Mood:
mischieviousTopic: "Let's Play A Game" (6)
Today began the "third quarter," generally regarded as a critical period of time for business and government. Frodo, however, is feeling rather perky this evening, and using the model set forth by Matthew Broderick in that great movie where he played war games with the defense system of the United States, Frodo has decided to play a "war game." You can play along boys and girls. In fact, you may want to notify your friends and have them play along, too.
The game begins.
Frodo presupposes that, despite the treachery of British Petroleum, the worst customer service offered by any corporate entity belongs solely to the communications megalith, COMCAST. If, dear reader, you have never dealt with the mindless gnomes in their Philadelphia headquarters, then you truly have no idea of what is indeed the worst designed and the most ineptly managed assemblage ever in that which we call Middle Earth. Ask anyone who has ever had to deal with the promises unkept, the orders misplaced, the refunds not received, or the interminable periods wending one's way through "telephone prompts," only to end up back where the conflagration initially commenced.
Given that, Frodo will demonstrate. COMCAST claims that they provide "customer service," 24/7. If you should find yourself unable to sleep some morning, say arouind 2:30, and your black-and-white is full of infomercials, then Frodo suggests you dial toll-free (404-266-2278 in Georgia, or your area code and the letters COMCAST). You will be asked to supply a telephone number in order to better "identify" your account. Frodo suggests using the telephone number of your Member of Congress (in Frodo's case, it is "Tom Price," the mustachioed little nose-picker). You will be impressed by the bubbly little searching sound in the background as the digitalized message system absorbs your full attention, but only after establishing that you are not an "illegal." An account number request can be met by any combination of sixteen (16) numbers.
After a quasi-reasonable period of time, one finds oneself directed to respond to increasingly specific choices about the motivation which first drove the caller to seek assistance. If any combination of choices selected does not add up to ordering, and paying for, new service, then the caller is informed that "unusually high traffic" prevents service at this time, and thereby follows summary judgment that another call should be attempted, "at a later time." After thirty or forty attempts, the caller, as in the case of the Hobbit, is usually prepared to accept defeat.
Frodo thought that an appropriate piece of correspondence to the COO would salve his wounds. He found however, that everyone he knows who has ever dealt similarly with this organization, which shares his citizenship, has also written to the CEO, CFO, Board Chairman, without response. Frodo concludes that COMCAST is in collusion with the United States Postal Service.
Frodo invites all, dear reader, to submit their own examples of bad customer service, but, as in this game, back it up with rules of engagement or be prepared to declare that COMCAST has "the worst service in the world."
With appropriate apologies.
