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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
"Osama Can You See?" (2)
"Our God Is Better" (3)
"Our Town" (5)
"Our Town" (8)
"Out Damned Spot (2)"
"Out of Kilter" (5)
"Out of the Ashes" (4)
"Overdue Books" (3)
"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
"Patsy for America"
"Peaceful Easy Feelin"(3)
"Peacetakescourage" (3)
"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
"Speechifyin'" (4)
"Speedy Gonzales" (3)
"Spelling, -23" (6)
"Sperm Count" (3)
"Spiro T. Palin" (4)
"Spoonerized" (6)
"Spring Equal Knox" (3)
"St. George" (4)
"Stan & Ollie"(7)
"State Dinner" (3)
"States' Rahts" (3)
"Sticker Shock"
"Stolen Bases" (3)
"Stragedy" (2)
"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
"Sunni Daze" (4)
"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
"Swiss Miss" (5)
"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
"Teflon Causes Cancer"
"Ten Cent Coke" (3)
"Tennessee Stinks" (6)
"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
"Terrible Two's" (2)
"Tess of D'Uberville"(8)
"Tess of the Dorghis" (8)
"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
"Thank You, Molly" (2)
"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
"The Atlanta Eye" (6)
"The Blue Dog"(11)
"The Boston Massacre"(9)
"The Boys of '63" (8)
"The Brotherhood Begins"
"The Eyes of Texas"
"The Forum" (2)
"The Future is Now (2)"
"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
"The Good Doctor"(6)
"The Great Quixote" (9)
"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
"The Litany" (6)
"The Longest Day" (5)
"The Non-Issue" (3)
"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
"The Real Rhett" (4)
"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
"The Splurge" (4)
"The Turtle" (3)
"The Union Label"(6)
"There is a Virginia" (2)
"They're He-ear" (4)
"Thin Ice, Frodo" (4)
"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
"This Day in History"(3)
"This, Too, Shall Pass"
"Three A.M." (4)
"Three Siblings" (4)
"Three Votes Short" (3)
"Thriller" (9)
"Thunder Road"
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"Time to Cut Brush" (3)
"Time With Friends" (3)
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"Title IX Disaster" (5)
"To Arms, To Arms"
"To the Hoop (2)"
"Together Again" (3)
"Tokyo Rush" (5)
"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
"Tom Bombadil Returns"(9)
"Tom" (4)
"Top Two Percent" (7)
"Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
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"Toro, Andalay,Toro (2)"
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"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
"Train Wreck"(8)
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"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
"Trees v. Forest"(9)
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"Tripod Hackers?"(9)
"Trouble Sleepin'" (3)
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"Truly,Totally, Nuts"(3)
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"Tumbler" (3)
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"Two Americas" (9)
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"Unademdaze" (4)
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"Unbroken Circle" (7)
"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
"Unmarked Grave" (6)
"Untimely Events"
"UR Number Is Up" (7)
"Vacation Brouhaha" (3)
"Vacation Comin'" (2)
"Vandals at the Gates"(2)
"Vat of Chocolate"(6)
"Vero Possumus" (4)
"Veto Shmetoe (2)"
"Vick Drops, Cough!" (3)
"Video Thriller"(5)
"Vinson Can Gogh"(6)
"Virgin Birth" (2)
"Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)
"Virginia Lovers" (4)
"Vom Winde Verweht" (2)
"Vote for Steve" (2)
"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
"Wide Stance" (4)
"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
"Wink at the Moon"
"Winter Solstice"
"Wishin' and Hopin'"
"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
"Yellow Peril" (3)
"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Saturday, April 5, 2008
In The Desert, You Can't Remember Your Name
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "The Pre-Fellowship"(4)

Frodo has always had a song in his heart, and a friend at his side.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, is ever present these days, but even in the time before the Fellowship, Frodo kept close to those who shared his dreams and his passion.  Too rarely do instances now occur in which paths cross for those who shared thoughts of a different world than that which molded Middle Earth.  Such an event took place this past week, and Frodo reflects back on the time spent by those whose friendship crosses boundaries, if not explanation.

Frodo had used the magic of the Internet to first find his old friend.  Frodo knew that he had matriculated at Amherst, in Massachusetts, and beyond that there was only a wilderness.  The Webmaster at Amherst graciously forwarded Frodo's message on to one of its' alumni, allowing arrangements for the demise of a 40-year absence.  Afterwards, it would be four more years before the visit just concluded.  This time, in a replay of the adolescent "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours," they brought their wives along.

Bill Kelly's father was the first pilot to safely land his fighter plane on Tarawa, in 1943.  His subsequent career carried him to the rank of Captain in the US Navy, and meant that his family would travel with him on each of his assignments around the world.  When duty brought him to the Pentagon, Bill was of high school age, and the domicile, by happenstance, was in the neighborhood of one known as Frodo.  Frodo had lived most of his life in one or two places, unlike his new-found friend, who seemingly took all the world for granted.  Bill, on the other hand, knew that he would soon be moving on, and friendships had to be quickly developed, without deep entanglements, for they were sure to soon be ended.

Bill Kelly, by the time that the junior year rolled around, was the top student in all the land.  With a perfect 4.0 average, he was the example by which Frodo was compared when admonished by his father.  Frodo took pride in his friend, and did his best to learn his habits and his insights so that he could do better himself.  Frodo did not have the discipline that had been instilled in his friend, but he did have the capacity to sometimes drag his friend away from effort and to discover play.  Perhaps this single element became the grounding of their friendship; to Bill, Frodo was boyhood fancies, and to Frodo, Bill was a view of the larger world and how to get there.

It was a truly gray day when, after that junior year, Bill Kelly was following his family on to the next assignment in someplace called Italy.  Frodo still has the yearbook where it is written that "only two or three times in one's life does a true friend come along."  It ended with the word "Ciao," which, at the time, required translation. 

It was amazing to Frodo that the words which composed the tales flowed so freely in their first reunion.  On two straight nights the bar was closed before they had completed their conversations.  All others had retired for the night while Bill and Frodo talked of families now dissolved, and mentors long absent from current events.  Saying "Farewell" then was just as difficult as it had been two score years earlier.

The convention that brought Bill to the Shire provided the current opportunity.  Louisa, whose name is pronounced to befit one who fancies flowers, architecture, and knowledge, captivated Frodo as she sought to learn more about one of whom she had heard so much.  Frodo was only too anxious to provide them both with an eye into the Shire, and to not disappoint.  Frodo, a mere Hobbit, and Samwise, effervescent and engaging, were, after all, escorting the Chairman of the Anthropology Department of Yale University and his First Ladyship.

An early and brisk spring day, with only a fraction of the flowering potential at hand,  passed too swiftly, and without opportunity to delve deeply into the poetry of life.  Frodo was struck by the fact that Bill spoke of a desire to stay, for all time, in New Haven.  He seemed to fear another relocation, to stay, perhaps, "where everybody knows your name."  Frodo, as we know, looks to the sea, and dreams of lands far away.

Shaking hands good-bye, once again, Frodo committed to an offer to visit the house where Mark Twain once lived, and to sit in the same gazebo where famous words were penned, in Connecticut.  Frodo will bring the mixings of a mint julep, to share with Louisa.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:26 AM EDT
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Friday, April 4, 2008
How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "In a Pig's Eye" (4)

On the night that Martin Luther King died, the Mayor of Memphis clapped his hands and danced a little victory dance.  His struggle against the "outside agitators" who were there in his city, stirring up trouble, with garbagemen, was finally going to end, or so he thought. 

Frodo saw the picture of the celebrating Mayor in a newspaper soon thereafter.  The icon was permanently cast on his cerebral cortex, for he was certain that he never wanted to forget the callous disregard for human life.  His mind told him that he shouldn't hate Henry Loeb, for that would have been totally contrary to the sacrifice of the man who died that day.  Evil feeds on hatred, and gathers its strength from the words, and the deeds, of those who call upon the tools of violence.  Frodo would not succumb, but he also would not forget.

A few years later, a young Officer of the United States Treasury Department, so the story goes, was dealing with a business owner who did contract work for the City of Memphis.  The contractor was hired by the City to demolish old, abandoned buildings.  One afternoon, something terrible happened, and the bulldozer operator went to the wrong address and demolished the wrong house.  When the story broke in the papers the next day, Mayor Henry Loeb announced that the City would hold all funds due the contractor, pending litigation.  The young Treasury Officer, at the same time, was charged with collecting unpaid taxes owed by the contractor, to the US Government.

After discussing the events with his superiors, and the advising internal counsel, the young Officer prepared a "Notice of Levy" and strolled across the street to the Offices of the Mayor of Memphis.  Upon entering, he displayed his very impressive credentials, and requested an immediate audience with the Mayor.  After a few moments, he was ushered into the Mayor's Office.  The Mayor was seated, and did not rise, behind his desk, and he was flanked by three individuals, a woman and two men, who were introduced as the "City Attorneys."  The young Officer recognized each from the picture on his cerebral cortex.

The Mayor commenced a rather brash introductory outburst against the young Officer, and his employer, but he was cut short when the young officer interrupted him.  The Mayor was informed that the US Government held a valid lien against the assets of the contractor who had demolished the wrong house, and that since the collection of that tax may be in jeopardy, it was his responsibility to protect the interests of all American taxpayers.  The young Officer told the assemblage that the Mayor's comments in the morning paper had alerted him to the fact that the City had funds in its' possession which were presently owed to the contractor.  

"Mr Mayor, here is your copy of the 'Notice of Levy,' and upon this service to you, I will stand here and await you delivering to me, at this time, your receipt of said 'Notice of Levy'.  Please note that you are hereby directed to turn said funds over to me, the amount shown on the 'Notice of Levy' within 10 days."  The young Officer stood tall and straight through the responding invective.  Firmly, without ever raising his voice, he responded to the queries from the City Attorneys as to the legal citations justifying this "outrage" by a "Federal Government gone amuck."

"Just what do you plan to do boy, if I tell you that I am going to protect the taxpayers of Memphis, and just ignore your 'Notice of Levy?,'" said the Mayor, as he raised his eyelids to stare directly into the face of the young Officer.

"Mr. Mayor," he said, "it would then be my responsibility to enforce the laws of the United States, and to move against the City of Memphis, IN YOUR N AME, and to seize and offer for sale any and all assets of the City of Memphis in order to satisfy the liability identified in the 'Notice of Levy.'  That means Sir, that the City of Memphis would have to pay as directed, or a Federal District Judge would be requested to issue a warrant for your arrest, should you choose to attempt to prevent enforcement."

No one blinked.

"If you have no more questions Mr. Mayor, I'll expect to receive a check for the full amount in my office within 10 days."

"Yes, you lizard, get out of my office, and go back to Washington, where you damn well belong."

As he turned to exit, and to turn the knob on the door, he looked back, and smiled.

The check was on his desk the next morning.

The Mayor completed his term a few months later, and died of a heart attack within a few short weeks.

The young Officer was promoted soon thereafter, and moved to Washington. 

Frodo remembers, every year on this day, where he was, and what he did.  Not on the day the good man died, but on the day that a small measure of retribution was paid.  By check.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:52 PM EDT
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Monday, March 31, 2008
Going Up To The Spirit In The Sky
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "On Her Code?" (4)

Frodo's day is made whenever he stumbles across additional support for his personal biases and political opinions.  Today, dear reader, we have a news flash out of that paragon of civilization, the actual birthplace of paleolithic philosophy, the Great State of Texas (aka "where the cow poop hits the road").  So grab your socks, and get ready for another episodic installment of why the twenty first century will never cross the Rio Grande.

The University of Texas at San Antonio ("TSA" for any of you acronym freaks) apparently sponsored a group of students who felt it necessary to draft an Honor Code for their alma mater.  The student in charge, not named (but Frodo is sure he had to be dubbed "George"), felt it to be merely an "oversight" that the effort to discourage cheating and plagiarism was apparently copied from the Honor Code of another institution.  Since the online version of Brigham Young University's Honor Code matched the exact word-for-word draft submitted by the TSA Honor Guard, it is reasonable to assume that a little cut-and-paste action off the Internet was all that the little angels had to do.

Daniel Wueste, Director of the Rutland Institute for Ethics at Clemson University (now ain't that a malaprop, ethics and Clemson for petesake?), stated "You Google it and here it comes," in referencing the Internet-era computers as mere production machines for the ethically unaware.  Frodo can't help but wonder exactly what it was that made these latter-day "Plumbers" think that they needed an Honor Code in the first place?  What, pray tell, could be so onerous as to make someone think that copying someone else's work would be justified by violating the Honor Code they hoped to implement?

Do you think it is something in the water?

Noting the judicious performance of former Governor George W. Bush, those TSA students had better be glad he isn't still in office.  They'd get lethal injections.   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:54 PM EDT
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Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Sister Help to Trim The Sail
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Thank the Academy"(4)

Frodo has always had the gift of gab.  In the fourth grade he served as the "Campaign Manager" when David Sollenberger made his run for Class President.  Little Alice Pittard told Frodo afterwards that she only voted for Sollenberger because of Frodo's eloquent plea, e.g. "Give me Sollenberger, or give me death."  Growing up in Virginia, the home of Presidents and political firebrands, Frodo was subject to undue political influence at an early age.  Despite this early capacity to speak before groups, Frodo has found himself with a diminished interest in his own words, and a deeper appreciation for those of others.  That, perhaps, is why he feels a certain anxiety upon recognition.

Frodo has told the story of his attendance at the funeral of the young soldier whose life was lost in the deserts between the Tigris and the Euphrates.  When he walked from the casket to face the grieving family, all he could do was an arm salute to his heart and a kiss upon his fingers blown to Heaven.  It was something he'd seen Sammy Sosa do a hundred times.  He did so because he could not find words adequate for the moment. 

On Thursday, Frodo will step onto a stage once again.  There will be no pleas for victory or death, just as there will be no need to salute fallen warriors.  The ghosts who call to Frodo are just trying to share one more moment with their friend.  

So be it. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:34 PM EDT
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Monday, March 24, 2008
We All Need Somebody To Lean On
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)

The following is based on actual events, only the facts have been slightly changed in order to humiliate the otherwise innocent.

Ken Mifume was very lonely in Wilcox Memorial Hospital in Lihue, Hawaii.  Not unlike many of us who spend a measure of our rehabilitation under the care and watchful eyes of those to whom a hospital is a vocation, Mifume appreciated the effort, but he really missed being home.  His uncle Donald was concerned because of the length of time that the young farmer would be away from his normal routine.  Donald could tell from Ken's discussions that he was particularly worried about the animals who depended on him, and he missed having them around. 

Donald Mifume happened to notice a father carrying a puppy into the room of a small boy.  While the boy played with his puppy, Donald asked the father about the hospital policy for bringing pets into the room of a patient.  He was told that as long as the hospital is notified, and that the visitor takes responsibility for any "mistakes," or the behavior of the animal, then the hospital welcomed the therapeutic visitation.  Donald immediately went to the nurses' station and asked permission to bring a pet with him for the visiting hours the following day.  With approval in hand, he hurried home in order to make proper arrangements for the big surprise.

Ken Mifume was still sleeping when Uncle Donald arrived at 8 AM with "King Kamehala" in tow.  The doctors, nurses, and hospital attendants were busy with everything from "rounds" to breakfast, and no one even took note of their progress through the front door, into the lobby, and to the elevators.   When Donald exited the elevator on the 7th floor, "King Kamehala" followed, and that was when anyone first took note of the palomino stallion trooping through the hospital, behind Donald Mifume.

Suddenly, a plethora of voices united to prevent any further incursion of the equine into the room of a patient.  Donald tried to assure them that "King Kamehala" was Ken's "pet," and that he was doing only as the hospital had authorized.  The attending physician tried to explain to Donald that the authorization was for "house pets," like cats or a dog, but not for a "farm animal."  At least two people were overcome and required treatment; the benefit being that they were at least in reasonable proximity of a physician.

Ken Mifume sat up in bed, bemused.  Eventually, his eyes met those of his uncle, and he inquired, "Where'd you get the horse?"  Donald replied that he found Ken's favorite horse in the pasture in front of Ken's farm.  Ken smiled, and asked his uncle to note that this was not a stallion, but a mare, and her name was certainly not "King Kamehala."  Ken also noted that the mare, along with several other mares from neighbors' farms,  had been in the pasture for quite some time with "King Kamehala" for the purpose of breeding.  It quickly became apparent to all that the mare had noted the fact that she was in a hospital, and that this would present her with an excellent opportunity to receive expert maternity assistance.

While the seeming entire staff of the hospital hovered about the delivery taking place on the 7th floor, none seemed to note the arrival, much less the presence, of the Hawaiian State Police.  Ken Mifume got up from his bed, and strolled out into the hall to offer assistance to the "gendarmerie."  One of the officers told him that they were investigating a report of horse rustling from a local farmer.  Ken asked if either of the officers could describe the alleged victim.  Neither of the officers laughed.

It took almost all day to get all of the details ironed out.  The "spouse" of "King Kamehala," and his offspring, were loaded back into Donald's horse trailer and returned to the pasture from which the mother had been removed.  Donald drove.  The Hawaiian State Police followed.  The attending physician smoked a cigar, and waved as they drove away.  Ken Mifume put on his clothes, walked to the nearest bus-stop, and caught an express, without bothering to tell anyone.

It was Tuesday before anybody happened to notice that Ken was gone.  Ken Mifume, in case you wondered dear reader, will be representing the State of Hawaii at the upcoming Democratic Party Convention in Denver.

Why are you not surprised?



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:14 PM EDT
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Saturday, March 22, 2008
It's No Sacrifice, No Sacrifice At All
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Bon Air Bellicose" (4)

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, and Frodo is incensed at the continuing discrimination by the State of Georgia, in particular the Governor, the round mound of reknown,  Mr. Sonny Perdue, against Christianity.  Throughout the New Testament, there is reference to the favorite beverage of the time.  There is no reference to "sweet tea," and there is no reference to "Coca-Cola," but even at the Last Supper, wine was served.  It is absolutely outrageous that the State of Georgia is one of only three states in the entire country that prohibits the sale of wine on Easter Sunday, or, in fact, on any of the 52 Sundays that occur annually.

Governor Perdue, who alleges that he does not "drink," which raises the question of how exactly he defines the term, argues that despite the overwhelming percentage of the  state citizenry who desire a plebiscite on the issue, it is inappropriate to hold an election.  Perdue stated recently that it would be almost as inappropriate if the citizenry demanded to hold an election on the legalization of prostitution .

Frodo says "Hold on, big fella."

"Governor Perdue," stated Frodo, "you do realize that if prostitution had been legalized in the State of New York, Elliot Spitzer would still be in office, don't you?"

Governor Perdue, formerly a Democrat, is normally a veterinarian in the community of Bon Air, Georgia.  Sonny switched parties, curiously, when he seemed incapable of achieving higher office as a Democrat. 

"Governor Perdue," queried Frodo, "why is your hometown named after a product which sounds as if it was developed to clean bathrooms?"

In an effort to ameliorate the concerns of the Governor, who led a prayer vigil on the steps of the State Capitol Building to convince the Almighty that Georgia needed rain, several citizens have offered reasonable alternatives.

"Governor Perdue," offered Frodo, "I recognize that employees of liquor stores and other beverage distributors need time off with their families, so why don't we simply eliminate beverage sales on Thursdays?"

Senator John McCain was in Atlanta several days ago, and he was obviously thrilled with the endorsement he received from Governor Perdue.  Perdue, of course, had openly supported Governor Huckleberry of "R-Kansas" during the Republican Primary held earlier in the year.  Journalists and GOP faithful keep mentioning "Sonny" as a potential selectee for the Vice Presidency on the McCain ticket.

Frodo thinks many Journalists and GOP faithful have been drinking something stronger than "sweet tea."

"Governor Perdue," begs Frodo, "would you try to extend the ban on Sunday sale of wine nationally, if you were anointed by Senator McCain?"

For the uninitiated, and the naturally curious, who follow Frodo religiously, the other two states which currently prohibit Sunday sale of wine are Indiana (home of that paragon of progressive thought, Representative Dan Burton, and the folks who sent Dan Quayle to the US Senate) and Connecticut (home of the Foreign Policy translator, Senator Joe Lieberman). 

It was announced last month that the Atlanta Braves' top minor league franchise, the Richmond Braves, were, after more than 30 years, being relocated to Gwinnett County, Georgia.  Governor Perdue requested that the State Legislature grant a "special dispensation" to the economic windfall accompanying the team transfer into Georgia.  That "special dispensation," is to allow the sale of alcoholic beverages at the new stadium, on Sundays.

Even John McCain is not dim-witted enough to kiss his chances good-bye by running with a buffoon.  Then again, what ever happened to Dan Quayle? 





Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:41 PM EDT
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Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Keeps on Lifting Me Higher, Higher and Higher
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "Also Sprach Frodo" (4)

As they peered into the black-and-white Zenith on that early July morning, Frodo said to his father that this was, in his opinion, his witness to the greatest scientific achievement since Man first walked upright.  Some time later, Frodo recalled his own words when he watched faux apes gather around a monolith.  For perhaps as long as it has ever been, Frodo sat in rapture while he grew familiar to Hal and to Dave.  The music of Strauss fit perfectly the elliptical transit of the mind into the galaxies far beyond.

At the age of 90, Arthur C. Clarke, the visionary, yesterday ascended into the heavens about which he seemed to know so much more than any of the rest of us.  "2001:  A Space Odyssey" was a tour-de-force in its collage of music, color, words, and thematic charm.  Every time he watches the movie, Frodo learns something new about himself.  On one occasion he even learned that he had a somewhat innate capacity to waltz, as long as he had a willing and capable partner.  He has the gifted writer of fiction in outer space and future science to thank for these lessons.

Clarke not only offered dreams as reality, but he had the capacity to take reality and make dreams.  Without even attempting to quote him, Frodo remembers Clarke's admonition that although Man has often been controlled by the Stars, he will eventually assume control over them.

Heady stuff, eh what?  Pardon Frodo for just a moment, someone seems to be calling out there.

Oh, never mind, whoever it is is looking for somebody named Dave.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:02 AM EDT
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Monday, March 17, 2008
If You Love Your Uncle Sam, Bring 'em Home
Mood:  special
Topic: "Incomparable Moron" (4)

George W. 'Armstrong Custer' Bush, George W. 'Herbert Hoover' Bush, George W. 'William Henry Harrison' Bush, or, more succinctly, the Incomparable Moron, are each direct past references by Frodo to he who is truly the only President to do harm to our nation.  If it is a despicable effort to "stay the course" in the midst of an alien civil war, then the massacre at the Little Big Horn becomes a repeatable act in American history.  If it is the expenditure of all current assets in the United States Treasury, then the result will be a government without sufficient capital to defend its citizens.  If it is the refusal of he who mislead us to war to attend even one single military funeral, then the words of support for bravery and sacrifice will ring hollow for all time.  This, dear reader, is the "legacy" by which this very shallow man seeks to measure himself in the annals of our national experience.  He is a moron, simply because he is neither bright enough nor courageous enough to recognize his mistakes.

Frodo is not speaking but to a choir.  Tonight he is inspired by what has been written by a truly great journalist, whose point of reference, and whose experience, is on the other side of the table.  The co-author of the best-selling book "We Were Soldiers Once. . .and Young," who was embedded with American troops in the earliest days of the Vietnam War, is quoted from his most recent column below.  Frodo asks only that each consider what this brave man, who has the eye of a participant, and the soul of one who has seen war, up close and personal, has to say. 

"The next time that we Americans start thinking about maybe electing someone with no known talent, limited useful experience, and an IQ that's barely equal to his body temperature, what say we just leave the presidency vacant and the White House shuttered for eight years or so?"--Joseph L. Galloway.

Frodo wishes that these words had been his own.  They mirror what he has believed since first he left verbal caricatures upon the hard drive before you, dear reader.  It is too much like Pilate to simply have the Hobbit say that he had the wisdom to vote against the Incomparable Moron, twice.  He remains angered that there were others, so very many others, that were so foolish as to vote for Custer/ Hoover/ Harrison (pick one), twice.  

Frodo wonders what such people must think when they fill their gas tanks these days.  Hopefully, they think of something other than themselves.  If so, then they are welcome to join the Fellowship, and to help right the wrongs.  It will take all of us a very long time. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:12 PM EDT
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Saturday, March 15, 2008
Freight Train, Freight Train, Goin' So Fast
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Ides of March Again" (4)

Fifteen years ago this very minute, Frodo and Lovey were trapped at Lake Lovey amidst two-and-one-half feet of snow, and more than 400 downed yellow pine trees.  Last night, a tornado veered away from the trailer parks of Arkansas and Alabama long enough to strike the very heart of Atlanta.  Frodo longs for someone to someday interview him after a tornado, for he will tell the audience that it sounded like lift-off at Cape Canaveral, anything but a damned freight train.  The forecast for the next several hours calls for a continuation of the violent line of thunderstorms which accompany the wet season in the lands adjacent to the Shire.  Tree limbs and power lines will not co-exist, so it is probably a good idea for Frodo to say what Frodo has to say, and to get off-line.

When Cassius called to the conspirators, "Strike hands for me," the stage was first set for the middle of March and the violence it represents in western societies.  Each year, at this time, Frodo laments the natural disasters which accompany the drenching precipitation, and the human reaction.  Bad things seem to happen, and few victories are noted.  Last night, Frodo's beloved Yellow Jacket basketball team also fell to the representatives of gang violence and shoddy prosecutorial performance from Durham, North Carolina.  Baseball is more than a month from the friendly confines of Turner Field.  And even the Pennsylvania Primary is five weeks from now.

March sucks.

When all of Frodo's technological toys lose their utility, he is also confronted with an inability to even do work, and on a Saturday no less.  With the imminent meterological threat, starting an excursion with Mick, the Wonder Dog, is equally foolhardy.  The choices at his disposal are limited.

The Bartletts, the forsythia, the camellias, and the fruit trees which flower but do not bear are all abloom.  Soon their gentle petals will be on the ground, and the warming days to come will not be quite as brilliant as they might have been.

Sigh.  Did Frodo mention that March sucks?




Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:43 AM EDT
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Tuesday, March 11, 2008
The Night's The Time For Your Tears
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Killer's Geraldine" (4)

"What you see is what you get," so spake Flip Wilson, in drag, as Geraldine more than twenty years ago.  Frodo was struck this evening by the punditry gone wild, and the fact that a very nice lady, named Geraldine, with a great deal of hard work in her past, who is fighting for her life against Cancer, is catching holy hell for the apparent racial implications in her public comments.  What she said put Senator Obama in the context of the "nappy-headed ho's," and  her own butt in the the chair before the microphone of Don Imus.

Frodo has walked similar ground; perhaps, dear reader, so have we all.  Frodo, many years ago, in gratitude, extended an invitation to a party to more than a hundred people who worked with him.  It was just a few days after the brilliant teleplay of Alex Haley's "Roots" had appeared on TV nationally.  This incredibly powerful story had an impact on everyone who watched each and every episode during the days when TV was something important.  Frodo, in his effort to be both topically wise, and funny, included comments in the invitation to his party about "Chicken George," and other characters.  Subsequently, Frodo received a letter signed by each of the invitees who happened to be black.  A copy of that letter was sent to all of those who had been invited to the party.

Frodo was not only humiliated, but he was struck to his very being.  He had insulted the guys with whom he played basketball.  He had written words almost sacrilegious to people whom he supervised.  He had given comfort to those who always seemed to be looking to exhibit that blacks wanted to be treated differently.  And he had not realized it.  He also knew that "the incident" would always haunt his relationships, and it has never escaped his memory.

Perhaps his own experience is why Frodo felt the way he did this evening.  Both Don Imus and Geraldine Ferraro had joined in his shame for the hurtful expressions uttered with the best of intentions.  No one, including Bilbo, ever told Frodo that life was going to be either easy, or fair.  Life is much more like the words Flip Wilson uttered as Geraldine.  

Just watch out for "Killer." 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:54 PM EDT
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