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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Forget Him If He Doesn't Love You
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Never heard of him"
Researchers have shown that more than 15 percent of those who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD (since everything has to have an acronym these days), experience flashbacks and physical symptoms of trauma for years after the actual event. Propanolol, a beta blocker now used to treat high-blood pressure, can blunt this under certain circumstances. The research indicates that memories, be they painful or sweet, don't form instantly, and are analogous to slowly hardening cement. There is an opportunity to shape or even eliminate them with drugs.

"Well duh!," said Frodo. "Haven't any of these guys heard of Dr. Timothy Leary? Didn't any of them ever watch 'Reverend Jim' on 'Taxi'?" Responding to his outburst, Leon Kass, Chairman of the President's Council on Bioethics, stated that the President is opposed to the proposal because he feels that painful memories can serve a purpose. Frodo was unable to let the discussion end at this point.

"For some of us, you know, the President is a painful memory. I can certainly understand why he would be opposed to the elimination of such memories," he said as Frodo challenged the idea of any reference to ethics and George W. Bush used in the same sentence.

"Tut, tut, Mr. Frodo, we certainly should note that victims of rape or other such crimes would be less able to testify against their attackers if they took such medication before the matter was brought to adjudication," responded Mr. Kass.

"Yes, but look on the positive side," said Frodo. "People could just forget about the rise in the cost of gasoline and heating oil. No one would remember what happened after Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast. All of the 'intelligence failures' leading up to the Pre-emptive War in Iraq would be forgotten. And, most importantly, the President could legitimately say that he has no recollection of his military service."

Kass stopped and thought about what Frodo had to say. Frodo always appreciates the fact that there are some people who listen, and learn.

Leon Kass subsequently received the "Medal of Freedom" from a grateful White House. Frodo is still wondering if Propanolol can be rolled into paper, or if it has to be ingested. Wouldn't it be great to just forget about the last five years?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:57 PM EST
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Friday, January 13, 2006
Looking For The Train That Goes Home Sweet Mary
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Smellin' Roses"
During the War Between the States "Raiders" were people who preyed on the unprotected of both sides. They were basically thieves and murderers. They operated with virtual impunity because all of the able-bodied men were away at War (there is a similie here to the present day as it relates to the National Guard deployment in Iraq). After the War ended, many of the "Raiders" fled to the open lands of the West. Those who hung around too long, well, they were usually hung.

Frodo had heard of a cave in the mountains not far from the retreat he and Sam maintain in the land beyond the Shire. Frodo was told by Gandalf that "Raiders" had used the cave as their "hideout" and it was where they were surrounded and brought to justice after the War. Frodo was told that four of the dozen or so were hung at that location.

Frodo found the cave's location on a topographical map. For many days Frodo and his canine assistant Lovey searched for that cave. It appeared as if it were atop a hillock just beyond the third creek to the East of the retreat. Frodo was confounded by the fact that not all of the creeks flow throughout the year, so it was difficult to determine which was the third creek. In addition, the area is overgrown in the warm months, and only when the trees are bare is there adequate visual access. Lovey passed from the Shire without ever sharing the discovery with Frodo.

One Sunday, Frodo met two professional spelunkers who were also searching for the cave. They had the latest satellite guidance devices and were utilizing them to guide their search. Unfortunately Frodo was rushed for time, and was unable to accompany them. They exchanged contact information with Frodo however, and promised to let him know their results. They kept their promise and told Frodo that they found the cave entrance in a "sinkhole" just as the topographical map had indicated.

Frodo, along with Mick (the Wonder Dog) and Princess Fiona (the most beautiful girl in the World), have attempted on several occasions to find the cave. Again, they have met with frustration.

Frodo is going to try again this weekend. Frodo feels the need to get out with his friends and take a look around. There may not be any roses to smell at this time of year, but if the three of us can find a place to sit real quiet, we might just catch a glimpse of our friends Lovey and Rocky. Maybe they have found the cave, and can show us the way.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:59 PM EST
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Thursday, January 12, 2006
All We Are is Dust in The Wind
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Doing the Right Thing"
Tonight is the last for Rocky, the Italian Stallion. Frodo and Sam have decided that their 22 year-old feline companion is taking too much of a beating in the ring. It is time to throw in the towel.

What is most difficult is that he continues to try to answer the bell for the next round. He has lost a great deal of weight as his body consumes itself. He still tries to eat. He sits in his box trying to relieve himself. He walks, stiff-legged, throughout the kitchen in an aimless ramble, searching for something, but what, even he is not sure. He makes a screeching sound when he should be purring, and it sounds like pain.

Frodo will be at Mount Doom when mid-morning comes. Sam will go, Mick (the Wonder Dog) and Princess Fiona (the most beautiful girl in the world) will ride along as honor guard. They will miss him, too. The strangest of all will be the reaction of Sydney, the cockatiel. For some time he has realized that Rocky is no threat, and they are often found on the floor together, these former opponents, as they seem to lean upon each other. Frodo supposes that is the way that champions say good-bye.

Dear reader, Frodo has a visit to make to an old friend, while he can, so forgive the brevity of our tale of woe. It is important.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EST
Updated: Friday, January 13, 2006 9:07 PM EST
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Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Yes It's True, I'm Happy to be Stuck With You
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Dogs Rule"
Frodo once examined a resume' as part of a test. The resume' was on two pages, the first of which was a chronology and a brief explanation of the education and work experience of the individual. The second page was a brief narrative which included specific responsibilities, accomplishments, and future goals. Frodo was asked if this "marketing presentation" was an effective vehicle for achieving the author's goal of a personal interview by a prospective employer?

Frodo studied the document in depth, actually reading every word, searching for nuance. For the most part, it was very well done, but then Frodo happened to notice the infamous "gap in employment." In fact, the first page totally omitted a 10-year period of time in the work history of the author.

Frodo was puzzled and turned to the second page for a possible explanation. Frodo realized that already the author had achieved the desired result of making the reader pay complete attention instead of merely glossing over the high points. What Frodo found however, made him laugh out loud. The author noted that he had an interruption to his work history for 10 years while he resided in Kansas, Leavenworth to be exact. It seems that he had been a "bank robber, and a poor one at that." Although Frodo did not feel that the individual warranted a personal interview, he has never forgotten how well the circumstances were presented.

The BBC has reported that the Chinese firm Jilin Jiangshan Human Resources Development Company has decided that in the future it will only employ people born during the astrological Year of the Dog. The company contends that "dog-types" show great loyalty and other valuable qualities.

In light of this decision by a representative of the world's great emerging superpower, it may well behoove future resume' writers to adjust their documents to reflect such specificity. Frodo envisions an employment candidate who tactfully avoids the fact that he was born during the Year of the Rat. To further emphasize the qualities of the Dog it might be in the best interest of the applicant to point out that he enjoys sticking his head out of the window of a moving motorcar, has a particular fondness for dried cat poop, and that he enjoys sleeping on his back. Appropriately, he may convince some prospective interviewer that he has also learned to turn around at least three times before he lays down.

Frodo regretfully notes that the theory of the world going to the dogs seems just a little less theoretical. There has to be a role for the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in all of this, and there is certainly an attorney somewhere practicing the art of scratching his ear with his leg. Rats of the World, Unite!

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EST
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Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Volare', Nel Blu di Pinto di Blu
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "It's Just Business"
Senator Frodo was visibly nervous, after all this was his first confirmation hearing as a member of the Senate Judiciary Committee. Appointed to the vacant seat by Gandalf, Frodo not only would represent the Hobbits of the Shire, but he would be questioning Sauron's second choice, after the unfortunate Ms. Miers, for the Supreme Court seat vacated by Sandra Day O'Connor. Symbolizing the importance of the nomination, Sauron himself was seated before the en banc Committee in order to introduce the nominee.

"Senators, it is my high honor and privilege," began the President in this unparalleled appearance in the Senate Chamber, "to introduce to this Committee my nominee for the Supreme Court of the United States."

"This gentleman," he smirked, "was a highly decorated Veteran of the Great War. Although he is hesitant to speak of it, his bravery under fire was recognized by this grateful nation with numerous medals." Frodo glanced down at the dark-haired unassuming man and tried to imagine him charging into an enemy machine gun nest. His dark eyes revealed little about the inside of the man.

"This devoted family man regularly attends Mass, and upholds the strictest interpretations of propriety according to his faith." Frodo knew that the question of Choice was not something even to be discussed with this man. His position was the position of his faith, and it would not be negotiable under any circumstances.

"He has been a good and loyal supporter of this Administration, and generously contributes to those with whom he shares values." Frodo believed very strongly in reforming the campaign process, and the man sitting in front of him was one of the reasons why. Frodo knew that more than half of the members in this room received money from the nominee, or from organizations controlled by him. He was able to purchase anything or anybody whom he wanted.

"I am so very pleased to offer his name into nomination," and I invite each member of this Committee to consider carefully the 'up' or 'down' decision you make in your upcoming vote." With that, President Sauron rose from the table, smiled for the TV cameras, and exited from the rear. The appropriate staff member walked over to the nominee, and held a Bible on which he was to swear that he would testify truthfully to the best of his ability.

Raising his right hand he began, "I, Michael Corleone. . ."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:34 PM EST
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Monday, January 9, 2006
Two Lovers And I Ain't Ashamed, Two Lovers And I Love Them Both The Same
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "Better Than Pong"
Two years ago the Mars Rovers commenced their ramblings on the surface of the Red Planet, that which is the fourth satellite in our solar system. Dubbed "Spirit" and "Opportunity," the remote-controlled cameras on wheels had sufficient battery power to operate for 90 days on the surface of Mars. Yet, two years later, they continue to operate at the command of the scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory.

Frodo was watching the scientists operate the "joy stick" guiding the movements of the respective rovers. It was if a huge, long-distance video game were occupying their complete attention.

"Watch out, if you fall in that crater, you lose 10 points," said Frodo. Undeterred the pimply-faced PhD from Cal Tech explained that the frequent "dust devils" on the Martian surface evidently cleanse the solar panels on the rovers, thereby extending the solar batteries far beyond estimates, perhaps indefinitely.

"Well, if that's true, then how come the batteries on my digital camera don't even make it for 30 days?," queried Frodo. Professor "Generation Z" (whom we'll refer to as GENZ henceforth) added that the rovers have sent back "hundreds of thousands" of pictures, so many in fact that it will take a decade or longer to examine them utilizing our current technology. GENZ gave the "joy stick" a lunge to the right, and the rover ("Opportunity") did a "wheelie." "Cool," said Frodo.

GENZ grinned and said, "Watch this Mr. Frodo." Suddenly "Spirit" popped from behind a small boulder and accelerated. "Opportunity" was shifted into overdrive, and the very first NASCAR event in outer space was underway.

"Can I?," said Frodo. With that, Frodo took control of "Opportunity" and gave that sucker every inch of her solar batteries. "What a hoot, now eat some dust," shouted Frodo thoughtlessly, and the rover rumbled, bumbled, and stumbled toward an imaginary finish line. Just as GENZ wheeled "Spirit" from far behind to an almost parallel position, in walked his supervisor. In spite of himself, Frodo always seems to get kids in trouble.

As Frodo was escorted from the building, he couldn't help but think of Dr. Carl Sagan the over-sexed and charismatic voice of "Cosmos," and Professor of Astronomy at Cornell. Frodo has often said that had he walked into a Freshman Survey Course in Astronomy at Cornell, and had Carl Sagan as his Instructor, then Frodo would have become an astronomer. Good teachers do that to young minds.

"Roving Mars" is the next IMAX film, and it is currently in production. Frodo will watch "Opportunity" streak across the Bonneville Salt Flats of the Stratosphere once more, and you'll know it's him in the theater because he'll be the one making noises that sound like "VROOM, VROOM." Some things never change, do they Sam?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:47 PM EST
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Sunday, January 8, 2006
You Hold My Life Within Your Hands
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Atlanta Times Three"
Frodo has longed to some day walk the Great Rift Valley in Ethiopia, and to perhaps shake hands with someone, anyone, named Leakey. The discovery of so many fragments of the first hominids in that now arid land has fascinated Frodo from his earliest days. The scientific discipline of the Leakey family, and their devotion to the preservation of life in that region is something with which Frodo would be proud to associate.

The United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization has reported the deaths of 30 people in the "Horn of Africa" nations of Somalia, Kenya, Djibouti, and Ethiopia due to famine. Frodo should amend that statement to include the words "so far," because the same organization is predicting that as many as ELEVEN MILLION people will die from starvation. Severe drought and war in the midst of the regional dry season already underway, and the rains forecast for March and April are not expected to be significant. Food, water, livestock, and seeds are critical needs to avoid what would be the worst preventable loss of life in the entire history of creatures who walk upright.

Frodo found the one paragraph article on Page 8 of the Sunday edition of the Atlanta Journal and Constitution.

In the place that human life first appeared, humanity is absent. Is it because all of these people are black? Is it because they are all poor? Is it because they are not members of our church? Is it because they have nothing to offer to our political party? Is it because it is happening again?

What happened to Michael Jackson and all those artists who sang "We Are the World?"

Why, you wonder, does one see "Osama bin Laden" on Tee Shirts and Baseball Caps in East Africa?

Frodo fears that his dream of walking the Great Rift Valley will never come to pass. Mount Doom is all too real, and apparently of little interest. Page 8, page 8, right before the obituaries.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:18 PM EST
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Thursday, January 5, 2006
You Ain't Goin' Out With Your Hoodlum Friends Friday Night
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "A Patriotic Act"
Special Agent Frodo Baggins parked his motorcar on "K" Street so that he could maintain surveilance on the parties entering the Supper Club. SA Baggins noted in his memo book that several of the individuals carried, and were using, cellular telephones. The location was less than a quarter mile from the Syrian Embassy.

Approximately three hours later the gaggle of individuals emerged from the Supper Club and departed in different vehicles. Each one was being followed, surreptitiously, by one of the team of SA's working with Baggins on surveilance.

When the team assembled early the next morning to review their findings, it was noted that each of the individuals in question had visited an ATM while on their way home after departing the Supper Club. Surveilance cameras at each ATM were subpoenaed to verify the individual observations.

SA Baggins visited the Supper Club later that day with photographs of several of the individuals in question. He queried the Manager of the Supper Club as to the identities, and requested information regarding the payment of their bill from the previous evening. He obtained a photocopy of the Credit Card payment and the identifying information of the cardholder. The Manager of the Supper Club denied any knowledge of the identity of any of the subject individuals.

When he returned to his motorcar SA Baggins noted in his memo book that the Credit Card was issued by the Cedars of Lebanon National Bank.

The surveilance revealed on the following day that each of the individuals were at home the entire day, Sunday, and that none attended services at nearby houses of worship. Continuing surveilance throughout the week revealed that each of the individuals went to their respective places of employment daily, and that no effort was made by any to meet as a complete or partial group.

Frodo noted the well-groomed Hispanic gentleman passing by his cubicle on the way into the walled office of the Director of Agents, Frodo's boss. The door slammed shut, but the loudness of the voices inside, although indistinguishable, was easily overheard. Frodo knew that this did not bode well for his plans with his family during the upcoming weekend. When the visitor departed, Frodo was summarily ushered into the office by his boss.

Frodo completed the Warrant and took it to the FISA Judge for signature. The Judge asked Frodo a few procedural questions and signed the document. Frodo walked outside and dialed his office from his cellular telephone. Immediate communication to, and coordination with, SA's located at the residences of each of the individuals in question resulted in entry and search of each of the premises. No one was at home at any of the locations, and no notice was left at any location of the authorization for entry.

Police reports were filed from every location by the residents when they returned and found forcible entry into their property. No information was shared with the local authorities relative to the actions by the SA's.

That evening Frodo again found himself parked on "K" Street, across from the same Supper Club, as the group of subjects gathered once again. Approximately three hours later they again exited the Supper Club and headed in their respective motorcars toward their individual residences. Again, each one stopped at the same ATM on the way home, and each one was observed by one of the members of Frodo's team. Frodo, this time, went into the Supper Club immediately after the group departed and confronted the Manager about the activities of the individuals. The Manager was very ill at ease and admitted to Frodo that he was acquainted with the group of individuals, and that he knew the identity of each. He had lied, he explained, to protect "regular customers." He swore that he had neither warned nor done anything which might make the group aware of Frodo's interest in them.

Frodo's boss had the door open and was waiting for Frodo when he walked into the office. It was well after Midnight. Piled on the top of the desk of the Director of Agents were books, some paperback but mostly hardbacks. Frodo glanced at titles and opened the rear cover of several, revealing library stamps and card packets in each. The books, obviously, taken from the residences of the subject individuals,or garnered from the shelves of local public libraries when returned by one or more of the subjects. The titles included "The House of Saud," "Islam and American Foreign Policy," "Operation Desert Storm," and "The Ugly American."

It would be many years later when the true story of the "New Americans Friday Night Book and Supper Club" found its' way into files no longer encumbered from Freedom of Information Act requests. Special Agent Frodo and each of his comrades had gone on to productive careers, and most were retired. The Attorney General remained a public figure. The members of the club, however, never fully recovered their enthusiasm for the land which offered them such hope, but treated them with so little respect.

Special Agent Frodo felt like it would be a good idea to remind, dear reader, that fiction, like truth itself, offers a warning about how the best of intentions often cause the greatest harm.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:26 PM EST
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Wednesday, January 4, 2006
Chantilly Lace And a Pretty Face
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Qualified? Yeah Right!"
Frodo is in hysterics. It was announced today that a former University of Southern California football player, drafted by the Pittsburgh Steelers, who has been shilling as a "Sideline Sports Announcer" (evidently not good enough to make it to the "booth") because he wasn't qualified to do anything else, is running for the Republican nomination to be Governor of Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania, one of America's most populous states, to be governed by a guy with less relevant experience than that of Michael Brown, formerly of FEMA.

How appropriate, thought Frodo, that Lynn Swann announced his intentions on the day that Jack Abramoff's contributions to politicians were publicly listed for all to see. Who among any of the citizens of Middle Earth truly believes that he is prepared for the task at hand?

Jesse Ventura did a great job in Minnesota, didn't he? How about the high effectiveness of Steve Largent in the Congress? Who'll ever forget the service of Arnold Schwarzenegger in California?

Frodo thinks we have been overlooking the tremendous untapped potential of athletes in guiding our nation. O.J. Simpson, Dexter Manley, Michael Irvin, Kobe Bryant, Ron Artest, Rafael Palmiero, John Rocker, Barry Bonds--the list is endless. These are all examples of "America's Best."

Frodo wonders how many of them graduated? Surely, Swann got a degree from Southern Cal, didn't he?

Frodo wonders how many served in the Military? Surely, Swann at least joined the National Guard while he slaved at the wide receiver spot for the Steelers?

Frodo wonders how many have voted? Surely, Swann has cast his personal vote on Diebold machinery as well as on a punchcard?

America needs another unqualified politician almost as much as she needs nuclear weaponry in Iran. Stay home Swannee, and polish your Lamborghini.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:50 PM EST
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Monday, January 2, 2006
When The Rain Beats Against My Window Pane, I Think of Summer Days Again
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Balancing the Budget"
Experiencing two Sundays in a row, which is how it seems due to the fact that the New Year's Holiday is celebrated this year on a Monday, Frodo has had an opportunity to run a few numbers. Mick, the Wonder Dog, and Princess Fiona are asleep at his feet since the Shire is also undergoing an all-day rainfall. Although they are not impressed by Frodo's calculations, they remain watchful.

George W. Bush receives an annual salary of $400,000 as President of the United States. With five years in position this means that the taxpayers of the United States have paid him $2,000,000 for his service so far. During this period of time he has failed to capture Osama bin Laden, he has alienated nearly the entire Muslim World, he has transformed a budget surplus into the most grotesque and endless deficit in the history of mankind, and he nominated Michael Brown to be Director of FEMA. This is obviously not an all-inclusive list of "accomplishments."

Frodo believes that numbers do not lie. Frodo opposes everything until he has an opportunity to see what the numbers say. Frodo thinks the "flat tax" is unacceptable for example, and that will be his opinion until somebody presents some figures to show that the collection of revenue can be done for less cost than the present methodology. In any event, Frodo presents the following, dear reader, for your consideration in properly assessing the Bush Administration.

Since George W. Bush, per Mrs. Bush, is always in bed by 9PM, Frodo can safely assume that Bush sleeps approximately 8 hours every night. This represents one-third of his total presidency, so far. In addition, per news reports, the total amount of vacation time that Bush has spent at either Camp David, the Bush family compound in Maine, or at the Crawford ranch now totals 365 days, or one-fifth of his entire time in office. Further, per his own statements, Frodo knows that Bush "works out" two hours every day, often on a mountain bike. This represents one-twelfth of his available workday. Finally, Frodo feels that at least one hour of every day is lost to everyone for personal hygiene and miscellaneous activities, this obviously is another one-twentyfourth of time available.

Converting the fractions to percentages is not too complicated, even for a Hobbit. "Let's see, one-third equals 33%, one-fifth is 20%, one-twelfth is about 8%, and one-twentyfourth is about 4%," said Frodo. "That means that President Bush is unaccounted for, hence available, for official business, about one-third of the time," he added. "What this means is that in five years as President of the United States, George W. Bush has shown up for work for almost one year and seven months," grinned the mathematical wizard.

Frodo is examining the greetings he has just received from the Commissioner of the Internal Revenue Service. Frodo is also comparing the amounts paid for gasoline in the year before George W. Bush became President, and what he has paid in the year just past. Frodo recognizes that Bush doesn't whip out his VISA card and run it through the pump when he fills up one of his SUV's. Frodo also notes that Bush has a slightly different health plan from most Americans, so he may not be totally aware of that cost as it effects his subjects either.

As Frodo said earlier, numbers don't lie. Frodo remembers the words of David Stockman (Director of OMB under Reagan), "Nobody here understands these numbers." Maybe if we paid the President by the hour, he might have a little more appreciation for what Karl Rove isn't telling him.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:05 PM EST
Updated: Monday, January 2, 2006 12:11 PM EST
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