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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Meet Me on South Street
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: "Greetings" (8)


Such was the salutation that headed the most dreaded, if not the most numerous, pieces of mail delivered during the twentieth century.  For the most part, these letters directed an individual to report for military service.  The commonly held assertion during the first part of the century was that the message therein was "polite, but firm."  During the latter half of the century the correspondence emanating from a local Draft Board created such a firestorm that it was eventually eliminated.

At the College of the Shire things were as they were throughout Middle Earth.  Frodo and his friends came to believe that the War fought in Southeast Asia was not only a mistake in and of itself, but they grew increasingly aware of the fact that they were being called to fight on the wrong side.  Coming to such a conclusion was both painful and divisive.  It was during such a time that the following actually occurred.

He was a Republicant, and he refused to accept the fact that the US of A could ever make a mistake, do something illegal, or even act imprudently. " After all," he was fond of saying, "my Father serves on the local Draft Board back home, and he told me that they only call true, patriotic Americans to serve their country.  Therefore," he added, "when my time comes, I will go willingly."  Even at the College of the Shire, the commonly-expressed response to that diatribe was "Bullshit."

To prove a point, a cabal was born over copious amounts of 3.2% beer on a cold winters night.  One of the co-conspirators had access to sheets of paper with semi-official looking headings of all kind.  Little effort was required in the fashioning of a command to appear for a Pre-Draft Physical Examination.  The heading "Greetings" was the first word entered to the body of the letter.   According to the letter, the individual was directed to report to a specific address in his home county, at a certain time and date, in order to establish his physical capacity to serve.

Since the event was something every male over the age of 18 was required to experience, it did not strike the victim as too, too unusual that he was to report to the US Post Office near his permanent address in Bluefield, West Virginia, at 5:30 AM on the 17th of February, even though that particular day happened to be a Sunday.  The letter further explained that the enclosed pre-paid ($17.50) Greyhound Bus Ticket from the terminal serving the College of the Shire to Bluefield would be matched by a return ticket to the College of the Shire and given to him upon completion of the Physical Examination.  Furthermore he was warned not to eat or drink anything that morning, and that a box lunch would be provided to him prior to his departure from the location of the Physical Examination en route to the Bus Terminal in Bluefield upon completion of said examination.

The ticket was for a departure at 3:00 AM.  The cost of the ticket, unknown to the addressee, involved contributions from 35 male classmates at the College of the Shire.  The letter was postmarked from Bluefield and dated less than a week after one of the co-conspirators had gone home to Bluefield for the weekend.

It was later learned that the four inches of snow that fell during the night was matched by temperatures well below Fahrenheit defined freezing levels for water.  It was unsurprising also that every commercial or governmental establishment was closed until after the Noon Hour services of the multitudinous number of churches in that faithful community.  The first bus, by the way, scheduled to depart for the terminal serving the College of the Shire would depart at 3:00 PM.  There was no return ticket or reservation listed (the military term for such an occurrence is SNAFU) on behalf of the subject of the cabal.  The box lunch was obviously also misplaced.

The assumption existed for many years that said subject did not call his parents in order to come and get him because of a demonstrated level of pride extending beyond good judgment.  It is also known that he never mentioned what took place on that day, even to those whom he had informed ahead of time about his planned Physical Exam.   Frodo is sure they must have questioned him when he was actually called for a "more official" Physical Exam less than three weeks later.

Frodo was reminded of these events when he recently learned that the subject therein now lives in Texas.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:50 PM EDT
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Friday, June 29, 2012
Hello Darling, It's Been a Long Time
Mood:  surprised
Topic: "Mister Roberts" (8)

Every time that Frodo has ever made a semi-informed prognostication he has found himself with crow feathers between his teeth.  For that reason he once again has stood on the sidelines while events seemingly pass by him.  He has not remarked upon the passing of Nora Ephron, because he truly loved the movie "Michael," and he wanted everybody else to spend time with Harry & Sally, Insomnia in Seattle, and her ex-husband. 

Michael gave up his last moments on Earth because of Sparky.  Frodo chokes up, even now.

Frodo made the emotional error of placing John Roberts in the same chair as the infamous Tanney.  Frodo fell victim, again, to the influence of the Ring, when he equated that toot to the apparent partisanship of the Chief Justice.  With all pretense of understanding the motivations of Roberts thus cast aside, Frodo assumed that the worst would happen.  Frodo does not know why things developed as they actually did, but he is pleased that such is so.

As the sailors wrote in their final correspondence to Henry Fonda who was playing the beloved Doug Roberts, "Thanks Mr. Roberts."

Frodo apologizes for his broken promise.  Justice Roberts deserves more.  Frodo will do better, and wait a little longer in the future before engaging oral musculature.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:16 PM EDT
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Sunday, June 24, 2012
I Think I Got Something to Say to You
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Act I, Scene II" (8)

The Diaspora after the Great War sent the sisters in different directions.  When her husband returned, the married sister set up house in the small town where they first had met.  That nest lasted until two offspring arrived, necessitating a move to a bigger community, bettter educational opportunities, and a life of their own.  The other sister had been working with wounded returnees when she met one nearly as carefree as she, and the whirlwind carried them to his parents and home halfway across Middle America.  Although children would not be a part of their equation, the absence suited their lifestyle well and they bore the reputation of two who knew how to have a good time.

The siblings who stayed behind produced about 10 more additions to the human landscape in postwar America.  These dozen players in the generation that followed the Greatest would eventually begin to realize that there was a potential treasure at the end of that rainbow in Middle America.  Those two did not have to "save for college," or spend every dime to support another set of more demanding nestlings.  In truth, when their end would arrive, there were none designated to receive the gold buried in that backyard.  The competition for a favored position seemed obvious, but no one stepped forward, for different reasons.

Each year, the Middle Americans would return to the homeland.  Not unlike the description in the PBS series "The Appalachians," there was a pronounced need for these people to return together from their new homes to that which they had always known.  The protagonists in our tale were no different, and the first real competition sprang up when the itinerary was annually determined for the trip "back home."  Those who resided nearest the farm got the benefit of access the most, simply because there was "more to do" there, and visits to old friends were easily organized.

It was about this time that Frodo recognized the rancor of jealousy from the sister who had been a roommate.  Resentment at the lack of time visiting at "her house" to the "long drive" to the farm were an increasingly apparent aspect to the commentary.  The sibling offspring in this part of the family soon adopted that as their prevailing opinions.  They split however, on exactly how much it bothered them.  One was growing disinterested in anything to do with "visiting relatives," when there was so much more to do in the big city.  The other seemed drawn closer and closer to the aunt and uncle who doted on her when no one else seemed interested.

Perfect lives do not last forever, and wounds tear open.  Such was the case when the shrapnel moved and the failure to follow medical counsel ended the days of another soldier.  Everyone else tried to make decisions for she who buried her friend and companion.  Resentment and surprise caught all of those who felt that she should now return home, so that they could "take care of her."  It was her decision to stay in the home that they had made, amid the friends with whom they had lived life to its fullest.  Frodo could not help but notice the increasing resentment in his home.  

Imagine the shock when, after a reasonable period of time, it was announced that there was another, and that a new partnership was being created.

Act I, Scene III to follow. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:18 PM EDT
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Thursday, June 21, 2012
Be-Bop Baby, She's The Gal For Me
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Act I, Scene I" (8)

In the months to come, Frodo is doing something a bit different.  Along with his continuing commitment to the vignette, he is adding a serial perspective.  The story therein is a mixture of truth and hypothesis, for the accusation is a serious one and the crime cannot be proven, given all that we now know.  Frodo will intersperse the serial in truly eclectic fashion with his perspectives which have truly caught the English-speaking imagination, or so Frodo himself imagines.  The next scene of the serial may follow immediately upon the end of its predecessor, or it may tumble into view days thereafter.  Serials will always be identified as a scene from an act upon the stage of life, and death.

The story is about murder.  Frodo lost someone near and dear whose death was hastened by greed.  The story, for want of a better placement, truly begins in the times before the Great Depression.  We all know that childhood is always difficult, but when there was not enough food, nor time for parental affection, siblings relied on one another in a manner too extreme for most of us today to fathom.  Not for many years did Frodo come to understand that the six siblings who would become known to him experienced deep personal resentments despite the apparency that suffering together would seemingly bring them closer over time.  

One of the six died in the Great War.  One other brother died freakishly during Frodo's tenth year, leaving one brother, and three sisters behind.  The remaining brother may never have learned to read or write.  One of the sisters accepted a life on the farm, much like that which she had known throughout her childhood.  The two remaining sisters were determined to go beyond, and they relied heavily on one another in search of youthful opportunities. The crux of our mystery, and the apparent crime, is documented as follows.

The boy rode a motorcycle, and he had taken notice of the first sister without having any knowledge of the one who would sooner become his wife.  The first sister thought he was a "nice guy," but surely not "her type."  She had a good feeling about the introduction of the boy on a motorcycle to her sister, and he seemed to rev up to the idea.  The Great War intervened, but they married when he was called to duty, and she waited at the stateside base for nearly three years.  In the meantime, sister number one prowled the field of available single, or temporarily unattached, boys home on leave, and looking for a "good time."  Frodo always felt that she did her part to serve the troops.

Act I, Scene II to follow. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:49 PM EDT
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Sunday, June 17, 2012
Was in The Spring, Then Spring Became a Summer
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Lost Weekend"(8)

Our topic today, dear reader, emanates from the title of an old movie, that dealt with alcoholism as a public issue in the way that we once dealt with all public issues.  We made a movie.  We no longer make movies, instead we make cartoons.  Cartoons about alcoholism would probably not be taken too seriously, so that means that we have to deal with our less pleasant issues from an entirely new visage.

Frodo watched as the gallant Braves were shut out for both of the baseball games played with the Orioles from Baltimore.  The Braves are never shut out two games in a row.  Perhaps such an uncommon occurrence is what started this downward spiral on the weekend now past?  Frodo is fearful of such thought since it makes him sound a bit like the late and oft-lamented Andy Rooney.

Frodo has previously written of his admiration for all things Grecian, so it is unsurprising that the continual clatter leading up to their most recent election held him spellbound.  Since Frodo leans heavily to the left, it was very uncharacteristic for him to root for the right-wingers in this instance.  Stability in the financial markets, reflecting well upon the efforts of the current American administration however, add significantly to the likelihood of victory before the Dark Gate.

On the other hand, we watch with sheer disdain over the pending transmittals from those who now sit where once those who returned Dred Scott to slavery once sat.  With an expectation of equal stupidity, Frodo anticipates the Affordable Care Act to drip through the fingers of justice as if it were but one more hanging chad, or another "Super Pac" filling Romney's mind with visions of sugar plums.  This is the worst Court, ever.

The Shire has also been invaded by dueling riding lawn mowers on either side of Frodo's residence therein.  Appropriate it is, he supposes, that these monstrosities should appear within minutes of each other on this the fortieth anniversary of the movie that introduced "Dueling Banjos" to all the world.

Likely it is that this is merely a cyclical presentation of Frodo's opening thought, i.e. movies have been replaced by cartoons, since a great movie like "Deliverance" (which that same year lost "Best Picture" to "The Godfather") is compared to two overweight, middle-aged men, on riding lawnmowers.  It certainly gives a more vibrant reference to the dialogue therein, reference Ned Beatty and "Squeal like a pig."

Frodo may not be Andy Rooney, but there are times when he feels like Twain.   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:51 PM EDT
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Sunday, June 10, 2012
All My Ex's Live In Texas
Mood:  loud
Topic: "Marvelous Mac"(8)

During their very first year of operation, Marv Throneberry was the regular first baseman for the New York Mets of MLB.  As only the NYC Press can do, Throneberry, who was prone to an error-filled performance throughout his career, became a crowd favorite because of his miscues.  As the anti-hero, who never stopped trying to be good, he became famous as "Marvelous Marv."  He also had a brother in MLB, Faye, Throneberry, of course.

In June of 1944, a young American fighter pilot was shot down and killed near the small town of Las Ventes, in France.  His widow, in Oklahoma, received the obligatory letter from the appropriate sources, informing her of his death, and the promise of additional information.  That promise, unfortunately, was not kept.

As late as 2005, the widow, who never re-married, communicated with her Congressperson, Rep. Mac Thornberry (R-TX), seeking any additional information about the demise of her husband.  The obviously distraught Congressperson communicated by letter and informed the widow that there was no new data regarding the status of her MIA.  A relative of the widow found that hard to believe, and picked up the telephone.

It took merely a few days to learn that the young pilot lies buried in the American Cemetery in Normandy, and that he has been there for years, after his body was transferred from its original burial site in Las Ventes.  It was also learned that the town square in Las Ventes is named for the young hero, who died to help save the town of Las Ventes, France, and the whole damn world for that matter.  In Las Ventes, there is a wreath-laying ceremony, every year, going back to the very end of the War, for this young man, the husband of our heroine.  She has, at the invitation of the village, visited, and was escorted to both his present burial site as well as the very spot where her late husband crashed.

Congressperson Thornberry has written a letter of apology.  He and his office have refused to make any public statement, and there has been no further communication with the widow.  Congressperson Thornberry, Frodo adds, chairs the House ARMED SERVICES COMMITTEE.  The widow has stated that she has forgiven Congressperson Thornberry.

Frodo has taken great libertyin the past with his disapproval of all things Texan.  It should go without saying that there is a sense of outrage which Frodo truly hopes becomes evident to Congressperson Thornberry.  It is the incompetence in acts such as this which unite Americans in their dismay toward the Congress of the United States.  Frodo, admittedly, is not nearly as gracious as the heroine herein, but he would be satisfied if there is at least one Texan who votes in the upcoming election against "Marvelous Mac" for the single reason that he didn't even try to do a good job.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:12 PM EDT
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Saturday, June 9, 2012
When I Grow Up to be a Man, What Will I be
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Selective Service"(8)

Frodo has been thinking about the greatest athletes of his time.  Edwin Moses, Hershall Walker, Secretariat, and Muhammad Ali are four random names that deserve consideration, although another objective observer may omit all of Frodo's suggestions for various reasons.  One of the reasons just might deal with the issue of national service.

"I ain't got nothin' against them Cong" were the words formulated by he once known as Cassius Clay after  adopting the Islamic Faith and the name, Muhammad Ali.  The words were mouthed once it became clear that the United States Government was going to prosecute him for failure to enter military service.  Ali's barristers argued that his newly-adopted religious consciousness prevented him from taking arms.

Ali's action resulted in both the administrative loss of his title as "Heavyweight Champion of the World," and his subsequent imprisonment.  Once his punishment was served, Ali returned to the ring and won back the championship title.  He truly became, as a result of his actions, the most famous man in the world.  It was Ali, standing alone, who lit the Olympic Torch in order to open the 1996 Summer Games, in Atlanta.

Frodo waxes on the transition from athletics to conscience because of the price that Ali paid for his beliefs.  At the time, even Frodo believed that he deserved to be stripped of his title, and punished for failing to bear arms in service to the nation that gave him, in spite of massive countercurrents, the path to greatness.  Now, Frodo feels otherwise. 

Ali was targeted for racial and religious reasons.  His perceived arrogance was a major frustration for the Luddite elements of his time.  This Frodo truly believes.  For how else can one explain the fact that Willard Mitt Romney failed to bear arms in service to his country and received no penalty or prosecution for his religious consciousness?  Romney, as most know, received "deferrals" in order to serve as a "missionary."  Perhaps this was Romney's way of saying that he "didn't have anything against them Cong," either?

There is no doubt that Muhammad Ali was a greater athlete than Willard Mitt, as there is certainly an absence of argument to the fact that he is a better citizen and champion of his beliefs.  Just ask the Romney off-spring, who serve no one. 

The apple, it seems, does not fall far from the tree. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:23 AM EDT
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Saturday, June 2, 2012
In My Midnight Confessions
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Land Ho"(8)

Richard Land is a corpulent, flatulent, obsequious, sorry-ass excuse for anything beyond the definition of what was once affectionately referred to as a "turd blossom."  Frodo is not alone in his revulsion for the "ethics chief" of the Southern Baptist Convention, especially after Land was caught in the act of plagiarism.

Richard Land accused the President of the United States, and other black leaders, of shamefully exploiting the death of Trayvon Martin for purely political gain.  Now, Frodo does not decry anyone's opinion, even when subjectively incorrect, as long as it adds to the judicial discourse between people who respect one another.  In the case of Mr. Land however, it is clear that he may have to refer back to the spelling lesson offered by Aretha Franklin in order to project any level of respectful dialogue.  Mr. Land's opinion and attack on the President it seems, was copied word-for-word from an editorial in the WASHINGTON TIMES.  An editorial in which Mr. Land was not a contributor.

This overweight, obnoxious, belligerent, cowardly piece of crap did not have the courage, much less the moral compass to formulate his own words.  To the credit of the "Board of Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission," of which he is Chairman, Land was reprimanded and his radio show was canceled. 

Now he should be fired.  And that is the opinion of one Hobbit who is worried about anyone losing a job, except for a liar.  Wouldn't it be great if David Gregory had the balls to bring the toad onto "Meet the Press," and offer him some grape juice? 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:57 PM EDT
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Thursday, May 24, 2012
You Lay Your Bets And You Take Your Chances
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)

Frodo sat down with Mr. Charles Ferguson, Editor of the New Orleans Times-Picayune, and discussed the impact of political endorsements by a major metropolitan newspaper.  Since this was the theme of Frodo's Master's Thesis, he was hoping to discover that Ferguson was a hack, on somebody's payroll, and that Frodo would win a Pulitzer Prize for his investigative effort therein.  Frodo learned that Ferguson was a Neiman Fellow, and an Honors Graduate of Harvard University.  He was also a good guy, a brilliant journalist, and somebody who loved the City of Orleans just as much as the Hobbit.

Frodo thought of Mr. Ferguson this day.  It was announced yesterday that the New Orleans Times-Picayune would only be hard-copy published three times each week.  The City is now the only, but perhaps merely the first, major metropolitan market in all of Middle Earth to be without a daily newspaper.  Surely, the powers that be are strenuous in their argument that on-line publishing will be constant, and that the flow of information will be instantaneous, but that does not satisfy the Hobbit at all.

The New Orleans Times Picayune won a Pulitzer Prize for its 2006 reporting of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.  Without power, water, or public services nearly the entire staff stayed at their desks, answered questions, and sought answers.  They were notified, after the fact, yesterday, that nearly all of them will either lose their jobs, or have their work-hours significantly reduced.

The New Orleans States-Item, the afternoon daily newspaper, was acquired by the Times-Picayune several years ago.  The States-Item was the only major metropolitan newspaper to endorse George McGovern for the Presidency in his race against Richard Nixon.  Now a Pulitzer Prize winning newspaper, and the subordinate segment which first saw the devil in that drawing room are changed, if not something totally different.

Frodo is well-known, and oft-quoted, for his proclamation that "Change is Good."  He wonders however, in this case, if he isn't witness to the creation of merely another 24-hour cable news network.  Could there be another whole group of attractive talking-heads out there, eager to make a name for themselves by seeing which can yell the loudest, or speak over the conversation most often, to further separate the citizen from any level of interest in the community in which they all live?  Perhaps that gentleman at the table in the back of the bar, sipping a glass of single-malt, is thinking about that graduate student he once met, wondering whatever happened to him.  Ferguson probably hopes that the Hobbit went on to become a personal care physician, in Taiwan.  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:05 PM EDT
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Tuesday, May 22, 2012
You Make My Dreams Come True
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Falcon" (8)

"The time will come when diligent research will bring to light things which now lie hidden.  A single lifetime, even though devoted entirely to the sky, would not be enough for the investigation of so vast a subject. . .And so this knowledge will be unfolded only through long successive ages.  There will come a time when our descendants will be amazed that we did not know things that are so plain to them. . .Many discoveries are reserved for ages still to come, when memory of us will have been effaced.  Out universe is a sorry little affair unless it has in it something for every age to investigate. . .Nature does not reveal her mysteries once and for all."--From the first century, Book 7 of 'Natural Questions' authored by he known as Seneca.

The United Federation of Planets it was which Frodo accepted as that beyond his time, which would go where no man has gone before.  Surely, it would be a governmental body, lead by its best and its brightest soldiers and scientists, who would unite in the conquest of the 400 billion stars that comprise the Milky Way.  To his great embarrassment, the Hobbit made an assumption too big to fail. 

Armstrong and Cernan were among those who testified before the Congress of the United States (certainly a come-down from the United Federation of Planets) in order to maintain the status quo of NASA and the superiority of Middle Earth in Space.  In the end, it was the resources of a South African named Musk who, though chagrined by his heroes and their opposition to his private enterprise that won the day, and set a non-governmental business to the forefront of the cosmos.

It is as we have become.  The incentive for exploration can no longer simply be in the search for truth, it requires that there be investors, who seek a return, and that all effort be driven by their motive.  Perhaps Columbus, appearing before the crowned heads felt much the same way, knowing that he would have to return with something of value, as well as an opening to the future of all mankind. 

Still, it will be oh so strange to see the surface of Mars, and the logo of Lockheed where our flag might have been.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:42 PM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 11:42 AM EDT
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