Mood:  cool

Doug Kanney woulkd laugh if Frodo told him that he reminded Frodo of the Reverend LeRoy of the Church of What's Happenin' Now.  That's why Frodo has such high regard for a former running buddy who decided to become a Methodist and a minister to boot.  Quite some time ago, the two fraternity brothers from the College of the Shire were sharing a loaf of bread, a few fishes, and a bottle of wine, when Frodo told Doug about Bilbo's impending demise.  Without any hesitation, Doug told Frodo tthat he would be there, even though he had never met Bilbo, and that he would meet the ceremonial needs required, if so desired.  He did a very remarkable job, even though Frodo could not get a picture of Flip Wilson out of his recollections of the day.

The good Reverend's daughter Valerie married a boy named Casey, and they had a whole houseful of children.  That turned out not to be a problem, even considering that Casey had made a career in the Foreign Service of the US of A, that is, until recently.  Casey now runs the State Department Embassy in Rwanda.  Not quite Paris, Frodo assumes, but probably preferable to Cleveland.  Doug and his accomplice Penny are leaving shortly for a month-long visit to the African Continent in order to pluck tsetse flies from the hair of their grandchildren.

Frodo was struck by concomitant communication from Merry, of the Fellowship, who reported that Father Tim, a former classmate of hers, who became a Catholic and a priest to boot, who usually resides in Farmington, New Mexico, which is also a pretty far cry from Paris, was in Rwanda (of all places) with a group of his parishoners on a humanitarian mission to treat children born with the AIDS virus.

Well now, dear reader, knowing Frodo and the Proud Merry, it is not hard to understand how all of a sudden there are a flurry of communiques en route halfway around the world.   Perhaps good people will meet in a faraway place and find refuge in their common faith, and just maybe they can find a place to tip an O'Doul's and to toast the host of Hobbits who wish them well, and hope they all come home the richer, and much, much safer.

Remind Frodo to someday tell the tale of his friend who went to Gabon, in order to play golf.  Or, perhaps, the tale was long ago told.  If so, it was many an O'Doul's ago.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:59 PM EDT

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Mood:  not sure

"Quickly now," queried Frodo, "what was Henry Kissinger's seminal success in life?"

"Well, from his public profile, I'd say that most would remember him for his role in negotiating an end to U.S. involvement in the Vietnam War," said Bob Woodward.  "However, I will remember most his poignant and prayerful conversation with Richard Nixon on the steps inside the White House on the night before Nixon's resignation."

"Yes," said Frodo, "I remember the fact that you reported the event in your book, yet Kissinger denied being the source.  Speculation ran heavy that the Lincoln Portrait on the wall was the only other potential source for your story."

Woodward smiled.

"Actually," said Frodo, "don't the Kissinger reminiscences at the State Department conference on the history of US involvement in Southeast Asia just grind your butt?"

"Well, he was certainly well-informed. . ."

"Oh fooey, he had the unmitigated gall to say 'most of what went wrong in Vietnam we did to ourselves,' sputtered Frodo.

"A lot of people would agree. . ."

"You mean the live ones, don't you?  While that myopic academic cast-off wasted precious time explaining why the shape of the tables in the room were in any way relevant, 58,000 young boys and girls died, fighting on the wrong side of democracy."

"Now, it is true that the peace accords did allow the U.S. an exit from the fighting. . ."

"But, now, that cherubic 'Uncle Henry' adds that 'it left South Vietnam vulnerable to a communist takeover,' as Frodo's countenance flushes with fervor.

"Your point is well taken," said Woodward, "Kissinger basically admits that he was out-negotiated by Le Duc Tho."

"And every teenager north of Mobile was telling him that the North Vietnamese had a goal to unite their country, and Henry Kissinger felt like we could negotiate that down to a compromise."

"In his defense now," added Woodward, "he does point out that our disagreements over the conduct of the war were transmuted into an issue about the moral adequacy of the war and our involvement in it."

Frodo paused.  He looked at Woodward and said, "Sir, this is what you said was the seminal public accomplishment of Henry Kissinger's life.  From that point we have have concluded that he was both out-negotiated and disingenuous.  In fact, it is easy now to conclude that this famous man, who achieved wealth and fame while serving his government was a colossal fuck-up, who never accomplished anything of significance."

"Mr. Frodo, have you ever thought about authoring your own book?"

"I have Sir, but I don't think there would be a great market for a book entitled 'Dumb Shits Employed by America'."  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:43 PM EDT

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Mood:  happy

There is an aroma of optimism in the air, and to Frodo, it smells just like napalm.  Names like O'Donnell, Fiorina, Angle, McMahon, and Whitman are ships burning in the harbors of political naivete.  The outpouring of wealth into the coffers of Rupert Murdoch is on the precipice of producing a perfect game, no hits, no runs, and definitely, no misses.

It's not that Frodo is genetically predisposed to the feminine gender in the kitchen as opposed to the situation room of the White House, but the assemblage blessed by the former Half-Governor of Alaska has caused him to remember that he needs to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.  At the same time, the volume from the rational right has ratcheted down to a decibel-level that makes everyone forget that a certain bloodbath was the inevitable result of the midterms to come, just a few weeks ago.  It is a shift which once again gives hope for an imminent end to the current performance malaise in the American Experience.

Meg Whitman, in Frodo's mind, was the only one of these colossal douchettes to portray reason as a reason for voting in her behalf.  That is, until she fell victim to her own "tough-guy stance" on illegal immigration, and the inevitable "getting caught" with her britches down.  Ms. Whitman, it seems, had a housekeeper who couldn't seem to locate her "green card."  Instead of firing her, as she publicly demanded of prospective employers, she allegedly counseled the employee to lie, if caught.  At least that is what the rich, bitchy, femaly attorney said, in front of the cameras.

There have been a myriad of similar cases in recent decades.  Frodo well remembers the first nominee for Attorney General put forth by freshman President William Jefferson Clinton.  It was discovered that a household employee was not suffering the pain of withholding from her wages for Social Security purposes.  Allegedly, she told the brilliant attorney that she would "pay her own" when the time came.  Unfortunately, that was a preprogrammed response and left the employer liable for all of the tax, plus penalties, and interest.  It also meant that she would not be confirmed by the Senate to be Attorney General.

It goes without saying that O'Donnell and Angle suffer from an absence of neurons in the brain.  They are however, both picturesque devotees of the Palin Syndrome, and are sure to appear on "Dancing With the Stars".

Fiorina and McMahon have the distinction of corporate nosedives while wearing a brassiere.  They were counted out because they exhibited no capacity to lead on merit, or to identify any accomplishment which made money for anyone other than themselves.

Ah but Whitman, who has never apparently read a history book, or learned to speak Spanish.  Hers was the ignoble fall from grace above all others. 

Chocolate, anyone?

Frodo recommends the one that smells like victory.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:41 PM EDT

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Mood:  suave

Homecoming 'Tis, and Frodo is nowhere in sight.  Given all that has happened in recent months, many assumed that the Hobbit would find his way, even in an odd-numbered year, to partake of the home brew and taste the wine.  Neither he nor Sam has an appetite for another trek in a motorcar and the prospect of plastic plants and decaf available in the lobby at all hours of day or night.  Some things, it seems, will always negate the human moments of joy and/or despair.

The "Bulb," bald before his time, and a Chemistry Professor for many years, would be there, coaxing the Hobbit to cruise with him to Antarctica, to see a continent incontinent.  Frances, one with whom the Hobbit always assumed he would someday sleep, yet fighting pancreatic and liver conclusions will be there, perhaps in body for the last time.  The "Root" who seems to lose an appendage, or two, between those moments explained away to the Hobbit by one borne to teach.  Patsy, Sam's closest friend, whose life revolves around an annual gathering, and sharing Frodo's love of one.   Moments lost, with these, and so many other warriors, decorated for bravery in battles long-lost, or forgotten.  Frodo will regret his unwillingness to cross the mountains, ford the streams, and to run the ridges.

The College of the Shire will kick the shit out of her opponent.  Frodo is sure, but he will have to go to the magic of the Internet for assurance therein, since Division III sports do not count.  It is said that the College of the Shire has 10,000 alumni all around the small blue planet, but the University of Tennessee has twice that number in Atlanta, alone.

Yeah, but none of them can read.

Gladiators, it seems, now get paid, but in Division III you get an extra half-pint of milk, and memories, of the best kind. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:07 PM EDT

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Mood:  surprised

Regular readers know that Frodo has not been near the top of his game in recent days.  Frodo understands, obviously for different reasons, how Tiger Woods must feel in these, the halcyon days of his gamesmanship.  That fact came home to roost for Frodo but a fortnight ago, as he mechanically piloted his motorcar between destinations in the darkening hours beyond Mount Doom.

Approaching traffic caused Frodo to react without a second thought, he needed to dim his headlights for the benefit of drivers in the opposing lane.  His left foot pressed against the floorboard, searching for the dimmer switch.  Suddenly, he took note of the fact that his lights remained on bright, and that his foot had failed to connect with the little piece of metal that controlled the exterior luminesence.  Frantically, at first, he jerked his foot first left then right, in order to dim the beam.  All to no avail.  More than one driver honked at Frodo and presented him with an appropriate salute as a comment upon his procreational expertise.

"Where's the damn dimmer switch?," said Frodo to no one in particular in his otherwise empty motorcar.  "Did somebody. . ."

Pregnant pause.

Frodo realized that his motorcar had its headlights controlled by a lever on the steering wheel column.  In fact, Frodo came to realize, he was unable to remember when last he had even been in an automobile that had a dimmer switch on the floorboard.  Of course, every car had a dimmer switch when Frodo learned to drive, but he, even now, is unable to recall when that changed, or why.

It is probably a good thing that Frodo had not been riding a bicycle, he thought, as he touched the lever in order to dim his headlights. 

His face grew flushed as he considered the implications of this toss-back to the golden days of yesteryear when every car had a dimmer switch.  Has he been so preoccupied with responsibility that he has failed to keep the present in focus?  Have his neuropathic passages become clogged with the detritus of, hopefully premature, cognitive disability?  Frodo does not know for sure.

What he does know is that he would prefer a motorcar with a dimmer switch.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:17 PM EDT

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Mood:  irritated

The number of registered voters in the State of Connecticut was poorly represented in the Republican Primary a fortnight ago.  In fact, the number of voters who affirmatively supported the winner in the same primary was, as a percentage of the total party electorate, barely out of "the teens."  For reasons such as that, Frodo generally refrains from comment, much less concern, about elections that don't mean much to everyday life in Middle Earth.  He believes, strangely enough, that, occasionally, it is important for a complete and total fool to win public office.

William Scott (R-Va), now deceased, was long considered to be the "dumbest man to ever serve in the United States Senate."  Today, the Senators from Virginia are Mark Warner (D) and Jim Webb (D).  Hardly a duo to cause any Virginian to blush in shame.

Frodo looks longingly at Virginia, knowing that not all her politicians are worthy of a second glance, including her Governor, the homophobe McDonnel (R).  Frodo, in Georgia, has to contend with Johnny Isakson (R) (offspring of a publicly-vetted housing racist) and Saxby Chambliss (R) (dubbed by Frodo as 'Simply Useless').  Surely, thinks Frodo, Georgia's time will come, and another Sam Nunn (D) will arise to eradicate memories of Zell Miller (?) and Lester Maddox (I-D).  It is a terrible price to pay, waiting, for sanity in public office.

Nathan Deal (D-R), who switched parties when it became efficacious, resigned from Congress in order to combat and defeat the Sarah Palin-endorsed Karen Handel for the Republican nomination for Governor.  Ms. Handel was the only woman endorsed by Palin who happened to be more than thirty pounds overweight.  "The Real Deal" is purported to be the subject of an investigation into contracts awarded to his business by the State, and has been identified as pending bankruptcy for guaranteeing a multi-million dollar business endeavor by his married daughter.  In addition, Mr. Deal has now admitted to an "omission" from his financial disclosure documents reflecting other debts in the multi-million dollar category.  Mr. Deal, after pressure from his Democratic opponent Roy Barnes, has made public only the first page of his income tax returns, stating that it is not necessary to go into too much detail. 

There is a difference this time, that does give Frodo pause, and it centers around the evil Fox.  Apparently, there is a distinct possibility that candidates such as the precocious Ms. O'Donnel in Connecticut will restrict all of their appearances to the broadcast wing of the corporate entity which contributed a billion dollars to the Republican Gubernatorial Campaign gendarmerie.  How best, it appears, to put forth a candidate without the sense that God gave a goose, and keep her, or it, from ever being publicly-challenged?  Put her on Fox.

Every time that Frodo enters a public facility where there is a television broadcasting a Fox channel, Frodo strolls up, without a word, and changes the channel--generally to 'Animal Planet.'

There is danger afoot when it becomes apparent that an electorate is confined to the ill-informed, the un-informed, and those with an ulterior motive.  Frodo's home state is proof positive.

Frodo's Congressdork Tom Price (R) is unopposed.  Isakson is running against a black guy.  Frodo's voice matters only in the battle between Barnes and Deal.  Rest assured, Frodo will be there on Election Day, if only for that reason.  Polling indicates that Barnes is behind.

Help Frodo destroy the Ring.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:34 PM EDT

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Mood:  hug me

"Had Bilbo been of Scots-Irish descent, it would've been proper for Frodo to hire a lonely piper to play the ballad 'Goin' Home' as an appropriate vehicle.  Absent that, Frodo has too much respect for those here today to subject you to another part of Bilbo's legacy, a truly horrible singing voice.  So, with your indulgence, Frodo chose to create a poem from a song that she truly loved, and that is truly a part of her voyage on this day.  It is Frodo's way of saying good-bye:"

"Oh Shenandoah I long to see you away and hear your rolling river/

Oh Shenandoah, I long to see you/

Away, we are BOUND away/

Across the wide Missouri/

Oh Shenandoah, I LOVED your daughter/

Away/

You rolling river/

For her I'd cross your roaming waters away/

I'm BOUND away/

Cross the wide Missouri/

'Tis seven years since last I've seen you and heard your rolling river/

'Tis SEVEN years since last I've seen you away/

We're bound away/

Across the wide Missouri/

Oh Shenandoah/

I long to see you/

And hear your rolling river/

Oh Shenandoah, I long to see you/

Away/

We're BOUND away/

Across the wide Missouri."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:56 PM EDT

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Mood:  smelly

The University of Tennessee utilizes the name "Volunteers" to describe their inter-collegiate teams.  Supposedly, the term reflects the voluntary activity of those individuals from Tennessee who assisted in the struggle between Texas and Mexico.  Unfortunately, the assistance of the Tennesseans did little to assist the rest of the nation, and Mexico freed itself from Texas.  Frodo has always despised the University of Tennessee.

Frodo believes that the only good Texan was on the losing side of last Sunday Night's NFL march-up with the Washington Redskins.

Derek Dooley, son of football scion Vince Dooley, of Georgia, is the third Tennessee Football Head Coach in the last three years.  Following Phil Fullmer (aka "The Great Pumpkin") and Lane Kiffin (who dumped the Volunteers for Trojans), Dooley has an even more difficult task ahead of him than even he imagined.  The problem, according to the KNOXVILLE NEWS-SENTINEL is exacerbated by a number of players who have come down with staph infections.

Dooley, an attorney by training, was quoted as stating that the apparent source of these serious infections is in the locker room.  A number of "students of higher learning" are not-schooled in proper utilization of soap and washcloth.  Hygiene, it seems, is an item not necessarily included in "No Child Left Behind."

Frodo has a number of suggestions for the academic intelligentsia in Knoxville.  First, every scholarship athlete should be introduced to his, or her, let's not forget Title IX, butt (since many are unable to find it, even using two hands, and hopefully, a washcloth).  Second, Course Number 2-204 (a second year elective) entitled "Taking a Tub Bath," should be a required course, albeit in the second semester, in the first year in Knoxville.  Frodo also believes that "An Introduction to Indoor Plumbing" should be a part of Freshman Orientation for any student-athlete entering the University from the Tennessee Secondary Schools.

The "Vols" were waxed by whomever they played last week.  A similar result is predicted for almost all of the remaining schedule.

Life is not all bad.   There is a whole new meaning however, to the cheer "Go Vols."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:44 PM EDT

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Mood:  energetic

GDP is an acronym.  Acronyms are sometimes confusing to Frodo.  GPS, for example, and other techy-sounding capitalized letters are a thousand light years away from LSMFT (readers under forty, who have never smoked, will be up all night with that one).  GDP is an acronym that seems to come under discussion the closer one gets to an election, and Frodo thinks it is a good idea for non-Koran book burners to concentrate on it for at least the next two months.

The President has put forth a very good idea to spur the economy.  He has proposed that businesses who buy capital equipment, say like a bulldozer for example, get an immediate credit off their taxes, as opposed to the current practice of "depreciating" the cost of the bulldozer over a five-to-seven year period of time.  This is an incentive for the business to spend money now, and to find a use for that bulldozer knowing that the price may never be lower.  It follows that they will have to hire someone to drive it.  At the same time, the company who made the bulldozer will recognize that they can sell even more bulldozers, so they will need more people on the assembly line in order to make even more money.  Businesses such as these will make more money, and therefore have bigger tax bills to pay.  Revenue to the government will increase, without raising tax rates, and the tax revenue lost to the credit will be erased.

What Frodo likes about this plan is that it improves the GDP in an entirely different manner than what has happened over the past decade, when the growth in GDP came from retail customers who borrowed money and spent it like "drunken sailors."  The retail customer was the source of the flow of cash into the economy, which is fine, as long as that person has a job or feels pretty good about his ability to eventually pay the piper his due.  The problem has become that the retail customer lost his job, or he is afraid that he may, so he stops spending.  That momentum has carried itself throughout the economy and has resulted in furloughs, lay-offs, production cutbacks, and all those things which have caused the GDP to fall like a rock.

The President is attacking the problem in order to reverse the negative momentum by getting people back to work and incentivizing business to do so.  Doesn't sound so hard, does it?

So why didn't the Republicants come up with the idea?

John Boehner, Joe Barton, Newt Gingrich, Sharon Angle, Michelle Bachmann, Joe Miller, Rand Paul, Jim DeMint, Willy Gomert, Carly Fiorina, Sarah Palin, Glen Beck, Rush Limbaugh, "You Lie" (from South Carolina, the moron whose name even Frodo can't recall), John Ensign, Vitter, and yes, even good ole John McCain, are not the friends of peopple trying to make their way in the world today.

As the song said, "It takes everything ya got," and these losers haven't done diddly-squat.

Vote like your life depends on it, because it does. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:26 PM EDT

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Mood:  a-ok

The coneflowers and the black-eyed susans have moved beyond color into the production of thistle to satisfy the finches.  Cardinals are heavy into sunflower seeds, and somebody has got to be helping the hummingbirds drain the colorful feeders in every corner of the Shire.  Bluebirds, none of whom seem attentive to Frodo's public housing projects, are in greater number than at any point in Frodo's memory.  Something, thinks Frodo, is definitely afoot, or on the wing anyway, in the gardens of the Shire.

Mr. Beau Neau McKitty seems to have taken leave from his patrol, for Frodo finds a mouse or two amongst the feeders almost every night.  It is as if the dip in temperature below 90 has hastened preparation for the days of darkness to come.  Since the forecast is for a week of return, does it not seem likely that all creatures great and small will lay low for a while?  Frodo is puzzled by the level of activity.  Perhaps they are preparing for the election mid-terms also?

This magical season, when football and baseball overlap, is reason enough for Frodo to temporarily hibernate, but it is the lure of the perfect weather and an outstanding novel, that occupy the moments not filled with the preparation for Bilbo's ceremony on Sunday to come.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, is recovering nicely from the fear he threw into the heart of the Hobbit, and, except for the arthritis, is making his way around as if nothing bad had ever happened.

Frodo received the urn today.  He talked to it all the way home in his motorcar.  Bilbo would like to have known about the bluebirds and the cardinals, but the hummingbirds wouldn't have interested her very much at all.

Frodo has been practicing his poetic interpretation of "Oh Shenandoah."  It is a process he wishes he could share with he known as the poet, sometimes.  He won't be saying anything new, just changing the placement of commas (Oh Shenandoah I long to see you and hear your rolling river.  Oh Shenandoah I long to see you away.  We're bound away across the wide Missouri. . .) 

Perhaps all that is extraordinary is merely a reflection of the changes that occur when a Hobbit begins to talk to himself, or to those who cannot answer back.

Gadfry, you don't suppose that Frodo will evolve into a Republicant?  More likely it is the Hobbit merely learning to turn the page, and to keep the feeders full.   Open windows this time of year are narcotic. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:56 PM EDT

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