Topic: "Stan & Ollie"(7)
Visualize Laurel and Hardy. The setting is the Shire, and the protagonists are Sam, and friend Vonda, who periodically visits in order to assist Sam with the toils of housemaidery. The antagonist is feline Beau Neau McKitty, who has frequented the Shire ever since the passing of the gallant Howard. The impetus is the "dog door" which allows the uncontrolled comings and goings of Shire residents who are not tall enough to turn a doorknob. That, of course, applies to cats as well as dogs. Scene one, Act onebegins as Beau Neau McKitty exits the dog door in order to patrol the fenced outdoors in lionesque fashion.
Beau Neau McKitty is obviously grateful for his admission into the Shire. So grateful in fact that from time-to-time he finds it appropriate to bring Sam a token of his esteem. Scene two begins with Sam and Vonda working in the food preparation area as Beau Neau McKitty announces his arrival from the outdoors and promptly spits a live chipmonkey at Sam's feet. This is where the visualization of Stan Laurel & Oliver Hardy becomes relevant.
Scene three is the harried discussion between Stan and Ollie about how best to retrieve the present, and to return him, or her, to the great outdoors, without hurting the feelings of Beau Neau McKitty. The first plan is to herd the visitor out the door. The second plan is to drive the visitor out from under the stereo. Plan number three is to corner the visitor into the downstairs bathroom, and to turn out the lights and barricade the door until Frodo comes home. Beau Neau McKitty, it may be added, now slinks off into the loge and naps until dinnertime or thereabouts.
Act two begins when Frodo does indeed return from his labors upon Mount Doom. Vonda has long since departed to her province beyond the Shire so Frodo is forced to call upon Sam to assist him in his interpretation of the great Frank Buck, whose motto was, of course, "Bring 'em Back Alive." Frodo was quite hesitant to engage the assistance of this Stan Laurel wannabe in such a daunting endeavor. He had no idea how Sam would react solo, without Ollie to assist.
Scene two begins with an argument about top-billing in the drama. Frodo orders Sam to stand in the doorway of the bathroom and to throw a blanket over the visitor as he/she dashes from cover behind the bidet. Sam, or Stan, refuses that role, preferring to do the chase initiation, thereby requiring that Frodo trip the snare and gather up the guest/visitor/present (select one).
Scene three begins with Frodo's smile, from ear-to-ear, as he imagines what is to follow, and how it will be recorded for posterity. In a matter of moments the chipmonkey made a dash for the door, in order to disappear between Frodo's legs and obtain more suitable surroundings. Frodo reacted as planned, and managed to cover the chipmonkey with the blanket and to neatly sccop his quarry therein. With Sam dancing from toe-to-toe, Frodo carried the prize out-of-doors, and shook him into the freedom afforded by the flora of the backyard Shire. All parties were satisfied with the result.
Sam turned to the conquering hero Hobbit, and told him that Vonda had been promised a report on what had just transpired, as Act three commenced. Frodo suggested that Sam call Vonda and tell her that Frodo had found bloody little footprints running from the bathroom and out into the driveway to where Vonda's motorcar had been parked. Strangely, he contrived, the footprints ended there, suggesting that the chipmonkey had made his escape by hitching a ride with Vonda. Frodo imagined the sound thus transmitted across telephone lines as a shriek, and the commencement of another comedy now involving Vonda's husband Daryl. The play comes to a conclusion as Sam impugns Frodo's sensse of humor while noting his prowess as protector of the Shire.
Exit, stage left.