Mood: crushed out
Topic: "Sam Shopping" (2)
The Discovery Store at the Towne Center Mall and Mausoleum has always come through for Frodo in the past. On any given workday, prior to lunchtime, he could slip away from Mount Doom long enough to wander aimlessly through the mercantile establishment and find something appropriate, if not interesting, for Sam's Christmas present. The choices available for 2006 however, appear either redundant or juvenile. There is nothing which catches the eye, or the imagination of a Hobbit. Frodo is in big trouble.
In Seasons past, Frodo "discovered" a rotating, blue light caller identification device that is visible from across a room. The device clearly identifies the source number and name which accompanies the intrusive ringing during dinnertime. With this device, Frodo and Sam will never know who tries to keep calling them from Nacogodoches, Texas, and they are much happier as a result. The updated version of this same device was all over the display floor.
Another time Frodo "discovered" a motorized device which trims, buffs, polishes, waxes, and anything else that one may do to the nails and cuticles on their appendages. The practical application of this device is similar to a Swiss Army Knife, in that there are so many options that it may take years for one to master all of the tools at ones' disposal. The only difference between Sam's device and the newer model seems to be that the newer one is a 5-speed automatic, while Sam's is a manual transmission.
The majority of the adult display floor was devoted to a massaging device which is installed into the rear of a luxurious (rich Corinthian) leather chair. Supposedly it vibrates in a manner which results in a complete breakdown of all tension and stress. Frodo did not doubt that at all, for it bears a striking resemblance to the device utilized in many Southern States to execute death penalty recipients.
What really concerned Frodo is that all of the "adult" devices which have served him well in prior visits have suffered loss of floor presence to "juvenile" items. Although Frodo finds the "virtual volcano" fascinating, he is not sure that there is any kind of practical application for the Shire. The same may be said for nearly any of the portable updated "transistor radios" which Frodo scorns as camouflauge from the real sounds of the world around him.
The challenge, dear reader, is formidable. Frodo has already considered, and rejected, clothing, jewelry, aromatics, food items, live animals, exercise machinery, furniture, and reading material. All of these items could be interpreted as critical of the present state of bliss that is associated with the relationship of the two Hobbits. An exercise bike, for example, may be interpreted as a signal that one has partaken of too much fudge during the holiday season.
Alas, only George W. Bush is as void of creativity to problem-solving as is the Hobbit. Suggestions, anyone?