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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
"Osama Can You See?" (2)
"Our God Is Better" (3)
"Our Town" (5)
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"Out Damned Spot (2)"
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"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
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"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
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"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
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"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
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"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
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"Southern Ladies" (5)
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"Stan & Ollie"(7)
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"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
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"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
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"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
"Teflon Causes Cancer"
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"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
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"Tess of the Dorghis" (8)
"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
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"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
"The Atlanta Eye" (6)
"The Blue Dog"(11)
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"The Brotherhood Begins"
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"The Forum" (2)
"The Future is Now (2)"
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"The Good Book" (4)
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"The Great Quixote" (9)
"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
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"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
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"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
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"The Turtle" (3)
"The Union Label"(6)
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"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
"This Day in History"(3)
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"To Arms, To Arms"
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"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
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"Tom" (4)
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"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
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"Trees v. Forest"(9)
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"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"Untimely Events"
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"Vacation Brouhaha" (3)
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"Vandals at the Gates"(2)
"Vat of Chocolate"(6)
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"Veto Shmetoe (2)"
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"Video Thriller"(5)
"Vinson Can Gogh"(6)
"Virgin Birth" (2)
"Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)
"Virginia Lovers" (4)
"Vom Winde Verweht" (2)
"Vote for Steve" (2)
"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
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"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
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"Winter Solstice"
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"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
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"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
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"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Saturday, November 17, 2007
We May Never Pass This Way Again
Mood:  lazy
Topic: "Serendipity Strikes" (3)

Frodo and Sam are preparing for their next excursion beyond the limits of the Shire.  Sam implements, and Frodo navigates similar, it seems, much like the old joke that Sam makes the little decisions like what to eat, when, and where, while Frodo makes the big decisions like whether or not Iran should be invaded.  Characteristically, Sam is concomitantly gathering vast amounts of material about travel beyond the scheduled, which gives rise in Frodo to dreams of uncharted locations personally appealing to everyone's favorite Hobbit.  Reality however, is a cruel teacher.

The Great Pyramids, standing perhaps at the very crux of life on our small blue planet, will have to await until Frodo convinces Sam that any overnight accommodations would include plastic plants (as opposed to live tropicals which would presumably harbor alien lifeforms, e.g. cockroaches).

The Galapagos Islands, where HMS Beagle carried Mr. Darwin as he sorted and classified, are unlikely to please anyone who requires round-the-clock cell phone access in order to verify HSN deliveries.

The Great Rift Valley, offering Frodo the opportunity to compare bones with anyone named Leakey, would unfortunately not be within reasonable driving distance of a single TARGET store.

The Plains of Troy, where in another life Frodo fired the arrow that slew the evil Achilles, would be unacceptable because that destination would require steerage with the worst tourists in all of Middle Earth (hint:  the subject masses comprised two-thirds of the Evil Axis powers of World War II).

Sailing Cape Horn, and perhaps sighting the Great White Whale, would require procurement of more dramamine than could be reasonably expected to be produced by every pharmaceutical manufacturer in toto between now and the year 2014.

London and the Cotswolds (note:  entered herein representing Frodo's best attempt at "reverse psychology").

The Northern Territories, "G'day Mate", perhaps acceptable if Frodo would similarly agree to fund attendance at 17 consecutive operatic performances in Sydney (see prior comments relative to dramamine).

Anyplace that flies a Pirate Flag.  Unfortunately, Sam wearies of Frodo's impersonations of Johnny Depp.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, has entered Frodo's chamber and signals a need to visit the Gardens of the Shire.  Perhaps our canine companion submits a reasonable alternative, and certainly a necessary one.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:31 PM EST
Updated: Saturday, November 17, 2007 10:00 PM EST
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Wednesday, November 14, 2007
One Way Or Another, I'm Gonna Find Ya, I'm Gonna Gitcha, Gitcha, Gitcha
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Numbers Don't Lie" (3)

"Ms. Used-to-be-Tony Snow, now Dana Something-or-other, I have a question."

"You again, Mr. Frodo, crack reporter for the 'Shire Ledger'?"

"That's me."

"What is it this time?"

"Well, I've taken note of your verbal assault on the credibility of the Democratic Party announcement of their assessment of the actual costs associated with the Wars in Afghanistan and Iraq."

"And you disagree with the President's accounting of $864 Billion I assume?"

"Oh no, who am I to question the mathematical wizardy of a graduate of both Harvard and Yale?  Note that I am but an alumni of the virtually unknown College of the Shire.  Although I also have no reason to question the $1.5 Trillion estimated by the Democratic analysts, I am prepared to acknowledge the President's figures for what they are.  It's just that it confuses me, and I need some assistance, and that's what I was hoping you could help me rectify?"

"I'll do my best."

"I know you will (Frodo returned the perky little smile to the perky little Press Secretary, Dana Something-or-other)."

"What's your confusion?"

"Well, let me see if I can summarize.  When George W. Bush became President of the United States, wasn't it true that the cumulative spending deficit which he inherited was just about $5 Trillion and change?"

"I don't have the exact figures here."

"I know, but don't you agree that in round terms, not too far from what I just said?"

"In rounded numbers, pretty close."

"Okay, and as of now, with a little more than one year left in the President's second term, the total deficit is now just about $9 Trillion, isn't it?"

"Okay, I see where you're going with this, and as I've said many times before, the actual rate of increase has been lowered significantly. . ."

"Yes, I know that Dana Something-or-other, and I have no problem in that regard.  As I said, who am I to argue with the financial genius of the former owner of the Texas Rangers Baseball Club? I'm just trying to figure out what happened to the money."

"Mr. Frodo, you silly Hobbit, as you've heard time-and-again, and most recently by Ed Gillespie, you have to remember that we are at War, and that despite the fiscal management of this Administration, the War on Terror has required that we spend whatever it takes to protect the American people.  You would think that the Democrat Party would figure that out?"

"Oh, I agree, and I would support you entirely in that endeavor, but somehow I feel a little bit like Carl Bernstein here, and I need you to help me 'follow the money'." 

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Well Dana, if as you say, the Wars have cost $864 Billion and the deficit when the President took office was $5 Trillion, then that comes to just under $5.9 Trillion."


"Well then, how did the deficit get to be $9 Trillion?  I mean Dana, perhaps I received an inferior education at the College of the Shire, but it looks to me as if the Democratic Party has severely understated the costs of the Wars when they said they've only cost $1.5 Trillion.  On the face of it, it appears to me as if there is something in the neighborhood of $3 Trillion missing from the equation.  Is it those silly Democrats not able to add things up properly?"

"Mr. Frodo, these are complicated issues, and we're looking at the wildest of estimates."

"Oh I know, but you're the ones who said the costs of the Wars was only $864 Billion, and you're the ones who said that the Wars are the reason for the increase in the deficit, so I. . ."

"Thank you Mr. Frodo, thank you everyone, we'll have to conclude for now, but we will provide some hand-outs before our next briefing on these matters.  Have a nice day."

And that's the way it is.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:28 PM EST
Updated: Wednesday, November 14, 2007 8:30 PM EST
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Monday, November 12, 2007
I'm Just a Stubborn Kinda Fella, Got My Mind Made Up
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Black Widow" (3)

Frodo is an admirer of a well-turned ankle.  He has also been known to cast a longing look at a shapely set of buttocks, or even those protuberances which give "Hooters" an attraction beyond their medium-rare hamburgers.  Frodo also knows what he doesn't like, and that is the subject of the discussion to follow

Former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto has returned to the land she served for two electoral terms.  Despite allegations of corruption and political misconduct, she appears before the television cameras "deus ex machina" to speak for democracy amid the martial law invoked by Pervez Musharraf.  What Frodo can't seem to comprehend is the fact that she stands in her homeland, before her supporters, apparently speaking to all the Pakistani people, in perfect Harvard-educated English.  Since very few of those whom she is apparently addressing have any knowledge whatsoever of the English language, wouldn't it, dear reader, make more sense for her to speak Punjabi?

Perhaps the former Prime Minister is speaking to another audience?

Imelda Marcos once raised the same hairs that are now standing on the nape of friend Frodo's neck.  A lavish lifestyle, and thousands of shoes, were the product of a Filipino First Lady who felt that the entire nation existed to serve her wanton needs.  Benazir Bhutto, with the finest in fashion from head-to-toe, appeals to those seeking alliances in the struggle for democracy and who also just happen to be among the wealthiest of all interests on our small blue planet.  How very convenient that a few appearances "en camera" in English, can be directed to her former "legacy" warriors at Harvard. 

Frodo wonders if there are any direct flights from Islamabad to Zurich?

There is an orange hourglass on the bare abdomen of the former Prime Minister of Pakistan.  The danger, this time, is not to a single dictator like Musharraf, but to civilized mankind.  Frodo met such a creature once before, atop the stairs of Cirith Ungol, and he was fortunate to escape.  Will Middle Earth be so fortunate?  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EST
Updated: Monday, November 12, 2007 9:00 PM EST
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Sunday, November 11, 2007
I Will Remember You, Will You Remember Me?
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Not Percy Sledge?"(3)

Michael Bolton won Frodo's admiration when he crooned his way through his own version of "If a Man Loves a Woman," several years ago.  Here was a white guy, taking a classic soul song and giving it a personal trademark which was as notable as Whitney Houston taking Dolly Parton's "I Will Always Love You," and making it into something equally good.  Michael Bolton is, however, not to be confused with either Josh Bolton or John Bolton.  Josh Bolton is an insignificant presence in an insignificant White House.  John Bolton is insane.

In a new book, John Bolton has written that Colin Powell is the villain who prevented the Bush White House from "taking out" Iran at the very beginning, thereby doing a disservice to the best interests of the United States.  Frodo was absolutely astounded when he read these words.  Astounded not that a rational adult would have such an opinion, but that someone whose elevator not only doesn't reach the top floor but has never extended beyond the parking garage, and who is even more bellicose than Dick Cheney, was actually existant in a position of some influence in the Government of the United States of America.  Not since G. Gordon Liddy has Frodo actually shuddered that such a screaming nutbag would potentially have actually been alone in a room with a man whose finger sits atop the nuclear button.

We have, dear reader, actually been to the precipice of destruction.

Frodo is making a personal request to anyone owning or maintaining a controlling interest in any radio station anywhere in the world; please hire John Bolton!  Give Bolton the same status as Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Oliver North, Joe Liebermann, or any other right-wing rutabaga generally recognized as the personification of Elmer Gantry, without God.  Let him whisper sweet nothings into the ear of every lunatic asylum alumni within your broadcast arena, and pay him whatever he wants.  Just get John Bolton away from any position of prominence, authority, or sanity.

Your country depends on you.

If that doesn't register with you, perhaps there is someone out there that could invite John Bolton to go quail hunting with the Vice President?  Frodo will buy the beer.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:52 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, November 11, 2007 7:56 PM EST
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Friday, November 9, 2007
My Steady Boy Said "Ship Ahoy," And Joined the Na-a-vy
Mood:  cool

Frodo broke bread with fellow warrior Gimli in a town called Annapolis not long ago.  It was Homecoming Weekend at the United States Naval Academy, and crowds were just beginning to thin on a blue-sky day that seemed perfect for a tilt of the sail on the Severn.  The friends-in-arms had not seen each other since last they swung swords and battle-axes together outside the Black Gate of Mordor.  The conversation was jubilant, and filled with vignettes about the battles won and lost when King Richard threatened freedom with short-haired knights and obfuscations of truth.  The pall that hung over them could not be ignored, but it was dealt with just as if it were a foe massed in the field below, requiring tactics and courage to overcome.

Parkinson's Disease is not unique in its' insidiousness, but it is ego-shattering because it takes physical control away from even a warrior such as Gimli.

Gimli and his life-partner love their environs, and have become great devotees of the massive complex which trains new warriors, in strength and in wisdom, it is hoped.  They follow the Naval Academy Football Team with season tickets and travel to many away games, even though their only off-spring is a dramatic actress and scholar.  Although the Navy Team is often under-sized and under-skilled they have performed (pardon the pun) "admirably" against superior opposition, and Gimli, like Frodo, is a great admirer of effort against an opponent, regardless of the odds.  The pageantry of it all ain't bad, either.

Driving away from Annapolis, the conversation somehow wafted to self-sacrifice, and courage.  The warriors talked of the USS Indianapolis, and the great scene in the movie "Jaws," when Robert Shaw told his ship-mates, especially Richard Dreyfus, about having served on that ship in those days.  Without coaching, Frodo started to repeat the dialogue in his best gnarled impersonation of Shaw.  Gimli, immediately, replied with the words of Dreyfus, and they continued back-and-forth while Sam and Gimli's life-partner sat silent, and fascinated.

Frodo spoke of the boy from Boston, a baseball player, who bobbed lifelessly in the sea, with half his body no longer there.  Gimli started a seaman's chant, "I had a little drink about an hour ago, and it went straight to my head. . ."  Then the car was silent, and each rider was left to contemplate what it was that made those words and pictures so visible in separate minds.

A week or so after Frodo and Sam had returned to the Shire, the "Midshipmen" of the Naval Academy paired off against long-time rival Notre Dame University on the gridiron.  Navy had not beaten Notre Dame in more than forty years, but hope does spring, especially when Notre Dame truly sucks this year, at least comparatively.  Frodo imagined, although he does not know, that Gimli was in the stands in South Bend, staring back at the "Touchdown Jesus" which is such an imposing, if not ominous figure for opposing teams.

On that day however, God was on the side of the Navy.  Some gifts, no matter how small, are all the proof necessary for those who believe that truth, and honor, courage, and wisdom, are rewarded in many and varied ways.  Gimli will always stand tall when the battle is finished, and Frodo will always be richer for his comradeship.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:16 AM EST
Updated: Friday, November 9, 2007 9:26 AM EST
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Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Give Me That Old Time Religion, It's Good Enough For Me
Mood:  loud
Topic: "Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)

Gandalf was born in Lebanon.  When Frodo first sat in his class at the College of the Shire, he knew that he could learn objectivity from one who saw Middle Earth from a completely different perspective.  Despite himself, Frodo learned that the institutional make-up of societies halfway around our small blue planet were based on different values than those known to Frodo.  Memorizing terms like "Sunni" and "Shi'ia" was something more than rote educational mechanics; it was understanding.  

The Times however, were very different.  Frodo's perception in those days was that of an "Ugly American," imposing his values on others by the hypocritical support of tyrants and dictators.  While preaching "democracy" and "freedom," it mattered not if it were Latin America or Southeast Asia, the American was going to fight the Communist.  The Shah of Iran, the Republic of South Vietnam, and someone named Fulgencio Batista all rose to prominence because of the support provided in opposition to the perceived threat of those on the far left.  Surely, nothing like that could happen again.

Frodo recalled the term "fatwa" when Christiane Amanpour used it in her excellent production entitled "In The Footsteps of Bin Laden."  She reported that many Muslim clerics were angry with, and did not support, Bin Laden because he acted against the United States without the pronouncement of a "fatwa" by an authorized clerical source.  For the sake of clarity, a "fatwa" is a pronouncement by a religious leader intended to shape the actions of the faithful on almost any subject, as long as the pronouncement is based on the Koran and the words attributed to the prophet Mohammed.  Until a "fatwa" is issued, there is no legitimacy to the deeds of the doer.

The relevance of the "fatwa" is just as important, and just as misunderstood, as were the terms "Sunni" and "Shi'ia" at the time Bin Laden struck.

Approximately 1,000 pronouncements of "fatwa" are issued each and every day.  You read that right, dear reader, 1,000.  Given the decentralized nature of the Islamic faith, conflicting pronouncements can be issued on everything from sex to politics (which, then again, aren't as different as Frodo intended to imply).  Muslims in Egypt, for example, seeking religious guidance, may now turn to satellite television or the Internet for opinions from as far away as Indonesia or Morocco.  That is, of course, unless they followed the "fatwa" issued in 2004 by a cleric in India, who ruled that Muslims should not watch TV.

With no patriarch (see "Pope") to arbitrate, clerics are supposed to have religious and legal training on which their authority is based.  However, even highly-trained scholars have issued conflicting pronouncements on subjects as diverse as "suicide bombing" and "attacks on civilians."  Daniel Williams, a reporter for Bloomberg, wrote that "Dissident preachers fault establishment clerics for what they consider abstruse and sometimes ridiculous judgments.  As evidence, they cite recent fatwas from a university banning sculpture, authorizing female circumcision, and one that proclaimed women who meet alone with men ought to breastfeed them in order to create a maternal bond that precludes having sex."

The competition between clerics grows more intense because of the position of influence held by the religious institution in Muslim countries.  We all thus better understand the "al Sadr" Shi'ia militia and their influence in conflict with other clerical groups in Iraq.  Adding to the tension is a new generation of television preachers, including Amr Khaled, known as the "tele-imam," whose show "Paradise in Our House," appears on several satellite stations (selected by TIME as one of its most influential people in 2007).  Amr Khaled acknowledges that he lacks formal theological training and models his style upon that of Oprah Winfrey.

Today Pat Robertson endorsed Rudy Giuliani.  Weyrich, founder of the "Moral Majority," endorsed Mitt Romney. 

Frodo doesn't remember much about breastfeeding.  It might be a good idea to refresh his memory.      

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:38 PM EST
Updated: Wednesday, November 7, 2007 8:41 PM EST
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Monday, November 5, 2007
Some People Claim That There's A Woman To Blame
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Condi for President" (3)

A few short months ago, Frodo supped with the Men of Gondor and the invariable, if not undesirable, subject of politics was raised.  With no hesitation the loudest, and also the youngest, spoke in glowing fashion about the person he felt would gain the most from the current political inertia, and thus become the first female President of the United States.  Frodo gagged at the thought of the person he most likens to a fictional creation by authoress Anne Rice.  Frodo's eyes met that of another Hobbit who likewise cringed at the possibility of another political leader without, well, let us simply leave the sentence complete at the point of the word "without."  Without reflecting too deeply on the quicksand upon which political fortunes rise and fall, Frodo takes keyboard in hand, and reflects upon the women behind, and, once again, perhaps the sentence ends best with a word like "behind."

Harriet Miers, Karen Hughes, and Condi Rice are names which will soon slip somewhere between infamy and ignominy.  It is interesting to note that each was, at some point, a harbinger of the continuing disaster that some have identified with the misnomer of leadership.  Miers was nominated to fill the Supreme Court Seat later filled by Alioto, however even the Republican Members of the Senate Judiciary Committee made it eminently clear that they were not in a mode to "trust" the nomination.  Hughes was called back to the White House, after retiring to family needs in Texas, in order to develop a public relations program that enhanced the role of the United States as a beacon of freedom, rather than an occupying monster.  Hughes, it is noted, is returning again to Texas.  Beacons of Freedom, it seems, are in short supply to most observers these days.

Oh, but Frodo's favorite is the obviously book-smart, erudite, and well-dressed graduate of public schools in Alabama.  National Security Advisor before and during the attacks on September 11th, whose responsibilities by title belay a certain responsibility found herself immunized from any criticism whatsoever.  In fact, once the re-election of the Incomparable Moron was assured, she was promoted.  Since that point-in-time, she has failed to achieve anything that did not involve retail buying power on Rodeo Drive, the Champs d'Elysses, or Fifth Avenue.  Even a windbag like Donald Trump was disposed to note that she has accomplished nil because of her inability to "close" on any opportunity.

All of this assistance has done very little to provide the Incomparable Moron with the "legacy" he apparently deeply desires.  Obviously, these gender giants are not totally to blame for the failures of these mind-numbing years, but they have each been major contributors, and none have received the level of criticism that they so justifiably have earned.  Frodo's purpose in these words, dear reader, is to stand and point his finger at each one of these miscreants, as he will to others in days to come, and simply say "Hasta la Vista, Baby."

One year until Election Day.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:08 PM EST
Updated: Monday, November 5, 2007 9:12 PM EST
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Saturday, November 3, 2007
With A Love Big As The Sky
Mood:  surprised
Topic: "No Sale" (3)

It has been many weeks since last Frodo visited Lake Lovey.  Much to his surprise, the autumnal changes are much brighter than anticipated.  Although the flaming scarlet of the sugar maple is not present, the yellows and oranges are tinged against the blue skies of continuing high pressure.  There is no rain, and no pending additions flowing from any hillside. 

With Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, in tow, Frodo has been exploring the property of other residents about.  Many properties, some new and some renew are, as is usua,l up for sale.  In recent years properties sell quickly, simply because there is demand, and capital, in abundance.  However, Frodo notes that every single "For Sale" sign present nearly two months ago is still in evidence.  In conversation with a neighbor recently moving from Rohan into this area of the Shire full-time, Frodo learns that his house in Rohan sold in only six days.  The conflicting results of sales and purchases have always interested Frodo, and he knows that it is not wise to pre-judge based on simply what has been observed.  Science requires that all factors be examined before laws and theories are recognized, and so should it be in the worlds of behavioral judgment.

Declining value is a trend in capital backed by real estate.  As the number of houses, for example, available become more numerous, then the prices for all drop competitively.  Since, as discussed some months ago, so much real property was over-priced due to demand and overly-available credit, it is only natural that the value of assets should retreat.  Credit becomes more difficult to obtain, and new activity comes to a halt until some measure of stabilization occurs.  Why would anybody buy something that may get even cheaper if one simply waits a week or two?

Frodo could stop at this point and simply conclude that good things come to he who waits, and to not be fearful of economic conditions.  Frodo harkens however to the phrase initiated by John Edwards more than four years ago, when he began to speak about "Two Americas."  With an economy which is approximately two-thirds dependent on the purchase of goods and services by consumers, Frodo fears that the percentage of those able to fuel economic growth is shrinking.  When George W, Bush stumbled into office, oil was less than $25 per barrel, and today it is almost $95.  Other variables, like food and oil, are not tabulated into the measures of inflation, because of their seeming volatility.  Although such theory may be historically sound, Frodo argues that the astronomical percentage increases in these essentials has seriously eroded the amount of capital which those on the lower end of the "Two Americas" have available.  In fact, it is likely to increase the need for assistance to make health care and general nutrition accessible to an increasing number of Citizens in Middle Earth.

Now add in the fact that Frodo, and people like his neighbor from Rohan, will soon not be additions to economic growth, but bystanders.  Perhaps we soon will speak of "Three Americas."  Those gaining, those struggling, and those with their money under the mattress.  

There is much to consider as Fiona steps into the lake, taking note of the fact that the water is a lot chillier than when last she pursued Frodo across the surface.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, doesn't seem to notice at all.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:36 AM EDT
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Thursday, November 1, 2007
She's About A Mover, Hey, Hey
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Ask Ann Landers" (3)

Frodo has asked for this opportunity to speak to the American people, and particularly to the fairer sex.  There is a point that needs to be made, and it needs to be made in the spirit of moving forward in the collective effort to destroy the Ring, and to bring peace to all the Citizens of Middle Earth.  The point can simply be called "Getting It."  Frodo's words, brief may they be, follow in their entirety.

The people of the United States of America respect the law.

Why else would nearly all of all these people voluntarily file and pay taxes each and every year?  They know that taxes are a very small price to pay for liberty, and for truth, and for justice.

Why else would mothers stand and watch their sons and daughters march off to a jungle or a desert a million miles away knowing they may never return?  They know that sacrifice is something for which a mother must prepare, because the country must survive.

Why else would an entire generation ration themselves and not partake of such luxury items as automobile tires and sugar?  They were keenly aware that everyone must contribute if victory is to be achieved, and peace is to prevail.

Why else would people sit at lunch counters seeking service when they knew that all they would receive would be physical and emotional abuse?  They knew what the law required, and they were willing to suffer to see that it was applied to all, equally.

Respect for the law; not following orders blindly, just recognizing that we are all in this together, and that we have to know that the guy next door will do his job too!

That, dear reader, is the point that is missed in the latest flurry of political diatribe.  That is the point that is missed, not only by George W. Bush, but by Hillary Rodham Clinton, and, Frodo supposes, by Eliot Spitzer.

There are 12 million people in America who did not follow the law.  Perhaps, in their place, Frodo may have done exactly as they have done.  The point remains that it is antithetical to suggest, in even the most rational manner, that it is okay for so many to abuse the law, when so many have given so much to put those laws into place.

The politicians, nearly all of whom drop their heads to catch the latest breeze blowing across the electoral landscape, had better realize that this is a pivotal point for those who pay taxes, who sacrifice sons, daughters, safety, and opportunity in order to make this part of Middle Earth secure for all those who follow.  These people will not tolerate 12 million breaking the law, without consequence.  The politician who does not recognize this point does not "get it."

Perhaps, if Frodo were running as a candidate for political office, he might have taken a similar position.  If that were so, he would subsequently realize why he got his ass kicked when the election results were all tallied.  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:26 AM EDT
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Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Won't You Play Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "Peaceful Easy Feelin"(3)

"Long Road Out of Eden" is an album that will soon join the 120 million already sold by a group of 60 year-olds known as The Eagles.  This time however, they risk a political theme or two as the clouds of climate change and war obscure the horizon.  Frodo notes the fact that this album has been six years in the making, and that sends him off to research exactly how long it took Michelangelo to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.  The reviews that Frodo has seen so far seem to indicate that although the music isn't memorable, the lyrics soar, as if penned by a real live Eagle.

The title track reprises the good-time driving that the Eagles produced so many years ago in the classic song "Take It Easy."  Frodo hears "music blasting from an SUV on a bright and sunny day rolling down the interstate in the good ol' USA."  Then, from the opposite direction, a drunk-driver, "weaving down the American highway through the litter and the wreckage and the cultural junk bloated with entitlement, loaded on propaganda."  The song ends with, taa daa (as promoted by Frodo), Julius Caesar, saying:  "The road to empire is a bloody, stupid waste."

From political point to what seems to be a Barack Obama argument for change, the sign off of the album are the words "The curtain falls, I take my bow, that's how it's meant to be.  It's your world now."

Words and music, music and words; available at Wal-Mart, and Frodo wonders if he can still dance to the music?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:38 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, October 30, 2007 8:59 PM EDT
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