Mood: party time!
Topic: "Shock and Awe" (4)
Constable Wayne Burnett of Alice Springs, in the "Land Down Under," recently exhibited a level of naivete which inspired the creative juices in friend Frodo. The Constable ticketed the driver of a car he pulled over, subsequently resulting in a $710 fine, after noting that the front passenger seat had the seat belt securely wrapped around a case of beer. At the same time, the driver's 5-year-old child was bouncing along on the floorboard. Constable Burnett stated that he was "shocked and appalled," adding that this was the "first time that the beer has taken priority over a child."
"Well, exxxxccccuuuuusssse me!," said Frodo. This was a straight line which could not pass undetected.
"Jenna, this is Dad."
"Hi Dad, wasssup?"
"Honey, could you slip on down to the 7-11 and get your old Dad a six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon?"
"Why me? Why not send one of the Agents out to get it for ya?"
"Now you know how your Mother is. She checks their logs to make sure I'm not sending them out to the liquor store like I did back in Texshish."
"Daddy, me and Harold just got hitched, and he's over there making googly eyes at me, and I am his wife now, y'know."
"Well, just tell him to put a sock on it while you do a favor for your dear ole Dad. It'll only take a few minutes, and besides, I don't want him messin' around with 'my little girl' anyways."
"Oh, tell ya what, why not pick up a couple of six-packs and keep one for you two?"
"Can I put it on your account? I mean things are a little tight for us newly-weds, y'know."
"Of course, I understand these things. I remember what it was like before the Trust Fund kicks in."
"Can I pick out a couple of 'Slim Jims' for dinner?"
"Dinner? I've hearda livin' on love, but ain't that a might severe?"
"Daddy, you've told me more than once of the days when you lived on beer and Slim Jims for semesters on end while you were gettin' your legacy at Harvard."
"Hee-hee, that is true. Did I ever tell you about the time I traded your sister for a case of Rolling Rock?"
"It's true, I swear, and boy did your Momma get mad."
"Well what happened?"
"Understand, everything worked out just fine, especially since I got the names confused and told your momma I'd traded my Momma, who's also named Bararbara. . ."
"Yes Daddy, I know."
"So, anyways, I took your sister to the AM/PM up in Midland and told the Wetback who owned the place that if he gave me a case of Rolling Rock, I'd trade him my firstborn."
"What did he say?"
"He jes shook his head, and tole me that if I needed it that bad, I could jes have it. Boy, did I fool him."
"Fool him, how?'
"Shoot girl, everbody knows you was the firstborn twin."
Listen to what that Fool said and did today, and tell Frodo he ain't still poppin' the top?