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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Wednesday, November 1, 2006
Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News, I've Got a Bad Case of Lovin' You
Mood:  suave
Topic: "Garland Duesenberry" (2)
Some years ago, when Frodo was concerned about how organizations achieved goals through people, as opposed to how they achieve goals in spite of people, he journeyed to a small town in Tennessee to observe a special phenomenon. Located in the community of Lynchburg the largest employer in an entire County is the Jack Daniels Distillery. The County, interestingly enough, is "dry," which means that retail alcoholic beverage sales are prohibited by law. Frodo had earlier learned that the Jack Daniels Company had never been unionized and, what's more, in the entire history of the company no employee had ever been dismissed for cause, i.e. fired. Frodo wanted to know how all of this came together and what, if anything, it meant to the outside world.

Garland Duesenberry was the tour guide for Frodo and Sam. He had worked there his entire life, and he was an able and erudite spokesmen for his employer. Throughout the tour, Mr. Duesenberry was quick to emphasize the pride in the product exhibited by the workers. Frodo was increasingly skeptical because of the apparent hypocrisy. How could there be pride in a product which the voters felt should be necessarily restricted in their community?

Toward the end of the tour, Frodo and Sam were led into a room with a long rolling conveyor belt, along which were seated dozens of middle-aged ladies. Bottles were passing along the conveyor belt (much like the chocolates passed in front of Lucy & Ethel on black & white TV), and the ladies were pasting the Jack Daniels label on each bottle, by hand. Suddenly a whistle was heard through a loudspeaker, and the conveyor belt ceased to move. Frodo then noted that each lady had a quilt on her lap, which she immediately pulled up and on which she began to sew, embroider, or whatever one does to work on a quilt. A cacophony of dialogue arose as conversation between the ladies continued for several minutes. Just as suddenly the whistle sounded and the conveyor belt began, again, to move. The ladies each returned the quilt to the lap, and silently continued to slap labels onto bottles.

Frodo stood there for a half-an-hour in order to observe the cycle several times. The ladies appeared to be doing their jobs flawlessly, and the belt moved on a consistent schedule. Not one single lady seemed bored, disenchanted, exhausted, or frustrated. In fact, they seemed, each of them, to be enjoying themselves.

Mr. Duesenberry stood with Frodo the entire time. He had seen the look that was on Frodo's face many times before, and waited for the questions that followed. When the tour was complete, and Frodo and Sam had returned to their motorcar, Frodo was rambling on about the admirable relationship between management and managed, and how every MBA school in America should schedule a visit to observe the manufacture of an outstanding product by a company that was a community, and that behaved like a community.

Today, amid all the pre-election posturing, Frodo heard an economist talk about the savings that American corporate entities will reap in years to come as more and more administrative positions are out-sourced to overseas operations. The ballooning corporate profits of the third quarter will be extended by the savings that further outsourcing will provide. Every time he hears comments like this he thinks back to his tour of the Jack Daniels Distillery.

Frodo understands that the conveyor belt is still there, but the ladies are all gone.

Garland Duesenberry passed away some time ago. No one has taken his place. The County is still "dry." Maybe the MBA schools did come and study the Distillery, and perhaps that is the "rub."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:34 PM EST
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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Together We'll See It Much Better
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Date With David" (2)

Frodo has had the very good fortune to have personally observed DaVinci's "Mona Lisa," perhaps the most famous painting on canvas in all of human history.  Frodo has looked upon the burial mask of Tutankhamun, and marveled at what is surely the most spectacular creation in precious metals ever made by Man.  In a few short days Frodo and Sam will hopefully stand in front of the single most important piece of sculpture ever.  Frodo, a mere Hobbit, will gaze upon the 17 foot-tall naked man named "David," created by Michelangelo, in a venue as daunting as the journey itself.

The gallant Howard is no more, and Sam has handled the grief with characteristic aplomb, but even Sam acknowledges the pain of loss.  Frodo was unable to convince Sam that a new hat would temper the memories.  Frodo proposed that Mount Doom would still be there if the Hobbits merely changed their course in order to absorb a view other than the summit before them.  "Besides," said Frodo, " we can cast absentee ballots for the first time, thereby assuring that the other side will have to catch up, if they can."

So Sam and Frodo will depart on Friday next, and not return until the November 15th that follows.  That leaves just a few days to prepare, and only one or two more chronicles before departure.  Venice and Florence, a Greek Isle or three, and the heralded view at Dubrovnik are on the agenda of the wayward inheritors of the winds of Odysseus.  Frodo will spend much time looking for Scylla, the Minotaur, and the Isle of Lesbos.  The characters therein were the first to imprint on the mind of the young Frodo, and he has long dreamed of the spray on his face and Neptune's trident on the horizon.  Sam will make friends with people from many parts of Middle Earth, for that is Sam's way, leaving no designer of fashion and jewelry untouched by the opportunity to increase his wealth.

The Shire will be protected, and the true inhabitants cared for by kennel and house-sitter.   The feeders will be filled, the baths and ponds all drawn, and Frodo feels relatively secure that even Sauron couldn't start another war in less than two weeks.

He couldn't, could he?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:10 PM EST
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Monday, October 30, 2006
I Can Still Hear You Sayin', Never Break The Chain
Mood:  blue
Lance Corporal James W. Higgins, 22, of Thurmont, Maryland, was struck by insurgent rifle fire on a desert plain just outside of Fallujah. The bullet pierced the right side of his back, and tore diagonally across his body before exiting in the front of his chest. His diaphragm was torn off, his liver damaged, a lung had collapsed, and his chest cavity was full of blood. The bullet clipped the right atrium of his heart in two places and blood had surrounded the muscles of his heart. His heart had stopped while he was being loaded into the helicopter, and the Medics pumped his chest until they landed at Camp Taqqadum.

Three pairs of hands plunged into Higgins' chest and abdomen. Commander Subrato Deb, 42, of Alexandria, Virginia, drained the blood around the heart, then raced to sew up the first hole, until he noticed the second, much larger, hole. He yelled to a surprised Medic to hand him a urinary catheter, which he used to block the second hole and then to pump fresh blood back into the Marine's heart. Lieutenant Commander Barbara Drobina grabbed the heart and began to massage it back into a rhythm by gently and firmly pressing. She had never done such a procedure before. Captain H.R. Bowman, of Oceanside, California, was the Senior Surgeon who was trying desperately to cut off the internal bleeding into the chest cavity.

"Am I doing it right," is what Drobina kept asking the others, over and over. A monitor began to register and Drobina could feel a rhythm in her fingers.

Navy Chaplain Wilfredo Rodriguez, of Brunswick, New Jersey, was silently reading in the background: "Of his great mercy, may he forgive you your sins, release you from suffering and restore you to wholeness and strength. . .," then he stepped forward to help. He took the bag of blood being held aloft by the doctor who had held each of the previous 17 units pumped into the Marine.

For five minutes the heart continued to beat. Then it stopped.

The surgeons knew that the end was near.

The doctors and medics finally took their hands away from the body. Covered in dark blood, they bowed their heads while Rodriguez began reading: "Into your hands, O merciful savior, we commend your servant. . .a sheep of your own fold, a lamb of your own flock. . .May his soul and the souls of all the departed. . .rest in peace."

As the doctors moved away, the Medics moved in to clean the body and to stitch the wounds together. Outside, Marine Sergeant Timothy Cord, 22, of Provo, Utah, loaded his M-16 rifle and stood guard beside the body.

As the body of the angel was taken to the morgue, Subrato Deb stood in the shower. Bohman and Rodriguez had gone off together to pray. Cord went to his room, and played his guitar.

Lance Corporal Higgins died on July 27, 2006. He is buried at the Resthaven Memorial Garden in Frederick, Maryland, a few miles from his home.

Frodo wanted to make a point. . .but it has already been made.

Damn. Damn. Damn.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:12 PM EST
Updated: Tuesday, October 31, 2006 9:12 PM EST
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Sunday, October 29, 2006
It's My Life And I'll Do What I Want
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "Debits on the Left?" (2)

Frodo, who never apologizes for speaking his mind, apologized for rounding off figures when he spoke about the "National Debt."  "The numbers are astronomical,  " he said, "and it is like offering a $25 Million Dollar reward for the capture of Osama bin Laden.  The powers that be might be better off to simply offer a reward of $100,000 because that is a number that is on the mental register.  So please pardon Frodo for simply rounding in order to make a point comprehensible."

"When Ronald Reagan became President of the United States, the cumulative budget deficit of the US of A was approximately one-quarter of a trillion dollars," said Frodo.  "When he left office eight years later, that same figure had risen to one trillion dollars."

"Four years later," he added, "when George H. W. Bush was voted out-of-office, the cumulative figure had risen to four trillion dollars.  Those numbers, along the way, convinced him that his pledge of 'No New Taxes' was an impossibility, and cost him his re-election." 

"After eight years of a Clinton Presidency," our historical economist-in-residence proffered, "the growth of the deficit was reduced to the point that the cumulative figure left for George W. Bush when he took office was almost exactly 5 trillion dollars.  Today, the total deficit sits somewhere beyond 6 trillion dollars."

"The issue, for all the world, is that this deficit is being funded from two primary sources, and that is the investment by foreign governments in the full faith and integrity of the US of A, and the 'anticipated' growth in revenue from future generations of American taxpayers," Frodo inhaled as he departed from this background data into his major point of discussion.  "The continued growth in the deficit, because it is growing so fast, will intersect with the total wealth of all the citizens and institutions of the US of A when it reaches $46 trillion."

Frodo looked out over the audience, some of whom were still awake, and he said, "My dear friends, that confluence will occur before the year 2040.  It means that we will have reached a point at which the US of A will have nothing more against which it could pledge its full faith and integrity."  The audience, even those groggily wondering who had won the Jets game, breathed openly.  Everyone had mentally calculated that within one generation, given the facts as they now exist, the US of A would be bankrupt.  The prediction, made so long ago by Soviet Premier Nikita Krushchev, that the US of A would by 'buried' by its' enemies now exists within the reality of a single life-time.

As several hands raised, Frodo dismissed them with a single cautionary reference.  "My friends," he said, "these words are not mine, they are the words of the Chairman of the GAO (nee Government Accounting Office, now Government Accountability Office), the highest ranking accountant in our Nation, and a non-partisan."

When Frodo walked out into the night air, he contemplated what life would be like in this land at that time, and if he were, indeed, the only one who will not be here, but who still gives a damn.  Frodo decided that it was time to again cross over the borders and to talk with people outside his native land.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:12 PM EDT
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Thursday, October 26, 2006
Go On, Take The Money And Run
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Tweety Pie" (2)

Guillermo Aguirre-Zabiala, a high school student in Argentina, was out for a stroll some time back when he happened upon a fossil stuck in a rock outcropping near his home.  Now identified as a previously unknown offshoot of extinct birds known as "phorusrhacids," or "terror birds," it is the largest bird ever known to have existed.  It weighed, in its' time, about 400 pounds, and preyed on rodents the size of sheep. 

Paleontologists at the Los Angeles County Natural History Museum, who examined the fossil, believe that the creature, although not able to fly, was quite speedy afoot.  The beak was hooked to allow the slashing destruction of prey.  The best news about Big Bird is that he disappeared from the Patagonian steppes about 15 million years ago.

Frodo was mildly interested in the discovery, but he was particularly struck by the "life-shaping" impact on the discoveror, Sr. Aguirre-Zabiala.  The impressionable young man changed his major studies from psychology to paleontology and earth science as a result of his involvement in the discovery.  Frodo thinks it is very noble that the young man should take such an interest in science, but to change his whole life as a result?  Frodo supposes it is a good thing that Guillermo did not happen to discover a keg of ancient wine fermented by early European explorers.  Imagine what might have happened to a sincere and intelligent young man like this had he otherwise have stumbled upon a cache of buried treasure?  

He would probably have become a Republican. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:31 PM EDT
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Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Ya Gotta Swing Your Hips Now, That's Right, You're Showin' Fine
Mood:  loud
Topic: "Purple Pill Please" (2)

Frodo has publicly announced his intention to separate the head from the torso of the individual who first decided to broadcast television commercials for pharmaceuticals during the dinner hour.  In the true spirit of capitalism, Frodo has also promised never to purchase the product "Nexium" (i.e., the "purple pill") even if bile discharge should appear in his own gullet.  True revolutionaries have to be prepared for personal sacrifice.

Feminine hygiene products, cat litter, erectile dysfunction assistance, and foot odor eaters are other popular subjects for broadcast at 6:30 EST (4:30 in the Mountain Time Zone).  No network, cable affiliate, or independent station has operated free of the gross and disgusting advertising presentations during either the Evening News or the re-broadcast of a re-broadcast of a syndicated comedy re-run (Is that really John Travolta?).  Frodo truly thought that things could not get even more tasteless.

Remember, dear reader, the little old lady used in the political commercials, Clara somebody-or-other, who screamed "Where's the Beef?'  Now that was funny, regardless of whether or not the advertisement was for or against anyone in particular, it was funny, and it got a point across.  Try, dear reader, to match the creative application of humor to today's political landscape, and the truly concerned adult looks directly into the face of political bathroom humor.  It will not surprise Frodo at all to soon see a commercial taking note of a political opponent subtly attempting to pass gas.  It will be "aired" during Frodo's dinner.

The Republican National Committee, and the sly jokester Ken Mehlman, today pulled the advertisement used to attack Democratic Senatorial Candidate Harold Ford.  The suggestive comments of a "white" woman regarding a "black" man got extensive media play for three or four days in a "southern border state."  The assumption being that those potential voters who would be offended by this violation of the literally-interpreted prohibitions in the Book of Leviticus had been titillated by this presentation from the "low ground."  This may prove to be the most widely-referenced political ad in the future histories of these mid-term elections.  Its' one redeeming virtue is noted  by the fact that it will not ever again appear on Frodo's TV during the dinner hour.  If only the 15,394 equally offensively-repeated presentations could go with it, and never again attempt to anger, titillate, amuse, or (Heaven Forbid) inform anyone ever again.  And may their Creators form a single line from the platform of Frodo's personal guillotine, so that Frodo never again will wish that he could suffer another "Nexium" commercial in lieu of one more look at the pudgy countenance of Sonny, the "TooDoo."

For you non-Georgians, don't ask!   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:53 PM EDT
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Tuesday, October 24, 2006
How Long Has This Been Goin' On
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "A Course is a Course"(2)

President George Walker (Armstrong Custer) Bush has recently initiated a course in remedial elocution for the Citizens of Middle Earth.  His theme in the Course has been that what the citizens hear is not what is being communicated.  Had the public not been distracted by those who choose to "cut and run," they would have understood that what was being said is not what they heard. 

Frodo has offered to help make the point for the President.  Frodo suggested that we start with the recently compromised Un-Policy statement, "Stay the Course."  Any truly cognizant listener would have quickly surmised that the President actiually meant "Play the Horse."  The President was endorsing pari-mutuel betting to help States reduce their dependence on Federal largesse.  Sam, who is sometimes a bit too argumentative on matters such as these, pointed out that the President actually said "Slay the Norse," which was a reference to the growing tensions with the socialists of Scandinavia.  Boromir phoned in to correct both Frodo and Sam with his interpretation that Bush had called for a "Gray Porsche," perhaps in preparation for his next scheduled backrub for the German Prime Minister.  Merry sent in an e-mail from South Carolina and told all that our Leader had specified that  listeners should "Belay the Force," in their continuing efforts to overcome evil influences in Mordor.

It was quickly becoming clear that the Un-Policy had been widely interpreted, and thereby required corrective definition by the  "Great Communicator" from Crawford.  The best example of this need was Pippin's allegation that the real message had been to "Delay the Borscht," which truly makes no sense whatsoever, but adequately reflected the fact that the audience was running out of rhyme. 

Presidential Press Secretary Tony Snow, who serves as the point of coordination for re-phraseology and definitive adjustments, asked only that we all bow our heads and "Pray for the Source."




Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:25 PM EDT
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Monday, October 23, 2006
If You Think This Is Just a Game, I Ain't Playin'
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: "West Wing Redux" (2)

Jimmy Smits as Barack Obama and Alan Alda as John McCain, is that weird or not?  "Does this mean," asked Frodo, "that John McCain will end up being Secretary of State?"  Actually, that is almost as remote a concept as is the departure of George W. Bush, played by Martin Sheen, as a melancholy scene.  Nearly every Citizen of Middle Earth is already planning for the celebration to accompany that stupendous day when the Incomparable Moron returns to the one activity for which he was truly brought to life, and that is clearing brush.

In the movie "Wag the Dog," the beret-wearing groupie pre-dated the actual appearance of Ms. Monica Lewinsky by more than a year.  Now it is difficult to ignore the physical similarity between the actor, Smits, and the politician, Obama.  Add in the facts that both reflect recent ethnic immigration to this great land, and both exhibit limited experience in the legislative scenario, then the dialogue itself in the "West Wing" begins to echo in memory.  Is it possible that the very talented production team simply took a wild-assed gamble, and that it paid off?  Or is there a wider conspiracy?

Frodo believes it is all about Hope, and that is no reference to a whistle-stop community in Arkansas.  Our realities may indeed reference our fantasies, and our dreams, it logically follows, can come true.  Behavioral Scientists will caution us not to put too much faith into the conduct of a single leader, no matter how noble and just he may appear because, above all else, he too is only human (or Halfling).  Perhaps that is sage advice, and Frodo agrees that putting too much trust gives too much power.  What, though, is life without passion, and the future without dreams of better days ahead?

When he started these dialogues Frodo naturally identified those in the Fellowship, and Sauron was immediately discernible.  The Elves and the Dwarves, the Men of Gondor and the Riders of Rohan, yes and even the Orcs were also cast upon his stage.  Only Aragorn has stood in the wings, waiting to be cued.

Enter Sir, stage left, Frodo and his friends await. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:48 PM EDT
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Sunday, October 22, 2006
If There's Anything That You Want, If There's Anything I Can Do
Mood:  surprised
Topic: "Like a Barack" (2)
Bilbo sat impatiently next to Frodo, then sprang afoot and burst out with the following:

"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken:
The crownless again shall be king."

Bilbo again sat next to Frodo and whispered, "I made that up myself, for (Aragorn) a long time ago when he first told me about himself. I almost wish that my adventures were not over, and that I could go with him when his day comes."

Today, Barack Obama opened the door, if only so slightly, to the possibility of his candidacy for the Presidency of the United States. If elected, he would be three years older than was John F. Kennedy when he assumed the Presidency in 1960. Although he has but two years of service in the United States Senate, Frodo is enthused about his lack of experience.

The current leadership of our fair land is dominated by men who have served as Governors, Congressmen, Cabinet Secretaries, Private Industry CEO's, Owners of Baseball Teams, and other equally impressive titles, on paper. Look, dear reader, at the effectiveness of the Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld triumvirate for all their experience. Obama has written a book, entitled "The Audacity of Hope," and in that book he makes the argument that the experiences of the 1960's have woven the intransigence of our present dilemma. Frodo remembers those days, and sees the wisdom in his words.

Perhaps the word is going out that this is the time, and that this is surely the place. Born in this century, tempered by war, and brought to this land of hope and dreams to receive a torch. Frodo asks what he can do to bring about the brighter day.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:46 PM EDT
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Thursday, October 19, 2006
Every Boy Wants a Girl He Can Trust to The Very End
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Look Who's Talkin'" (2)

Former Congressman Foley appeared to be taking the coward's way out.  Oh no, it couldn't be his fault, it had to be the alcohol!  Another politician signs his name to the register under the name of Betty Ford, and that would end his culpability in whatever really took place, or, at least, that is what Frodo thought.  For Former Congressman Foley also alleged that he was the victim of sexual abuse by a Priest.

Frodo admits that he has been stymied as to the rationale of Former Congressman Foley's allegation.  What is even more confusing is the fact that it appears to be true.  Today an intrepid reporter tracked down this goofball Priest on some little dinky island off the coast of Malta, for the love of Mike.  Sounding entirely akin to Peter Lorre in "Arsenic and Old Lace," this weirdo admitted to the "touching" and the "fondling" of little Former Congressman Foley 39 years ago.  He commented on the fact that they went "skinny-dipping," and took saunas together in the nude.  He denied any "penetration" or "rape," however.

As bizarre as it is, Frodo still can't figure why Former Congressman Foley raised the issue?  He had already established his argument as a drunk who was not responsible for his actions.  Was this a determined effort to strike back at his Church for allowing him to be victimized as a 12 year-old?  Could it be that he was intentionally attempting to expose the secretive coziness of secular leadership to the unpublicized criminal behavior of religious leaders?  Or could it be that Former Congressman Foley simply wanted to humiliate the leadership of his own Party by allowing this "scandal" to drip on, day-by-day, and never leave the public eye in the electoral season?  There seems to be plenty of reason to speculate about the motivations of this sad little man.

Frodo has a theory.  Potential Fact 1--Former Congressman Foley has pictures.  Potential Fact 2--Former Congressman Foley needs money.  Ergo, only those who know that their faces do not appear in the photographs publicly recall exactly when they became aware of Former Congressman Foley's aberrant behavior.  

Frodo wonders exactly where Former Congressman Foley has stored the multimedia cards for his digital camera.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:52 PM EDT
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