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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
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Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Sunday, March 10, 2013
But I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Downtown Cardinals"(9)

Frodo never thought he would miss Mitt Romney.  At least, then, he knew that there would be something new, if not outright bizarre, to add sparkle to his morning coffee.  Now, it is the same thing, day-after-day, and Frodo is getting to the point that he truly doesn't care whether or not the President paid for the dinner.  What follows is a brief take on the three dominating stories at hand, allowing Frodo to let off a little steam, at your expense dear reader.

Let us, hypothetically, replace every use of the word "drone" with the descriptive title "AR-15".  Senator Paul would be receiving a whole lot less sympathetic treatment for his filibuster if he had merely sought the Attorney General's assurance that no Americans will be targeted for elimination by assault weapons.  Frankly, Frodo does not give a horse's patoot how his end comes, he would prefer however that no one receive a bonus therefrom.

Frodo has very little interest, other than outright pique, for the Conclave of Cardinals.  Ever since they allowed Pujols to leave, the Cardinals have little to justify predictions of their competitive success in the National League.  The Braves will be a far superior challenger to the other worldliness of the Boston Red Stockings.  If this comment confuses you, dear reader, please proceed Governor and start worrying when the CNN commentator interjects.

Finally, there is all this seeming interest in Downtown Albany.  Frodo has never spent much time there, but he is pretty sure that there are very few located within the city limits who speak with any kind of British accent.  Besides, any guy who does speak that way is generally gay.  Frodo is pretty sure they don't recognize gay people in Albany.  Frodo has always wondered about the Governor of Georgia however.  Does anyone, by the way, have any spare batteries for a remote?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:00 PM EST
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Saturday, March 9, 2013
Every Rose Has its Thorn, Every Day Has Its Dawn
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Tom Bombadil Returns"(9)

Landscape grasses need to be trimmed in early March, annually.  Frodo and his gallant neighbor, Tom Bombadil, would silently gather their trimmers and extension cords preparing to lower the greenery to no taller than a twelve-inch height above the surface of the Shire, annually.  The ceremonial rite of Spring was interrupted by the collapse of the economy, and the subsequent loss of Tom's home to the inexplicable words of foreclosure.  Frodo stood idly by, while his friend and neighbor drove silently into the sunset.  Perhaps it was nothing more than male pride, but Frodo heard nothing more from his neighbor and friend, as his turn-signal blinked incessantly into the soul of the Hobbit.

This morning, the Hobbit started to gather his tools so that, for the first time, he could do what must be done, efficiently, and alone.  He noted the motorcar turning into his driveway, and wondered who had gotten the wrong directions so early on a Saturday morning.  The smile told him everything he needed to know.

They shook hands, and silently began to mow the landscape grass in the front yard of the Shire.  As in days of old, they cursed the razor-sharp blades, and alternated raking with the shearing.  Little need be said.  It was a job that needed doing, and only they two seemed to know what, and when, it needed doing.

Tom has now found new directions.  

Afterwards they were joined by Samwise and those who have replaced friends known as Fiona and Mick.  It was apparent from the very beginning that Dandy and Tess knew who this stranger happened to be, and they greeted him, warmly.  For the Hobbits, it was if their friend, and neighbor, still lived next door, ready and willing to help prepare for the Spring soon at hand.  Friendship, it seems, crosses many borders, and greater challenges.  They spoke of hope and change, secure in the fact that things get better each and every day.

And now those damned clumps of landscape grass retain their symbolic status for another year, or until Tom Bombadil comes again to visit his friends in the Shire.  What day that may be will be known only when it comes.  It will be a good day.    


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:42 PM EST
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Friday, March 8, 2013
Made Love In My Chevy Van, And That's Alright With Me
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Gondor Goodfellas"(9)

Frodo believes he first participated in the festivities upon a baseball diamond when he was no more than five years old.  Similarly, it has been at least twenty-five years since last he swung at a pitched ball.  Much about the game remains just as it always was, for that is the charm of the national pastime in the Shire.  Frodo has spent many an hour watching others play his game, but, most importantly, he has never stopped wondering just how good he is today.  Some changes have indeed occurred, and it has resulted in statistical accomplishments by others that dwarf those of the Hobbit, lo these many years thereafter.

For example, there are no bats made from ash or maple.  For the paltry sum of $300 one can purchase an aluminum bat which will last forever, that is unless it flies from the hand of the batter and conks the senses out of an innocent bystander.  Everyone wears a helmet, thereby denying all the opportunity to experience a concussion or a mimicry of the status which befell the late Roy Chapman in 1944, when an errant pitch struck immediately behind his left ear.  There are no "spikes" on the shoes, but the present tennis version costs a dozen times what the Ty Cobb endorsed (and honed) variety which now rest forlornly in places like Cooperstown.

Frodo knows facts such as these because of today's meeting of the Men of Gondor, which consisted of a Mexican lunch drenched by a Dos Equiis and a sense of attitude followed by an hour of "BP" inside a batting cage.  Utilizing all of the available technological improvements developed since last he swung a bat in anger, Frodo waited to take his turn against the mechanized version of Whitey Ford, or at least Pascual Perez.

Norm went first.  Wearing his Yankee t-shirt, and his Yankee cap, Norm gave witness to the truism that "you can't go home again."  Frodo truly believes Norm was a great fan, but as a player, well, he is still a great fan.

Dale followed, and he showed Frodo something he did not anticipate.  Dale made contact on nearly every ball to cross the plate.  Now that doesn't mean each would've found a passage through an imaginary infield, but it did reflect a natural hand-eye coordination which spoke well of one trained as a soldier.

Lonesome George was the only one left before the Hobbit.  LG impressed the Hobbit as the exact kind of guy he would want to bat second in his mythical line-up card.  Batting as a right-hander, he drilled ball-after-ball into right field, a skill which the Hobbit has not been able to master, ever.

The Hobbit swung at the first pitch, and missed it badly.  The results of the second pitch were not much different as the Hobbit attempted to adjust to the outside sink of the mechanized artillery, set at 75 mph.  The third pitch dribbled foul, to his left.  Two more swings and misses convinced the Hobbit that making contact was the secret.  How to accomplish that was the mystery.

Suddenly, with a mighty ping to echo throughout the innerworld gymnasium, a line drive carried high and hard to left field.  Then it began, and ball-after-ball screamed to dead left field, up the middle, and, finally, to the hole in right field.  Soon there was a crowd about, all watching the Hobbit torch the machine.  At that moment, Frodo could recite the words about John Henry, "a steel-drivin' man."

Momentum drove the Hobbit, and made him hope that this hour in time would never end, or that it at least last until Freddie Gonzalez of the Atlanta Braves wandered in and offered the Hobbit a long-term contract. 

Now the Hobbit can rest easy, knowing that he's still got it.  Glad he was however, that nobody suggested setting the machine at 95 MPH.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:59 PM EST
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Thursday, February 28, 2013
Cold Kentucky Rain Keeps Pourin' Down
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: "Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)

For the record dear reader, you are present at another anniversary for Frodo.  In addition, this milestone chronicles an average input of 150 postings per annum, which ain't bad for a Hobbit with absolutely no history of finishing anything he ever started.  Witness, for example, the continued presence of the Ring as well as Newt Gingrich.

On this day of celebration, the Hobbit shares the mood for "sequestration" that seems to best reflect the national news.  Why, he wonders, haven't the parties simply been locked up in some sort of confined environment and held there until they come to some sense of consensus?  He knows that some of the participants will never compromise on anything, which means that still another legal solution fails the larger world.  The result would be that, eventually, the money will run out, and the sequestrees would starve.  No loss.

Frodo is similarly imprisoned in an Appalachian valley with shifting weather fronts.  Dandy and Tess are with the Hobbits, and they keep looking longingly at the motorcar, hoping that a bare foot will be placed on an accelerator and a homeward journey will begin before the next supper dish finally appears.  Sharing living arrangements with those who first read the obituaries on a daily basis cements the aura of "lands end" which imprisons the Hobbit this day.  Sydney and Beau Neau McKitty are thriving in the Shire with the careful attention paid their every whim by Miss Ellyn.  Too bad, thinks the Hobbit, that Sydney is not here, in full screech, to bring a swift conclusion to the sequestration suffered herein.

Say, maybe there is a solution for the negotiators after all.  Let them see how long they last with an eternal tape of a cockatiel in full screech.  Boehner would break into tears.

Happy Frodo Day. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:26 AM EST
Updated: Thursday, February 28, 2013 10:28 AM EST
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Friday, February 22, 2013
Every Man Gotta Have a Party Doll
Mood:  party time!
Topic: "Tess of the Dorghis" (8)

A companion dog was the intent.  Frodo was surprised by the fact that the pictured potential adoptee was not among the 2 or 3 hundred canines with whom he has become acquainted while volunteering at the Animal Shelter of the Shire.  He answered his own question when he first saw the candidate and discovered that it only weighed 20.6 pounds.  Frodo has consciously avoided the "puppies and small dogs" in order to spend time with the larger, sometimes mangier, who receive less attention from the "oohers" and the "aahers."

Sam sat in the waiting area with Dandy, who was to be exposed to each of the potential candidates, and cast approving or dissenting input.

The candidate was the fifth to appear before the Committee, and it was at this point that Frodo conceived of the similarity between this process and that of the Academy Awards.  The only difference being that non-selectees still faced a potential meeting with the Grim Reaper.

She nearly fell out of the cage into Frodo's arms.  Perhaps she had seen him walk by on prior days, hoping that he would look her way, and now recognized this as her big chance.  Frodo held her gently as he slipped a small leash around her neck and placed her on the floor and started to walk into the viewing area.  Oh, how she pranced, and Frodo sensed that something special was in the air.

As soon as the candidate met Sam's eyes, the deal was done.  She looked enough like the late and long-lamented Fiona that tears swelled in the brave eyes of Samwise.  Amazingly, Dandy also saw something special in the fact that his front paw was being slowly dissolved into the widening maw of the last remaining candidate.

Frodo imagined that Tess, who wagged her tail incessantly while the paperwork was being completed, was silently mouthing the words "I would like to thank the members of the Academy. . .", and he knew that it was the most sincere use of these words in his lifetime.

She is a star (and she thinks the Hobbit is cool).  Much, much more than a companion.  She is a friend.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:54 PM EST
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Monday, February 18, 2013
Hello Mary Lou, Good-bye Heart
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Guess We Forgot?"(8)

Frodo does not have to remind anyone of the premise that life often imitates art.  It is when it comes up and bites you (or someone you know) in the ass that you really begin to think about the implications thereto.  150 years ago, it appears, somebody forgot to put a stamp on the envelope, and the result tells us something we already knew.

The Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America was formally adopted by the 50th State to so ratify just last week.  Frodo, in the immortal words of the late Jack Paar, says "I Kid You Not."  It seems that, according to the bureaucratic underpinnings of the Magnolia State, the formal notification although acted upon several years ago, was not formally transmitted due to an oversight.  The discoverer of the little faux pas was a physician who had recently seen the movie "Lincoln" and who "googled" aspects of the story for his own edification when he stumbled upon the Mississippi humiliation, or the latest one asserts Frodo.

Frodo wonders when, or if, the clarions of justice and liberty in Jackson ratified other pieces of federal legislation?  Maybe they've been shooting each other for 150 years without sanctioning the Second Amendment either?  Or just maybe that's why so many people are traditionally denied the right to vote?  How does the bumper sticker read?  "Fergit, Hell No?"

For the record, the state which was number 49?


Ashley Judd for Senate.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:52 PM EST
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Thursday, February 14, 2013
Celebrate, Celebrate Dance to The Music
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Talibanme Banana"(8)

The President announced during his SOTU that a goodly number of the remaining troops in Afghanistan would soon be coming home.  That, certainly, was good news, but what the announcement meant to Frodo was that even people he admires can be wrong, especially when it comes to issues of war and peace.  For the record, Frodo wants all of the troops out of Afghanistan, now.  How wonderful it would be if Frodo could document such happenings on the anniversary of his founding and the 1200th posting of his literary endeavors, both of which are imminent.

"Mr. President."

"Yes, Mr. Frodo is recognized from the audience of those who have attended my visit to a preschool program in the lands of the Shire this day."

"Mr. President, thank you, and welcome to the Shire."

"It is always good to be here Mr. Frodo, and to get a good look at a program where people and government work well together."

"Mr. President, I don't mean to burst your bubble, but let me add that I wished to take the opportunity to tell you that even though I have fought for you, and never regretted a nickel of the cost, I think you are just flat-out wrong when it comes to the continuing presence of US troops on the ground in Afghanistan."

"Well, Mr. Frodo, I'm sure you're aware of my committment to withdraw all troops by the end of 2014. . ."

"Almost exactly 96 years after what was dubbed 'The War to End All Wars."

"Point taken."

"Mr. President, that guy Karzai is possessed by the Ring.  Can't you see, as Presidential Nominee John F. Kennedy did during his debate with Richard Nixon that Afghanistan is not worth the "bleached bones of a single American soldier?"

"The reference being to the islands of Quemoy and Matsu bordering The People's Republic of China and Taiwan, and the cries for US involvement which Kennedy opposed."

"Yes Sir.  It is Frodo's opinion that nothing will be gained by the loss of more lives.  Despite the sacrifices, there is only the religious institution existant in that society, and that is not enough to support societal change."

"I have made that argument myself, in the days before my Presidency."

"I understand Sir, and you were confronted by a diplomatic and military counsel who argued the opposite, just like we heard in the early 1960's in Southeast Asia and before we invaded Iraq little more than a decade ago.  You were right then, you are wrong to continue following that flawed counsel."

"Mr. Frodo, I appreciate your input and will do all I can to bring all of our troops home as quickly, and as safely as I can."

"I believe that Sir.  No matter what, please do not let me down.  For the boys."

"For the boys."


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:53 PM EST
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Monday, February 11, 2013
Come On Baby Light My Fire
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Climb It Chains" (8)

There is 40 inches of snow on the ground in that state near Massachusetts that Frodo never can seem to spell correctly.  It is raining now in the Shire, and the temperature is 30 degrees cooler than it was the day before yesterday.  Seven predominantly agricultural states in the Midwest are no longer selling corn for ethanol production because of the on-going drought.  January was the warmest month ever recorded on our small blue planet.

Wood storks are nesting in the Okeefenokee Swamp, an event that has never before happened.  The glaciers covering Greenland have melted to a point that the mass thereof is smaller than at any point in recorded history.  Tornadic activity in February is more frequent than in the memory or the record-keeping of anyone observing the gun-toting sections of Mordor.  Most telling of all is the fact that Frodo wears two pair of socks, constantly.

Frodo could go on all day, but the research involved would only further deteriorate his already blue funk.  It goes without saying that the weather changes, and that any given day can reflect the most of this or the least of that, Frodo is not totally immune to his environment after all.  What concerns Frodo most of all is the fact that it is the "Orcness" in all of us that may be responsible.  The change, it seems, is in the eye of the beholder.

Frodo's dulling memory synapses come through less frequently in his behalf than seemed to occur during his youth.  He remembers however, someone once saying that "If you took away everything that Man has added to the Earth, it would then again be perfect."  Who can argue?   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:19 PM EST
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Friday, February 1, 2013
She's a Good Girl, Crazy 'Bout Elvis
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Tess of D'Uberville"(8)

Almost five months into the lively association of Frodo, Sam, Beau Neau, Sydney, and Dandy, the need for companionship on the canine side of the equation couldn't be more obvious.  That explains the presence of 20.6 pounds of avenging angel alongside the foot of the Hobbit.  Identified as a Welsh Corgie but clearly a remote relative of a Dachshund, "Tess" is a brindle who, for want of a more definitive noun, is a "Dorgie."

Tess is not in the least intimidated by the Appenzeller who outweighs her by three pounds for every one packed into her comparatively tiny frame.  This edition of the World Woof Federation (WWF, for short) is an on-going cycle of struggle for superiority in the Shire.  To this point, every "squeaky toy" has been de-sensitized, shredded, and piled into a single defensible fortress.  Every osseous fragment, nearly all of which are devoid of marrow or slime, has been removed from the "toy box" and is scattered throughout the internal portions of the Shire, or buried in the winter detritus of the great out-of-doors.  The search for hidden treasure and the subsequent struggle for buried doubloons of taste delight Daddy's Dandy beyond reasonable expectation.  Sam is abeam, and that is as if a different path had been chosen in a yellow wood.  There is great joy in the Shire.

Joy melds, over time, with the memory of those who watch over the Hobbits from the peace and quiet of hallowed ground.  The Hobbits still frequently call the new ones by the names they knew for so long a time.  No one seems to mind.

The Hobbits journey in the morrow to the land of the great water dish in the sky, and the search for adventure continues.  With the best of friends in tow.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:47 PM EST
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Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Bo Diddley, Bo Diddley Have You Heard
Mood:  cool
Topic: "First Sentence" (8)

Dr. Ferrol Sams, MD, of Fayetteville, Georgia, passed away yesterday.  He was 90 years of age.  Dr. Sams had two careers, the first of which, the medical, commenced with his admission to Mercer University at the age of 16.  His second career festered embryonic after one of his professors urged him to seek a career as a writer.  His first book was published in 1982, and is entitled "Run With the Horsemen."  Dr. Sams continued his family practice until 2006, concurrent with career number two.

There are a few books whose opening sentence captures the appropriate location in the frontal lobe, and remains there for a lifetime.  "A Tale of Two Cities" and "Moby Dick" come immediately to mind among the handful which are known to all, seemingly.  Ferrol Sams added "In the beginning there was the land." 

In the final pages of the first book in what became a trilogy, Frodo backed off his assertion that he had been reading one of the greatest books of the twentieth century.  He added Sams however, to his identification of the ablest of the able, the Southern author.  Ferrol Sams was as passionate as he was honest.  He must have been one hell of a doctor.

Some years ago Frodo came to the acquaintance of an extremely intelligent and worldly young woman whose hometown was Fayetteville.  During the conversation, Frodo raised his admiration of Ferrol Sams as an author to the subjects of discussion.  He was greeted by a blank stare.  Only when the "Sams Center" was referenced did she ever question who or how the name for said facility come to be.  Frodo offers to others that becoming familiar with Ferrol Sams writing is a sound investment in personal wealth.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:17 PM EST
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