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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
"Osama Can You See?" (2)
"Our God Is Better" (3)
"Our Town" (5)
"Our Town" (8)
"Out Damned Spot (2)"
"Out of Kilter" (5)
"Out of the Ashes" (4)
"Overdue Books" (3)
"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
"Patsy for America"
"Peaceful Easy Feelin"(3)
"Peacetakescourage" (3)
"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
"Speechifyin'" (4)
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"Sperm Count" (3)
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"Stan & Ollie"(7)
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"States' Rahts" (3)
"Sticker Shock"
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"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
"Sunni Daze" (4)
"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
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"Take a letter, dearie"
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"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
"Teflon Causes Cancer"
"Ten Cent Coke" (3)
"Tennessee Stinks" (6)
"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
"Terrible Two's" (2)
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"Tess of the Dorghis" (8)
"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
"Thank You, Molly" (2)
"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
"The Atlanta Eye" (6)
"The Blue Dog"(11)
"The Boston Massacre"(9)
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"The Brotherhood Begins"
"The Eyes of Texas"
"The Forum" (2)
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"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
"The Good Doctor"(6)
"The Great Quixote" (9)
"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
"The Litany" (6)
"The Longest Day" (5)
"The Non-Issue" (3)
"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
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"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
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"The Turtle" (3)
"The Union Label"(6)
"There is a Virginia" (2)
"They're He-ear" (4)
"Thin Ice, Frodo" (4)
"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
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"To Arms, To Arms"
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"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
"Tom Bombadil Returns"(9)
"Tom" (4)
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"Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
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"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
"Train Wreck"(8)
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"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
"Trees v. Forest"(9)
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"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"Untimely Events"
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"Vandals at the Gates"(2)
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"Video Thriller"(5)
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"Virgin Birth" (2)
"Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)
"Virginia Lovers" (4)
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"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
"Wide Stance" (4)
"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
"Wink at the Moon"
"Winter Solstice"
"Wishin' and Hopin'"
"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
"Yellow Peril" (3)
"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Do You Think Just Like A Woman
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Thin Ice, Frodo" (4)

Sam is not a fan of Sarah Palin.  In fact, Sam is offended by Sarah Palin, mainly because, or so it seems to Frodo, of the way that women are represented before the American electorate.  Of late, Sam has also become increasingly vocal about the role played by the "First Dude," or the seemingly unemployed snowmobile driver who involves himself in the administrative responsibilities of this Alaska Governor-turned-National Political Candidate.  Todd Palin, if nothing else, merits an exploratory commentary by the Hobbit, especially in light of Sam's intuition.

Frodo opposed the candidacy of Hillary Rodham Clinton for several reasons, but the only intellectual argument he would make in opposition, even today, had to do with the totally unique role played by her spouse, a former President.  Frodo was, and would still be, concerned about the interplay between the Constitutional Officers of the Administration (the President and the Vice President), and the spousal support offered by a two-term President.  Hypothetical situational questions could be listed ad infinitum, delineating the threat to legitimacy exhibited by actions initiated or advised from one who bares no responsibility under the Constitution.  Carrying the argument even further, that is also why Frodo would have advised Senator Obama not to select Senator Clinton as his running mate. We are simply not prepared to deal with the possibilities.

Despite her experience, her talent, her potential, it would have been an error of constitutional crisis proportions to put simple human beings into a situation which absolutely no one had properly considered.  Which brings us to Sarah Palin, and a husband who used State facilities in order to exert perceived political influence in that which has certain purely personal dimensions.  Todd Palin has no authority, nor has he any responsibility, under the laws of the State of Alaska.  Had he concerns about the behavior of any State employee, would it not be more appropriate for him to seek redress through the courts (if permitted), or through normal administrative activity?  Instead, this "maverick" decides to act in a manner which implied pure political process, and for that he was neither in authority, nor could he be held responsible for his conduct.

Instead, Governor Palin pronounced the "First Dude," as some sort of latter-day hero, acting to defend the honor and integrity of his extended family.  To Frodo however, this entire "Troopergate" affair reflects both a lack of understanding or appreciation for the rightful conduct of elected officials.  Sarah Palin just doesn't get it.  Todd Palin probably does, at least that is what Sam thinks.

Unfortunately, the issue is the same when applied to the possibility of Senator Clinton in the White House. 

Someday, and maybe someday very soon, the issues relating to a  "First Spouse" will be addressed by academicians and jurists alike.  It won't result in a "Constitutional Amendment" or anything so formal, but it will allow us to have some up-front understandings about how things work, and who gets to use the telephone on official business.  Sad it is that such considerations did not first involve themselves with women named Martha or Abigail. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:00 PM EDT
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Saturday, October 25, 2008
It's Late September And I Really Should Be Back At School
Mood:  cool
Topic: "October Dreamin'" (4)

Frodo will tell you that Autumn carries a sense of foreboding.  Despite his stated belief that the first cold wind blowing from the North carries the clash of life with death, he cannot help but marvel at the collage which Gauguin, on his best day, could not rival.  Without warning, the greens soon become a touch of yellow, or a streak of orange, followed by the occasional crimson sword.  Together, the chemical mixture manifested in deciduous leaves stops hearts, and brings Frodo to his knees.

Old friends often share ancient secrets when re-united after inexplicable absences.  Such was the case when Frodo attended old friends at the College of the Shire.  While halfway listening to multiple conversations, Frodo heard someone talk about the dreams that have plagued them for so many years, all emanating from their classroom days.  Frodo immediately verbally interjected in order to introduce his recurring nightmare about just falling short of the number of credit-hours required in order to graduate, forty years after the fact.  In truth, Frodo never had such a problem, but he has "dreamed" of this for year-after-year.

Hearing from nearly all of his old friends about similar dreams, Frodo has come to the conclusion that trauma, in whatever format, defines the nature of our life experiences far beyond our successes.  Perhaps that is why we prefer the colors of Autumn to the blossomings of Spring.  We remember where we were when we heard that someone died, but are unable to remember birthdays or anniversaries.  Life is, indeed, marked in different ways.

Frodo's earliest rememberance was the surreptitious observation of his parents placing presents under a tree, then telling him that "Santa Claus" had brought them.  That trauma, in the dead of Winter, hangs heavy upon the subconscious of the Hobbit.  The Hobbit is grateful that hibernation exists for other mammalians, for he has no interest in dreams without end. If he had an option, Frodo would choose to dream that he had accumulated all of his required credits before the leaves fell.  He couldn't imagine failing to graduate because of that crummy grade in Statistics.  



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:34 PM EDT
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Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting
Mood:  down
Topic: "A Space Odyssey" (4)

2001 days ago, a recovering alcoholic was assisted in his landing upon an aircraft carrier.  Still wearing his jump-suit, he stepped up to a microphone and proclaimed that the military mission he initiated had been brought to a successful conclusion.  A banner which hung as a backdrop to this performance read, simply, "Mission Accomplished."

He looks much older now.  His hair is that wavy gray which connotes a serious decision not to use the Grecian Formula.  He still walks as if he is required to keep a protuberance in his rectum.  That evil smirk, which has bedeviled and reviled his opposition, is ever-present, and appears whenever he means to smile, but doesn't know how.  2001 days later, he still fascinates an audience listening only to hear the latest grammatical gaffe from this very sadly unknowing incompetent.

Frodo has always pondered the Book of Job, in the Old Testament.  It has  bothered him that a passionate Lord would use a faithful worshipper as a demonstration of faith.  To make someone who loved him suffer, simply to prove a point, does not seem consistent with much of the message contained elsewhere in that which we know as The Bible.  Had Frodo been a member of the group of men who decided which of these ancient writings were to be included in The Bible, Frodo would have voted against both the Books of Leviticus and Job.  His argument being that the literal nature of each is inconsistent with the overall context.

There is, however, merit in the sufferings of Job.  Frodo thinks that George W. Bush should, also, have pustules upon his ass; so that he would experience pain and suffering, whether he stood, or whether he sat.  It would not be a demonstration as proffered by Job, but a condemnation, lasting for all time.

May the remaining days of this Presidency pass with speed, and a full reckoning.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:04 PM EDT
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Monday, October 20, 2008
I'm A Soldier In The War On Poverty
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "Loans and Deposits" (4)

Frodo knows a lot of bankers.  Upon his return to the Shire from his brief visit to the College of the Shire (comments to follow), Frodo spent this business day talking to many of them about the global fiscal crisis.  What he learned gave him encouragement and a budding sense of confidence in the wisdom of those who have to this point appeared as befuddled, bamboozled, and hoodwinked. 

On Friday past, the Presidents of banks all across America received a letter from the appropriate officials in the Government of the US of A.  In that letter they were informed that they were allotted 3% of their current outstanding volume of LOANS as additions to their capital base.  This being, of course, part of that which has been referred to as the "bailout" of Wall Street.  This means, for example, that if a bank had $1 Million in loans on their books,  they would then receive $30 Thousand more to loan out to other customers.  Without that $30 Thousand, the bank would have to convince other customers to DEPOSIT an equivalent amount into savings, a certificate of deposit, or some other such account in order to make a loan to another customer.   Since these deposits earn interest, they cut into the banks' ability to make a profit from the interest received on normal loans.  By loaning out, therefore, that $30 Thousand, the bank will make more money and incur less costs than if they relied on deposits to fund the loan.

$30 Thousand might finance an awfully nice GM car or truck for a customer of the bank.  Selling one of those vehicles currently sitting on a dealer's lot will certainly help the stock price of the company now facing a merger with Chrysler, or bankruptcy.  At the same time, falling gasoline prices allow the dealer to obtain sufficient working capital to stay in business until "hybrids" start arriving from Detroit (or other ports).

The momentum of confidence in the flow of money is critical.  The fact that there is now money that can be borrowed gets the process started again, and if that purchaser of the $30 Thousand car or truck pays his/her loan back as agreed, then the taxpayer, supporting the "bailout," gets his money back, eventually.  Along the way, companies and their investors also do better than they have in recent months. 

All of this, Frodo feels, will be gradual, and far from smooth.  The good news is that normalcy will return when America is no longer led by an Incomparable Moron, who fiddled while the entire world almost came unglued.

As promised, Frodo notes his brief sojourn to the spot where first he met Sam.  From this visit he reaffirmed the wisdom of his selection process.   Frodo also shared a smile and a joke or two with many of those who cannot be forgotten.

Frodo counts his blessings (as well as his money).   You, dear reader, should be so lucky.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:03 PM EDT
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Thursday, October 16, 2008
It's Only Rock N' Roll, But I Like It
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "Virginia Lovers" (4)

Despite the narrow lanes on the Interstate, it is pleasant to run the ridges of green land Tennessee, and to pass into the rolling hills of Virginia.  Frodo's forebears passed this way generations ago, heading for new lands, and Frodo occasionally waves at pedestrians who could be distant relatives, long ago having decided that they had travelled far enough.  Fortunately none so far have appeared with a banjo.

Sam is wistful, the gallant Howard was borne near here, and that brings his gentle spirit into the motorcar.  The small towns that pass outside bear names familiar to Frodo only through the discourse they held in years past.  Frodo always wondered how "Bean Station" got its' name, or if "French Lick" signaled something earthy, if not foreign?  How sad that the source of information is now something one "googles," rather than listening to tales told from a porch-swing.  Perhaps that is the reason that Frodo and Sam sit closer together than at other times.

Soon they will join the merry raconteurs of tall tales and hapless adventures.  Pictures of children will have turned to those of grandchildren, with expectations of recognition and admiration.  Gladly, they are to be given, and gratefully they will be received.  Beverages will be refreshed beyond the pale, and Frodo will be most concerned about the proximity of appropriate facilities.  His bladder, it seems, has aged beyond his spirit. 

What worries Frodo is how to encapsule two score of years, and to somehow remain relevant.  Perhaps a handout, something like a dullard letter in a Christmas Card, is the answer, but even Frodo's brevity would be taxed by wanting to say something different to everyone he greets.  These people helped to make Frodo, and their gifts to him are both distinct and precious.  His thought is to introduce them to these pages, in  hopes that one day he may write something worth remembering. 

That, Frodo decides, is what he will offer to those who still enjoy swinging on the front porch, and listening to the wind.  There are too few of us. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EDT
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Tuesday, October 14, 2008
What A Way To Make A Livin'
Mood:  spacey
Topic: Southern Pine Beetles"(4)

Frodo would raise his eyes from the page before him, and watch rings of smoke blossom against the darkness outside the window.  Before long Paul would come in the room, and they would share cigarettes and beer while the turntable warbled about Kawliga or Cheating Hearts.  These moments of interruption are what Frodo remembers best about those days and the guy with the quirkiest habits and the best GPA in the College of the Shire.

The behavioral sciences do their absolute best to emulate the true sciences.  Frodo's friends, many of whom studied chemistry, physics, biology, or some other pathway into wealth and respect in later years, queried him frequently about current events.  They assumed that Frodo had a scientific appreciation for the world before them, and that he could provide definitive answers as a result.  Paul knew better.

Paul knew that natural laws applied to everyday life with increasing regularity, but that it still must be concluded that some things happen just because they are meant to happen.  He studied more and longer than anyone else at the College of the Shire, and he got top grades in things called "Organic Chemistry," when every prospective doctor and dentist alongside him lamented the potential of possible failure.  Paul would be there, nearly every night, living on potato chips, beer, and cigarettes, and listening to the Hank Williams on his record player while he computed theorems.

He also had a car, if you could call it that.  He paid $100 for it when he bought it, and he sold it for $110 three years later.  He considered that a significant financial gain, since the total represented what was almost surely his caloric budget for any given semester.  Frodo needs to mention that Paul was always quite slender.

Paul studied bugs.  Specifically, he centered upon the Southern Pine Beetle, something then unknown to his friend Frodo.  From him however, Frodo learned about the plague that falls upon the forests when these unstoppable vermin attack trees from Maine down to the very end of the Appalachians.  Only coal appears as a more formidable representative of God's hand in the affairs of Man in these mountains.

For many years thereafter, when Frodo wanders into his beloved mountains, he finds a grove of pinewood scarred and stripped of life.  Not unlike an Ansel Adams photograph, the stark nature of light against darkness, and the death so encompassed, Frodo stops and studies the artistry of what was, and wonders about what will eventuially be.  Paul taught Frodo that life will emerge, first from the forest floor, and then to fill in anew.  Frodo always thinks of his friend at these times.

Paul became the Chairman of the Department of Entomolgy at the University of New Hampshire.  He home-schooled his offspring, and he even served a full term as an elected County Commissioner (Frodo is pretty sure he was not re-elected).  Frodo knows this from the Christmas Cards that came for over thirty years, then, inexplicably, silenced.

Paul notified Frodo that he will return, for the very first time, to this the Reunion at the College of the Shire.  Frodo asked if Paul had Hank Williams on CD's, and he was answered in the affirmative.  Somehow Frodo was not surprised. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:39 PM EDT
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Sunday, October 12, 2008
I'm On The Next Plane To London
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Eager Uighurs" (4)

In order to make sense of what follows dear reader, take note of the fact that the word "Uighurs" identified in the topic to this post is pronounced "Wee Gurs."

The Uighur Autonomous Region of China is the westernmost segment of that immense land.  It is, if there is any true parallel, a great deal like California may be to the US of A.  The difference being that the "free spirits" therein are Islamic.  Yes, dear reader, you read that correctly, the fact that there are any Islamists in China at all is a surprise to most people, but in the case of this huge section of China the population is more than 60% Sunni Muslim.  Not unsurprisingly the reality is that the sovereign nations which border China in the west are all also predominatly Sunni Muslim.  Without getting too verbose, it all goes back to the days before Marco Polo when the "Spice Road" to China brought a variety of peoples into the trading areas uniting east and west.  The Uighurs are "trouble makers" to the present Chinese government, and are treated as such.  Violence is much more frequent between these peoples than almost anyone in the West realizes.

Before you get bored with this collection of trivia, Frodo has a tale to tell about 17 Uighurs and there connection to all of us.  About eight years ago, 17 Uighurs were visiting their religious kinsmen across the border to the west.  These 17 Chinese citizens were taken prisoner by "Coalition Forces" intent on destroying al Qaeda training facilities.  The Uighurs were visiting their brothers-in-arms in order to receive insurgency training, so that they could return to China and combat the oppressive Chinese government.  So why were they taken prisoner by the US-led Coalition, you might ask, if all they were doing was preparing to do battle against a Communist State?

Good question.

Better question is, "What happened to these 17 Chinese citizens taken prisoner by our guys?"

Answer:  they have been held in Guantanamo ever since.  That's right dear reader, the US of A has been holding 17 Chinese citizens, none of whom have ever been involved in any anti-coalition activity, much less even having expressed any enmity toward "our side" in all that time.  Foreign nationals, non-combatants, held without judicial process for nearly eight years; doesn't it just make you proud?

The Chinese government has interviewed each of their citizens, and have notified the United States of America that each would be tried under Chinese law when returned to their homeland.  The United States, suspicious of Chinese justice, is reluctant to return the individuals to China.  The judicial geniuses on our side are exploring how to assimilate these foreign nationals into the "Land of the Free."

Frodo has a suggestion.  Crawford, Texas, is almost as barren as is the westernmost portions of China, and given the source of all the humiliation cast upon our great nation by one who lives there, wouldn't it be the right thing for George and Laura to simply adopt these 17 unfortunates?

If you have a mind to do so, simply "Google" "Uighurs" and the facts behind this bizarre tale will outrage you as they have your friend Frodo.  Imagine if Benjamin Franklin or Thomas Jefferson had been taken prisoner in France by the British in the late Eighteenth Century, and been held for nearly a decade, without a trial?    





Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:42 PM EDT
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Saturday, October 11, 2008
Tell Me I'm Your Lovin' Man, Oh Baby
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Leslie" (4)

It was Freshman Orientation at the College of the Shire, and Frodo had acne.  Frodo's clothes seemed to be about six months behind what everyone else was wearing.  Classes hadn't even started yet, and everyone else seemed to have picked a "major."  Frodo's roommate was cool; he was having sex regularly.  Perhaps Frodo had made a mistake by not enlisting in the Army?"  And then he saw Leslie.

The first time he saw Leslie, Frodo wanted to do what Garth and Wayne would proffer years later, to fall on his knees and to bow with arms outstretched repeating the phrase "I'm Not Worthy," over and over again.  There was a goddess among the Freshman Class, and her name was Leslie.

To describe her, it is best, says Frodo, to simply imagine yourself in Las Vegas, and to watch the dancing girls in all their plumage as they strut their stuff before the commoners.  Not in a thousand years could a mere Hobbit win more than a curious smile from that which is constructed in Heaven, or in Silicon Valley.  The gifts are available only to the Martins and the Sinatras; the Hobbits head for the blackjack table and a glass of watered-down scotch.

First-year students are always overwhelmed, no matter where they are, or what their lineage.  Frodo always had his arms full of books, and one seemed always to prefer the ground outside Frodo's grasp.  Walking to class in the same building as was Leslie, Frodo could not help but notice that she was wearing the Paisley full-length tights under her skirt that were the source of his almost daily fantasies.  Twisting like pythons from her shoes into the hidden areas above her thighs, the design presented Frodo with a rather unique perspective on a place where he would much rather be, than, in this case, a class having to do with Chaucer. 

While waiting in the hallway for the changing of the hour, Frodo was in conversation with someone long-forgotten.  Leslie was nearby, equally engaged with someone Frodo knew not.  When the bell rang, signalling the change of subject, Leslie bent from the waist in order to pick up her course books (note that this was the era preceding the backpack).  Frodo, concomitantly, terminated his anonymous conversation, and turned toward the open classroom door.  Chance, alone, then placed Frodo's open palm directly into the waiting crotch of the goddess (rear entry).

Frodo stood, motionless, hesitant to draw back in horror, or to take any other potential course of action.  Eventually, Leslie straightened, turned to Frodo, and smiled.  Frodo began to apologize, at least he thinks he did, because he had never felt such a rush of blood to any one part of his non-genital anatomy as he experienced in those seconds of his life.  He yet blushes when he thinks of his dorkiest of moments. 

It would take Frodo two years to ever raise the courage to again speak in the presence of the goddess.   It was on that occasion when he would ask the goddess to accompany him to a movie, a milkshake, and wanton sexual activity upon the reclining seats of his 1960 Rambler Station Wagon.  She declined, noting to Frodo that she had just accepted a date with a guy named Don, but suggested that Frodo try again later.

Leslie later married the guy named Don.

Frodo learned recently that Leslie died of breast cancer less than a year ago. 

Damn.  Double damn. 

When Frodo again walks the cobblestones of the College of the Shire, he will have one more memory, now shared with you dear reader, why he tries to go in directions anew; afraid that ghosts walk enmasse in his footsteps.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 6:19 PM EDT
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Thursday, October 9, 2008
Lean On Me When You're Not Strong
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)

Baseball is a lot like life itself, or at least that is the way it seems to Frodo.  "You can be coasting along on a two-run lead and the losing team hasn't even threatened," he said "and then all of a sudden the shortstop makes an error on a routine ground ball and you give up seven runs."  Such, Frodo supposes, is the situation as he wrestles Gollum for possession of the Ring, near the very end of his long and difficult journey through Mordor and into the inner caverns of Mount Doom.  To be so close to victory over Sauron, and to find danger in every direction has kept Frodo intense, if not morose.  It is difficult to write, dear reader, when all you experience is bad.

In another week Frodo will journey to the College of the Shire, there to join with Hobbits from dispersed points throughout Middle Earth who return, perhaps for a final time, to the spot where they spawned themselves into alumni, forty years ago.  Frankly, Frodo doubted that his life would last for forty years, since there were many guns pointed in his direction in those days. 

It is an oxymoron to refer to any as the most hideous of wars, but if there were ever a true candidate for such a title, it would be that which took place in the steaming jungles of Southeast Asia.  Despite the unspeakable stupidity of a pre-emptive war, or the "Bush Doctrine" so dubbed by Charles Gibson, and the subsequent economic and diplomatic morass produced by a moronic President, Frodo can't let go of the losses he experienced in those days, so long ago.  It was not until Barack Obama wrote so eloquently about the need for our nation to step beyond the internal conflict raging in so many of our hearts that Frodo recognized his obsession.

In less than a month the enemy will be confronted on the final battlefield.  Two months later the light in Sauron's Tower will be extinguished, and then the Hobbits return to the challenges of life in the Shire.  There is no money, there is no work, and sometimes there isn't even any rain.  It will not be easy, but perhaps there will be laughter, and Frodo will feel like telling stories, once again.

In the interim, perhaps he will be confronted by an old girl friend, alone, in the corner, in the dark.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:36 PM EDT
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Saturday, October 4, 2008
I'll Tell You How To Become An All-American Boy
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Three Siblings" (4)

Bright's Disease, a certified non-killer in today's world, left a widow and six children amid the deepest economic disaster then known to mankind.  Starvation was averted only when a prospective stepfather stepped forward, who required however, that the juvenile family unit would have to make its' own way through foster care.  The widow had no choice.

Reuben died in the War.  Lemuel was killed in a trainwreck.  Dorothy died of a heart attack.

The three siblings remaining today were closer, more intimate, appreciative of their common suffering, and more likely to step forward in behalf of each other than any others ever known by Frodo.  Their common devotion to one another was molded into the body politic of all who came in contact with these human proponents of the "Incredible Journey."

When Bilbo's father passed away, her sister Blanche, and her own second husband Don, he of the irrepressible good humor, retired to the desert land in which Bilbo now lived all alone.  Blanche's first husband, Sam, had been wounded at Monte Cassino in Italy, and his wounds eventually caused his demise.  After Don died, Bilbo found herself as perhaps being not so tragic a figure as Blanche, and the synaptic circuits found ways to avert such crisis determinations.  Soon, Blanche would be cast as a thief, and one who was never grateful for all the good things that Bilbo had done in her behalf.

Turner, the youngest, lied about his age in order to join the USMC, and was struck by enemy fire on Okinawa, surviving to become the strongest, if not the penultimate most gentle, of all those present in Frodo's formative days.  Turner became the victim of the increasing enmity between the aged sisters, and found himself the crux of all their frustrations.

Eventually, every family member, no matter how remote, found themselves being recruited onto one side or the other.  Bilbo eventually divorced herself from Turner entirely, convinced that she, alone, had all wisdom, and Blanche sought refuge in the kindeness of strangers. 

Blanche has now been diagnosed with Alzheimers.  This increidbly beautiful, good-looking, party girl of generations past will soon not remember a single good time.  It is not fair.

Bilbo has double pneumonia and congestive heart failure.  She is in assisted living, and would rather die than go back into the hospital again.

Turner has had a pig's valve transplanted into his heart, and has had three additional surgeries in the past 60 days in order to achieve a state of assisted existence.

Those who began life as the closest, most interdependent, most loyal, because of the absence of any alternative, could legitimately be chronicled today on the same pages as space aliens or the offspring of cattle and monkeys.

Frodo would pay any price, suffer any burden, walk any distance in order to foster the terms that would define the legitimate end of days for those whom he does so admire.  It will not be so, he knows, and Frodo would be disingenuous to expect anything different.  Life is indeed a great gift, but it also comes at great cost; defying both logic and a true sense of empathy.  No one ever told Frodo that days such as these would be easy, but it certainly would have helped if there had been something for him to read to prepare him for something so absolutely basic.  Perhaps, dear reader, Frodo's words let you know that you are not alone, and that someone, in this case a mere Hobbit has, too, walked in your shoes.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:55 PM EDT
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