Mood:  accident prone

Hobbits are not immune to human stupidity.  Despite the best of intentions, and purity of heart, a Hobbit may say something inappropriate, even when he knows better.  Afterward, while amidst the miracle of self-butt kicking, the Hobbit can be grateful only for the fact that his poor choice of words did not come from one who was a candidate for political office.  The feeling lives long thereafter however that he was the victim of a broader conspiracy.

Bilbo approaches the 91st year, and it is evident that the Ring still weighs heavily on the mind of Bilbo.  Winning an argument seems to be much more important than coming to terms with the end of life.  Perhaps it is fear, perhaps not, but Bilbo seems intent on soiling all others even when no purpose is served.  It is as if there is one final attempt to attain redemption by casting aspersions on all others.  The anger is not only uncharacteristic of Bilbo, it is demeaning to the legacy of one to whom Frodo owes so much.

The Ring also has an impact on Frodo.  Defending those under assault by Bilbo causes Bilbo to feel that Frodo is being disloyal, or a participant in treachery.  Frodo then finds himself striking at Bilbo, pointing out the error in the words of Bilbo, striving only to bring an end to harsh words and speculative conclusions.  Silence would certainly have been a wiser choice, but the pull of the Ring is why Sauron lives even in the hearts of men of goodwill, and, sad to say, in the Hobbit.

Soon it must be that Frodo will stand on a hillside, in order to wish Bilbo safe passage to a land beyond the Shire.  Apologize he will to all others in order to wipe the presence of the Ring from the memory of those who stand with him on that day.  Fear he has that his words will be heard only in the wind, and that which Antony lamented about Caesar will be proven true, once more.  Sadly, Frodo knows that day will begin with a scarlet sky, and ships will be strewn all about.  Frodo will try to be a good steward, but he cannot help but rue the part he must play.  

Defeating the Ring is much, much more than simply getting rid of a king without clothes.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EST

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Mood:  amorous

Frodo seems to be thinking a lot about words these days.  "Transparency" is one that he must admit he had never considered in its' most recent context.  Before, transparency had an application to vision through packaging of some sort, and was therefore not a relevant point of discussion for anyone save some optical techie.  Times, however, have indeed changed.

Charles Barkley attended Auburn University on a basketball scholarship, and gained fame as the "Round Mound of Rebound."  A full-scale analysis of Frodo's memory bank at that time would respond favorably to the keywords, "overweight," "mutant," "dumb," "jock," "Alabama," and "black."  A Google search would today reveal that Barkley went on to the National Basketball Association (that paragon of learned scholars) and became a multi-millionaire retiree who spread his verbosity throughout the land as a broadcaster.

Barkley, to say the very least, has become quite the center of controversy.  Known throughout as someone who said exactly what he thought (the refreshing nature of which is dependent upon a certain level of subjective knowledge), Frodo took note of Barkley's willingness to make people angry.  His criticism of under-achieving athletes and coaches was not mind-altering, but Barkley did strike a receptive cord when he began to express political opinion.

Charles Barkley announced that he was a Republican, and that he had disdain for those who did not share his belief in the value of hard work.  Coming from a multi-millionaire who owed his fortune to a child's game, that was a tad bit more hypocrisy than Frodo could stand.  What was really interesting however, were his tittering references to being able to do better than the current leadership in the political realm.

Last week, Barkley announced to Campbell Brown (since nobody watches that show) and the wire services that he was going to return to his home State of Alabama and run for Governor in 2014 (state law requires 5 years of legal residence for eligibility).  His timing might have been a little better.

On New Year's Eve the announcements began to accumulate as "Breaking News" on all the cable channels (Frodo is unable to comment on the reporting by Faux News).  The Governor-to-be, it seemed, had been arrested and charged with DUI in his current home State of Arizona (home to John McCain, among others).  With the latest reports it was disclosed that Barkley had another passenger in his motorcar when arrested (not his wife, it was added).  When asked if he had been drinking, he responded as we have come to expect, honestly, forthrightly.  When asked why he was driving so erratically, Barkley again responded without equivocation.

It seems that about a week ago Mr. Barkley had had an encounter with that same passenger in his motorcar, and had been given the best (for the record, and reflecting good taste, the terms "oral sex" were substituted by the reporting institutions) he had ever had.  He was driving erratically because he was in a hurry to pull off the road and to once again suffer the same experience.

Although he finds the results somewhat amusing, Frodo prefers to return to his prior understanding of "transparency," and to hope that neither Henry Paulson nor Ben Bernanke are performing a similar act upon our collective organs.   As for Mr. Barkley, Frodo would pay real money to be an observer of the 2014 gubernatorial contest in Alabama.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:46 PM EST

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Mood:  chatty

Arrogance is omnipresent, and even the smallest and the weakest must recognize its' individual tendencies.  Frodo cannot understand why anyone would ever be less than enthusiastic about a movie, a song, or a book that he happens to add to his favorites list.  What's more, Frodo can grow cross with someone who does not pay proper homage to something he recommends.  Frodo believes that such people are either (1) Republicans, (2) Dallas Cowboy fans, (3) Terrorists,  (4) barristers, or any combination thereof.  The fact that such a person may also own or possess a "blackberry," an "I-Pod," or a telephone that transmits photographs of approaching tornados means that Frodo is not as tolerant of others as he would like to think.

This diatribe is leading Frodo to the conclusion that he should actually consider a few resolutions for the New Year.  Added in is Frodo's reaction to the picture of President-elect Obama on vacation in Hawaii, demonstrating some pretty solid "abs."  Frodo had abs once, and he'd like to think that he isn't so far removed from that stage of physical presence that he couldn't re-discover their existence.  This identifies another character flaw in the Hobbit, that which we call "wishful thinking."  Biblical scholars might simply note that Frodo is an admitted sinner in this demonstration of coveting his neighbor's abs (how clever is the Hobbit, you ask?).

Absent the desire to introduce himself to equipment salvaged from Abu Ghraib and offered for sale on cable channels which seem to run all night and never offer programming, Frodo can be further identified as lacking in initiative.  This may actually be demonstrated in his preference for warmer climes, and thereby explain his increasing tendency to wander neither as far nor as fast as in his younger days.  He gets concerned when he finds himself involved in something that is merely transitionsal, with no true end in sight.  Mowing the lawn, raking leaves, washing the motorcar, are all tasks which seem only to breed rather than to conclude.  Frodo is very concerned about over-breeding.

In sum, Frodo can be arrogant, he can be contradictory, and he most certainly can be lazy.  His true concern is that he is closer to George W. Bush than he ever imagined.   

Frodo resolves to be better. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:10 PM EST

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Mood:  irritated

There are but moments left until a cosmic rotation is completed by the spherical juxtaposition of planetary objects which occurs every 365.25 days, approximately.  Tina Fey might add, "And I can see Russia from my house." 

Obfuscation, to Frodo, is the word that best documents the systemic occurrences on the small blue planet in the year that is about to end.  Whether it be a failed President, or a failed campaign, there are those who refuse to recognize the loser's role.  Instead of muttering "Shut up and deal," they instruct us to wait two decades, or longer, in order to note properly the role that history will assign to the facts upon which they have already decided.  Time, they hope, will cloud the memory and "obfuscate" the facts.

The economy, whatever that word means, sucks.  The Chinese are not selling enough toy dolls whose heads fall off and also carry exorbitant amounts of lead paint in their construction.  The Saudis are shocked by the precipitous decline in oil prices, to equal a level more than double that when the Incomparable Moron first entered office.  Americans have had their credit cut off and are no longer able to support the expansion which fueled the somnambulism of the subject juxtaposition the past ten times it has occurred.  The resulting regulatory products will last until another libertarian steps forward and argues without history, in order to "obfuscate" the facts.

A war against terrorism, or stateless nihilists if the truth be known, continues, and continues, and continues.  The victory sought by those who never understood what the battle was all about in the first place, will be followed, in time, by the dissolution of order and the continuation of dogmatic civil struggle.  The colossal misjudgments and predispositions of foolish people will disappear from the vision of those who will pay an even greater price.  What happens then will "obfuscate" the balance of power that once isolated dictators and brigands from prominence anywhere in the world, instead of unifying them as viable opponents to world order.

Frodo enjoys walking in the winter woods with Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog.  The grand deciduous forests open themselves to full examination, as if they were the skirts of Marilyn, blown forever above her knees.  When he tires of searching for visual quarry, Frodo can discuss great philsophical questions, and cruel fate with his attentive companions.  Frodo and all his friends conclude that 2008 was the worst of times, despite a scattered victory or two upon the landscape, and that for a guiding word in the moments which swiftly approach, let it be, simply, Hope.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:05 PM EST

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Mood:  crushed out

750 years ago, Polynesians, with rats in their canoes, were the first humans to inhabit New Zealand.  Later came the Europeans, bringing cats, dogs, rabbits and other creatures who ran riot, eating the local wildlife, or stealing their lunch.  Today, New Zealand has one of the worst bio-depletion rates in all the world; more than 30 percent, some 51 species, of native birds for example, no longer exist.

Individuals, businesses, colleges and local governments have joined to form a nonprofit trust wildlife sanctuary known as Kaori.  One of their programs is an effort to restore one square mile of land within the sanctuary to its pre-human state.  As described by the curator of the threatened species program, the lush forests were once "populated by some pretty weird and unusual primitive animals."  At the crux of this gargantuan effort stands the fate of New Zealand's national emblem, the kiwi.

The squat, flightless bird looks like the product of a tryst between an anteater and a hamster.  It has furlike plumage with a quill-like beak, and a rather nasty demeanor to boot.  The bird is however, New Zealand's bald eagle, appearing on the currency, and lending its name to the fruit as well to the New Zealanders name for himself, as in "I'm a kiwi, mate, and proud of it."

Kiwis actually came down from the trees as birds, choosing never to go back, and were therefore fodder for the ecological disasters that accompanied mankind to their home turf.  In the year 2000, little spotted kiwi, the smallest and rarest of the species, were released into the Kaori mainland from a breeding sanctuary on a small island off the coast of new Zealand.  Within a year, the first chick was born, and today the park expects to count nearly 40 new offspring.

This vignette is offered on this day for a very special reason.  That first spotted kiwi chick was named for a character in a certain movie, filmed in New Zealand.

Merry Christmas, dear reader, from Frodo, nasty demeanor and all. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:00 AM EST

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Mood:  special

Frodo stood proudly next to the red kettle, and rang his bell for the Salvation Army.  Donations are down for these dedicated people, as they are for almost everybody who depend on others for their resources.  A warm afternoon and only a few shopping days left brought a bevy of shoppers past Frodo and his friends, where even those who passed by were greeted with smiles and best wishes.  It is the height of the Season for Frodo, and the following explains why.

The little boy rode in the shopping cart facing his Mom.  He smiled at Frodo and waved as they made their way into the Wal-Mart.  Later, as they came out of the store, his Mom stopped the cart and looked the little boy square in the eye as she pulled her wallet out of her purse.  "This is about sharing," she said to him.   "Sharing  is what is truly important."  Frodo and his friends stood and watched as she folded the $10 Bill and handed it to the little boy, who stretched out of his seat and pushed the money into the kettle.

When he looked up and smiled at Frodo, Frodo handed him the bell, and asked him if he'd like to ring the bell.  With a burst of vigor and holiday spirit, he taught Frodo a thing or two about how a bell ought to be rung.

As he handed the bell back to Frodo, his Mom looked into his eyes and said, "We may not have much, but we have more than some.  That is why we share."

There is a little boy, somewhere in Middle Earth today, who may not have much, but he is very, very rich.      

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:23 AM EST

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Mood:  chillin'

"Mr. Frodo, please."

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Yes, he doesn't know me, but my name is Jon Favreau, and I need his help."

"Just a minute, Mr. Favreau, I'll get him for you."

"Frodo?"

"Yes Sam?"

"There's a young man here to see you.  Says his name is Favreau."

"What's he selling?"

"All he has with him is a laptop," said Sam, smiling at the buzz cut.

"I'm Frodo, what can I do for you, Mr. Favreau?"

"Mr. Frodo, I am a speechwriter, and I'm experiencing my first real case of writer's block.  I've been told that you are never at a loss for words, and that you might give me some advice."

"Well, this is sort of an unusual request.  For whom do you write speeches?"

"Barack Obama."

"I beg your pardon, did you say President-Elect Obama?"

"Yes Sir, I've been writing for him since 2004, and never seeming to have any problems at all, until now.  I just seem to have frozen up since a recent conversation with Bill Burton, who said to me "Dude, what you're writing is going to be hung up in people's living rooms!"  I realized then," said Favreau, "that if you start thinking about what's at stake, it can get paralyzing."

"Interesting.  I assume that we're talking about the upcoming Inaugural Address?  Well, what have you done in the past as a sort of creative process?"

"Well, I stay on the move, drink a lot of double espresso shots and Red Bull, for up to 16 hours at a time, and completely close out all of my other responsibilities.  This speech is different however."

"I see.  What has the President-Elect said to you about the speech, and what other input have you received?"

"Well Barack and I spent an hour together with David Axelrod, and Barack told me that the speech should be no longer than 15-20 minutes, and then we all agreed that the theme should be, 'this moment we're in, and the idea that America was founded on certain ideals that we need to take back.'  I then met with Peggy Noonan, who wrote for Reagan, David McCullough, the historian, and I've listened to hours of recordings from prior Inaugural addresses."

"Have you drafted anything as yet?"

"Oh yeah, I gave Barack a draft about a week ago, and he edited and re-wrote parts, too.  He said to me, 'Don't worry, I'm a writer too, and I know that sometimes the muse hits you and sometimes it doesn't.  We'll figure it out together.'"

"So what is the problem, and what can I do?"

"I need a joke."

"A joke?"

"Yeah."

"You mean, like, 'Three guys go into a bar. . .'"

"No, I'm talking about something to take the edge off of a speech that will include everything from his autobiography (Dreams From My Father) to his address at the 2004 Democratic Convention (Big ears and a funny name).  Things are just so huge, and this is supposed to be a celebration."

"I see.  You don't really want a joke, you want something memorable, thematic, universal."

"For all the world to see."

"That's good."

"What is?"

"For all the world to see."

"Are you talking about something along the line of 'I'd like to buy the world a Coke, and keep her company.'"

"Kind of hard to just say something like that, isn't it?  It makes you want to sing along?"

"Wait man, are you saying Barack should sing a little song?"

"Or dance a little dance, and spray some seltzer in your pants."

"Poetry?"

"Robert Frost was on a podium like this one, a long time ago, and he captured the moment by reciting from memory what his 'old, tired eyes' could not read."

"So, is what you're saying that Barack need not zero in on the words as much as he needs to share the spirit of the words?"

"Isn't that what his whole campaign has been about, that which is behind the words themselves?"

"Good point Mr. Frodo."

"Do you know what I, Frodo Baggins, remember most from Barack's speech after winning the election?" 

"No, but I'm obviously interested."

"His stated love for those little girls, and the promise fulfillment of a puppy in the White House."

"Cool.  He may not be able to give us all a puppy. . ."

"But he can make us all want to go get one ourselves."

--Jon Favreau graduated from Holy Cross in 2003, and from a position in the Kerry campaign as a press assistant at age 23, was interviewed by the newly-elected Senator from Illinois for the position of speechwriter.  After 30 minutes together, predominantly engaged in a discussion about family and baseball, he was asked "What is your theory on speechwriting?"  His answer was "A speech can broaden the circle of people who care about this stuff.  How do you say to the average person that's been hurting: 'I hear you.  I'm there.  Even though you've been so disappointed and cynical about politics in the past, and with good reason, we can move in the right direction.  Just give me a chance.'"

--Barack Obama said, "I think this is going to work."

If only he would wear a tie. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:22 PM EST

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Mood:  silly

Rarely does Frodo simply break into sheer ridcule, but there are just some circumstances where someone is so oblivious to the obvious that the real disservice would be to do or say nothing.  This, Frodo supposes, is why the little boy finally spoke up and said "The King has no clothes."

Today, the portraits of George W. and Laura Bush, commissioned entirely by private funds, were unveiled before their official hanging in the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, D.C.  To clarify, this is not the "official" portrait, commissioned by public funds, which will grace some empty space, and perhaps frighten children, in White Houses to come.  When the covers were pulled from the frames, Frodo immediately noted the ridiculousness of the George W. pose, and has been unable to stop laughing ever since.

The Incomparable Moron is pictured in an open-necked shirt, and he is seated, legs spread, as if he was in the midst of a regular daily bowel movement.  Frodo looked to see if perhaps the shoe of Senator Larry Craig was visible in the portrait.  Certainly, the 44th President was exhibiting, if nothing else, that he does indeed maintain a "wide stance."

As Frodo has continued to wipe the tears of laughter from his eyes, he has concluded that such a portrait is probably "apros pro."  The guy has been dumping on us for eight years; why should we remember him otherwise? 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:25 PM EST

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Mood:  hug me

"Few there are," said Frodo, "familiar not with Joy Adamson and 'Born Free'."  Frodo has probably never spoken truer words.  In movie theaters, domestic and foreign, forty years ago, people everywhere knew Elsa and her relationship to the pairing of George and Joy Adamson.  The release of something so beautiful back to the wild touched heartstrings in people not otherwise known for even bearing the necessary organ.  In what were truly tumultuous times, the whole world seemed transfixed by the humanity involved, and we all had a good cry, just when we needed it most.

These are difficult times, again.  It goes without saying, and repetition accomplishes little in such a litany, that anxiety is rife.  Perhaps that is what led Frodo to "Google" the video.  Maybe it was the simple desire to observe the artistic application of a great voice to home-made movies.  More likely than not, it was some sort of need to know that mankind does reach out beyond himself, and that, sometimes, he gets a kiss.

Dear reader, you deserve something special.  Go and find "Christian the Lion Full-Music Video" ("lion" and "video" are all you need at "Google"), the search will not hurt you, and don't forget the tissues.  For the next four minutes just sit back and enjoy the marvelous Whitney, and make up your own dream about the lives we try to lead.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:52 PM EST

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Mood:  smelly

"I say it was a pair of Crocs."

"What do you think they did with the guy?  Abu Ghraib?  Guantanamo?  Or maybe they simply turned him over to al Sadr for 'the final solution'?"

"So was it the Secret Service that wrestled him to the ground, or a local?  Actually, he kind of looked like that guy from The Weather Channel who is always broadcasting from the place where the hurricane comes ashore."

"I understand he is dyslexic.  That explains why he kept calling Goober a dog."

"Have any of the rest of you ever heard him purposely say something funny?  Size 10, you say.  I wonder if that's Barneys' Mamas' dress size?"

"I understand somebody once threw a cabbage at Garfield when he was running for President, and after it stopped rolling across the stage, he looked down at it and remarked "I see my opponent has lost his head.'"

"Speaking of head, did you see Gregory on 'Meet the Press'?"

"So, where is this magical mystery tour taking us now?"

"I'll bet it's somewhere where no one wears shoes."

"Not Alabama again!"

"Are we going to get back home in time to save the automakers, prop up the stock market, or ride mountain bikes with Goober?"

"Truthfully, aren't you guys going to miss him?"

"What, do I look like 18% of the population?"

"What do you think the Magician would do if somebody threw their shoes at him?"

"Ha, he'd probably catch them and autograph them."

"I'd buy them."

"Did you notice that Goober actually ducked and avoided the first one?  The second one was kind of high and outside the strike zone."

"Did you notice no one jumped in front of him to take one for the Goober?"

"Would you?"

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the White House Press Corps, please return to your seats and prepare for landing.  Please raise your seats to their upright level, and fasten tray tables in front of you.  We are approaching our final stop before heading home tomorrow.  We should be on the ground momentarily."

"Hey, truthfully, does anybody recognize where we are?"

"Well I'll be, I do recognize the place. I did sports here for the ABC affiliate. Ladies and gentlemen, you will be privileged to attend the last visit of the President to Memphis."

"Memphis?"

"Yeah dude, we're going to Graceland."

"I get it, Elvis has left the building."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:08 PM EST

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