Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Monday, March 12, 2007

I'm Just Sitting Here Watchin' The Wheels Go Round And Round
Mood:

quizzical
Topic: "Dubai-Bye" (3)

Frodo admits to being wishy-washy when the issue of foreign trade is discussed. Everybody involved makes good arguments, and Frodo changes his mind relative to his own position almost as often as George W. Bush drools spittle on his tie (Note that he has taken to wearing ties much less often these days).

Frodo believes, on one hand, that good business is that which is done for the least cost. On the other hand, Frodo believes that the loss of jobs in the Shire is a very bad thing. Simultaneously however, Frodo also recognizes that progress comes about because of competition. The creation of wealth throughout Middle Earth occurs because more and more consumers have the capacity to buy more and more items. The tragedy of the plant closing, and the loss of income falls however, on those least able to deal with change. It is a debate worthy of debate.

One of the major bones of contention includes the acronyms associated with NAFTA. Every in-tune individual remembers Presidential candidate H. Ross Perot referring to the "great sucking sound" to demonstrate the loss of jobs in America if NAFTA were enacted. Admittedly, many manufacturing facilities have found it advantageous to relocate to locations, internal and external, where labor is less expensive or more plentiful. Increasing the income levels in those areas has, indeed, created a whole new class of consumers, eager for goods and services however, and that has been a big factor in continued economic growth

Academics aside, Frodo takes note of the latest corporate move outside the Continental United States. Dick Cheney's old company, you know when he was a "Captain of Industry" (as opposed to his present role of lying, scum-sucking, warmonger), Halliburton, has announced the relocation of its' corporate offices from Houston to Dubai. Frodo has carefully analyzed all identifiable factors in order to determine what exactly the impetus might be for such a move. Heaven knows, even old Ross never anticipated Dubai as the scene of the shift of corporate decision-making; certainly Mexico would have been a decision more in line with the traditional wisdom.

Frodo has concluded that the boys in the Board Room have decided that it is good business to move the company closer to the war than it is to move the war closer to the company. Besides, if they can keep this thing going for another couple of years, then they will be able to start hiring Americans as out-sourced employees. Contract workers, as we all know, do not receive any benefits, like health insurance.

Think of the benefits, your new out-sourced troops will be Americans, and you don't have to worry about taking care of them if they get hurt on the job. Frodo understands that former Lt. General Kiley may be available to institute the program.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:49 PM EDT

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Saturday, March 10, 2007

Ooops, There Goes Another Billion Kilowatt Dam
Mood:

accident prone
Topic: "Legs Diamond" (3)

Mary Tyler Moore's legs were featured in "Richard Diamond," not "Peter Gunn." Because the music of Henry Mancini did accompany "Peter Gunn," Frodo has apparently merged the memories and produced an obfuscation of fact. It would have been easy enough for Frodo to simply "Google" his assertion and avoided the need, in his mind, for correction. Arrogance is not limited solely to incompetent, brush-clearing, deciders. Sometimes good guys make mistakes, too.

Frodo is still upset that Georgia Tech lost to Wake Forest in three overtimes.

Baptists suck.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:10 AM EST

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Friday, March 9, 2007

Simply The Best, Better Than All The Rest
Mood:

flirty
Topic: "Legs" (3)
In the days of black-and-white TV, there were times when every new show had a theme. There were Cowboy shows, and name likes "Cheyenne," "Yancey Derringer," "The Rebel," and "Gunsmoke" dominated programming for several years. Doctors like "Ben Casey," "Dr. Kildare," and "Marcus Welby, MD" made household names of actors, young and old. Frodo remembers today, for two very good reason, the days that were dominated by the Detectives, like "Peter Gunn."

When the theme music, that of Henry Mancini, signaled the opening credits for the show starring Craig Stevens in the title role, young Frodo was surely aflight into the living area to catch the introduction on the Muntz. In truth, it was the opening itself which had Frodo's imagination agog, and to this day he cannot recall ever watching any of the show itself which followed. Frodo had developed an interest in those legs.

Young actress Mary Tyler Moore sat with her legs crossed amid the television screen. Only those supple and shapely limbs, through which the eye could see the series star framed in an action pose, would ever mark her participation in the series itself. The dancer-turned-actress was noted first for those gams which accelerated her entry into TV and the Comedy shows which would follow the Detectives by some years. Those legs also had a lot to do with the formation of a sensual appreciation for a well-turned ankle by a certain Hobbitt.

The Men of Gondor gathered again this day, to embark on another adventure into a known spot which had never been visited by them before. This time they chose the Studio tour of CNN in Atlanta. Frodo was excited. Although Paula Zahn is far from his favorite source of commentary or presentation of the news, Frodo has always had a deep appreciation, if not a positive admiration, for her legs. They seem to rise from yesterday's beginning, and apparently culminate somewhere in the dreams of tomorrow. The possibility that Frodo could approach in physical proximity to those legs had him, well, wistful might be an appropriate term.

Alas, Ms. Zahn was in New York this day. Although Frodo was disappointed, he did get to see a piece of the Berlin Wall, and to ogle the spot where "H.R. PufnStuf" had been filmed. Sometimes, Frodo supposes, the anticipation is better than the realization anyway. She probably would have had a run in her stocking, and Frodo would have been grossed out.

Sam has been out of town for a week. Can't you tell?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:34 PM EST

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Tuesday, March 6, 2007

When You See The Southern Cross For The First Time
Mood:

lazy
Topic: "Runs in the Family" (3)
Frodo is intimately aware of the fact that certain things, in the American South, "run in the family." There always seems to be a family secret; be it an uncle who had children out-of-wedlock, a niece who liked girls more than boys, a sister who liked the sauce, or some sort of funky disease that made family members disappear for years on end. These happenings were rarely discussed above whispers, and it would take decades for anyone to discern the truth behind the rumor. Occasionally, one of these stories comes to public light, and Frodo can't help but sit in the front row, snickering like a teen-ager.

Russ Pritchard, an appraiser who was a frequent guest on ANTIQUES ROADSHOW, specialized in items from the Era of the American Civil War. In 1995, Pritchard approached the family of George E. Pickett, and offered to purchase some family heirlooms. Pickett, as all Hobbits remember, led a courageous but disastrous assault on the enemy front-lines at Gettysburg on July 3rd, 1863, which wiped out his division, and virtually assured the Southern defeat.

Representing a museum in Pennsylvania, Pritchard offered to pay $87,500 and an all-expenses-paid trip to Costa Rica for the family of George E. Pickett V, the great-great grandson of the infamous Confederate General. Thinking they had gotten a "great deal," the Picketts were somewhat chagrined to learn, two years later, that Pritchard had immediately turned around and sold the heirlooms to the museum for $870,000. Needless to say, the employment of barristers commenced throughout. It was clear from the beginning however, that the Picketts' had simply not done their homework, and had relied on the word of someone they had seen on TV.

There are a couple of finer historical points which bear notice. General George E. Pickett, finished dead last in the West Point Class of 1846. His Great-Great Grandson also attended West Point, but dropped out after 11 weeks on campus. The good General, after the War, sold insurance and died at age 50 in 1875. His Great-Great Grandson is married to a surfing instructor, and his current personal occupation has not been determined.

Frodo notes that these easy-going people are a prime example of "runs in the family." It would be Frodo's suggestion, dear reader, that it would just make good sense to not purchase life insurance sold by anyone named Pickett, or to even consider the "wild, wild surf" with families who would exchange their heirlooms for a trip to Costa Rica.

Frodo is willing to wager that the Great-Great Grandson voted for George W. Bush, twice.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:40 PM EST

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Monday, March 5, 2007

If I Stay Here With You Girl, Things Just Couldn't Be The Same
Mood:

vegas lucky
Topic: "Getting Your Wish" (3)
There is an old adage from Bilbo's work, THERE AND BACK AGAIN, in which it is stated that one should watch what what one wishes for, because it just may come to pass. Frodo was delighted to learn that the United States of America is not the only land to face the unintended consequences of its' actions. What surprised him was who and what.

Switzerland, as a non-member of the European Union, entered into an agreement with the EU in order to open her borders to bankers, academics, and business managers. This decision is part of a series of covenants Switzerland agreed to in order to reduce trade barriers. The results have included an increase in the number of people offering sex for money throughout the country. Zurich now estimates that it contains 11 prostitutes per 1,000 people, a rate comparable to that of Amsterdam, long known for its sex trade.

Most of the new workers come from neighboring Germany and France, and the numbers have been so significant that a resulting "deflation" is taking place. The price of a "quickie" has dropped between $24 to $65 from the normal rate of $122 to $203, or so Frodo has been told. Swiss officials, trying to put a positive spin on the situation, note that these accords have resulted in a 0.5 percent boost in the gross domestic product. Frodo has no intention of commenting thereupon.

Opponents of the government have pointed out that this increase has been accompanied by an influx of unskilled workers in the construction and agricultural sectors. "This really hasn't resulted in an intellectual improvement," said Reto Jaeggi, a spokesman for the opposition Swiss People's Party. Doro Winkler, representing an unpronounceable Women's Rights group, argued however that the open border legislation has reduced the instances of illegal trafficking by human smugglers.

Maximilian Kuenzig, a Zurich resident, claims that entire neighborhoods are being abandoned by residents disturbed by the noise.

The noise?

Makes you wonder how the Bush "Guest Worker Program" might turn out, doesn't it? Frodo thinks Dick Cheney should spearhead that program. He looks like he needs a quickie. Ann Coulter, we are told, is available.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:20 PM EST

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Sunday, March 4, 2007

Oh Dreamweaver, Together I Believe We Can Make It Through The Night
Mood:

special
Topic: "Joshua Generation" (3)

Frodo probably never exactly understood the reference, until today. Some journeys are not to be completed by all those who set out on the path, and the really difficult thing is to achieve objectives even when the leaders change. Martin Luther King was not prescient, he was simply communicating the fact that the goals would cross generational lines. As Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) said in Selma today, Moses was told that he would not live to get to the Promised Land, and he had to tell the Generation Of Joshua, who followed him, that they would realize God's promise without him.

How then, thought Frodo, do I deal with the issue of the Ring? I carry its' burden, and have covered many miles, enduring great danger and overcoming many evils, with the premise that all rests on my shoulders? The Fellowship has accompanied me, but even they knew that the task was mine, alone.

Obama said that he stands on the shoulders of the Moses Generation. Frodo was initially drawn to the words of Obama because he wrote that it was time for the passing to a generation not rooted in the trials of our past. He said that it was time for Frodo to recognize that he may not get to the Promised Land, but that he had to have faith that others would get there because of his struggles. There was no implication that Frodo should cease the climb up Mount Doom, or to shy away from the final struggle with Gollum. Simply put, Frodo had to understand that at some point he would not lead, he would follow.

Frodo is impressed because the issues placed before him are not couched in vengeance or lack of regard for ones' opponents. The challenge is to achieve great goals based on the faith and the nobility of the people who are responsible. All of us are responsible, and none of us are immune.

For so many years, we have chosen "the lesser of two evils." At least, dear reader, that is what everyone says to Frodo about elections. As if, he supposes, that is justification for the acceptance of compromise, ineptitude, and lack of responsibility. Frodo cannot remember when last he actually wondered "What if?" That is, until today.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:19 PM EST

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Saturday, March 3, 2007

Guaranteed To Blow Your Mind, Anytime
Mood:

don't ask
Topic: "HOV or DOA?" (3)
HOV lanes as designed in and applicable to Washington, D.C., are a Godsend. In Atlanta, Georgia, at least six people are dead because of them. Frodo has driven them both in his motorcar, and he is a major, big-time fan of both the principle and the practice in our Nation's Capitol. He believes that the Atlanta format reflects the unsophisticated approach to design and problem-solving which characterizes people who make decisions based on who submitted the lowest bid, or which alternative will have the least impact on their personal taxes.

In Washington, HOV lanes are geared to relieve traffic congestion during peak commuting periods. An automobile with four or more passengers can enter into a single, confined, lane with concrete barriers separating it from the multiple lanes supporting auromobiles with three or fewer passengers. As a result, people line up at intersections and wait for automobiles with fewer than four inside to stop and offer them a free ride to work/home. Frodo is not arrogant enough to say that it solves all problems, but it sure has made things better than they were when Frodo faced the daunting task of commuting into the District of Columbia.

In anticipation of crowds during the 1996 Olympics, Atlanta added considerable effort to alleviate the congestion, and to allow through traffic to proceed normally. HOV lanes were added, by simply painting solid white lines on the left (outermost) lane of Interstates 20, 75, and 85 and restricting access to automobiles with at least two people, twenty-four hours a day. Nobody, as a result, ever lines up anywhere in order to be the second person in someone else's car, and vehicular traffic utilizes the lane predominantly as a high-speed passing lane.

One of the most obvious, and most dangerous, aspects of the Atlanta method is that most exits are on the right hand side of an Interstate. This means that vehicles looking to exit from an HOV lane normally will cross five or six lanes of traffic in order to go where they need to go. One of the solutions was to install several separate exits off the HOV lane itself, generally accessing well-marked and highly-travelled roads which cross over one of the Interstates.

This past Friday, early in the morning, a bus carrying a college baseball team from Ohio on its way to Florida for a tournament was in the HOV lane on Interstate 75 passing through Atlanta (as, indeed, everyone must who is on their way to Hell). The driver was probably matching the speed of the traffic at 10 or 15 miles per hour greater than the posted, and unenforced, speed limit. As he approached where Northside Drive crosses the Interstate about two miles before the convergence of Interstates, known as the Connector, he became confused by the design and he went onto the exit ramp rather than staying in the HOV lane.

Six people died immediately when the bus sped through the stop sign at the Intersection of Northside Drive, struck the fencing on the far side of the bridge and flipped onto the Interstate below. Two more people remain in intensive care.

Frodo has driven that stretch of road hundreds of times in his motorcar. On more than one occasion, he has been confused by the signage and the unrestricted lanes.

Frodo also used to ride a bus full of young men travelling to other places in order to play baseball.

Perhaps these are the factors that make all of this so poignant to Frodo. It may also be the fact that the entire design, nay, the entire concept of HOV lanes in Atlanta Georgia is just plain stupid. Now, it is also deadly.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:28 PM EST

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Friday, March 2, 2007

My Dreams Aren't As Empty As My Conscience Seems To Be
Mood:

on fire
Topic: "Supportin' da Troops"(3)

Frodo sat in stunned silence as he watched the on-the-spot reports follow the first-person stories as they assembled the insignificant life intermingled with the wasted lives, and introduced the general incompetence of the judicial, military, and civilian leaders. The daily detritus was taking liquid form on Frodo's forehead. Finally, when all the words that could be spoken had been, Frodo rose from his chair, turned slowly, and proceeded, step-by-step, toward the humming light fixture on his desk. He called up the box marked "Favorites," and he pushed the key that brought "Google" to the surface. He typed in the words "Walter Reed Base Closing Report," and pushed the key that demanded a response.

"Sam," said Frodo, "Let's suppose that your were the Commandant of the Walter Reed Army Medical Hospital when it was recommended, just a few short months ago, that the facility be closed, in order to save money. Would you be hesitant to spend money to repair the plumbing, paint the walls, or even mow the lawn very often?"

"Hmm, I see where you're going with this. You're making the point that the same geniuses who got us into the Pre-emptive War were the same ones responsible for the ramshackle facilities made available for out-patient care. I guess my question is why it hadn't already been closed, along with most of the other bases recommended for closure in the same report?"

"Sam, I have no doubt that these 'geniuses', as you call them, were just as overwhelmed with the number of amputations, the neurological problems, the debilitating injuries, as they were by the insurgency itself in Iraq, and by the return of the Taliban in Afghanistan. Now, in their defense, I truly believe that they did their best to get the best medical care and treatment possible for the influx of patients. What galls me, however, is that Rupert Murdoch's minions from Faux News were also called in to show the Incomparable Moron pinning purple hearts onto the pillows of the wounded. Time-and-again we would be reminded that the President was there 'all the time' to visit the troops and to thank them for their service."

"If he was there so much, I suppose you're asking, was that one room the only place he went?"

"Sam, I've been thinking about our last trip to Germany."

"Mr. Frodo, I've been thinking the same thing. All the Germans we met assured us that they had no idea what was going on in those camps during World War II."

"Sam, do you know how far it is from Dachau to Munich?"

"How far?"

"About the same distance as it is from the Walter Reed Army Medical Hospital to the White House."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:16 PM EST

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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Ya Got Mud On Your Face Ya Big Disgrace
Mood:

loud
Topic: "Nixon Agonistes" (3)

Donald Rumsfeld, Richard Cheney, Pat Buchanan, when they were young, all served on the White House Staff of Richard M. Nixon; and Frodo was naive enough to think that the damage that Nixon did to our nation ended with his death. Buchanan subsequently became the only one of the three to seek the highest office in the land. Fortunately, the Convention of the American Independent Party, which nominated him, was only covered by the Comedy Channel. Rumsfeld could easily have been nicknamed "Boomerang" since he spent the rest of his professional life reurning to serve the collection of Republican losers who have followed "Tricky Dick" into the White House. Cheney remains, and periodically rises from the crypt to remind us all that anbody can become Vice President.

The Vice President of the United States has just returned from an important mission on the other side of the world. Accompanied by one of the top spooks at the CIA, he dropped in on the military dictator currently manning the nuclear button in Pakistan. Sitting down, mano-a-mano, the Veep explained, in no uncertain terms, that if the good General wanted to keep on receiving regular support payments from Uncle Sugar, he had better start doing something significant to curtail the "surge" of Taliban and al Qaeda performers passing into Afghanistan. To dispell any claims of disbelief, the current "Tricky Dick" was armed with the Intel.

Unfortunately, as Frodo learned from an unimpeachable source, Mr. Musharraf did not share the Vice President's assessment of the situation. Although Frodo had to rely on a translator, he was able to garner the substance of the Pakistani leader's response to Mr. Cheney.

"Mr Vice President, please place those intelligence reports someplace where the sun does not shine."

"In addition, Mr. Vice President, since there have been multiple attempts on my life by members of my military, my intelligence service, my fellow citizens, as well as by those who share my faith, it is quite possible that your theory about my half-baked attempts to stem the terrorist flood can be equated to the old adage which, I believe, goes like this: 'That dog don't hunt.'"

"Also, Mr. Vice President, your money is no good in Pakistan. In fact, given the rather dismal balance of payments situation under your distinguished leadership, it goes without saying that the Yankee Dollar ain't what it used to be. Perhaps you should consult with someone who has private industry experience with an organization that makes money by means other than sucking the government teat?"

"Finally, Mr. Vice President, I have it on good authority that every world power who has ever attempted to conquer the indigenous peoples of Wazeristan and the other tribal provinces on the Afghani-Pakistan border have had their heads handed back to them, on platters. I suggest that if you think that will be my fate, you are sadly mistaken. I also suggest that if you plan to take action yourself, you might suggest to Mr. Bush that you pack a lunch. It is likely you will be there most all day."

Frodo was on the tarmac as Air Force Two lifted off. He heard that Mr. Cheney told the Faux News reporter "embedded" with him on the mission that the talks had been "productive."

Frodo wonders if the plane touched down at San Clemente.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:20 PM EST

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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Now My Life Has Changed In Oh So Many Ways
Mood:

celebratory
Topic: "Terrible Two's" (2)
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring, commenced publication on February 28, 2005.

"A very, merry Unbirthday. . ."

"The Italian Stallion" is no more, and Frodo misses his friend with each passing shadow, and every meal that leaves a piece of ham, untouched, on his plate. "Frodo and Jesus" allowed Frodo to grieve at the funeral of Pvt. Jesus Fonseca, while George W. Bush opted not to attend, again. "Chingachgook Lives" took Frodo and Mick, the Wonder Dog, deep into places where good friends go, together. "We Will Rock You" nearly brought about an international incident when the male members of an obscure little English village took umbrage at Frodo's description of their set-to with the BBC. Many other titles conjured up factual events or Frodoian figments of imagination which this self-anointed, latter-day Samuel Clemens impersonator fetched from the cornices of a bizarre creative psyche.

At the end of the first year, Creedence Clearwater Revival took note of Frodo's passage. Here, at the end of the second year, the Beatles appropriately point out that the path before Frodo is obscured by the disappearance of independence in the haze. All of Middle Earth is threatened. The Ring remains under the control of those who have neither appreciation nor understanding of its' awesome power. Frodo's task is not complete.

The wood before us is yellow, and there are divergent paths. May we wisely choose. If we are fortunate enough, dear reader, to meet again on this day, may our hopes and our dreams unite in another song.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:19 PM EST

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