Mood: on fire
Topic: "George to the Rescue"(3)
Air Force One will take off for the West Coast immediately after George W. Bush finishes his breakfast ("Fruit Loops" and Texas Toast) and morning exercise regimen (one-half hour on a stationary bicycle) (why would you be surprised ?). On the flight to California he will receive the Daily Intelligence Briefing by satellite telephone from the Director of the CIA. The Secretary of State will appear on the closed-circuit television, presumably to exhibit the new shoes she purchased for her upcoming trip to Myanmar. The Secretary of the Department of Homeland Insecurity will then personally brief Mr. Bush and the Chairman of the Republican National Committee on the number of registered Republicans and Independents requiring Federal Disaster Assistance. Mr. Bush will then take a brief nap.
Following is the staff-prepared plan for the whirlwind visit:
There will be no photographs of Mr. Bush looking out of the windows of the airplane at any point.
Prior to landing in Los Angeles, Mr. Bush will meet with the staff from Faux News and Bill Orally. The "team representative" from all other media will receive hand-outs from the cute little honey who replaced Tony Snow. What is her name, anyway?
On the Tarmac Mr. Bush will speak briefly to the people of California before a helicopter flight over the fire damage in wealthy Orange County. After landing and while walking through the rubble of the pool house outside the Malibu residence of Travis Tritt, Mr. Bush will speak briefly to the African-American housecleaner. At this point, staff should ensure that Mr. Bush does not accidentally refer to her as "Mammy."
Governor and Mrs. Schwarzenegger will then escort Mr. Bush in the State Humvee to the Charles Gibson Viewing Stand where Mr. Bush will speak to the California National Guard, the 101st Airborne, the Veterans of Foreign Wars, and Geraldo Rivera. It should be noted that fires will be visible in the distance. Should they be waning at this point, Secretary of Labor Chao (aka Mrs. Mitch McConnell) will casually pour several quarts of cologne on the flames to increase the effect for the cameras.
Mr. Bush will then take a short helicopter flight around Lake Arrowhead, north of San Diego. News photographers will fly in a separate craft so that pictures can be taken of Mr. Bush tossing fire retardant out of the open door of the helicopter. Note that in order to prevent any potential danger, the retardant will actiually be released over Lake Arrowhead itself.
Mr. Bush will then return to Air Force One. He is scheduled to return to the White House next Monday, after a short vacation at the Ranch in Crawford.
There are times when Frodo seems omniscient.