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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
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"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
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"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
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"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
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"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
"Speechifyin'" (4)
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"Spoonerized" (6)
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"Stan & Ollie"(7)
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"States' Rahts" (3)
"Sticker Shock"
"Stolen Bases" (3)
"Stragedy" (2)
"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
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"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
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"Take a letter, dearie"
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"Terminal? Great!"
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"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
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"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
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"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
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"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
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"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
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"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
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"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
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"The Second Amendment"
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"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
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"To Arms, To Arms"
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"Tom" (4)
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"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
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"Tree Fishin' (2)"
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"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"Untimely Events"
"UR Number Is Up" (7)
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"Video Thriller"(5)
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"Virginia Lovers" (4)
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"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
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"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
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"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
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"Winter Solstice"
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"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
"Yellow Peril" (3)
"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Monday, December 4, 2006
That's Why I'm Easy, I'm Easy Like a Sunday Mornin'
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: "Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)

Delta Airlines is in the midst of a fight against a hostile takeover.  Hoping to emerge from Chapter XI Bankruptcy stronger and better able to confront the challenges of competition, the company has recently initiated several new direct flights to overseas locations.  Frodo and Sam, upon the conclusion of their recent travel soiree', had the occasion to travel aboard one of these ballyhooed innovations.

It is true that, inexplicably, Frodo and Sam were each served a complimentary miniature bottle of wine, and that it it was, indeed, a pleasant addition to the experience.  Ten hours passes so much quicker when the senses are numbed.

It is also true that a complimentary headset allowed Frodo to "surf" the pre-packaged music provided by the "good skies" guys.  It was also not too big a turn-off that much of the music had been imported from the Otis Elevator Company.  Ten hours also passes quickly while day-dreaming about replacing Emmitt Smith on "Dancing With the Stars."  

However, Frodo needs to note that it seems as if the seats are allowed to retract even further than in earlier days.  The uncouth Neanderthal in front of Frodo kept her dead butt resting on Frodo's knees for the entire flight.  Remember, dear reader, Frodo is a Hobbit, and the extent of his legs is not extraordinary.

The worst part, without a doubt, is the continual re-cycling of air throughout the passenger sections of the plane.  Frodo now understands that the relative humidity in these cabins approximates that of the desert Southwest, and that more than 25% of all passengers on extended flights report sinus and bronchial discomfort within 48 hours.  It also did not help Frodo that the passenger sharing the three-across seats with Frodo and Sam coughed and hacked his way across the entire Atlantic Ocean.  It should be noted by the TSA that this individual appeared to be Arabic.

Frodo is very concerned about safety in the air.  Given his recent experience, and the subsequent cold and sinus infections which struck both of the tandem Hobbits, Frodo is proposing that the Department of Homeland Security should screen pre-boarding passengers to identify infectious subjects.  Who is to deny the possibility that a terrorist might intentionally infect himself/herself with something communicable?  The nomenclature might be for a "Suicide Sneezer," if you will.

If all goes well, they might also consider screening out anyone planning to retract their seat from an upright position.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:51 PM EST
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Sunday, December 3, 2006
There's a Killer On The Road
Mood:  loud
Topic: "Kodak Moment" (2)

Jim Webb probably has as much interest in having his picture taken with George W. Bush as Frodo has in having a photograph taken with Smeagol.  The Senator-Elect from the State of Virginia was roundly assaulted by Columnist George Will for his apparent snub of the congeniality initiated by Sauron.  Webb, claims Will, responded to the Presidential inquiry of "How's your boy?," with a shortarm reference to the need to get all of the troops home from Iraq.  Sauron, with his nose now bent out of joint, followed up the retort with something to the effect that that was not his question, he wanted an answer to "How's your boy?"  At that point Webb evidently told him that it was none of his business, or something along that line. 

Frodo has long-believed that George Will pays deference to George W. Bush because Bush traded Sammy Sosa to the hapless Chicago Cubs.  Will thinks he owes Bush.

For one, Frodo was quite proud of the soon-to-be Senator.  Without a single obscenity, Webb let the President know that his attempt at personal interest in relation to one of the very few offspring of any political personage involved in the pre-emptive war was not a welcome area of discussion.  Frodo has been trying to think how he might have responded had the Incomparable Moron asked him a similar question, in order to not have offended Mr. George Will.

"How's your boy?"

"Thank you for asking Sir.  He's actually doing quite well as I understand.  He has been on R & R in Argentina.  Evidently, Argentina is a good place for a single young guy to go sow 'a few wild oats,' if you know what I mean."

"Argentina, you say?"

"Yessir, evidently he had quite a time with a couple of chickies from back in Texas somewhere, and they just about wore him out."

"Is that Senator-to-be Corker I see over there?"

"Listen George, from what I hear those two girls picked up a lot from their old man, wink wink!"

"Well, I certainly hope that your boy gets home safe and sound."

"Oh I know you do.  You see Commander-in-Chief, little Jenna left her purse under the bed, and my son sent it to me.  Those girls must have told you that they had some interesting items in that purse.  I understand they reported it stolen."

"I beg your pardon?  What are you talking about?"

"Do you want to tell the American people about the surgical procedure little Jenna went through in Buenos Aires, or do you want me to release it directly to The Washington Post?"

"Uh, I'll tell you Mr. Frodo, why don't you and the Mrs. join Laura and me out at the ranch in Crawford this weekend?"

"Mr. President, I am just so pleased and proud that you are so sincere about working with the incoming Congress in an impartial, nonpartisan effort to get things accomplished."

"You'll come then?"

"Not on your life you hairless lizard.  Now get this, you will accept the Baker Commission Report as submitted, and will proceed with the complete adoption of their recommendations on Iraq immediately."

"But. . ."

"Butt this, you will reverse your position on government funding for Stem-Cell Research tomorrow, and then you will announce that the government will no longer seek to eliminate the Estate Tax."

"You can't do things like that to the President. . ."

No, maybe Frodo couldn't, but if it meant saving the life of somebody's son from this stupid, nonsensical, useless War, then what Frodo might actually do would truly surprise George Will, that is, if he has a conscience.  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:33 PM EST
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Saturday, December 2, 2006
You're The Warmest Thing I've Ever Found
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Puppy Angel" (2)
Fiona Richie is the host of a show on National Public Radio called "Thistle & Shamrock." As Frodo jests, the show does not trace the history of rock music and its' impact on 21st Century American culture. In fact, the show does feature the Celtic roots of music familiar to most Americans. Sam is a devotee of the show, and Frodo feigns attentiveness whenever they are jointly trapped in the motorcar and Sam commands the radio. The show, seemingly, has been on since the demise of the last Ice Age.

Some years ago, Frodo and Sam visited the local PetSmart on "Adoption Day," sponsored by the Paulding County Humane Society. Lovey, the noble Border Collie, was aging, and both Frodo and Sam were thinking about a "trainee" for the noble Lovey. Frodo took note of a small brown puppy with blue eyes, being held over the shoulder of an adoption volunteer, and he pointed it out to Sam. The contact was immediate, and very moving. When Frodo agreed that this could be an addition to the travelers of the Shire, Sam began to cry and to mouth the words "Thank You" to Frodo. It was a look that Frodo immediately burnt onto the DVD of his memory machine.

The blue eyes did not remain, replaced by a more descriptive devilish tint on the chocolate-colored miniature mix. Over the years the puppy grew to the 20-pound category and was forever classified as a "miniature chocolate lab" whenever queries as to the "type" were received.

Frodo prides himself in the cognomen creations applied to Shire additions. "Fiona" won quick acceptance from Sam, since it was clear that the two of them would spend many hours together listening to the pipers and purveyors of Robbie Burns.

Fiona, as noted previously, was a bit too much to handle for the noble Lovey, so she was soon followed by Fiona's permanent playmate Mick, the Wonder Dog. Fiona however, was always viewed as Sam's dog.

In recent times some things have changed. Fiona is less willing to travel with Sam on adventures in the motorcar when Frodo remains at home in the Shire. In fact, whenever Frodo curls up on a toadstool in order to watch his favorite teams get shellacked by ignorant vandals from Texas or some other brink of civilized society, Fiona is afoot, snoozing until Frodo screams an epithet at some injustice on the television screen.

At night, Fiona sleeps in her own bed, but finds a way to slip up next to Frodo somewhere around the dawn. Invariably she throws her rounded hind end up next to Frodo, with the result being a 50 degree increase in Frodo's body temperature. This, according to Frodo, is the animal with the highest degree of body heat known to science. Frodo, who sleeps with as little protection as possible, is continuously disturbed by the super-heated presence behind his knees.

Frodo has discussed this problem with Sam on numerous occasions. Frodo's references to "your" dog are not well-received given the recent tenor of Fiona's loyalties. Frodo is convinced that it is part of a vast canine conspiracy, in which Sam is merely a willing pawn. Mick, the Wonder Dog, imitates "de Tar Baby," and enjoys his uninterrupted head-out-of-the-window sojourns with Sam in the motorcar. Sam does not have to listen to competitive barking, and Fiona, well Fiona never misses a little extra support for her hips.

With the advent of Winter, the problem will not be without some benefit to Frodo. At the very least he has the time to think of a solution before Springtime comes again.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 5:52 PM EST
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Wednesday, November 29, 2006
The Lift is Up Where We Belong, Where The Eagles Cry On a Mountain High
Mood:  cool
Topic: "Aegean Adventure" (2)

When the wind blows around a volcanic outcropping, it is as if sails blossom in the mind.  Mythology must have been born in moments such as those.  Dreaming of far-off lands and great adventure happens today as it did for Homer and for Ovid.  The Islands of Greece were to Frodo as Plymouth Rock must have been for Pilgrims, a place to experience with all of the senses.

Katokolon was once a simple village for fishermen.  Today, as witness to thousands of visitors bent for the ruins of Olympia, Katokolon is predominantly a collection of shops gathering tourist coinage.  Frodo was on a mission of great importance however, for the day preceded by one the anniversary of Sam's birth.  Frodo desired a card, in Greek, spelling out the grand holiday as a special souvenir for his traveling companion and comrade-in-arms.  Alas, the cards to be found were all of the postal type, and Frodo was distraught.  A shopkeeper noted his distress, and although she spoke no English, and Frodo speaks no Greek, she did her best to assist him.  Finally, she identified exactly what it was that was the object of Frodo's shopping.  Although she did not have birthday cards in her inventory, she supposed that there may be some at a rival shop around the corner.  After pointing Frodo in the proper direction, she stopped him and slowly enunciated two words in Greek to Frodo.  She repeated them several times and Frodo finally understood that she was trying to teach him to say the two words.  She taught Frodo to say "birthday card," in Greek. 

A bit later Sam entered upon Frodo as he spoke the words to the shopkeeper around the corner.  Sam sensed Frodo's disappointment at his lack of success, and encouraged him to sit at a table outside a bar and observe the setting sun on the small harbor.  There was but a single fisherman, and he was slowly decapitating creatures in a plastic bucket at his feet.  Frodo ordered an Ouzo, and was charmed by the licorice taste in a liquid turned milky by the presence of ice.  The fisherman saw Frodo aim his camera, and he smiled.  It is a grand picture.

Even in the midst of failure, Frodo found beauty, great taste, and humanity.   Yasou.    

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:27 PM EST
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Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Heaven Knows It Wasn't You Who Set Me Free
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Hang 'em High" (2)

One of Frodo's earliest playmates' father seemingly enjoyed catching young Frodo in the logical conundrum.  Time and again, over the years, he would ask Frodo a topical question, then retreat into silence while the ubiquitous Frodo dug himself a hole from which he would be unable to escape.  He would then turn the issue around, and dissect Frodo's opinion into bread crumbs.  For many years Frodo thought his friends' father to be a wicked man who took his frustrations out on innocent Halflings.  It was only recently that Frodo came to realize that he was being intellectually challenged by one who respected the forthrightness of the young Frodo.  Too soon it seems, we become too old to address things which confront us when we are too young to comprehend.

Adolf Eichmann was one of the worst human beings who ever trod the small blue planet.  The young Frodo was fascinated by his capture in South America, and watched intently on his black-and-white to see the evil one squirm before an Israeli system of justice.  Frodo, unquestioningly, felt that Eichmann should be subject to hideous treatment as some matter of recompense for the horrors inflicted on innocent people.

Frodo's friends' father one day asked Frodo his opinion of the trial, and what should happen to the evil Eichmann.  Frodo spoke authoritatively of the crimes committed, and suggested penalties consistent with the principles of justice, as he understood them at the time.  Frodo was surprised when the responding question was, "Well, how would that be legal?"

"Sir, what could you mean?  Eichmann is being tried before a jury. . ."

"Of his peers?"

"Well, no, but by citizens of the country. . ."

"Frodo, that country did not exist when the alleged crimes were committed."

"Well, that's true, but. . ."

"Frodo, listen to yourself, you are trying to justify a process and a punishment based on emotion, not on law.  You are going along with the mob who want revenge, not legal punishment.  Israel has no right to try and punish Adolf Eichmann, because Israel did not come into existence until the atrocities had been committed."

The conversation of so many years ago came back to Frodo again this evening when he considered the pending dissolution of the electoral product of the semi-State now known as Iraq.  The deposed tyrant, Saddam Hussein, has been tried, and convicted, and sentenced to death, by a government that may not exist at any point within the next several hours or days.  The question then becomes, what is the legal status of Saddam Hussein?  Can he be held to account if the government which tried him no longer exists?  Can he be punished by an entity entirely different from that which adjudged him?  Does the process have to be repeated, but under an entirely different set of rules and aggrieved parties?

Frodo thinks his old antagonist would quickly recognize that if the Iraqi government intends to take any truly "legal" action, then they better act quick.  If they tarry too long, George W. Bush may not get his revenge. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:34 PM EST
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Monday, November 27, 2006
I Never Will Forget The Way You Look Tonight
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Emperor's Clothes" (2)
Frodo enjoys making fun of people who deserve it. The Atlanta Falcons stink, as a football team, and every player they have is paid, at a minimum, hundreds of thousands of dollars. Most of the players receive tens of millions of dollars, and they never have to use their brains at all. The people who provide the monies for their salaries nearly all make considerably less than the miniumum guaranteed to every player, and now, those people are pretty angry. So what happens, the biggest "star" on the team shoots them "the bird," twice. This "athleticism" merits mockery and derision, but the Falcons are not the target of Frodo's wrath tonight. Frodo has absolutely had it with Laura Bush and her stupid pants.

Is it because Laura is the only person in the Bush family who actually wears pants? Is it because she has varicose veins and she is hiding the discolored little zig-zags on her limbs? Is it because she has a special deal with some foreign textile manufacturer? Is it because she's dropped a few pounds and she thinks she appears more shapely when climbing the ladder up into Air Force One? Is it because her daughters have donated all of her dresses to Goodwill?
Frodo, and other inquiring minds, want to know; why all the pantsuits?

Frodo traces all of this back to George's decision to take off his jacket, to appear before staged groups of zealots in his shirtsleeves in order to appear more like a "regular guy." You know, like a guy with whom you'd go out and "have a beer." Laura obviously felt the need to also come across as just "one of the guys." Frodo, for one, does not go and have a beer with anybody who wears anything that says "Armani" on it. Frodo is also somewhat reluctant to depend on a designated driver who has taken the pledge. The Bush attempt to apparently appear more like Wally and Beaver's Mom & Dad (remember Ward?) is actually, well, sort of "Bush League."

So to George and Laura, devotees of style and fashion, Frodo stands, cups his mouth, and goes "BOOOOOO."

This leaves Frodo, of course, as a target for the "flying fickle finger of fate." So be it, somebody has to tell those two they look like marionettes. What does one expect of people who never have to use their brains?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:24 PM EST
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Saturday, November 25, 2006
When I Think About All The Crap I Learned in High School
Mood:  bright

Frodo was convinced almost immediately that he would never experience any practical application of either Algebra or the diagramming of a sentence.  To this day, he has no idea as to either the value of "x" or whether a preposition modifies an adjective.  It has been a constant factor in his life, that some knowledge is simply not worth sharing.

George W. Bush was probably exposed to courses in both Political Science and World History.  It is disturbing to Frodo that the future President of the United States may have made a similar determination about the utility of knowledge when it came to these subjects.  It is certainly clear that he failed to absorb adequate cautionary data based in human experience.  All of the academic discussions about "power vacuum" and "institutional value" in society were ignored.  Replaced, as we all now know, by a seemingly messianic belief in the "freedom" of popular elections and majority-rule.

Much hope now seems to rest in the attractiveness of "consumerism" among young people, all around the world.  In Iran, the ruling Mullahs are in apparent direct conflict with the youthful desire to dress, dance, and behave like their counterparts in more "Westernized" societies.  In China, the communist system is challenged in the accumulation of wealth by individuals, and  the desire for more and better property items by the agrarian segments of the general population.  In America itself, young people have interest only in the cost and the availability of apparel, not in the manufacturing locale.  What American teenager has lately expressed concern about his or her jeans being made in Sri Lanka?  The world now changes because of the demand, and the availability of the resources that drive the demand.

It is a shame that George W. Bush has never seemingly comprehended that the factors for change at this point have very limited dependence on the traditional "freedoms" of political choice.  Had he recognized the folly of the theory presented to him by political advisers and theistic soothsayers, he may well have changed the world with a song and a few bars of chocolate.  Instead, he chose to ignore knowledge, and accept ignorance.

Bush and Frodo differ because Frodo learned the lessons, and has sought, albeit unsuccessfully, to apply them in a meaningful way.  Bush dismissed the things with which he either disagreed or that disinterested him, and figured that his Daddy would be there to bail him out, if necessary.  Too bad, thinks Frodo, that such a prominent character flaw was accepted by so many, and at such cost.     

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:13 AM EST
Updated: Saturday, November 25, 2006 11:18 AM EST
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Friday, November 24, 2006
Every One I Know, Every Where I Go, Runnin' on Empty
Mood:  rushed
Topic: "Black Friday" (2)

Today Frodo purchased a small refrigerator and two pairs of reading glasses, on sale.  He purchased these necessities in mid-afternoon from one of America's most visited retail establishments, and he was in-and-out within fifteen minutes on what is advertised as the busiest shopping day of the year.  As Frodo considered his commentary on what must be a disappointing scene, Sam advised him that this period is actually a traditionally good time to shop. 

"The crowds have come and gone for the early-opening sale items," offered Sam, "and the increased staffing in the stores makes this lull almost heavenly for the accomplished shopper."

Frodo, as usual, was skeptical, and began to look for indicators that his long-predicted consumer spending collapse had actually begun.  Frodo has long theorized that credit woes would eventually bring a halt to the purchasing power of the American Middle Class.  Borrowing against home equity, reaching the credit limit on credit cards, and working multiple jobs would eventually, so thinks Frodo, catch up with a harried populace.  Perhaps this "lull" was actually the beginning of what has seemed to be the logical conclusion to a mindless spurt of economic growth?

So Frodo tuned in the news.  The lead story was the continuing, surging, insurgency in Iraq, and the cycle of violence that has brought civilization in that part of our small blue planet to a grinding halt.  All as predicted by Frodo, sadly, before the first invading troop set foot on the soil of the former Iraqi totalitarian state.   The next story was all about "Black Friday," (as it is known in commercial circles) signifying the importance of the beginning of the Holiday Shopping Season.  The conclusion, on every channel Frodo could capture, was that the early indications reflected strong demand, fostered by reduced prices and increased availability.  The third story was totally lost on Frodo.

Mount Doom was a lonely place as Frodo and Sam pulled into the parking lot, planning to take the mini-refrigerator into Frodo's office.  All of the businesses, most of which are small, were closed as if "Black Friday" were a legitimate holiday, and that no one really needed to work, including Frodo.  Even the housepainters, who maintain a covey of immigrants working seemingly without pause, were nowhere to be found. 

Frodo noticed the message light on his telephone, and was smugly ready to predict a number of inquiries for potential business opportunities until he noted that there was but a single message on voicemail.  It was a reminder for Frodo that he would be "ringing the bell" for The Salvation Army in two weeks, as he and his friend Abe had done last year.  Last year the "take" was phenomenal, and Frodo noted that so much of that generosity was based on the tragedy of Hurrican Katrina.  Perhaps Frodo will truly have something to offer about the actual state of the American Economy when he reports on the events of that day, December 9th?

Frodo will ring the bell loud and hard, and he will return the Holiday Greetings of all who smile and drop coins into the bucket.  Here's to hope that both of the lead stories on that day will prove Frodo wrong.  Hope, that is what these days are supposed to signify, aren't they?       

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:06 PM EST
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Thursday, November 23, 2006
Take Another Shot of Courage
Mood:  suave
Topic: "Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
In addition to natural wonders, Frodo has a number of establishments, shall we say, created by Man, which call him to enter and to explore. The prime example would be "Rick's American Bar" in Casablanca, where Frodo would be "shocked" by the gambling, and enthralled by the singing of "Le Marseille." In London, "221-B Baker Street" leads to the door where Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce imitate Holmes and Watson. Frodo has a case that would challenge even the Master of Deductive Reasoning. What Halfling would not want to enter the parlor at the "Mustang Ranch," and to consider all of the possibilities, whether or not Dolly Parton was involved?

"Harry's Bar," in Venice, was a new one for Frodo. Two charming ladies from Chicago first mentioned its' existence to Frodo when they introduced the term "Bellini" into his vocabulary. This particular cocktail, unique to Harry's, was the mixed drink to have in a land known for its' wines. Frodo inquired of his authentic Italian Tour Director, Enrico, about the location of said establishment. Asking a Neapolitan about anything on the East Coast of Italy is to invite a comparative discourse which wanders from the intent of the original query. Eventually Frodo and Sam were directed to the proper street, which was as precise a piece of information as they could expect to receive.

Harry's is not a big place, and there were lots of people milling about searching for an appropriate place to sit. Frodo found a large corner booth and pushed Sam to the far side. Eventually they were joined by two Americans, two retired school teachers from Rollins, Wyoming, who were traveling in the same tour as the Hobbits. All four were in search of the "Bellini" of fable and fame.

The waiters were all clad in white westcoats and the gentleman who approached Frodo knew what Frodo wanted before he was able to inquire. Bellinis, Frodo was told, were made from fresh white peach nectar and sparkling wine. The drink cost 14 Euros. Frodo quickly computed 14 times $1.30 and determined that this once-in-a-lifetime drink would set him back approximately $36.40, since he was also paying for Sam.

"What the heck," said Frodo, "it's only this play money, anyway."

The four travelers toasted each other when their very conservatively sized libations appeared. Each remarked, after the first sip, that the drink was tasty. Frodo thought to himself that it tasted a little bit like an ice cream soda, without ice cream. Sam told Frodo later on that evening that the contents could be duplicated back at the Shire. Frodo was skeptical, perhaps because he was already attempting to justify the capital expenditure which had just been entered into his ledger.

Tonight, for Thanksgiving, Frodo and Sam shared Sam's effort at duplication of the Bellini. Sam had found a bottle of "Aste Spumante" and "Kern's Peach Nectar" at the Grocery Store. They mixed magically and were at least the match of, if not better than, Harry's Bellini.

Frodo is now computing how much he saved. Perhaps he can deduct the opportunity costs from his income tax return next April?

Oh well, at least the Hobbits have seen the inner sanctum in Venice, and the next time he tells the story Frodo will enchance it to reflect the presence of a former KGB Agent whispering into the ear of a mysterious stranger, in the back, in the corner, in the dark, while drinking a Bellini.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 6:25 PM EST
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Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Tricks You to Enter His Web of Sin
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: "Turkey Day Walkabout"(2)
When the gallant Howard fell ill, he asked Sam to care for his "Boy," an overweight and emotionally perplexed mixed parentage white cat. Until the very end he asked Sam about his "Boy," and how he was adjusting to life in the Shire. In truth, the newly-christened "Beau Neau" adapted to the Shire and its' inhabitants as if he were the proverbial bear in a honey tree.

The "dog door" offered a window through to an outside piece of our small blue planet in which Beau Neau could rightfully stake a claim. Recognizing the fenced perimeter as the border with unregistered alien lands provided the parameters of his protectorate. As previously noted, every edible chipmunk, mole, mouse, butterfly, salamander, spider, or otherwise unidentified species came directly under the tutelage of this new Lord and Master. By the same token, the fenced yard provided security as well as limitations to the totalitarian regime. Rules vocationally enforced by the inimitable Mick, the Wonder Dog, who warns Frodo of potential incursions or excursions.

Last night however, proved to be an exception to all the rules. Frodo had evidently not properly secured one of the gates providing egress to Mordor, and the indomitable spirit of Beau Neau was eventually drawn to this security flaw. When Frodo finally noticed what had happened, Beau Neau was not to be found, and the evening had turned to a cold pre-winter's darkness. Frodo and Sam called and searched by artificial light to bring the knight errant back to the safety of the Shire. Alas, it was all for naught.

Frodo had a restless night, awakened often by thoughts of marauding coyotes who have been disengaged from their traditional hunting grounds by the incursions of civilization. An overweight white cat would provide meaningful fare for an entire family unit. Frodo tried to think like a cat, and decided to leave the exit gate open, the light above the dog door on, and the rear door ajar. Frodo reasoned that Beau Neau may eventually retrace his steps and return to the Shire when hunger and cold took hold. Sam, totally distraught, retreated for the evening, and Frodo could hear whimpers throughout the night.

Came the dawn, and Frodo arose with Mick, the Wonder Dog, in order to engage in their morning run and observation of the tints above the sunrise. As they passed through the living room, they observed an overweight white blob asleep on the couch. Frodo patted the head of his Eminence, Lord and Master, and firmly secured the gate in the yard of the Shire as he joined Mick, the Wonder Dog, in a mutually enjoyable sprint in the early morning on the Day before Thanksgiving.

There is much joy on this day in even this smallest of blessings in the land of the Shire; home to Frodo, Sam, and all the creatures who come in from the cold and seek a warm place to sleep. Tomorrow the bounty is shared, and a contented purr will be a welcome addition to the symphony.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:26 PM EST
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