer for old Notre Dame, she'll never stumble, she'll never fall, all her royal sons are marching onward to victory."
It will be interesting to see how often they run the play "pass right."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:54 PM EDT
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Friday, September 23, 2005
Sitting by the Side of the Road in the Middle of Nowhere
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Six Days on the Road"
9/22. On September 22nd, 2005, along Interstate 45 in the State of Texas, Republic of Mexico (ed. note, Frodo refuses to recognize the Peace Treaty by which Texas allegedly became US property), the biggest traffic jam in world history took place. Stretching approximately 100 miles from the greater Houston area toward the nothingness of Central Texas was the Evacuation Plan of the crack Governor of Texas, Trooper Rick Perry.

With Hurricane Rita approaching as a Category 5 Storm, Texas State officials enacted their natural disaster evacuation plans, and promptly stranded thousands of citizens directly in the path of danger. Given the daytime temperatures in the 100 degree realm, and the absence of gasoline re-fueling capacity, cars overheated, ran out of gas, and traffic was further estopped.

Governor Perry commented that he thought the evacuation was "proceeding successfully." Shortly thereafter a bus overheated, burst into flames, and exploded. 24 elderly passengers in the bus were burned to death.

Frodo notes that subsequent to the 9/11 debacle, the Exalted Grand Poobah of Domestic Reform found reason to create the Office of Homeland Obscurity. By fusing a myriad of independent, and often unrelated, agencies together he created a bureaucracy even greater than the State of Texas (in the Republic of Mexico). Among the agencies lumped together in the fight against terrorism were those charged with prosecuting counterfeiters, those responsible for providing small business loans to businesses victimized in areas of volcanic activity, and those charged with the agricultural inspection of bananas. It is, of course, the Department of Homeland Obscurity which bears responsibility for the Federal Government's planning and implementation of public safety and evacuation procedures during national emergencies.

Frodo is pleased to report that the Office of Homeland Obscurity has prevented the illegal importation of any spoiled bananas into the areas ravaged by Hurricane Katrina.

Employees of the Office of Homeland Obscurity do not have the same rights as all other employees of the Federal Government. The argument was made that these typists and clerks were critical to the safety of our nation, and therefore should not have the right to organize as a union. Lumping so many employees into the cornucopia agency guaranteed the weakening of the labor movement among federal employees.

Frodo asks his readers to take out a piece of paper, number from one to ten, and list all of the positive accomplishments of the Department of Homeland Obscurity which come to mind. You have fifteen minutes.

Give up? Please note that if you have more than five entries on the page you qualify for the "Les Nessman Silver Sow Award." Your trophy will be presented at the White House. Karl Rove will kiss you on the lips.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:41 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, September 27, 2005 8:56 PM EDT
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Thursday, September 22, 2005
In a Lonely Shack by a Railroad Track, He Spent His Younger Days
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Soldier of the King"
Frodo cannot imagine a greater honor than to see yourself portrayed on the silver screen by Sir Laurence Olivier. In the movie "The Boys From Brazil," Gregory Peck played Dr. Josef Mengele, who had escaped post-war justice to South America where he attempted to implement the genetic re-birth of Adolf Hitler. Olivier played a character very much like Simon Wiesenthal who desperately pursued evil around the world, and brought the frightening project to an apparent end. Simon Weisenthal deserved the admiration of free men everywhere. He saw evil and he tried to stop it.

Simon Weisenthal passed from this world this past week. The world he left behind is better than the one he knew, and this world is better for his having been a part of it.

Many believe that Frodo was created to represent that which can be accomplished even by the smallest and the weakest. Simon Wiesenthal was proof.

Dear reader, remember how the movie ends. The struggle against darkness is never finished.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:07 PM EDT
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Wednesday, September 21, 2005
I'm Back in The Saddle Again
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Popeil Veg-o-matic"
There are names burned into the collective memory of Middle Earth. Names which instantly recall moments which seemingly made time stand still. John Wayne Gacy, Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan Bishara Sirhan, and Osama bin Laden are the purest of examples. Frodo, however, has a different tack for you dear reader, so please consider the following name.

John Wayne Bobbitt.

12 years ago his then-wife, Lorena, cut off his penis after an argument. His member was surgically re-attached but the marriage revealed "irreconcilable differences," and was dissolved. Lorena argued that John Wayne had abused her, and she was absolved of any blame by reason of insanity.

Frodo regrets to report that John Wayne has arisen once more, and that the pun is obviously intentional. John Wayne filed for divorce this past week from his second wife, Joanna Ferrell, following his arrest on a domestic battery charge filed by Joanna. He posted a $10,132 bond and was freed from a Las Vegas jail. It was at least the third arrest for John Wayne involving Joanna. The argument this time, it seems, was about money.

Frodo would like to re-kindle his earlier posting as Judge Frodo, if but for a single case on a single day.

"Your Honor, I am Barry Levinson, and I represent Mr. John Wayne Ferrell in this proceeding."
"Ferrell? I thought the plaintiff was named Bobbitt?"
"John Wayne Bobbitt, Sir, took the name of his wife Johanna Ferrell for discretion sake upon their marriage."
"I see. So is he going to keep the name Ferrell, even if the marriage is dissolved in this courtroom ?"
"That has not yet been determined Your Honor."
"Well, no matter I guess, but don't I note a rather consistent pattern of behavior on the part of Mr. Bobbitt/Ferrell?"
"What do you mean Your Honor?"
"Well, for one thing, his first wife accused him of physical abuse, and now his second wife has accused him of similar behavior on at least three occasions. Don't you think that is at least a little odd?"
"We feel that there are extenuating circumstances."
"Oh, and what pray tell?"
"The Plaintiff has suffered grievous physical discomfort which has resulted in uncharacteristic behavior."
"Are you trying to tell this Court that his abusive behavior relates to the fact that his first wife cut his Willy off?"
"In so many words, Yes Your Honor."
"Are you further alleging that said Willy was dismembered because she was crazy?"
"That is what a previous Court did rule Your Honor."
"The fact then remains that Ms. Ferrell did not slice the Willy if you will, ergo she must be sane. Would you agree with that Counselor?"
"Well Yes, I suppose so, Your Honor."
"On what grounds then, if I may be so bold, is the Plaintiff seeking dissolution of the marriage?"
"Well, er, my Client alleges that Ms. Ferrell was frivolous with joint assets."
"She spent all his money?"
"Yes, Your Honor."
"What does Mr. Bobbitt/Ferrell do? What is the source of his income?"
"He sells kitchen utensils."
"Not knives, I trust?"
"Well, actually, he does sell knives, autographed."
"Autographed? By Whom?"
"John Wayne Bobbitt."

"The Court will take a brief recess."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:29 PM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, September 21, 2005 11:35 PM EDT
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Tuesday, September 20, 2005
His Fast Gun for Hire, He's The Calling Wind
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "Weather Channel Follies"
"Thank you Bob, this is Frodo reporting from the Heartland of America as Hurricane Rita moves inland from the Texas Coast. Whoa, that gust of wind almost got me, and it would have had it not been for this Humvee to my left."
"What's that, Bob? The howling wind sounds like a dozen freight trains, or is that the fleet of Huey Helicopters circling overhead? I can't see very well because of the Amphibious Vehicles lined up alongside the road to my right."
"Yes Bob, as far as we can determine all the residents of Crawford have already been evacuated and are being temporarily housed at the Ritz-Carlton on Maui."
"It appears that the damage could be quite extensive in this part of Texas. We tested it by spitting up into the air, and that booger blew clear up to Arkansas before it hit anything."
"Yes, that is true, the President did order the evacuation, with the agreement of his good friend and successor as Governor, Rick Perry. The President also recalled the 482nd from Iraq, mobilized the 82nd Airborne, and deployed the entire Third Army right outside the Rangers Ballpark in Arlington."
"The Director of FEMA, the Secretary of Homeland Security, Jerry Jones of the Dallas Cowboys, and the CEO of Home Depot, Bob Nardelli, are here wiping the noses of every cow that has gotten wet from the rain."
"It is clear to this reporter that the President is conscious of how important it is for him to appear strong and in command during this natural disaster. Here is what he said during his Address to the Nation just before we came on the air."

"My fellow Americans, I come before you with a heavy heart. Your President is not a crook. Our long national nightmare is over. There is a malaise in America. Tear down that wall. Read my lips. I did not have sex with that woman. That is hard work."

"You have another question Bob? Yes, there were a number of minorities air-lifted out. Why I'm sure that nearly everyone of the domestics and the farmhands at the President's ranch were evacuated, and all of them were either African-American or Hispanic. In fact, I saw the Secretary of State holding an umbrella for Mrs. Bush as she boarded Air Force One."
"That's all from here, Frodo reporting for the Weather Channel in Crawford, Texas."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:23 PM EDT
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Monday, September 19, 2005
Fee, Fie, Foe, Fana, Me, My, Moe, Manna
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
Frodo has always been sensitive to the names of young children. Brandi is a great name for a cocker spaniel or a small child to his way of thinking, but the prospect of referring to his great-grandmother as "Grandma Brandi" is, at best, a daunting proposition. The problem is that this is not a recent occurrence, nor does it reflect, as some would argue, upon certain ethnic groups.

The Cornwall County Record Office in Britain has recently compiled a list of more than 1,000 unusual names dating back to the 16th century. Rene Jackaman, Archive Assistant, included "Boadicea Basher," "Edward Evil," "Charity Chilly," and "Obedience Ginger" alongside the titular name of "Philadelphia Bunnyface." Frodo Baggins is strange enough, he admits, however the surname "Bunnyface" has eluded Frodo throughout his extended existence.

Married couples identified by Ms/Mr Jackaman included "Nicholas Bone and Priscilla Skin," "Charles Swine and Jane Ham," and "Richard Dinner and Mary Cook."

Frodo decided to conduct his own "Name Game," and with profound apologies to individuals who may actually bear a moniker or two identified herein, the list begins. How about Amanda Holder, Rose Bush, Tawana Peace, or even Ivana Bellone? Males named Dick Hertz and Sauer Ball are put to shame by any young boy named Bader, whose surname is preceeded by the formal title "Master." Frodo notes that he once knew, and felt very sorry for, Ricky Bader, who went his entire life with the nickname "Master."

There really isn't much point to making fun of the names of otherwise upright citizens. However, it should be noted that Frodo no longer purchases any product labelled "Busch" or "Bush." They are in the wrong league.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:06 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, September 19, 2005 9:08 PM EDT
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