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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
MoveOn.org
The Return of the King
BarackObama.com
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
It's So Nice To Have You Back Where You Belong
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)

Virginia produces religious and gender bigots.  It is beneath Frodo's personal opinion of himself to document the Jerry Falwell-Pat Robertson-et al-cabal who have played upon the emotional weakness of that section of Middle Earth that was once known as "the Mother of Presidents."  It is also, perhaps, overkill that one such as Frodo would rush to the parapet of the Black Gate and take command in the name of his sisters and friends.  Nay, better it is that the Hobbit merely add a few shots of sarcasm to the legislative products which speak volumes about Virginia, a truly terrible place to live.  Virginia, to alter the state motto, is for assholes.

Do you know what is written on the vaginal probes that are mandated under "Virginia Law" for those seeking certain methods of birth control?

ANSWER--"If you can read this message, you're too damn close."

Do you know what Sarah Palin wrote on her vaginal probe?

ANSWER--"You can see Russia from here."

Sometime, Frodo admits, it hurts too much to laugh.

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:47 PM EST
Updated: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 9:52 PM EST
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Wednesday, February 15, 2012
It's Not For Me To Say
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Dodged a Bullet"(7)

Frodo grows wary when he is asked the same question over and over and over again.  It begins to bother him when he recognizes that those asking the question are all coming from the same perch, or should Frodo say, the same altar.

"Don't you agree that this is the most important election in American History?"

"No, actually" said Frodo.  "The more thought thrown into consideration, the less important this election is in comparison to a number of presidential elections, both within my lifetime, and before" stated the Hobbit.

The look that emanates from friend and foe alike is that the Hobbit is some sort of Occupy something-or-other who needs to get a haircut, take a bath, and get a job (the point being that a lifetime working his way up Mount Doom means nothing to those who would follow Newt into a brothel or an ice cream parlor, the Hobbit is a "socialist" to them).

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, named by TIME Magazine as the most important person of the Twentieth Century, in one or more of his presidential contests certainly represented an election more important than that which will occur in November.  The scope of the "Great Depression" and World War II in and of themselves alone certainly represented challenges which help produce what we all commonly refer to as the "greatest generation."  It is hard to imagine what would have happened had Herbert Hoover or Wendell Wilkie been selected to run America "like a business."

John McCain and Sarah Palin, even considering the incomparable suffering as a POW by McCain, represent a campaign ticket that was created in a vain attempt to win an election at any cost.  McCain's answer to economic challenge was to marry a rich wife.  Palin's response was to write a couple of worthless books, and to hint about her past as a "sports groupie."  Can any rational person believe that allowing the car companies to fold and cutting taxes would have brought about a quicker terminus to our economic dilemma?  This was an election which dwarfed that which stands in our future, simply because it brought about the silence which now surrounds the eight years about which no one talks, even Republicants.

No, dear reader, the second term of Barack Obama, and his faithful sidekick "B.O." ("Bo", since you probably never realized this is how the dog got his name), will commence with an inaugural address which will be the second most important Second Inaugural ever delivered.  His opponent in the election will be no more than a footnote in history, but he will author at least two worthless books.  The President will, at last, have the opportunity to "bind up the nation's wounds. . .to do all which may achieve a just and lasting peace among ourselves. . ."

 

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:10 PM EST
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Sunday, February 12, 2012
What a Difference a Day Makes
Mood:  bright
Topic: "Birthday Buddies" (7)

Mention birthdays in February and Frodo was quick to identify how many Mondays off he got during good ole February.  For many years, the birthdays of both Washington and Lincoln were celebrated by extracurricular non-vocational activity.  Somewhere along the way PRESIDENTS DAY came into being, and February became more like October.  Tomorrow is one of the days once part of Frodo's February twosome.  Reminiscing over a February holiday is not a routine event for the Hobbit, so it is worthwhile to note that the 12th day of February is also the birthday of Charles Darwin.

Darwin was born within four hours of Abraham Lincoln on that identical day in a long ago February.  It makes Frodo wonder if there wasn't something truly wonderful in the water back then?  The most inspiring of our national leaders and the most adventuresome of scientific pioneers wrapped together in the quixotic interplay of role reversals.  Lincoln, of course, was killed before he could realize his life-long desire to travel across the Continental Divide to California, and Darwin, who used the HMS BEAGLE in order to travel to the remoteness of the Galapagos and count iguanas, and boobies, and tortoises; then to theorize in similar manner to the Newtonian falling apple.

Frodo has always been fascinated by the concept of greatness.  What is it about the Mona Lisa that puts a singular portrait above the hundreds of thousands collecting dust in the basements of museums?  Why does one man rise above all others to accept responsibility without reward, as say an Albert Schweitzer?  Is it simply the search for truth that put Galileo in the sights of a Pope or two?

Frodo thinks it was the water.  

Anybody for the celebration of clean water, maybe on some other Monday in February?  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:25 PM EST
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Saturday, February 11, 2012
And I Don't Give a Damn About a Greenback Dollar
Mood:  not sure

Frodo remembers one of the great scenes in all of moviedom when dueling banjos represented a downhill run that was anything but fun for the canoeists of DELIVERANCE.  It is not uncommon for the Hobbit to find himself listening for the music and finding something unexpected.  Today, that realization was discovered in the empty aisles of the TARGET store.

Where is everybody?  A nice suburban location with a comparatively affluent clientele on a cold and windswept winter's day for a major retailer is generally arush with escapees from cabin fever.  Not so this day.  Frodo could have stood in the middle of the store wearing lederhosen and called at the top of his voice for a throat lozenge and nobody was there to notice.

While Sam piloted the motorcar, for a change, and Mick, the Wonder Dog, gazed at doggie television as it passed by his position in the rear seat, Frodo looked around, as if he were on a nature walk in search of small signs of a coming spring.  The German grocery chain that seems well-stocked with a limited variety of bulk goods and unknown name brands had a steady flow of traffic, or so it seemed to Frodo.  The charitable organization which recently seems to be selling donated goods from shiny new locations in strip shopping centers was packed, people buying heavier coats and such.

Cable network news, not the local media, reported today that of all the 50 states, the people of Georgia are least prepared to exist on savings.  Should a citizen of the area about the Shire lose his job, and suffer without income, that person would have less than a few months of his own capital at hand.  Dead last in all the Union.

What did they do with what they had?  What are they going to do?  What are we going to do?  Yet, attendance for the ATLANTA BRAVES will approach 3,000,000 no matter what.  People will pay the $7 it costs for a single beer at Turner Field.  Neill Diamond will sing to a sell-out crowd at $75-150 per ticket in just a few months.  Even more interesting is the fact that, with the exception of an occasional OBAMA sticker, like the one on his motorcar, there are none broadcasting allegiance to one of the Republicants.  Frodo has not seen a bumper sticker for weeks, and the last one he saw was "CAIN IS ABLE."

Frodo will have to spend a little less time in the woods, and pay greater attention to the traffic from the co-pilot's position.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, will not object at all.  Sam couldn't be happier, Frodo's driving has always been of concern. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:27 PM EST
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Friday, February 10, 2012
There's a Moon Out Tonight
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "N. Leroy" (7)

Frodo decided that he would sit and listen to one entire political speech from beginning to end.  He figured that he had already heard every imaginable and supercilious statement in sound bites, and it would be an appropriate waste of his time to measure the construction of said thoughts by one who would be President.  Fortunately, Willard and Santini had already spoken, so Frodo was spared another rendition of "America the Beautiful" and was immune from another assault on 21st century sectarian thought.  Saint Paul was up in Maine, and nobody really seemed to know why, leaving only the Newtster as the subjkect of Frodo's analysis.

Unbelievably, the former Speaker of the House repeated most of the diatribe from a recent news conference where he went into great length about his perceived activities upon his inauguration and prior to his next act of adultery.  There was an exception however, and it had to do with the Moon.

A few days ago the proposal had been made to re-commit resources to the nation's lunar exploration efforts.  Newt suggested that he would, before his second term commenced, establish an American lunar colony of 13,000 adventurers, and that before he left office, the colony would apply for and receive American statehood.

Frodo would like to point out that his eminence has never stepped to the plate in behalf of the 550,000 American citizens who populate the District of Columbia, and who have continuously sought statehood for decades, if not centuries.  Frodo admits to being confused about the distinction; doesn't it seem logical that Newt I would win the adoration, loyalty, and support of an awful lot more potential voters if he initiated statehood for old D.C.?

Perhaps the 13,000 residents of "Moon Base Gingrich"  would all be former students and girl friends from the University of West Georgia?  They would be all white, wouldn't they?

Hmmm!


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:28 PM EST
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Thursday, February 9, 2012
Who's Sorry Now?
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Frodo's Revenge"(7)

Larry O'Neill and Byron Trapnell were bullies in every sense of the word.  Although neither flushed Frodo's head down a toilet nor stuffed him into a locker, that was probably only due to the fact that collectively they were not intelligent enough to have thought of something so complex.  True it is, given the present standards, both would have been dismissed from school and would have been featured on the local evening news in handcuffs.  School had many negative features for the smallest and the weakest.  Without doubt the exploits of these two miniature hoodlums was among the worst of school-day memories for the Hobbit.

But they were not THE worst.

Friday was the day that Frodo came to detest.  Rather than a heaping plate of shepherd's pie, or a cheeseburger, or even something dubbed "mystery meat", the Friday public school menu was always the same.

Fishsticks.

No definition to "fishsticks" was ever offered.  Were they greasy cod, whitefish, catfish, tuna, shark, carp, or something from the deepest depths of the East River?  The only certainty was that, come Friday, it was going to be fishsticks.

Frodo grew up hating Catholics.  The grubby little fat guys ate the fishsticks as if they actually liked them.  Frodo came to believe however that they only consumed the garbage because some religious father figure, who may have been a woman, would smack the shit out of them if they didn't eat their damn fishsticks.

Frodo resented the fact that, every Friday, in order to appease the Catholics, all the rest of the students in the School of the Shire had to face the weekend with greasy fishsticks stuck in the intestinal tract.  Time has the habit of soothing the irritations of youth alas, so Frodo eventually got over his prejudice.  At least that is what he thought until this little battle over "contraception" raised its ugly head.

The issue, as the entire potential electorate of the small blue planet knows, is that the "Bishops" in Middle Earth have collectively attacked the guaranteed services for contraceptive purposes which current law allows.  The argument being, from their side, that it is wrong for the government to provide services which are contrary to their religious beliefs.  On the other side is the fact that 98% of all the women of Middle Earth, including the Catholic populace, actually utilize contraception, even when the Church says they must not. 

In order to avoid his darker side, Frodo is proposing a compromise.  Since he has consumed more fishsticks than he ever deserved, because of his Catholic friends, maybe they can keep their beliefs to themselves, and tell their Bishops to suck wind.  

By the way, should either Messrs. O'Neill or Trapnell ever stumble upon the wisdom of Frodo, he'd like to take an opportunity to tell them both to "eat fishsticks." 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:15 PM EST
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Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I Got The Rockin' Pneumonia And The Boogie-Woogie Blues
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Limbaugh Hero"(7)

In the late 1930's radio was becoming king.  The opportunities that technological change makes available are typically omnipresent, and those days were no different.  On the other side of the border with Mexico, entrepreneurs sprang to life developing super-stations with wattage far beyond the limitations placed on domestic broadcasters.  This afforded stations with call letters like XERA, physically placed in towns with names like Del Rio, to send their signals almost all the way to Canada.  Sponsors, with names like the Consolidated Royal Chemical Corporation, were anxious to draw listeners who might also become customers and that meant that entertainers of the day had a ready market for their talent and services.

The founding owner of XERA was a gentleman named John Romulus Brinkley, and that's "Doctor" Brinkley to you, dear reader.  The opulent estate of Doctor Brinkley is legend even today.  Let it be said that the successfully transplanted palm trees placed about the swimming pool each sat atop 400-pound blocks of ice beneath the root systems.  Expense was no concern to Doctor Brinkly, particularly given the revenue.

Doctor Brinkley informed the world about his medical miracles through the entertainment he provided via XERA.  As an alumni of the Kansas City Eclectic School of Medicine, this Jackson County, North Carolina, native was sensitive to the common male complaint that time had withdrawn the "pep" from masculinity.  In response, the good doctor offered to graft goat glands onto the testicles of the afflicted.  When the potential patient arrived at XERA he brought $750 with him, payable in advance.  The operation, performed under local anesthesia, took about 15 minutes.

To accentuate the audience, Brinkley needed to expand the good news of his miracles to more and more increasingly susceptible people.  This brought A.P., Sara, and Maybelle Carter to Del Rio, and their unique musical skills to the world.  Famous already in "country" or "hillbilly" circles, the virtual nationwide broadcast brought the rural and agrarian populations together all listening to "Will the Circle Be Unbroken," "Wildwood Flower," and "John Henry", twice a day, every day.  The audience stayed, and listened to Dr. Brinkley.

Frodo has often wondered about the linkage between conservative miracle workers, and the extensive population that they address over the radio.  He never imagined that it is a part of traditional Americana.  Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, and Fox & Friends are sending a message to the susceptible, just as Doctor Brinkley did so many years ago.  Now we understand why conservatives have no balls.

Frodo strongly suggests "Will You Miss Me When I'm Gone," by Mark Zwonitzer & Charles Hirshberg.  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:42 PM EST
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Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Isn't Life Strange?
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Moody" (7)

Title, mood, topic all interrelated this evening.

740 participants in the Second World War die every single day, including this one.  All known to Frodo are now gone.

10,000 Americans retire every single day, and it will continue for years to come.  Frodo marches.

The last surviving participant in the First World War died today.  She was a Brit, and Frodo will not disparage her memory.  He will honor it.

Sometimes the enormity of the numbers, as we all learned from Henry Paulson and George W. Bush, are such that they simply dwarf the medium.  The magnitude of the change that takes place before us is simply not comprehensible.  Our institutions change before our eyes, and all of the rules that once were now seem to relate to games that are played by children, and not grown men.

For those challenged by Frodo's opening, your hint is "Nights in White Satin."

Enjoy.

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:30 PM EST
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Friday, February 3, 2012
I See The Lights, I See The Party Lights
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: "Just Desserts" (7)

Without boring you to death, dear reader, Frodo provides a few sentences of background.  The last time around, in the rather arcane area known as Georgia, three candidates did everything posible to win the disdain of the Hobbit.  Roy Barnes, a one-term Governor, defeated by a semi-literate homey from someplace called Bon Air, ran again, as a Democrat.  Nathan Deal, a turn-coat who did everything but expunge all of his assets in personal bankruptcy, ran as a Republicant, and he won.  Sponsored by the Teahouse Party, or whatever it is that the Neanderthals call themselves, Karen Handel carried a Reublicant label into the Republicant Primary before losing to Deal.

During the campaign, Handel was quoted as saying that she was "Pro-choice," and therefore she did not support Planned Parenthood and its policies of birth control.  Karen Handel was a non-college graduate from Gwinnett County.  Childless, grossly overweight, and totally sure that all those assets made her the people's choice was chagrined by her defeat, and thusly disappeared.  Good riddance thought Frodo, no more.

Unfortunately it seems, this past April Handel accepted the position of Vice President of Public Policy in Dallas, Texas, with the organization known popularly as the Komen Race for the Cure.

Frodo listened intently as the Founder and CEO of the Komen Foundation denied, on live television, to Andrea Mitchell, that Handel was responsible for the recent kerfluffle.  Frodo knows a liar when he sees one, and he knows a lie when he hears it.

The Atlanta Journal & Constitution carried a front-page story this morning, ending eith the admonition that no one can prove that Handel was involved, but they did not deny it either.

In sum, Karen Handel was from Gwinnett County, she re-located, apparently willingly, to the worst place in all of our small blue planet, Texas.  She is a Tea Party favorite (which requires that one not have any formal education, be at least fifty pounds overweight, and never admit to their racial biases), and she will say or do anything.

The good thing is, now that the leadership of the Komen Foundation have apologized and pulled in their horns, is that now we know where Handel is, and we can make sure that all of the bread crumbs leading back to Georgia are washed away.  Without them, she couldn't find her ass with both hands.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:50 PM EST
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Friday, January 27, 2012
What a Spell You've Got Me In
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Heck of an Engineer"(7)

There are a number of small creeks that wend their way past the Shire and toward the rivers that fill the Gulf of Mexico.  Frodo knows many of them as arterial escape routes for coyotes and immature bears from the occupied mountains and crowded suburbs reaching ever closer to the birthing den.  In periods of abnormal rainfall the creeks back up and spread into the lower yards and streetcorners supported by man-made drains.  Frodo remembers the old saying that "to destroy everything that Man has ever created would restore Eden."

Frodo noted the rivulet rising slowly as it filled an obscure pond to new levels.  After three or four walks passing by, he smiled at the tell-tale flashes of yellow wrapped around young trees bordering thereon.  Those which had stood erect in prior days were slowly being assemblaged into an apparently nearly watertight obstruction to the flow of water toward the pond.  The residence of the engineers so engaged was apparent nearby, but it was high noon, and Frodo knew that all he could do was observe the resultant efforts expended before the dawn of this day.

There was no flooding of the low intersection.  Instead, the waters were spreading into a pond of greater circumference, and Frodo marvelled at the ingenuity of those whose engineering skills were not developed at MIT, Cal Tech, VPI, or Georgia Tech.  No longer would wayward automobiles be wary of flooded streets since the beavers had solved the problem which has cost the taxpayers so much.

Frodo was gamely tempted to take some pictures and draft a Letter to the Editor in order to share the technological wonder with others around the Shire.  Then he wised up.  He could foresee the day when suddenly the bedazzled would order the capture of the beavers, and the reintroduction of the flooded streets as a result.  The beavers, after all, had big teeth and they probably carry rabies, or something else that would worry part-time parents.  Frodo decided, wisely, to keep his mouth shut, and to spend a few minutes every day remembering how much he loved the Disney tale known as "Beaver Valley."

Frodo had never really been exposed to something so urban unique so close by as this family of beavers.  But he swears that he can hear that marvelous baritone in his own ear telling him about the wonders of Beaver Valley.  It was there today, and Frodo knows that it will be there tomorrow.  Like a child in line to enter "Adventureland," Frodo dances from toe-to-toe.  A few minutes of magic while strolling through a place called Frodo's "Beaver Valley" is a magical this day as it was on a black-and-white a million years ago.  

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:12 PM EST
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